- Producer27/12/2016Are intelligent people more likely to suffer from depression?Intelligent People are More Susceptible to DepressionFor centuries famous artists, writers, and thinkers have been plagued with mental illnesses like bipolar disorder, depression, and schizophrenia (Mientka, 2014). Pediaitakis (2014) claimed that a...
Comments05/08/2017 #11 CityVP 🐝 ManjitThe Grand Canyon is a depression but what it took to carve out that whole was water. Depression is not a single factor like water. The hole in the psyche that it carves out has so many different facets and features and we can name specific parts to this metaphorical elephant but it is hard to see it as a whole. Thinking is one of those parts, but so is what we eat, the degree of sunlight we are exposed to (because sitting indoors is equal to sitting in a cave), how depression is affected by season a.k.a. does depression mirror the process of hibernation, it can be triggered by isolation and lack of connection, as well as darkening the meaning of life by questioning our own worth, which is a carving knife of thinking at work or it is us adjusting to way of being that is not us, such as a natural introvert creating psychic disturbance trying to live in a world geared by the prejudice for extrovert existence, or how our sexuality expresses itself in a flow of internal chemicals, or have that flow shifted by this conception we feel called love. The list goes on and that is what bedevils how to overcome it.29/12/2016 #6 Bernard Poulin#4 Superb comments. Logic often dominates feelings and kills the humane in us humans. As an obsessive observer, me thinks there is also little actual thinking going on and a lot of wishing thoughts were so. Our contemporary attachment to digital and virtual connections fool us into believing that our "connecting" is tantamount to communicating. There is a lot more blah, blah, blah, y'a knows, whatevers and reallys! then actual conversations going on.29/12/2016 #5 Harvey LloydArtists see the world from a very different perspective than most. Does it have cause and effect? No one can fully understand another. We can look through the windows of others and try and understand but in the end we can only report what we see. Artists, the ones who truly express their thoughts through their art form, are not much different than those who post on social media. They look for feedback. This tests if their message was heard and understood. Cyber bulling mere existence describes similar internal processes.
How deeply an artist leans on this feedback loop seems to be at the center of the discussion here. I don't believe that this feedback loop disease is unique to artists though. @Zacharias 🐝 Voulgaris points in this direction.
I believe the larger debate is have we succumbed to the feedback loop within our diagnosis of the issue? Once diagnosed in this area, treatment usually involves coping skills/understanding that can be a circular pattern of existence. Instead of offering growth skills that move the person away from the perspective over time. This is all predicated on the affected willingness to change.
This is a debate that will rage for a very long time.29/12/2016 #4 Zacharias 🐝 VoulgarisI think the crux of the problem is not (high) intelligence but rather the excessive focus of it on intellectual skills and perspectives. Just because it is much easier to think, it doesn't mean that we should focus all our energy in this kind if activity. Perhaps our intellect oriented world has made us conditioned to thought at the expense of feeling. Personally I find that the most successful people are the ones who strike a balance between their thinking and feeling, regardless if their intelligence level, with a focus on doing rather than just thinking or fantasizing about it...27/12/2016 #2 Bernard PoulinSuggested reading : Dr Judith Schlesinger's recent book : The Insanity Hoax. It puts to rest the past-due-date illusions that intelligent, creative, artistic people are "crazier than any other profession" - (as have implied those who profit from selling this inanity to those who need to believe that we are "acceptably" (by the population) nuts - cause, well, were artists. . . .) Sigh. By the way, Dr. Schlesinger is not just a Dr. of psychology, she is a jazz musician, an author, a lecturer and radio personality. She is just back from the Vincent Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam where a symposium was held this past summer for invited specialists in the area of mental illness and specialists in the area of the visual arts to discuss "creativity and suffering".. The key note speakers were a renowned proponent of artists being depressive and or crazy and Dr. Schlesinger who spoke to the foolhardiness of such generalizations. At the end of the symposium it was agreed upon by ALL that though VG had serious problems with which he dealt daily - he nonetheless created DESPITE these problems and therefore was not, (despite all conning to the contrary by those who make a fortune selling mental illness as a norm among creatives) crazy. Time to put this to rest. .
- Producer06/05/2016How I Overcame Impostor SyndromeSeveral years ago, back when I had hair, I attended a conference in Colorado.The fact that I had hair meant I was just starting out in my career and had lots to learn. I was young, and impressionable.The fact that the conference was in Colorado...
Comments07/08/2017 #15 Ken BoddieThe older I get, Kev, and the more presentations I sit through, the less tolerant I get of those who beat their chests and try to impress with their 'expert' knowledge. Invariably the truth will out. It's appears to me that those who convey their message based on examples of their own errors and mistakes leave a more lasting impression than those who attempt to use their achievements to impress and to inflate their status. Someone who has something genuine to present and teach based on illustrations of his/her own blunders, bungles and botch-ups, cannot help but be qualified to talk in front of their peers. That being said, I believe that it doesn't hurt to have a little humbleness, a modicum of self deprecation, to speak from the heart, and to practise, practise, practise, so that you know your content more intimately than a rooster in a henhouse. The best advice I ever got, while preparing for a presentation, was from an older colleague, who suggested, somewhat tongue in cheek, "Don’t try to be too charming, too witty or too intellectual, just be yourself.’” 🤣05/08/2017 #14 Martin WrightI do find you end up finding out how much you don't know, but somehow you still end up calling it better than government experts.
But, for example, with Brexit it is amazing how many posing as experts are really just frightened by no longer having the control.they used to have.05/08/2017 #12 CityVP 🐝 ManjitThis is a very good healthy conversation about the way we project ourselves into the world. We have a whole economic system based on this projection and the creation of image, and we carry stories of people in our head that become our markers for success, and then if we remain empathic and intelligent people, we question why there is a developing gap between image and reality?
So we end up in this strange world where people who are smart over-estimate the intelligence of people around them and people who are not so smart who under-estimate the intelligence of the people around them. Then there is this continual gap in motion.
Now one has that economic system operating with image and multiply that with your own family and close inner circle projecting their expectations or estimations out at you. Now that whole "your not good enough" shtick comes layering on people and instead of walking into a world that would wash that bullshit off - we walk into a world that manifests itself in bullshit. This world operates on BS, what part of that economic reality have we not encountered.
For you it was a golf game that burst through that bubble, for me it is a constant and growing disdain for the effects of personal brand and worse the branded existence that is our conditioning and indoctrination from all quarters of existence. At the point where your will ceases to want to play this game, now it is you who end feeling like the oddball. That is the funniest irony of all :-)05/08/2017 #11 Wayne YoshidaYou touched on several points, @Kevin Pashuk - like college class competition. This was pretty difficult for me while going to school, where the classes I went to were very competitive and we were being "graded on a curve." This often meant that when you goof on one question, you'd earn a "C" in class, because everyone got perfect scores. I was the guy that missed the A by one point.
Regarding the speaker's confession -- scary, but maybe an indication of a mid-life crisis. Or a realization based on -- maybe tough questions from the audience?
When one teaches or lectures - the Q and A challenge offers a way to exercise application of knowledge-sharing in a different way, instead of a one-way transmission. One must think at a different angle. This is why I admire (some) people who teach.
Mostly, though, I think this is a bit of a confidence thing. I wrote something related to this in my post about blowing horns.
Funny trivia about this post: The blue horn in the foreground is a Despicable Me Fart Blaster. Meant to be a joke.
On golf -- I tell people my handicap **is** golf.04/08/2017 #9 Edward LewellenHi, Kevin! Yes, Impostor Syndrome is so common that the book, "Now Discover Your Strengths", discusses the topic toward the end. Many people I work with suffer from it. It seems especially prevalent the higher a person is in an organization. Despite all the bravado of VP level and above, many have the same fears, doubts, and worries as their staff. I just wrote this post today that relates to your topic: https://www.bebee.com/producer/@edward-lewellen/the-voice-in-your-head04/08/2017 #8 Phil FriedmanKevin, this is an interesting post, and it is good to see it surface again. My intuition tells me that Imposter Syndrome is likely more prevalent among the truly knowledgeable and accomplished -- for the more you know, the more you understand how much there is still to learn. I too used to suffer from the malady, but then I began hanging around on social media and reading some of the pure BS published by self-ascribed gurus, thought leaders, experts, ninjas, black belts, knowledge masters, and the like -- and I realized that when it came to being an imposter, I was completely bush league.06/05/2016 #6 Henri GalvãoIt's a delicate topic for sure. Just last week I was in a group of really smart people, and although I enjoyed their company, I found myself talking less than I could. Partly because I really wanted to hear what they had to say, partly due to some feelings of inadequacy. I definitely have some work to do there.06/05/2016 #5 Kevin Pashuk#4 Unfortunately the type of situation you described @Phillip Hubbell just made the anxiety worse for me - until I realized that (sometimes) I had the most experience in the room. I now am careful about not overstepping my qualifications (the polite term for bullshitting) but use my project management and research skills to ensure we get the right answer in a timely fashion.06/05/2016 #4 Phillip HubbellMy discovery came sitting in a meeting in Chicago with IBM’s consultants and the Executives of Cotter and Company and me, with all of them looking to me to be the expert after being on the job for about a month. It opened my eyes to the fact that we sometimes become what people expect us to be. I was just this kid from Gainesville Texas in a suit. They were “computer” professionals. It was new technology and they thought I was the guy…so I became the guy. No one the wiser.06/05/2016 #3 Ken BoddieI have come to believe, Kevin, that confidence comes with achievement and that we are responsible for mentoring our younger staff, not only to broaden their experience but to gain confidence. After all, without confidence it's not possible to 'fake it till you make it', and lack of confidence instills doubts in our capabilities.06/05/2016 #2 Kevin Pashuk#1 Thanks @Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee, Sometimes I wish I had learned certain lessons at a much younger age. In my part of the world they have a saying "Too soon old, Too late smart." Blogging is a way that I can hopefully share these important lessons with the generation coming up behind.06/05/2016 #1 Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBeeOwning a goal is the best prescription against the feeling of inadequacy and the Golf lesson is a solid proof of this. This is why many strategies fail. They lay out the goals for others and feeling the Impostor Syndrome builds up. It is self-defeating.
Thank you for wring a lovely post @Kevin Pashuk
- Producer30/07/2017Juicing the voidThere is a space, an unpleasant space into which increasing numbers of our fellow humans are falling. New existential challenges are sucking unsuspecting folk into the void of fear, anxiety, stagnation and ultimately, death. These folk include...
Comments31/07/2017 #23 Ian Weinberg#22 I understand that @Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee But somewhere in Frankl's Logotherapy there is a reference to creating some meaning and purpose out of any emerging situation - the flip of the switch from hopeless-helpless to meaning and purpose and with it the potential for 'usefulness' and personal gratification. No matter how apparently insignificant the switch to purposefulness, it may go a long way to kick-starting a process.31/07/2017 #22 Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee#21 I agree. But the dilemma lies in those viewing the aged as useless. And funds to survive become scarce. http://www.bostonglobe.com/business/2017/07/29/for-elderly-economic-security-elusive/b33cs3PSreXb6IJ9XMpnUM/story.html?s_campaign=breakingnews:newsletter
So when one cannot get a job to experience usefulness, and when one cannot acquire funds conducive to survival, there are a few outcomes possible--only a few.31/07/2017 #21 Ian Weinberg#19 Thanks for that @Deborah Levine I believe that we've arrived at yet another important nodal point of awareness in this unfolding human saga: We are no longer 'old' at sixty! We need to utilize our lifetime of experience, identify our strengths and passions and evolve to a logical new place of purposefulness based on unique personal authenticity.31/07/2017 #20 Ian Weinberg#18 The question I ask myself Jerry is have we arrived at a point in our 'evolution' where we deny and/or fear death so much that we opt for a joyless existence instead? I would suggest that this mind state has permeated 'political correctness' as well as the expectations of patients and the behavior of doctors, to the point that there is no longer a connection with, or respect for our deepest beliefs, feelings and aspirations. Life is inflicted upon emasculated wretchedness!31/07/2017 #19 Deborah LevineSo very true! @Ian Weinberg I was recently contacted by a university wanting to do a study of women over sixty who were active and had an impact on their community and the world. I greatly admire them and people lie yourself who are addressing senior purposefulness and how it works. Unfortunately, the requirements were such that I had to decline given my hectic schedule. However, I did offer to support their work and publish their findings and will do so here on BeBee. Thanks for raising the issue.31/07/2017 #16 Ian Weinberg#13 You got me seriously skirting up and down the convolutions of my grey matter @Ken Boddie with your comment. So here's the thing: The science of the matter shows that the existence of the 5 Core Elements viz - meaning&purpose; self-esteem; reward; achievement; value contribution, collectively enhance cognitive function (awareness etc) as well as physical body function (decreases inflammation, thus warding off 80% of illnesses). That all serves to sustain gratification and longevity. But I agree with you, we see longevity often as a genetic/epi-genetic phenomenon. This raises another interesting possibility: 2 groups emerge - the first experience longevity secondary to the application of the 5 Core Elements. The second group inherit the 'genes' for primary longevity without the support of the Core Elements (It's not in their nurture determinants or subjective life narrative). Devoid of gratification they experience longevity, but in the form of an empty shell - they merely exist beyond the period of 'usefulness', awaiting their 'sell by date'.31/07/2017 #15 Ian Weinberg#12 As do I Harvey (about engaging the ever present warts). And I too wrestle with attempts at transcending the narrative mold or succumbing to more powerful influences. But as I've said in previous posts, I believe more and more in an organized grid in which I am a mere player serving out the unique determinants of my existence.31/07/2017 #13 Ken BoddieSeems to me, Ian, you have a well balanced equation there. The more you put into the left side, the more you reap from the right side. Furthermore, it seems logical that meaning and purpose will lead to gratification and longevity of the individual, provided that the body remain healthy. I'm not sure, however, that any of the variables in this equation are a function of real longevity, which, for me, is not so much a product of self sustainability, but rather something we can pass onto successive generations, to champion successively, like an Olympic torch.31/07/2017 #12 Harvey Lloyd#11 In my career of small business i believe that each person that has crossed my path was not a coinicidence but rather scripted. I was to enhance them and they me before that journey ended.
