By becoming first aware how you are avoiding some feelings - both difficult ones and good ones. Here are the usual ways we all use:
- quickly moving to another thing from the one that's causing discomfort - forcing yourself to think positively when you obviously dont feel like it - forcing yourself to keep doing something or stick to a schedule that doesnt feel good - trying too early to find the cause of the discomfort by analyzing or reasoning through - turning on the TV - having sex - eating - yelling at someone - rejecting a compliment - downplaying your accomplishments - the moment you start feeling joy, telling yourself there is still much to do and accomplish - not sharing your excitement about something - not celebrating a breakthrough - trying to put an idea into action before you thoroughly enjoyed daydreaming about it.
All of these are our unknown acts of self-agression and complete devaluation of self. Instead, try to catch yourself doing these and then slowly stop. Take a seat or lie down, breathe, send yourself some love and compassion directly with your thoughts and energy like you would towards a friend a need, create some loving space between you and whatever you were doing. In this calm moment, ask yourself how do I feel, whats the best thing for me to do now, whats something I can do that would disturb me the least, how can I conserve energy and support myself now. Listen and do what your inner self, your inner child, your soul, your intuition, your heart tell you.
Much later when you have calmed down and are back to a normal state, spend some time reviewing what feeling arose in that moment you were triggered and went in over-reaction or over-compensation mode. Give yourself time to explore and write or speak about it.