I have learned a lot from others. Most importantly the journey of self awareness. It never ends, but does have epochs that get challenged in change.
There are two concepts that we use in developing our proffesionals.
1. People either cant do something, (Lack of skill.) or wont do something, (narrative or character will not allow.)
2. Skill we can develop in a short period of time, Character (Won't.) takes years.
We may start the transformation of character by offering a reflection of alternatives instead of standard business jargon. But generally we dont finish as we become the baby in the bath water.
The illusion of control is the largest battle we face in our business. Facing life as a fluid dynamic of only influence is a scary thing for most.
Your journey is worthy and yes the warts are the moments of gathering wisdom as we let go of control and see influence only. I still have a few thousand more warts to go.31/07/2017 #11 Ian Weinberg#10 Your comment @Harvey Lloyd is very valid as usual. Indeed I concur with what you describe. In fact in my personal case, the intellectual exercise of developing the program was the easier component. Learning to 'walk my talk' was far more difficult. But with ongoing awareness and commitment to improving the 'warts and all' and enhancing gratification, I can attest to the benefits of of sustained application. The big variable of course is the receptivity and potential for change inherent in our subjective narratives.31/07/2017 #10 Harvey LloydI read and the post presented a very simple formula of our physiological existance. But in execution this is very complex.
In my lay observations of proffesionals i can see the difficulty that exists when they execute around control rather than influence.
In offering up the fluid concepts here i realized folks would need to rescript their narrative. This is no easy task. Self awareness is a ugly journey of releaseing one's self from the fears and anxieties of the past that were handed down by trusted individuals.
Physical success can only be measured by another human. The soul is the measure of yourself before a greater existance that only you know. The balance is where we meet ourselves.
Your words speak truth at a level that is blinded by what our eyes tell us on a daily basis.30/07/2017 #8 Cyndi wilkins#5 "The crucible is getting hotter!" Yep...So is the planet... We have far exceeded the capabilities of our Human and Earthly ecosystems to absorb the impact of the growing use of advanced technologies...There are new levels of awareness being integrated into human consciousness...enhancing our perceptions of what we have long considered reality...This massive shift in the collective is what is required if we are to conquer our fears and transform our lives for the greater good and benefit of future generations...Very timely buzz Dr. Weinberg...A must read for everyone;-)
- Producer20/07/2017Healing The Healer"You know the time has come when the manifestations of emotional stress present in the physical body...just name your condition."Several years ago I left a very secure, albeit rather toxic job, after 15 years of service in favor of becoming a...
Comments22/07/2017 #16 Lisa 🐝 Gallagher#15 You sure were one busy gal @Cyndi wilkins! I can't imagine taking A & P now.. yikes. But, you did it! I think that's when many of us start racing, when life roughs us up. I wish it didn't have to be that way, for some it's not but I'm sure other obstacles come their way. Ha, you nose became immune to 'shit.' That had to be it!21/07/2017 #15 Cyndi wilkins#8 Yeah...life was really slinging some shit there @Lisa 🐝 Gallagher...I must have been unconscious and they couldn't find any smelling salts...so shitty diapers had to do the trick;-) There were signs, many of them, but I had become complacent in my comfort zone...Life had to rough me up a bit to make me move...it was time.
It didn't happen overnight...5 years passed from this time of 'reckoning' to my move into a new career...I attended night school while still continuing to work full-time at this job until I had accumulated enough credits and proper training to make my move into entrepreneurship...I had to take anatomy and physiology all over again...Try to get a fourty year-old brain to do that!!...Ugh!21/07/2017 #14 Cyndi wilkins#10 Bitterness is a tough nut to crack...holding onto it only keeps us from flying. But to forgive is to be forgiven...and there is not one among us who has not cast that stone of bitterness Harvey...If we can forgive ourselves first, that would be an excellent start;-)21/07/2017 #12 Cyndi wilkins#7 I appreciate your input here @David B. Grinberg...I think this buzz resonates in all of our lives at one time or another...There were so many subtle moments leading up to this particular 'point of no return'...but I kept hitting the snooze alarm...you know? Perhaps I could have saved myself a lot of heartache had I been paying closer attention...But then again, the whole experience of having been reduced to rubble was the catalyst I needed to make that change...and it has made me a much more compassionate person...In hindsight, as content as I may have THOUGHT I was, apparently my life had other plans for me;-)21/07/2017 #11 Cyndi wilkins#6 It really was exactly as you describe @Shelley Brown...being turned completely upside down so that life as you know it ceases to exist...All that is left is the ashes...Well now, after an experience like that, there is only one direction you can take...and that is back up again. At moments like these you find out who your friends really are...as it turns out, they were not the people I had surrounded myself with...They were people from my past relationships that came out of the wood work to help me...That's why I always say "never burn your bridges"...All of our paths cross for very good reason;-)
I'm looking forward to reading whatever story this spurs in you Shelly...Please make sure to tag me on it so I don't miss it!21/07/2017 #10 Harvey LloydFinding resolution to our perceptions of past events is not only gratifying but better than vitamins for our health.
"Bitterness is drinking poison and hoping the other person gets sick."
When i heard the gentlemen make this qoute i got mad, he steamed up all the raw nerves of past experiences that i had justified my perceptions.
He didnt leave me at this steamed up point. He went on to discuss the act of forgiveness. He raised the temperature on the burner by several thousand degrees.
In the end he explained that forgiveness was not only for those waiting, but also for those who needed forgiveness.
The antidote to bitterness is forgiveness. Sounds counter intuitive, but i need to move on with my life without carting that rock forward. When i find a way to forgive then i can walk away without reruns playing over and over again in future settings.
Some great thoughts and discussion on the human condition.21/07/2017 #8 Lisa 🐝 GallagherWhat a genuine and thought provoking story @Cyndi wilkins. The smell of crappy diapers I could do without, hope you found a nice air freshener ;-) I agree, most of us if not all have at least one if not more than one deep seated fear(s). Why is it that sometimes it can be so hard to bring those fears to the surface? I know that's not healthy but I think some do let them linger not realizing they won't go away unless they face them head on... guilty! This is where your last sentence comes in very handy and it's compassionate, "People helping people...one moment at a time;-)" That's so true!21/07/2017 #7 David B. GrinbergThank you, Cyndi, for an excellent read. You make so many good points. I also love the quotes, some of which I'm familiar with per my own life situations. I would reiterate your point about how high stress levels can severely affect one's health. I also agree that maintaining a positive, optimistic mindset can work wonders during tough times -- and all the time. Your words of wisdom are most appreciated! Keep buzzing...21/07/2017 #6 Shelley BrownThis is a really powerful story @Cyndi wilkins and one I certainly relate to. It's like your life bucket gets turned upside down and you get terrified and try to grab all the life pieces and put them back together the way they were before knowing it's impossible. I absolutely believe a toxic situation caused my body to breakdown and I ended up having 3 major surgeries in year including a spinal fusion. It's really amazing how you express that "being given an opportunity to recognize and release that fear once and for all, so I could move forward and help my partner in doing the same" leading to "That shift in perception for me brought with it a sense of peace in being supportive in a committed relationship, rather than fearful for our physical survival and security". I am walking through some fears right now and look forward to being a able to tell a similar story. Thank you. Your healing energy came through this piece.20/07/2017 #5 Cyndi wilkins#3 Your friend sounds like a shaman @Sarah Elkins....To a well trained therapist, the conditions of the energetic systems, or chakras, is easily revealed via careful observation of one's body language...Your friend saw something the moment she took one look at you and knew exactly what you needed in the moment...I hope you have her on speed dial...never know what can happen;-) LOL...Thanks for sharing that...it validates the whole point of this article.20/07/2017 #4 Cyndi wilkins#2 Sometimes we don't even know why we are inhibited by certain fears...the memories are buried so deep. This type of deep manual manipulation of the tissues can unlock those hidden treasures we have tucked away for safe keeping...When something surfaces, it is calling our attention to what is happening in our present that is being influenced by a past 'unresolved' emotion...and by unresolved I mean it has gone unrecognized as the catalyst to our current mind set...once we make that 'conscious' connection and release it from our physical being via movement, meditation, storytelling etc...we are able to move past it and embrace our new found freedom from the cage we have built around ourselves...Right @Deb 🐝 Helfrich;-)20/07/2017 #3 Sarah ElkinsI love this, @Cyndi wilkins, because I can visualize and imagine the entire story, from the release into your memory to the memory itself, and back again to the present moment. When I was in a toxic job, a friend and Pilates guru called me using Skype. She took one look at me and gave me a breathing exercise to do, telling me to do it right then at that moment. I started the exercise, and about 30 seconds into it started to sob. I hadn't cried in many months, but something about that physical activity created an incredible emotional release. My entire being felt less restricted after that.
I'm glad you posted this story, because I know how wonderful it is to grow and improve in your gifts as a result of helping others.20/07/2017 #2 🐝 Fatima G. WilliamsThe title for this buzz is so apt Cyndi. Healing the healer. The cure and healing lies within us. The answers lie within us but we go out looking for them or wait someone to tell us but what we really need is for someone to show us. And when you showed your self by sharing the experience the healing began. We are most of the time scared and unable to let go of those wounds caused by people, places and things. Its time to open up to ourselves and show ourselves what we are truly capable of.
Like you said "The harmonious nature of this work...People helping people...one moment at a time!"
- Producer15/07/2017SOCIAL DISAPPOINTMENTS CAUSE DEPRESSIONBelieve it or not, you are always one step closer to depression than to happiness. I know-I know, we all want to be happy, we all try to be happy in this world. But the problem is, happiness hormones are working only for motivation. The...
Comments16/07/2017 #35 Lisa 🐝 Gallagher#33 I read your comments with interest as well Dr. @Ian Weinberg and want to thank you for all the info you shared. Very complex topic/illness because Mental Illness covers many territories. I had a light bulb moment today. As I read Pam's comment about being "Happy go lucky," as in putting on a smile to the point of exhaustion, I did the same when I raised my kids (although it wasn't half as frequent... my panic attacks) But, I have to wonder if it catches up with a person if they ignore it for so long? Also, my doctor told me it can get worse for women after they hit 'mid-life' because of hormonal fluctuations and that would make sense as to why mine seems like it has been so much worse. However, I am getting good therapy and we are making strides. I'm staying away from medications because I tried them and felt very sick on the 3 or 4 I did give a try.16/07/2017 #32 David B. Grinberg#31 I really appreciate your comments @Pamela 🐝 Williams. I understand you didn't mean any harm and, as noted, this is a difficult subject for those personally affected by mental illness. In short, I grew up with a mother who was manic depressive and prone to unforeseen fits, rages and other unpleasant episodes. This made my childhood and teenage years very difficult on a range of levels. Ditto that for my sister and father. My mother's side of the family has a history of mental illness, which is hereditary. The important thing I want to reiterate is that mental illness is a disease, like diabetes or cancer is a disease. Nobody asks for it and nobody likes it. Moreover, those impacted by mental illness, like my mom, can't always control their bad behavior even with medication. In essence, I had a rough childhood but then was free in college to spread my wings and Thrive once I got out of the toxic home environment.16/07/2017 #31 Pamela 🐝 Williams@David B. Grinberg you deleted your comments so I can answer to what was said, only via Lisa's comments. I by no means meant to sound patronizing and if I did my deep felt humble apologies. I would like to know about your Mom but if it's not something you want to share I understand. I tend to speak only of the positives in my family but there's this loyalty thing :=). I do admire you, envy your drive, admire your intelligence and positive attitude. I wouldn't hurt you for a second but as Lisa says: This is a very sore subject for some and when we feel like someone is telling us to "pull yourself by your boot straps and get over it" ...it hurts. Most people who 'know' me casually view me as happy-go-lucky with a very positive attitude, but I exhaust myself being this way and it never lasts. I was raised off-and-on by a very religious grandfather and his answers were either 'pray for healing' or that ole bootstrap advice. For a short while I had my stepfather who just loved me and I started to build some 'self' but he was forced out of my life as well. Nothing was stable, nothing lasted. I was shuttled back and forth between my mother and my grandparents, I didn't even know my Mom when I was dumped back in her house at the age of 5 after living with my grandparents for 2 1/2 years. My earliest memory is standing in her yard and wondering what I did to be 'left behind' as my grandparents drove away.
If you lived in a disfunctional situation then my humblest apologies for jumping to conclusions; I know how upsetting it can be when people do that; I wish you hadn't deleted your comments because if you blasted me; I deserved it. I did what I was 'preaching' against. Guilty. You have my respect and admiration David, know that!16/07/2017 #30 Ian Weinberg#29 That is a very important concept that you propose here @Pamela 🐝 Williams and one currently being investigated. The DNA molecule is not static and unchanging through life. More and more we are noting an epi-genetic influence - genes become suppressed or de-suppressed through life in response to diet, toxic habits, lifestyle and indeed in response to mind states. The mediators of chronic inflammation, the pro-inflammatory cytokines, have been shown to influence this epigenetic process. And since this is in the DNA molecule, it can be passed on to the next generation.16/07/2017 #29 Pamela 🐝 Williams@Ian Weinberg so I'm reading that early childhood environments can create hopeless/helpless physiological menifestations that can't be 'treated' by normal medical means, it's a lifelong 'battle' for lack of a better word? Which is my perspecitive.
But in regards to physiological state; here is my next question; IF this situation perpetuates through the generations, isn't it possible that the "identifiable chemical configuration (low serotonin, low dopamine and raised noradrenaline)" becomes an inheritable condition? This is a subject area/ question that I find fascintating; Could a constant state of this 'chemical configuration' actually become part of a DNA makeup and transmit to future generations?
Such as in the case of children of alcoholics having a higher propensity for deveoping addictive personalities, whether it be alcohol or drugs? To me it would be the same as Darwin's theories of evolution, only instead of developing traits for 'survival' the traits move in a negative direction; eg; "low serotonin, low dopamine and raised noradrenaline"16/07/2017 #28 Ian Weinberg@David B. Grinberg , @Pamela 🐝 Williams and @Victoria Toumit Herewith my perspective:
At the outset it should be stated that there is no scientific explanation for depression as an entity nor is there a specific ‘depression centre’ in the brain. Additionally there is no consistent configuration of neurotransmitters and hormones which are associated with the phenomenon of depression. The low serotonin hypothesis (upon which a multi-billion dollar industry of SSRI’s is based) as being causative for depression has so many holes in it that it has become highly questionable. Definitions of depression range all the way from unhappiness to deep melancholia and a potential suicidal tendency. This mind state is also associated with many somatic manifestations such as sleep disturbances, eating disorders and extreme weight fluctuations, chronic inflammation and sickness behavior – a physiological state of disinterest in the environment, somnolence (sleepiness) and often associated with a fever. (See part 2 below)16/07/2017 #27 Ian WeinbergPart 2:
It is also not accurate to imply that mind states are a product of neurophysiology and levels of neurotransmitters and hormones. Profound nature-nurture influences create core neuronal circuits which become our subjective world view. Interaction with the extended environment reflects our subjectivity and thus our nurture heritage. This dynamic will serve to endorse positively or negatively, our subjective beliefs (in the deprivation state, limiting beliefs). It is therefore more accurate to view our subjective mind state, our chemistry (including neurophysiology) and the psychosocial interaction as one integration or continuum.
My specific model is based on a cyclical flow chart which therefore has multiple inputs – a mind state reflecting degrees of deprivation and usually precipitated by prevailing life situations is associated with an identifiable chemical configuration (low serotonin, low dopamine and raised noradrenaline). This in turn affects the immune system, initiating a chronic inflammatory process. The products of inflammation further diminish serotonin and dopamine levels thus perpetuating a negative cycle. The mind state defined in this state is that of hopeless-helplessness or degrees of this. It correlates directly with low levels of dopamine (meso-limbic system). I have therefore suggested that degrees of hopeless-helplessness is a far more understandable definition than depression. (See part 3 below)16/07/2017 #26 Ian WeinbergPart 3:
In terms of intervention – it obviously depends on the subjective narrative of the individual. If limiting beliefs are too rigid and embedded, then no amount of cognitive intervention will be effective. Also if the individual is gaining gratification (in the form of raised dopamine) through the legitimizing of their hopeless-helpless state, no amount of intervention will move them. The most effective modality that we have for intervention is the creation of awareness of self and then through a process of disputation, establish meaning and purpose as well as a degree of self-esteem. Gratification and achievement experienced by the individual in the application of this intervention will get the dopamine bubbling and hopefully empower the individual to perpetuate the process.
And so I would say that intervention of a cognitive type can be extremely successful if the individual is experiencing a significant degree of hopeless-helplessness, limiting beliefs are not too rigid and ingrained and that there is not too much secondary dopamine gain from a legitimized hopeless-helpless life situation.
For a more comprehensive take on this, see my previous articles:
https://www.bebee.com/producer/@ian-weinberg/buzzing-with-emotion16/07/2017 #25 Sandra Smith#20 Can relate. I hear people say their religion keeps them sane. I'm not particularly religious but I wonder if the sense of community provided by an active participation would have helped me in my darkest hours. I suspect it would because of the social isolation factor Vic brings up.16/07/2017 #24 Sandra Smith#12 indeed. The link between childhood trauma and depression / personality disorders later in life is huge. To say that someone who has suffered these traumas, on such a profound level, can "switch" on happiness is oversimplistic. The only thing we can "choose" is to start on a road to recovery. Problem is because MI is stigmatized we don't always want to admit we suffer, so as Lisa says, suffer in silence. Esp in UK where the NHS has far less money allocated to those who need treatment, and some doctors ignore requests for help because they have similar attitudes shown here that it's somehow not a "real" disease. As a sufferer and as I lost my beloved cousin to suicide I can assure any doubters it is a very real and deadly disease. And the trend for midlife professional people taking their own lives is getting worse, not better.For all the reasons and more in Vic's article. Failure is part of it, childhood trauma, disatisfaction with life, chronic health issues, addictiion (self medication), stress, financial issues, relationship issues, or just an overwhelming feeling like you can't go on are all to blame imo.16/07/2017 #23 Ian WeinbergJust woken up on this side of the world. This is a very topical and important issue. In the course of today I will dig out the relevant literature as well as add my own experience in the neurosciences as well from a coaching perspective. Thanks for the tag @David B. Grinberg and @Pamela 🐝 Williams16/07/2017 #22 Lisa 🐝 Gallagher#20 Hi @David B. Grinberg, I hope I'm not over-stepping my boundaries but I really don't think Pam's intent was to sound as though she was being patronizing. I'm glad this topic came up because it affects so many. I read your comment and it brought tears to my eyes. I truly believe the topic of Mental illness can be a tough topic to discuss at times because many have been affected and it can feel raw at times, it's very easy for others to misinterpret written words. I've had a lot of people tell me affirmations work for them and I think that's great. They don't work for me (well, it depends on the situation), I can't say they never work.
As I read about your mom and how it affected you, it made me think of my sister I wrote of not that long ago. She has 2 beautiful daughters and I have noticed they both deal with their past and present differently. One is prone to depression and anxiety herself and the older sister is the caregiver, almost done getting her masters degree and keeps very busy. She also moved far enough away from her mom (my sister) and I think that was for self preservation. Do they both love their mom deeply, yes! They saw their mom have paranoid delusions many times and I have to wonder if the believed her when they were much younger? I can't imagine how life affected them because they were witness to her illness long before we were aware and mom took all of them in until the girls graduated from HS. You are a big proponent of MH issues and I can't thank you enough. I can't imagine how hard that must have been on you David and from what I remember, your dad was your rock! Hugs for you :)) You are very appreciated, and I know Pam appreciates you too. I will stop now and let her speak for herself when she is back online, tomorrow, I'm guessing.16/07/2017 #21 David B. GrinbergVictoria, please see my comments below to Pamela. And shame on you for trying to shame me.
As a communications expert I choose my words carefully and parse them to make sure I'm not painting a broad brush which is universally applicable. That's why I used words such as "most" people, not all, and "to an extent" rather than all encompassing. I know firsthand the pain and suffering that people suffer due to mental illness by family members. Again, I would caution people not to make ignorant assumptions about other peoples lives for which they know absolutely nothing about whatsoever. Thank you.
Is it easy to try to be positive in the face of confronting or dealing with someone who has depression? Of course not. Yet this doesn't mean a person can't try to be positive via faith and other things. The more we try the more we usually move closer to succeeding, at least for some people. Again, I never stated that my own personal situation with universally applicable. Indeed it is not. But it is applicable at least to some people including me.16/07/2017 #20 David B. Grinberg#14 Thank you @Pamela 🐝 Williams for your wise words. I'm sorry to disappoint you, however, I grew up with a mother who was manic depressive and physically abusive, not to mention verbally and emotionally abusive. She couldn't help it.. Therefore, I know that of which I speak. I was also bullied in high school in addition to what I had to deal with in my home life. It was not until I was free to spread my wings in college that I was truly able to thrive. And when I mention a manic-depressive mother I'm talking about someone who was involuntarily hospitalized by the police due to a severe episode of being paranoid delusional. I recall visiting her at Bellevue Hospital in Queens New York. And I recall crying like a baby right after I left.
Therefore, With all due respect, Pamela, I don't appreciate your false assumptions and patronizing comments. II know firsthand about childhood adversity, major depression, bipolar disorder, and all the related aspects because I grew up with it as a child through my teenage years. Now, with that said, what worked for me in college via affirmations visualization, and being positive, etc. may not work for everyone. We are all individuals who are unique and uniquely respond to different life situations. That's why I sometimes write about mental health issues and try to be a proponent to end the stigma regarding mental illness.
Thank you very much for considering these personal points. Again, I would caution everyone against jumping to conclusions and making assumptions about things for which they have absolutely no knowledge whatsoever.16/07/2017 #19 Robert CormackWe're never going to change a world that hurts, @Victoria Toumit. Cortisol may last longer than dopamine or any endorphin, but the true test is how we handle hurt. It honestly doesn't matter what it is. Fighting anything releases endorphins which help us stabilize shock. Social disappointment has less shock than, say, being chased by a bull. But your body is still going to work out chemical ways to stabilize, meaning the more you fight, the more your body will actively work to stabilize you.16/07/2017 #18 CityVP 🐝 ManjitThe medical community can only provide quick fixes to lessen the effects of depression, only to create other side effects in the process and that is because even the best minds in the medical community are still in the process of understanding the fundamental expression of depression. How does that community tackle this when the same community is at the early stages of understanding the human brain - but there has been progress in trying to unlock these mysteries.
When I think of depression I see a multifaceted cause and effect relationship with multiple variables and the medical community in the early days were studying different facets of this elephant, but it is only now that there has been a move to integrate specialists, so a good example is how brain experts are now working with gut experts in learning new things about the gut-brain relationship.
Hormones definitely play a part in the emergence of depression because pharma companies have created responses and interventions that are related to hormones, but what happens if one of multiple pathways for depression is light? In darkness we know animals have interventions such as hibernation, so could this natural withdrawal response be activated by a combination of fear and not living in natural light? When a body gets cold, it begins to shut off to preserve life at the core of the body, even to the point of suspended animation - could depression be a similar form of effect, where safety equates with withdrawing inwards?
Ultimately, we are the best judge of our own being and here I definitely recognize thinking as a cause, because what is the meaning of a depression, is it not a rut and if our thoughts keep making ruts then see points of depression in that also. For sure if we can understand our own triggers or nutritional response or mind-state, all these things could help overcome some effects.
- Producer19/03/2017Cellular Memory And The BodyCyndi WilkinsMuscular Therapist, Writer, Holistic Health and Energy Healing"Modern science has typically localized consciousness in the brain, but recent studies have shown evidence of consciousness showing up in the heart, the gut, and parts of...
Comments11/07/2017 #71 Cyndi wilkins#70 Absofreakinlutely! (I love that word ever since I heard it on Sex In The City;-) To be continued....I have a client coming in, but I'm looking forward to our 'chat' with the lovely @🐝 Fatima G. Williams View more#70 Absofreakinlutely! (I love that word ever since I heard it on Sex In The City;-) To be continued....I have a client coming in, but I'm looking forward to our 'chat' with the lovely @🐝 Fatima G. Williams! Close11/07/2017 #70 Deb 🐝 Helfrich#69 How to be a well-oiled human, not employing anger to cover fear, yet free to express it when a healthy boundary is crossed - whew - this capacity has gone missing in recent years.
We are all so overwhelmed, forcing ourselves to keep up with an ever increasing pace, in an ever more complex society, tipped ever more steeply toward only a few haves.
It's a powder keg and we are all flares.
I think it is world changing to model what truly open dialogue looks and feels like. It takes finding those companions who want to be rid of the hidden aspects of the past, in order to move forward, stop the reacting that isn't who we fundamentally are, and be able to live joyously in the right now.
It's all about the triggers and the ways our nervous system hijacks our best laid plans. Face that head on. Commit to the process of understanding without any further shame. Be able to be heard. Rinse and Repeat.
We do a great deal of our learning by observing and modeling, so this buddy concept of getting to take turns brings in the possibility of entraining to what someone else does, how they react or don't, and how they think differently about similar aspects of the human condition.11/07/2017 #69 Cyndi wilkins#67 #68 Yeah...my dad was the most even tempered man I've ever met...besides my grandfather (his dad) that is...definitely in the genetics...mine have just been dormant...so I'm working hard at 'shakin' the tree'....hoping some of it's fruit rolls my way;-)
However, I do think it is very important to express anger, appropriately that is, especially with an 'in the moment' encounter...Otherwise, it will just sit there and fester until given the next opportunity for expression...That is why it is so difficult to go digging for those old bones and bring them to the surface for air...They've been buried alive for a long time and are not very happy to see us when we unearth them...It's like a severely infected wound...it's gonna take some time to heal.
I'm glad we are continuing to plug along at this...Still a lot of sludge at the bottom of this well...It's nice to find people you can heal with, rather than feeling like you're the one doing all the talking while someone else just assumes the 'listening' role...I think the buddy system works wonders under the appropriate circumstances...even with the more traumatic issues so long as you have complete trust...without it, we flounder...11/07/2017 #68 Deb 🐝 HelfrichWhat I just had flash up as a relevant comparison is when I first became aware of how to fix my posture. I had a serious issue with shoulder scrunching down toward the keyboard, I'd sort of absentmindedly noticed it for a couple years and it finally caught up with me. In a very well disguised bit of sciatica.
I found the Gokhale Method and started implementing her shoulder rolls - forward, up and back into position. Be mindful of my shoulders became an obsession for awhile. It felt so good to finally have my shoulders back where they belonged. I wondered if I'd ever stop - or if I'd become known as that person with the shoulder tic.
Of course, I never even noticed when muscle memory took over and this new routine became subconsciously executed.
And it will be the same for this navel-gazing.
It is awkward and painful. And I feel like a freak. But soon enough, my subconscious will register that I want to actively chose in the present moment instead of reacting in a certain segments of life.
I'm going to have to write these out. I am fine with my subconscious driving me, for example. I can drive my ass off, literally. A perfectly installed program that is one that I am very grateful to my parents about.
But I can't let anger responses go out into the world until I chose if the situation right now requires anger.11/07/2017 #67 Deb 🐝 Helfrich#66 Your Dad was a truly successful human being and he taught you everything he knew.
It is a hard trick to learn to catch our behaviors before we act. And this phase of noticing as much as we wonder how we got this way, is the gateway to changing.
The truth is something triggered some sort of fear. I know for a fact you had no intention. Your brain connected being unable to understand this guy - or even something you weren't aware of, like tires screeching or someone shouting at the other end of the gas station - with a need to move on, fast. And subconscious routines just executed, until you were safely in drive and then you realized the unreasonableness of the trigger.
I can't imagine how truly self-composed your father must have been to be a police officer. Think of the heightened potentials to be triggered. Maybe he even had a gas station situation which you heard about and stored as a need to be fully alert. Or maybe gasoline screams poison to your amygdala. Probably none of these, as I am running the movie through my mind.
I am fascinated with the rabbit hole of examining behavior for the lesson it wants to surface. There's gonna be a part two....11/07/2017 #66 Cyndi wilkins#64 #65 ....Humility and forgiveness are very powerful lessons I am learning from you @Deb 🐝 Helfrich...not easy to forgive those who 'trespass against us'...My father embodied that spirit of humility...that's what made him perfect for the role he played in life as a father and also a police officer..."Steady as she goes," he would say...."Now get on with it."
I wish I was more like him, but I've already been made aware I have a long way to go this morning when I snapped at the poor gas station attendant...Here's a guy just doing his job...but I could not understand him...very thick accent...I just said never mind, and drove away. The awareness of how wrong that was hit me immediately, so I guess that's a good thing...We are all human and make very human mistakes...I have to remember that for the next time I encounter my MIL...maybe I will even unlock the door this time;-)
Thanks for the tips @Lisa Vanderburg...I knew there was a good reason I kept my daughter's Legos!!11/07/2017 #65 Lisa Vanderburg#62 #63 Have to laugh at how confusing it is to keep up with all the numbers @Cyndi wilkins...my eye-balls are moving WAY to fast for my brain! Then I just discovered that hovering over a number will link to the relevant comment...I think I'll get the Lego out and play on the floor :)11/07/2017 #64 Deb 🐝 Helfrich#63 I had opened up a draft that I intended to be my last word on this neglect stuff, although I figured it would be awhile in the making, and out it all came.
Because, truly I wanted the option to just get on with it. Having the option yanked away replicated just about everything that went awry long ago. In no uncertain terms both scenarios showed me that asking for help was a sure fire way to be forced to go it alone.
But the only way through my current minefield is to keep practicing my asking - understand that what wasn't given was down to the non-givers, not me, and that the fact that it was made to seem that something was wrong with me due to the simple act of asking, was the non-givers stuff that I can no longer own as something deeply wrong with me.11/07/2017 #63 Cyndi wilkins#55 #57 #58 #56 ooops, went out of order;-)#59 #60 #61 ...I think I've covered y'all...LOL! Lordy. lordy...I just got back from my office to quite the 'commenting fest!' My comment to Lisa seems to have come in late to the party...but no matter...we are all spinning a web of gold here;-) Perhaps we should invest in some french drains for that moat around your castle @Deb 🐝 Helfrich;-)11/07/2017 #62 Cyndi wilkins#54 #55 PTSD is tough stuff to wrestle with @Lisa Vanderburg...and I am no psychologist...so never is it my intention to evoke such disturbances in someone I am working with...If something should come up for them during one of my sessions, I never shut them down if they begin to recall an event that caused them pain...and I never pry into their experience uninvited...I just encourage recognition and release while I work the area of discomfort for them...I have had other therapists comment that once a client begins discussing trauma they (the therapist) becomes uncomfortable and changes the subject...and as a manual therapist, trauma can ALWAYS enter into a session...You are working with the cellular memory stored within the bodies tissues...If it makes you uncomfortable and you just think that going through the motions is going to do the trick, perhaps another line of work is in order.
And you are never too old to work things out...you will do it eventually...but there is no deadline you must adhere to...(except for the obvious one;-) and even then you will continue to cycle that which is incomplete...
Now, in an earlier comment I mentioned that it makes me nuts when people say they have no time to make time for themselves...but there are exceptions as in your case Lisa...I watched my dad care for my mother at home for well over 20 years before he had to put her in a nursing home...It broke his heart. I am in complete awe of those who sacrifice their lives for others...You are the soldiers on the front lines...10/07/2017 #61 Lisa Vanderburg#55 through #58: Such clarity @Deb 🐝 Helfrich that you have come away and endowed us with - it's both disarming and applaudable; you are a brand-new person with the best of your old self flowering in abundance!
Like #58 Trish Mitchell says, '...please continue to let go of the fear', that is a tribute to your courage. @Cyndi wilkins; oops...my age is showing my friend! ALL the responses her are enlightening - look what you evoked, Deb! Look at Charlene Norman #52 and the gentle faithfulness of #49 (to both sexes) @CityVP 🐝 Manjit!
Y'all delight me - thank you!10/07/2017 #59 Deb 🐝 Helfrich#58 There is the conundrum of this personality called Deb. Because she was in complete control of what passed outward over the moat, the castle seemed very secure, comfy cozy, and self-contained.
But what is the point of building a fortress of solitude in the world?
I excelled at that task, but now, if I don't want to die inside of what I built to protect me, I am going to have to become aware of my behavior and chart a new course.
The drawbridge is firmly down. I just don't know enough about the terrain on the mainland to figure out a destination I can decide on with all my heart, might, and soul.10/07/2017 #58 Tricia Mitchell#56 goosebumps @Deb 🐝 Helfrich and freling your words in my heart.
I never realised that you doubted yourself but still publicly declared your challenge AND have delivered on that promise to yourself and to others.
You've continued to inspire and delight readers with your buzzes, original photos, exposing vulnerable and courage in equal measures.
I'm proud of you, too,
"I've known all along how uniquely worthy what I had to say was. However, I associate nothing but fear with speaking or writing or even in some cases, thinking my unique truth."
Now others know the wisdom in your words, please continue to let go of the fear. Those last 2 paragraphs remind me of the Princess Diana syndrome.
Keep working on the self-love (something we all find challenging at some point or another) & releasing the fear. You've got this❤10/07/2017 #57 Deb 🐝 HelfrichPt3 - But HERE is where change is occurring for what is showing up in my life because after fooling myself the first time, I wanted to never repeat that behavior or experience again.
I was able, in the comforting strength of a new sort of family, to state my honest truth and receive nothing but love in return.
They all, every single one of them, gave me the ability to begin a new stage of figuring out how to get on with it, from a place of accepting and loving myself when I least deserve it.10/07/2017 #56 Deb 🐝 Helfrich#54 Although my buddy just advised against link bombing, I know she'll clap at my exceptioning myself.
Because the truth is I am proud of what I have managed to write these last 11 days straight. I honestly believed I didn't have it in me. My tears sting with the truth of how deeply I felt I had nothing worth saying.
No, that is one of those sweet little lies. It's not exactly wrong, but it's not perfectly right.
I've known all along how uniquely worthy what I had to say was. However, I associate nothing but fear with speaking or writing or even in some cases, thinking my unique truth.
What makes a child feel that way?
@Tricia Mitchell arrived at a crucial moment and working with her, for just 20 minutes brought me to a truth I still have to reckon with. I associate asking for ANYTHING with being snapped at by a vicious crocodile. Asking has been associated with the jaws of death my whole life. Being eaten alive.
No wonder I lived a life of self-isolation where I pushed asking completely out of the picture.
But here is the most wounding part.
I stopped being able to ask myself to care for myself, that is why I stopped getting on with it.
And then instead of dealing with that, I jumped at the chance to care for others in scenarios that were guaranteed to perpetuate my own self-neglect.10/07/2017 #55 Deb 🐝 Helfrich#54 If one can get on with it, then I believe that one should. I sincerely admire anyone who puts it all aside and does what is right in front of them, @Lisa Vanderburg. There is rightness and meaning in following the now.
In my case, I stopped getting on with it a long time ago. But because my way of dealing with life was self-isolating, no one was around to ask me why I was throwing everything overboard. And then one day I woke up with nothing and no one. Still, I went about my business, as best as I could.
It was at this moment, I spotted an island and my heart took up residence. And then the island revealed it was just a mirage.
Asking myself how I fell in love with a stretch of land I could not touch, brought the entire world I believed to be mine into question.
Now I can finally see the way my childhood shaped me into a person who had to hit rock bottom.
To have a chance to regain my equilibrium, I have to acknowledge where I am, learn how what I downloaded as a young girl did not serve me in order to be capably able to move forward in an entirely different manner. tbc....10/07/2017 #54 Lisa Vanderburg...and some of us can't work out the consequences of 'telling, sweet @Cyndi wilkins. FABULOUSLY sticky honey you've addressed here! I am far too decrepit (at the age of 59), to be able to voice whatever...It's too late for some of us,; one must get on with it! Think: Service-Men from the forces of W11 or WW2; they could rarely 'tell'.
However, that said I think it healthy for exposure in an environment that feels safe (if you're young enough). God bless you and lead you on! We will die and it will matter little how damaged we were. I just told @Deb 🐝 Helfrich that @Deb🐝 Lange, Brand Ambassador @beBee's name wasn't highlighting - now it is! I'm too old and too encumbered, but I sure as SHITE applaud all your efforts!05/07/2017 #52 Charlene Norman#51 @CityVP 🐝 Manjit, greetings and salutations my friend. In so many ways the conversations on beBEE here are richer and deeper than on any other social media platform I have been on and indeed in many places in real life. I think that is what I enjoy the most about beBee. And there are some mighty fine decent people here too. I am frankly so bored talking about my own stuff because everyone has bad stuff in their lives. I survived 50 yrs of stuff and all of it gave me a beautiful three punch gift -- strength, humour and a huge capacity to love. My only purpose is to try to teach all the lessons I learned to others and leave a little footprint stamp on the heart of those I can impact. With any luck, I am allowed to do so on a few someones in the world.
- Producer16/06/2017HAPPINESS A SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY Realistically, it’s not possible to always be happy and always think positively, nor is that an honest way to interpret information. With that being said, when we are angry and crying, that is what privacy is for. Even when we strongly disagree...
Comments19/06/2017 #21 Tricia Mitchell#9 I enjoyed reading your reply @Harvey Lloyd. You're absolutely right about the degree of trust missing in society & globally. I was a sign language interpreter for many years and that placed me in a privileged place of being privy to information not normally available to those outside of certain professions. At times, it also created professional dilemmas e.g. during a hospital appointment, being briefed by the doctor that a Deaf patient was dying, the doctor shared information with me that I'd rather she'd shared with her colleagues.
As a linguistic & cultural mediator, I would normally ask that things be made explicit (e.g. when they make somebody "comfortable", you know they mean that the end is near). Yet, by the bedside, this doctor did not use any euphemism that I could ask to be unpacked in the name of cross-cultural mediation. The patient's daughter & wife, both Deaf also, never got the chance to say goodbye. I knew he was dying, so did the doctor. That weighed heavy on me for a long time. Was trust eroded? Misplaced? I know it's not strictly related to your reply, but definitely, like you say, "We do need to rebuild that trust where boundaries can once again be fortified and trusted."
I agree about being cautious, especially reading stories of 1 punch fatalities or fights leaving people paralysed. Yet, what we put out, in terms of our vibration, we will energetically attract. I'm not saying anybody is to blame, at all, but I'm not thinking "the world's a dangerous place" because I don't want to court that. Thanks for responding to my comments, Harvey.18/06/2017 #20 Tricia Mitchell#13 Hi @Lyon Brave I appreciate the follow and have reciprocated. Thank you for agreeing with many of the points I expressed. When I first entered the world of personal development and I would complain about how somebody was behaving, the trainer would challenge me by saying it wasn't necessarily what the other person was doing, but how I was see, hearing and perceiving it, according to my map of the world. It certainly didn't feel like it at the time.
But, yes, what one person says, and how another person filters that information, attaching meaning to it can lead to altercations - both verbal and physical! We're not in control of how another person perceives us, but we can try to articulate ourselves in a way that minimises ambiguity & be willing to repair miscommunications, working towards a shared understanding of meaning, even if we do not share the other person's view.18/06/2017 #18 Harvey Lloyd#14 https://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Power-Negotiating-15th-Anniversary/dp/1601631391/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1497784892&sr=8-1&keywords=roger+dawson+secrets+of+power+negotiating
Risk management is a multi dimensional field. The field that i am referring too, that has taught me well, is the ability to understand the risk in moving forward with deals, people or situations. In essence leadership. I am still an understudy and work hard each day to learn more.
Our actions, words and body language demonstrate to others our intentions. Roger Dawson (The Link above.) opens with everything is controlled or owned by someone else. If you want something, then it is best to understand the person who has what you want. For me this is the risk management aspect of social interaction. If you don't want anything then just be you. If you want something then one should measure the cost of win-win on both sides and present accordingly.18/06/2017 #17 Cyndi wilkins"Truth is whatever we don't face up within ourselves and the flaws are deeper within us when we have not learned to handle our own selves, for if we can't be at one with our own selves how the heck do we expect to do that for others?"
Thank you @CityVP 🐝 Manjit...nailed it;-)17/06/2017 #12 Harvey Lloyd#11 Again, you nailed the concept. I was attempting to articulate the risk/reward in any engagement should be realized upfront as to consequences, positive/negative.
Having been in construction most of my adult life the rank and file of that demographic is very big on, Your mouth shouldn't cash checks your but is unwilling to cash. This is the sanitary version. I have seen many a payday and participated in a few.
Social media or in person we should be willing to carry our statements to conclusion. Agree to disagree is a compassionate way of coming to a conclusion. Unfortunately when we step out with emotions and charge a situation i don't know who is in the room or reading my emotional outbreaks. My main point is cautionary.
Thanks for your discussion and very excellent points. I do err on the side of conservative caution. But i do live without fear in social settings and online. I guess i have seen in-person and online that folks reach beyond their ability to cash the check their mouth has extended them into. I enjoy their freedom of speech but realize that once you start the tongue and its cutting edge, not everyone will view it with compassion.
Risk management has been a huge part of my small business understanding. If you are unwilling to loose, and i do mean "you" not what someone else did successfully, then don't play. For each of us this risk tolerance is different. No your limits and act within your own.
In America you are guaranteed freedom of speech, almost to a fault, you are not guaranteed that everyone will observe that law as you do.17/06/2017 #11 CityVP 🐝 Manjit#5 Harvey good points. In the offline world it used to be that we consider not falling into the shoot first ask questions later bucket, but in the online world the enter button is mightier than the sword - and unlike a person-to-person situation where we are face to face and shoot our mouth off - in the online world - we have to press the SEND key before we shoot our own-selves in the foot. I was not really thinking about the online world but considering that I am here using it - I think I should :-)
There are valuable seconds in the online world - the question then is - if the person in the online world cannot mitigate the extra seconds one has in action of hitting the send key, what would they be like when there is no other extra process i.e. nose to nose. This then is the very kind of person who I don't want in my life - because first they cannot control themselves and secondly it is the easiest thing in the world to turn the SEND key into a weapon. Most people are really good, so we are spoiled for choice regarding the actual number of good people there really are - but the back-stabbing or toxic individual.
Here it is not maturity that touches the SEND key but a deeper intelligence - actual humanity and even the most spoiled kid out there has moments of serene humanity, because hitting the SEND key is an act of touching and it is easier for people who are devoid of feelings (whether narcissistic or psychopathic) who will not feel what they are sending. The sociopath is not who I want in my life. So perhaps that kind of individual in revealing themselves through the inability to sense their own fingers, means we can get on with our lives by recognizing the DELETE key is also on our individual keyboards. The caveat here is that we are talking about the minority. The actual KEY word then is "proportionality" - and here it is not anger, but our compassion.17/06/2017 #9 Harvey Lloyd#3 I want desperately to agree with many of your statements. The world would certainly be a better place under the comments you have made. Media, along with violent acts at the street level and international level have left compassion at the very narrowest of places. Social trust has been broken.
We do need to rebuild that trust where boundaries can once again be fortified and trusted. The boundaries where each human understands that anger or other emotions will not include aggressive acts.
I believe that we are all at a place of trust and verify. I could get angry and someone would show compassion and help me not suffer the consequences of untended actions. Today my anger is my own and i am unwilling to display it in a setting where others would become anxious. Because the narrative in our society is one where violence is a method of debate. I am unwilling to participate in this Russian roulette scenario. However i see many folks who are willing to play and do.
My hope is i become the outlying demographic and the world moves in the direction you speak too. Until then, use caution as you expose your emotions, there are consequences, and someone may be available to show the extreme of those consequences. Chose wisely.17/06/2017 #5 Harvey LloydI find that most emotions are generated from a narrative, all except the ones that are true fight or flight (House on fire.). I find anger and many other emotions to be generated from a narrative that paints a world according to you. Should we gather ten people in a room and they offer up their ten very different perspectives can we each really be angry at the other, is there room for folks to have a different opinion/perspective?
I would state that any emotion that you are willing to unfold in a public forum, you should be prepared for the consequences. One does not get the chance, within the group of ten, to exercise, say anger, and not expect someone else to join with their own. Typically i refrain from joining and walk away. Not from fear but rather from the perspective, if i join with my own anger, i will escalate the situation and i am not willing to see it through to conclusion. I do not wish to go through the consequences. Again, let me state this excludes the fight or flight circumstances.
#4 gets to the heart of the matter when he discusses the choosing of battles. Myself, its all a matter of risk within the setting where someone has exposed a less than normal level of emotion. They have now laid out a level of engagement. I have to choose. Mostly, i let them know, you win i lost. Can we move on. Merely as a deescalation process. Because, for me to win, i am willing to accept the consequences of my win in whatever shape it takes.
The discouraging piece is many people are unwilling to measure the consequences of their actions prior to emotional engagement. Never pull out your emotions unless you are willing to play all twelve rounds that you start. Their are nine other folks with equal are better positions to challenge yours.17/06/2017 #4 CityVP 🐝 Manjit#2 Biggest lesson I have so far not learned is the one about picking our battles. There are times when it is imperative to hold our shit together and let the sense of justice find a stream of equanimity within us. There are times when we learn to suck it up and let it go and that is a maturity.
Introverts and extroverts have a different way of regarding social and alone time - so we got to be who we are and we know when we are not, our entire energy and psyche conspires against us - even to the point of picking battles where the representation of what we are battling in our own minds is our inner demons rather than justice.
Anger is a useful emotion. Justice is knowing when someone has crossed the line and equally making sure the line is not crossed, in that regard anger is useful emotion but not everything that is imagined wrong is actually a righteous fight for justice.
What works for @Cyndi wilkins might not work for me but if Cyndi is sensitive to anger, then I am disrespecting her to be angry around her and that is because I have read her viewpoint about anger - we don't have a relationship with strangers, we have a relationship with people we get to know. There is this thing my mom does that I think is brilliant, she clears debts and anger credits by the end of the day as much as being human is concerned, and just like debts are settled, she goes to sleep settled because she is not afraid to clear what is on her chest and be assertive.
Truth often is not as clear cut as it seems but the clearest form of truth is whatever we don't face up within ourselves and the flaws are deeper within us when we have not learned to handle our own selves, for if we can't be at one with our own selves how the heck do we expect to do that for others?16/06/2017 #3 Tricia MitchellI enjoyed reading your buzz Lyon and I agree with you about the power of words. I disagree with suppressing anger. I've met a few mild-mannered people who have unexpressed and unresolved anger which they've bottled up for so long, they don't know it exists, or don't know how to express it. (the phrase "pent up anger' exists for a reason).
Perhaps if in discussing conduct, 'need' is substituted for compassion'ing, then we can disagree, while connecting heart to heart, expressing in a way that is compassionate. Personally, I don't believe it's a social responsibility to be happy in a public space.
I agree with what can happen if people are isolated and alone. However, the greatest wisdom lies within. With a meditation practice, there is no need to analyse but to just be and things are as they are. Letting go of the need to think (& over-think) is a positive thing.
"if we are rude and judgmental, we could cause someone to become anxious, stressed and to ill-behaved." I agree that people are responsible for their own actions, but we cannot cause someone to become anxious. It's the other person who is (unconsciously) choosing to perceive what we have said as judgmental, based on the meaning they've attached. We cannot force anyone to feel a particular way; that's just how they interpret it. Compassion is key (especially to understanding why a person has become a terrorist)16/06/2017 #1 Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBeeI so try to walk the middle ground and not lose my temper, but when someone is in attack mode, it is hard to do so. I seldom lose my temper, but I did yesterday with a neighbor and it felt gawdamned good. It seems my neighbors are organizing to do a lawsuit over https://www.bebee.com/producer/@joyce-bowen/adieu-dear-tree-in-english-y-en-espanol. But I may have the last laugh after all. I've had to file bankruptcy and my neighbors are listed on it. To hold one's temper while they are under attack is difficult.
- Producer30/05/2017Compassion over Money: The Ripple EffectIs there anyone who can claim brilliance in compassion? Probably not. Compassion is a soft skill. Learned from others. So too are many of the other management talents we take for granted. They are learned from the ripple effect. I once heard of...
Comments05/07/2017 #23 Charlene Norman#22 I so agree with you @Todd Jones . I used to think I am sorry, so very sorry was hollow. It really isn't. Not when accompanied with a huge bear hug. Trust me. It means so very very much. The point is not about us. The point is to help the other person. And every small bit we give means something huge to them. I too would be gobsmacked at the 22-year-olds fate. And words would fail me. But I think I would invite the young man over for a drink or bbq or a game or something occasionally. No pressure, just because. And keep harassing him with occasional invites. Just because. Sometimes quiet companionship over a drink or a meal just because is the perfect antidote.05/07/2017 #22 Todd JonesI suppose it a telling sign of my age, Charlene, that I have been to seven wakes already this year, and only three parties. I hate these increasingly frequent reminders that life goes by in a blink.
A 22 year old colleague lost his grandfather, mother, father, and dog on separate occasions, all within the past three months. All I could muster at his fathers calling hours was "How much can one man take?" along with a hug. I cannot imagine sustaining such loss at such a young age. His work family has become his safety net.
With all the recent practice, one would think that I would be better at knowing what to say, but this is not the case. "I'm sorry for your loss," rings so hollow.05/07/2017 #20 Cyndi wilkinsStraight from the heart of @Charlene Norman;-)
" Be open to learning from those with high levels of compassion, emotional quotient or humanity. There are times when money and the pursuit of gigs are best set aside. We need to follow our promptings or feelings and act on what is the right thing to do. We need to simply allow our conscience, our compassion or our inner goodness to guide us."01/06/2017 #16 CityVP 🐝 Manjit#15 Lance it is not that this is a regret from the past but Charlene's buzz is about how we are blindsided by the future, unless of course we share these stories and it is that listening part which Charlene articulates that is what gets lost over time.
Everything Brenda did at the time was making sure that her house was in order, and I was blindsided by her announcement. Back in 1998 there was not this depth of sharing experiences as there is now - so there is great value in this stepping in the shoes of other people's experiences.
If I gain a new insight, I will still revisit the old memories so they can be viewed anew in the light of the new insight. It is good to reflect upon how we would do things differently in possession of new awareness. Regret is a character building thing, a feeling that I value and do not shy away from.
Brenda was a very methodical person, an accountant by trade but highly reasoned and not one who tolerated fools gladly, in her passing she resorted to what she knew best and that was a highly organized mind. It would have helped her to know that I could do these things for Mark.
We all wish to have a peaceful end but Brenda's passing was unpleasant and the suffering acute. When we do not put thought to these things there is no way we can build upon our awareness.
Regrets from the past are things to learn and build on from, but being blind-sided by the future, that is the chief lesson of how we go about building the scenarios that inform/grow our awareness and also to know our own limitations with this exposure.01/06/2017 #15 Lance 🐝 Scoular#12
"Looking back the one thing I would have done differently is recognize the person who needed the support most was her husband Mark, for at the funeral the extent of devastation was immense."
The thing about learning as we progress through life, is that the lessons learned are for the now 🔬
or the fixture, 🔭
not for regret of the past.
I am sure Brenda would look at it that way.💡01/06/2017 #14 Charlene Norman#12 Manjit, I could not have written that truth more eloquently. Exactly sir. Exactly. And thank you also for highlighting what I was trying to get to. We NEED those soft skills. We don't learn them from a textbook or in school. We learn them best by walking with or watching someone walk through the worst of stuff. And we gain strength and wisdom ourselves. And we become better managers and employees and people and humans. And we pass those lessons on. And the ripple effect is huge and the circle widens.01/06/2017 #12 CityVP 🐝 ManjitIt was 1998 and our company's accountant Brenda was standing next to me at the reception desk. She told me in a matter of fact way that her cancer had returned and then I was confronted with a horrible truth, she told me the cancer the scan found was in her brain and that she had been diagnosed with ten tumors in her head.
What I heard from her was a death sentence, the only exchange I could give was a nod of my head. Brenda in a matter of fact way explained to me that she was putting her affairs in order and ensure everything was in place for her then 2 year old son and her husband Mark.
Things moved fast, it was only a matter of weeks after that Brenda succumbed. At the time I was leaving the company to enter into business with my brother. Brenda worked to the last possible moment, all of it to sort out affairs and pass duties on, for this was who she was. She was stoic but such was her condition that it was still a horrible ending. Looking back the one thing I would have done differently is recognize the person who needed the support most was her husband Mark, for at the funeral the extent of devastation was immense.
Brenda's stoic character was not a denial, if anything her pragmatic response to impending death spoke volumes to who she was, and yes it did reveal the absolute depth of her character and being. It is after she died that I received my final pay check. On it was a yellow post it note professionally written. It was from Brenda. She took care to see to it that I was paid.
The extent of Mark's devastation is exemplified by the final actions of the woman he loved and had lost, she was made of a character and stuff that is rare to find. People can confuse compassion with pity and Brenda did not want pity. I learned that the way each of us deal with adversity is never the same, but in being most human with each other, that is what we hope for.31/05/2017 #10 Charlene NormanI totally agree with you Cyndi. I think we should worry less about ourselves and worry more about the other person. Then the words come much easier. That was a tough lesson for me to learn. As long as our intentions are in the right place, everything always seems to work out for the best.30/05/2017 #8 Charlene Norman#7 Thank you Don. I agree. Just showing up does make a huge difference.
And taking that one little extra step parachutes everyone and everything into the next stratosphere. (I really do mean that on so many different levels because it is how I have run most areas of my life.)30/05/2017 #7 Don 🐝 Kerr@Charlene Norman "Fast forward through seven years of several more deaths. I never forgot that lesson of “Acknowledge the person and acknowledge the pain.’ To treat them all (the dying, the still living or the remaining, and the dead) with dignity." Just showing up can make a huge difference. Nicely done.30/05/2017 #6 Harvey Lloyd#4 Courage is the word. Humility is something that requires more courage than most can muster. But by the grace of God go I. Please dare to say "love" in this context. I like the word "Pathos" as it describes the sense of connection between humans, not just those we love.
I have learned a lot about myself through talking with those in tragedy. Thanks for your comment.30/05/2017 #4 Charlene Norman#3 Exactly that Harvey. We humans are funny creatures aren't we? And yet when those gates are allowed to be opened, all conversations afterwards are very normal. Even the sad ones and the ones with subsequent tears. Everyone feels listened to, cherished, dare I say loved, cared about and NORMAL. It feels wonderful. Thanks so much for your sincerity!
- 26/05/2017Respirando ..1...2...3A science-backed trick to reduce fear and anxiety takes just 30 seconds and a penqz.com Relief may be just a word...
Comments01/06/2017 #1 Jared 🐝 WieseWrite it down and offer it up!
The next time painful or stressful feelings threaten to overwhelm you, here is what you do: write down a word or two that describes the emotion you’re experiencing.
It's a compressed version of the three-step process of self-compassion identified by the psychologist Kristin Neff at the University of Texas at Austin:
1) Admit that a situation is painful or uncomfortable
2) Recognize that pain and discomfort are universal elements of the human experience
3) Do something healthy to alleviate the discomfort like get outside, stretch, or call a friend
- Producer11/05/2017Mordiscos de realidadHoy os voy a contar algo , respecto a mi vida. Hace apenas unos días estuve reunida con mis médicos , y me comunicaron que los resultados de mi TAC , no eran "normales" veían una imagen donde se puede ver un nódulo apróximadamente de 2 centímetros ....
Comments11/05/2017 #5 CityVP 🐝 ManjitI began with checking if my Spanish was improving so I took a guess that "Mordiscos de realidad" looks like "My Real Dad Likes Disco" and clearly I am useless at Spanish. I ended with a stunned expression as I realized that I was not reading a translation of Spanish, but a translation of humanity and there is so much humanity in what I ended up reading here.
The message here is very personal and it is directed to all of us to take care of ourselves and not gamble with life. In that message is also the bitter reality that represents a wake up call to all of us. Now I know what "Mordiscos de realidad" actually means I am humbled. I had to read it a few times because I wanted to think that this is a very well written story, because in this way we can soften the truth of this, and yet the way it is written is a bitter reality and so one cannot escape from "say it is not so".
The fact that this is in story form demonstrates a tremendous creativity, and the words are powerfully written but this is real, it is not an anecdote, it is happening now and the message is that it could have been caught early with a check up - but it has been checked - and what would have happened if it were left even longer?
I tried to figure out what this was, the only thing I could relate it to was thyroid disease but again I am guessing
I wish the meaning of this buzz was "my real dad likes disco" but it is Mordiscos de realidad - and I will include this in my physical intelligence piece because the reality of this does bite hard . I can only wish the best whatever the actuality is here.
- Producer30/04/2017To Catch A FishFear of death resides in the abyss of our minds. We claw at its inevitability at some point in our lives. Immortality reigns in all of us then fades, leaving the clear knowledge that yes, we all die—shit, me included. We go through life with...
Comments30/04/2017 #11 Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee#9 Astute observations, as always, Manjit. I have known of people in their 20s killed by our disease. For the very young to face death in the full bloom of life is difficult to swallow.
Facing death at any moment brings thoughts of, "it's too soon." I remember the temporary death of my legs in 2012, and this is what came to mind. And the little deaths when we are alive are what grieves us when we're still breathing.30/04/2017 #9 CityVP 🐝 ManjitIn the year 2117 not one of us will be contemplating this question unless we discover some strange transhumanist secret to lengthen our biological clock or some tech way of extending our nervous system through machines.
We have no idea what tomorrow brings. I know a couple of young girls who have already passed away who did not reach the age of 20, and it's humbling when what is constantly hidden from us is all the human beings on the globe who will pass away today having faced terrible life circumstances. It gives pause for thought, and perhaps even more so when death is not a rumination about the great unknown, but an actual death sentence.
Even when I listen to Randy Pausch in his coming to terms with his own death, it is difficult to know how we are to handle this:
A brain that loses oxygen loses memory, whereas an Alzheimer patient literally begins to die while they are still alive, which begs the question why memory would be generous to us after our death and reunite us with long-lost loved ones? The other part of death that is the most uncomfortable proposition is this idea of reincarnation. If I come back as something or someone else in a future life, my present life is gone, and that is what makes dying so challenging, that we only find out what comes after life once we are dead. Until that moment, the alternative is to live life fully and become wise about the nature of loss.
Learning to handle our own death, and especially when it is imminent is a challenging form of learning and wisdom formation.30/04/2017 #8 Tausif MundrawalaMany of us go to fish in the pursuit of achieving something. Everyday sat around the window seat of train i hold a fishing pole i.e my newspaper to attain a power of knowledge. Though the quest is a never ending process it makes my heart to quell this thirst as and when I can. Joyce,my friend, please give regards to Tony and relay my message to never stop fishing. It's a feeling of delight to recall our experiences here on beBee with our friends and family. My family sometimes enquire about my different feelings evoked by different buzzes here and I heartily share my experiences with them. You are a prolific and artful story teller my friend, @Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee30/04/2017 #6 Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee#3 heheh. Thanks, Fatima. Just a little blurb to complete my Sunday morning, and something that's been buzzing around in my head for a few days now. This was a refreshing write regardless of the subject. It has diverted me from more serious matters and I am grateful.30/04/2017 #3 🐝 Fatima G. WilliamsYou are actually way to cool @Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee and to repeat Gert here you just caught a fish.
When we do things that satisfy us and all we want to do is provide and create the same satisfaction for other's around us we are fishing away to glory. Great buzz Keep buzzing 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 Keep fishing 🐋🐳🐬🐟🐠🐡🐋
- Producer23/04/2017DeceptionI’m not driven to tears often. I see myself as staunch and stoic. Last night, however, I found my face bathed in that salty fluid as I listened to myself assure a victim of a crime that justice would now be done. “They know about him now,” I...
Comments24/04/2017 #14 Tausif MundrawalaThis heart wrenching story of a little girl spoke volumes. A little girl meant to enjoy her childhood was subject to such a heinous act. What would such men achieve by hurting these little angels. I can't say much because such disgusting acts deserves strict punishment.
I am glad that you shared with us my friend, @Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee24/04/2017 #12 Cyndi wilkinsPedophiles are not particularly popular in prison because a very large percentage of those incarcerated have been molested at some point in their own lives...usually during childhood when they were most vulnerable...of course not all offenders retaliate by offending others, but many resort to violent crimes in an effort to vent the fury they feel as a result of being violated. Throw a pedophile into the snake pit with a bunch of angry and heavily burdened souls and you will have a blood bath for sure...Seems a fitting demise for those who would hurt children who are already suffering in their lives with dysfunctional families...Makes me sick to my stomach that so many so called 'professionals' would turn a blind eye to protect their own sorry ass...I have one word for them all...KARMA...It'll get you every time;-) No one gets out of here alive...and karma makes sure you pay your dues before you leave.23/04/2017 #11 Joanne GardockiThank you for your courage and brave heart, @Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee . Your story is a sad statement of failure to protect children. We are seeing change now. People are coming together and standing up, requiring prosecution of predators. May those who suffer finally find safety, trust and the road to complete healing. Your compassionate listening and willingness to act is a shining example in a dark place. I know it is not enough but thank you.23/04/2017 #10 Lisa VanderburgAs small kids, me and my sister were left in the care of a Monsignor Thomas Feeney, Iowa. Later in life, unable to quell a concept that had stayed in me and one sister's minds, we looked up this priest - sure enough, he was part of a large ring of pedophiles. Even though I was only 6 when we left Davenport - that name had stuck with me all my life. I don't know what happened - never will, I guess. http://www.bishop-accountability.org/news2005_07_12/2005_08_06_McGlynn_OutOf.htm
Thank you @Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee for sharing this discovery - takes courage! Only because you have, am I emboldened to do so. You should feel proud - the shame belongs to these soulless perps.23/04/2017 #9 Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee#8 Check back in a day or so. If you think these pieces ar emotionally draining to read, imagine writing them. I flesh it out online because there is pressure to complete. I've added things--conversations and the like. Hard to condense 30 years of research into a 2-minute read.23/04/2017 #5 Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee#3 He probably died in his bed. He resigned his license to practice medicine in order to avoid prosecution. Believe me when I tell you the locals would not prosecute because it would have revealed their complicity in hiding this dangerous predator. It's why I linked the documents. Proof.
- Producer20/04/2017Anxiety and How It Can Interfere With Vacation PlanningHow Anxiety Disorder Can Dampen Vacation PlansThe excitement of going on vacation is replaced with incessant fears Photo Courtesy of Unsplash.comI have been fortunate over the past 20 years because I’ve been able to vacation each year, something...
Comments30/05/2017 #30 Lisa 🐝 Gallagher#29 Personally, they've never worked for me. Some people say Kava works. Studies have been done which state Kava doesn't. I never benefited from it. Maybe others would know? They do sell teas specifically for stress, a company named Yogi sells one. You can get it in the grocery store. It wouldn't hurt to try, maybe it would work for you. B vitamins are supposed to be really good for anxiety. You have to take B Complex with B12. I buy both and get sublingual drops. They sell sublingual B12 too. It takes time for a vitamin regime to begin to work if it's going to but that is well worth trying.26/04/2017 #27 🐝 Fatima G. WilliamsI kept sharing this cause I know the heart and mind that wrote it and to show you I am there to support you in any way. I learnt alot about anxiety and how it can affect us through your stories. I would like to say "You Got this Lisa and your going to have a fantastic trip" :)20/04/2017 #19 Lisa 🐝 Gallagher#15 Hi @Renée 🐝 Cormier, sadly with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) thoughts do control you in a strange way. That's one of the reasons I'm in therapy working on reprogramming my brain per se. Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts that play over and over like a broken record in your mind no matter what thoughts you try to replace them with, they return instantly. I never realized how much my thoughts controlled me until I sought help. That is *one* of my issues and I actually thought for a very long time that I was weak and should be able to control my thoughts- I worked hard daily w/out success and just became more worn down physically, When people are inflicted with intrusive thoughts they beat themselves up more than anyone. Logically, a person will keep saying, "This is BS, I need to stop thinking these thoughts, re-direct... think about all the positive things going on, think of wonderful memories," eg, it's only a temporary (very temporary) reprieve. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a negative Nancy no matter how it may appear when I write. I agree, we can choose our thoughts but we aren't always in control. I appreciate you taking the time to read this. :)20/04/2017 #14 Robert CormackYou'll excuse my language, @Lisa 🐝 Gallagher, but one of the most therapeutic things you can do is tell your brain to "f**k off." I know it sounds crazy but our rambling minds can sometimes create panic that goes way beyond reality. Every time you feel anxious, just use those two little words. Say them to yourself or say them out loud. And just keep saying it until your brain calms down.20/04/2017 #10 Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBeeI just wonder if your attention is spread over many issues if this would lead to increased anxiety @Lisa 🐝 Gallagher! You seem to enjoy trying variety of things and this may ead to some anxiety. I wonder if I am right. Great buzz because you share your own experiences and therefore the reader trusts you. Sharing20/04/2017 #9 Lisa 🐝 Gallagher#8 My son is doing a race at Pikes Peak this summer! Every year my son, my brother, and brother in law do Mt. Evans bike race, it's become a yearly tradition for them. Pikes Peak I've yet to see. I think my son wanted to drive me up there the last time but I said no... Isn't that where you can see the Continental Divide from?
- Producer06/04/2017Lonely Numbers: Demons in my Closet/Monsters in my HeadThis is dedicated to those who feel that suicide is the only answer. Seek help. Be not afraid to take that step in seeking the help you need or of what anyone will think. You are important. Rise up and be strong. Do not succumb to the...
Comments10/07/2017 #19 Lisa 🐝 GallagherI'm glad this re-surfaced @Joel Anderson. I had shivers when reading this again. It's a reminder of people we love or are very close to that may keep so much hidden from us and we do need to watch for the cues if we are aware something has gone awry. You described the last stage of depression very well and also psychosis which people suffer from as well. Thanks again for this!12/04/2017 #17 Joel AndersonThat through any direct or tangential activity in our daily lives, each step-each personal interaction-each scientific discovery can, in their own way, help all of us understand the warning signs, the mechanics behind the gray matter, the "fractals" in our heads and the bifurcating inputs and outputs that morph someone's brain into deviating from one path to another much more devastating and horrific. In understanding the thought processes of our brains, where all hope fades and choices for help and alternatives seem to become all too elusive it is my hope in writing this, that we can share with others that they are not alone.12/04/2017 #16 Joel AndersonI do not care about the politics behind efforts, but we consistently see things like the "Brain Initiative" that has permeated multiple aspects of government sponsored research for advanced technologies. In that initiative and other similar activities I just feel compelled in my personal journey to try and understand it all. Understanding the thought process, striving for a deeper understanding of how the brain works and functions, and despite some of the focus and orientation on technology could have some residual effects on the broader impacts.12/04/2017 #15 Joel AndersonWhen I was younger and experienced extended members of my family that took this path, it was taboo to discuss or even contemplate saying anything to try and understand why, yet alone write about the subject. I fundamentally hope that in doing so, somehow, in our navigating the busy and chaotic "fractals" and experiences of our lives that we can take the time to listen, see and hear and in doing so we can make a difference one person, one step at a time. The statistics remain alarming. The scientific research and deep intellectual capital that has been spent on trying to stem the tide still leaves us scratching our heads with the hind sight questions of why, what did I miss, what could I have done differently, how could someone think this way?12/04/2017 #14 Joel AndersonI have however, been personally affected by it with family, friends and colleagues choosing its path and that is why I wrote this. It is my hope that in putting these thoughts down in writing, trying to think through the things that haunt and persistently dog someone into thinking that suicide is the only alternative, that somehow they can see that there is hope. That others may just struggle with demons in their closet and monsters in their head, yet they keep looking for the dawning of a new day and the continuation of their journeys despite the challenges.12/04/2017 #13 Joel AndersonI am not a polished poet or writer for that matter. I am not a PhD, Scientist or expert in neurology. Whether this poem is an attempt at free verse or narrative or combination there in, it really doesn't matter. I do not feign an answer or any fundamental insight into the mind or the thought process of those who choose this path. Far too often we lose sight that people are behind it all and our collective efforts can lead to new initiatives. understanding and making a difference.08/04/2017 #11 Joel Anderson#9 @Lisa 🐝 Gallagher Thank you and thank you for referencing #WHO #MentalHealthAwareness. The subtleties of one day, one subject and those who struggle that far too often go unnoticed. Know that your insights and passion are truly appreciated. Keeping making a difference.08/04/2017 #7 CityVP 🐝 Manjit#3 One is too many is spot on. BTW I had no idea that Harry Nillson wrote "one is a lonely number", I had assumed it was Amy Mann because it was featured in the movie Magnolia and I did not know that Three Dog NIght were the one's who had the hit with that song. Song is absolutely appropriate for the message being delivered here.08/04/2017 #6 Joel AndersonThanks @Javier 🐝 beBee and @Milos Djukic for sharing this. As I said to @Deb 🐝 Helfrich in my response below: "If this article helps just one person think differently and seek help, or energizes one other to help another in need then it has served its purpose." I struggled with the numbers on the graphic as statistics will point out different daily numbers (22, 41, etc...) but think @Jon Rueck is right, as arbitray as they are, 290 1s get the point across. Regardless the statistics and numbers in and of themselves are alarming. We have to do more to make a difference: one step, one person one life saving conversation at a time. Thank you for helping me do just that by commenting and/or sharing.06/04/2017 #5 Joel Anderson#4 @Deb 🐝 Helfrich Thank you and absolutely agree that one conversation, one observation, one caring comment, and conditioning our selves to hear what is said or in understanding things left unspoken the act of doing so takes concerted concentration and effort but in the end, is worth the time and effort to show someone that we care. "One is too many." If this article helps just one person think differently and seek help, or energizes one other to help another in need then it has served its purpose.06/04/2017 #4 Deb 🐝 HelfrichThank you for a profoundly necessary message, @Joel Anderson. We must acknowledge that part of having a human mind, is that it can conceive of its own end.
It is important we look out for anyone on the verge of an irrevocable decision, as one conversation may be all it takes to see another step forward through whatever fog seems unnavigable in a moment of despair.
- 20/03/2017Beauty does not in our physical being but in our hearts. In our beliefs of what we are capable of. In how we can influence the world in a good way. To show that a physical or mental disability lies simply in the mind of a person and not in the body.To show that all it takes is belief in ourself along with the undaunted support of our loved ones. A inspiration of self-belief and to bring out the best in us even during our worst times.Abandoned Girl got Angel Voice Without Hands Sing n play piano 'Golden Buzzer' Girl without hands sings like an angel a beautiful Lesson of Life. Nothing is Impossible! Follow Your Dream..Follow Your Heart..~Dream will come True. Just...
Comments20/03/2017 #5 CityVP 🐝 Manjit#2 Joyce, while we watch these video's that touch us on an emotional level, there are amazing technological developments in the area of thought controlled prosthetic. https://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/21/technology/a-bionic-approach-to-prosthetics-controlled-by-thought.html
As these technologies mature, the idea of people covering their faces with pity will be less prevalent, and when these times arrive, we will look back at video's like this in the same way we do when we think about novelty acts in PT Barnum circus acts.
Look at the wording above, it leads with "girl without hands sings" - what I see is a human being who knows how to sing, who just happens not to have hands. If we want to change human views about disability, they start with our gut reactions.
I know what you would have seen Joyce, you would have seen the words "Abandoned Girl" and your tears link to this reality more. As we make these realities more explicit, we begin to learn to see the human being and then the innovation that adds new functionality.
The innovation in MS would be a cure for MS. http://www.sciencealert.com/this-radical-new-cure-for-ms-reboots-the-immune-system - these are very tiny steps but the more focus we attend to these steps, the more we set attention towards seeking proactive marvels and transformations through science/tech.20/03/2017 #3 🐝 Fatima G. Williams#1 Thank you to this beautiful girl actually Phil. I cried watching this. Very inspiring young lady. The song she sang is very beautiful too.
"A million stars tonight are rising from your heart
A million dreams will do come true
A million stars tonight make everything go right
‘Cause all those dreams are made for you
Under the shelter of love
We will always survive Sorrow and pain fade away, far away
Love is here to stay"
- Producer20/03/2017What To Do When Someone Tells You You're Not Good EnoughThroughout my career, I've been plagued by people telling me I'm not good enough. I've been rejected for more jobs than I care to remember. I've heard every excuse in the book for not being hired. Some of them were quite absurd and hard to...
Comments21/04/2017 #31 Ella de JongThank you @John White, MBA! for making me watch Sean Stephenson! I love the quote!! "Never believe a prediction that doesn't empower you." .
I've been told "Doing your best is not good enough." at a very important occasion. I was devastated. I'm always impresses by titles and years of experience or education in a field where I just started. But since then, I have found "me": it's my way of training/educating people (not their way, they aren't used to it and I had to fit in). It helped me to put it in some kind of extreme: I want to be a mother Theresa and Vincent van Gogh at the same time. Caring for my attendees and being creative while conducting a training. That's me!
So, it actually helped me, but gosh, what a nightmare it was ...
Glad you made the wise decision so I can read your helpful posts!!22/03/2017 #25 Jerry FletcherJohn,
I've come to the conclusion that there are three kinds of people in the world:
1. Those who don't know what they don't know and hence are not capable of giving advice
2. Those who know what they know and what they don't and can give advice on matters in their knowledge base
3. Those those that ask for advice from the knowledgeable, listen and then find out for themselves.
Of these the last is what I believe we should aim for while avoiding the unsolicited little voice in your head that says, "what makes you think you can..."21/03/2017 #24 Brian McKenzieMost people do not have the spine to have the conversation, "You are not good enough" ~ so they will passively aggressive ghost you in standard non-reply mode and hope you will get the hint......of course they made this grand decision of you in about 6 seconds between their Angry Birds game and live Instagram feed update 8?/ This is both Dating and HR - draw your conclusions and Venn Diagram as you will. PS - the military was always ready and eager to tell you what a worthless piece of shit you were - it built character.21/03/2017 #23 Marisa Fonseca DinizExcellent reflection! All professionals without exception have skills to perform certain functions, but there are few who are able to recognize their failures. It's no use having a huge bag of knowledge and experience if you do not have your self-esteem elevated, for whatever you do will be considered by others a disaster, that's how the world turns. The superego is also not the best solution, but it is what masks the shortcomings of many of the bosses currently employed in the labor market. Throughout my career I have also been rejected several times in companies that I considered excellence, but I realized that many were afraid that I would take on a smaller position and be able to take their position as manager over time, comfortable position of boss, and look that some even came to tell me this, but I never let myself be beaten by the negative words, quite the contrary, then later I realized the good that they themselves had done to me. I would never have the knowledge to grow in my career with people who had nothing to add. Beginning to write a blog, a book or articles is really a very arduous task, especially when we have the ardent desire to show all those who rejected us one day, that we have enough knowledge and experiences to share with anyone who knows nothing, but it is the determination and self-esteem that keep us going. And over time we realize how much being a blogger or writer or an author does us well, and make us leverage not only our career but also highlights us in the environment we live in, that is making a difference, not just behind of an office desk thinking that it is changing the lives of subordinates, the organization, or even their own career. Everyone should experience this experience because they would know where their strengths or weaknesses in their professional career lie.21/03/2017 #22 Aleta CurryAnd not everyone will tell you you're not good enough straight to your face. If it's implied rather than expressed, well, that may be even more destructive. One can respond to a direct put down with a sound 'FU', but when the put down is implicit, it plants insidious seeds of doubt in the mind.
Then there are those who tell you what you can't do out of sincere desire to keep you from failing.
Thanks, John for another thought-provoking article.21/03/2017 #21 Liesbeth Leysen, MSc. International Management, Certified Executive Coach. Brand Ambassador beBee, Inc.this is really a beautiful message @John White, MBA, you will touch many hearts with it!21/03/2017 #20 Robert CormackVery interesting post, @John White, MBA. I've had my share of firings and toxic bosses as well. Interestingly enough, every time I've been fired, my boss has said "You do good work, Robert, but we're letting you go." I may write about this one day. It seems the day you stop nodding your head, you're a target. Head nodders always last longer than head shakers. Nobody has a problem with a "kiss ass" but if you fight, you have legions of people wishing you'd just go away. Thanks for the post.21/03/2017 #19 Steve JonesJohn thanks for writing this. I occasionally ask myself what motivates me and one thing I always come back to was back in the late 1970's when I totally messed up my GCSE's, (too much partying). My English teacher told me I would never amount to anything so I left school with very few qualifications and have WORKED ever since. I have never been out of work, even after redundancy. I'm lucky to have met and worked with some fantastic people over the years who have helped and supported me, but I'd also like to thank my English teacher who told me I'd never be good enough.21/03/2017 #15 Lisa 🐝 GallagherThis article still inspires me @John White, MBA. For some reason, some people's titles have intimidated me. I think it depends on how they treat others with regards to being intimidated. I just wrote a small story about midlife and some feelings/fears I'm facing. My husband said, "Why do you write negative things when you do so many positive things in life?" I told him, I write what comes to mind and my writing does depend on my mood. Even articles that some may view as negative well, others can relate and I've found it can start conversations that lead to putting our heads together. At other times I admit, it's just cathartic. By the way, @David B. Grinberg tagged you, your company & I added your publications to the tag on my last post which is on Thriveglobal. You are an inspiration to so many and one day I would love to chat with you on the phone when you have time. I have a few ideas and I could use sound advice from someone like yourself! Kudos to you for ignoring the haters and letting them ignite your flame!21/03/2017 #13 Laura Donnelly@John White, MBA - enjoyed this post --- what helped me was accepting that I was good enough (coming from a family of perfectionists, this was a big step for me!) This quote: "Always remember, the people who say you can't do something can't do it either!" So true - and when you do it, they really don't like you, so better to leave them in the dust!21/03/2017 #12 CityVP 🐝 Manjit#5 This is very topical because I saw an interview with Matt Damon where the interviewer asked how his mentor in what was a regular school in Boston end up producing three Oscar winners in Damon, the two Afleck brothers. It is the way he fondly remembered his mentors that showed me just how many people in life are unsung heroes.
I believe that when we have that level of gratitude, that emotive energy can be sufficient to override the negative batteries that drain us of energy and life.
We know when we come across a negative battery, for their only purpose is to drain us, and so it is important to recognize these effects but also supplement positive effects that Matt Damon expressed in his great affection and tribute to his high school drama teacher, a man who selflessly taught his art so others could achieve the impossible dreams. We cannot let our lives be defined by tormentors when there are these mentors that you have expressed in our life.
- Producer13/03/2017The Price of BeansI wrote this during difficult times. My point, however subtle, was that bullying has a distinct cost to society. I experienced bullying in school, and it was terribly disruptive to my education. I implored school officials to intervene to no avail....
Comments14/03/2017 #12 Sandra Smith#11 You raise a really important topic here Joyce. Bullying is widespread, and often authorities are out of touch with who is causing the problem, or reluctant to 'lay blame.' This means the bullied end up withdrawing and become further isolated. I read a heartbreaking story on Yahoo the other day about a 14 year old girl who took her own life after being online. It's not just in person now...14/03/2017 #9 Liesbeth Leysen, MSc. International Management, Certified Executive Coach. Brand Ambassador beBee, Inc.this article is a good deed thank you @Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee14/03/2017 #8 Lisa 🐝 GallagherPeople have been brainwashed in this country to believe that Social programs and expansion programs IE: Medicaid are free give outs to lazy people. They don't put a lot of thought into the long term effects these programs have, everyone becomes a dollar sign to others and kids get lost in the fray thanks to decisions Adults make- decisions Politicians make and those who listen to ditto heads instead of trying to become self educated are enablers of the lies, enablers of a price tag placed on everyone.. which happens to be a very low price tag if you are not part of the Elite in our society.14/03/2017 #7 Sara JacoboviciThanks for tagging me @Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee. You are calling out that the Emperor has no clothes. The tragedy is that most people are turning a deaf ear. "Falling through the cracks" is a phrase I despise. I have heard it too often across the board when it comes to education and health and mental health care. We can analyse and develop theories as to what led us to these cracks and how we respond to their existence, but that is like laying some cement over the crack and pretending the reason the crack is there is in the first place went away. Right now, anything good is coming from individuals like yourself and groups made up of individuals like yourself, who are Aristotle's gadflies (yes it goes way back). There is a reason for the expression, "It takes a village to raise a child." No one, not one parent, not one teacher, not one health care professional, can do it alone. The community needs to be a strong foundation in which, if cracks appear, they're filled in quickly and appropriately, by rallying around the child together. Wishing you (and us) all the strength. A difficult battle but one worth investing the effort in.14/03/2017 #6 Deb 🐝 Helfrich@Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee this highlights something I believe strongly, we have let our society build up rules that separate us, and allow us to live in fear and we simply don't even see how unloving and unsupportive something as crucial as the education of our children has become. It is all about statistics, when it should be all about caring.
If we look at anyone who commits an atrocity there was a long line of people - not by any stretch just the parents - who did not have enough adequate support to figure out how to turn a troubled child into a productive person.
We have to stop caring about financial results and return to caring about humanity.
- Producer20/02/2017Baby DoeThis is a difficult piece for me. I remind myself every day that five children in the US will die today. Baby Doe already had her deathday. She is, for me, a poster-child for what happens when we deny the incredulous—parents and caretakers kill and...
Comments20/02/2017 #7 🐝 Fatima G. WilliamsThis is very sad @Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee An episode liked this happened hardly a week ago. A 7 year old Little girl Hasini was abused and killed out of fear Rather was burnt to her death by her neighbouring Boy 22 year old engineering very good looking student. ( Can be googled) Very depressing to hear. May her soul R.I.P and all little girls who had died cause of some heartless swines.
When I think of people who behave like this. I just want their brains to explode with some feelings or conscienceness of their actions. #Hopingforabetterworld20/02/2017 #5 Todd Jones#4 Worse than animals, these people. The lottery of birth is apparently no different for children than it is for a dog. I have been pushed to my limit of anguish today. My deepest respect for you, and the incredibly difficult toil of social workers that labor in the trenches of suffering every single day.
- Producer14/02/2017The PursuitThe pursuit was on. Equality of the contestants was not issue. Their goals were not the same. The stalker had in mind to catch her prey, who wanted only to escape. Survival was the issue here. The prey would do what it had to to survive. This scene...
Comments06/03/2017 #12 Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee@Franci🐝Eugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador It was easy. It's nonfiction. I'm trying to raise awareness. I'm glad my story held you to the end. It was my intention. I interview to become an official child advocate tomorrow. Here's hoping I can help. #1115/02/2017 #5 Praveen Raj Gullepalli#4 Well as a kid I performed the craziest of escapes to avoid a hair cut...chased half a mile across the neighbourhood by an uncle... even hid in a trunk half a day on one occasion...child's play can go either way! Sad to realise it was a misleading designation in your case though. And there goes the childhood!
- Producer13/02/2017My Story of AbuseWhat is the view of child abuse? I struggle with that question. I've found that child abuse survivors are viewed as damaged goods. I see pity in people’s eyes. I say, don’t see me and my ordeal—understand that there are children out there right...
Comments13/02/2017 #9 CityVP 🐝 Manjit#7 Last year there was a site called about.com and they had this facility called "collections", where you collect people under their interests - I thought the idea was brilliant and I ended up setting up 95 categories and had read and collected over +5000 profiles.
Then someone there decided that they were going to a new system and announced that in the "collections" pages will be scrapped. It was their site and their decision. This is how marketed human beings are - it has nothing to do with personal. They were not interested in what this media meant to people, it did not fit their business model and so employed a more simpler model of focusing on personal brand.
In noticing your fight it is not the first time I have come across people with your fighting spirit. At about.com I had come across over 20. Just like that the site was wiped clean of all collections, but not before I realized that some people dedicate their "work" to this form of seeking justice for others. Abuse does not start as canyons, it starts as tiny cracks.
What you write is tell your story, but what you actually do is fight for justice. That was the name of that collection I once had at about.com "fight for justice". I have zero respect today for about.com but plenty of respect for the stories of those people I encountered, people whose names I should have recorded but did not because I naively thought info on a cloud stayed there.13/02/2017 #6 CityVP 🐝 ManjitWhen I first found the web my curiosity revealed my naivety. The first niche social network site I joined was back in 1998 and the site called yoni.com and such was my naivety that even as I interacted in the discussions there, I did not know what a yoni was. The moment I saw what it was, I could not believe that I could not see it, it was just a case of OMG.
That OMG pales in comparison to one particular discussion I had. The discussion was about bulimia. As a naive individual I wanted to understand bulimia and why this condition of self-image effected women. One of the answers I received I was not ready for and even today the chill of the answer registers to my bone.
I was curious enough to initiate a private chat with one of the women who took part in this group. It is in this conversation that I both realized that I had ventured into something much bigger than me and that I was a million miles removed from.
I asked this woman about bulimia and explain what it was. I will never forget her answer. She told me that as a child her father asked her mother to hold her while the mother watched and he would thrust his penis into her mouth. If this isn't horrific enough, this woman was disabled and so was objectified as a thing by her parents.
This discussion group that discussed bulimia was a gathering place for women like her to share their humanity and not simply there misery, this was not a place where someone liked me belonged. What did I get from that woman is the hidden truth of what sits behind these conditions that we call bulimia. This was one woman's story about what happened to her. One is enough.
It is not bulimia I am talking about here it is abuse. Later I discovered the horrific accounts of disabled people to widespread abuse simply because they were disabled. Those that want meaning to be about work miss the meaning of home, they miss this.
- 13/02/2017@Eva Pérez Duque brought my attention to a problem of streetcalling in Latin America - it is not that I can solve it, but being aware of this means I can make one more person I know aware of it.Buenos Aires Wants to Outlaw Catcallswww.citylab.com Officials in Argentina, and beyond, are finally taking catcalls more...
- Producer12/02/2017TurmoilHe’s dead. She wondered how those words would feel rolling off her tongue: She toyed with them, letting them trickle through the screams drifting through her head. He’s dead. She looked at the silent form beside her: a boy lying on an...
Comments12/02/2017 #11 John ValledorArtists use colors on canvas in unique shades, patterns, and strokes to share and convey one-of-a-kind impressions. Joyce, your clever use of words--strung together uniquely, eloquently--conveyed an indelible image (impression) in my mind (the anonymous reader). I felt as if I was truly present in that emergency room--powerful. For me, that puts you on par with artists that create similar magic on canvas. #10
- 08/02/2017Cry…let the hero take a seat!donnaluisawordslayer.wordpress.com Mr. Achilles and my heel! I had to see a new doctor today for an evaluation. I’m just so tired of having to rehash November, 2014. I’d like to forget it. Every time I think I’ve...
Comments21/02/2017 #12 Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBeeBeautifully put. I can so relate. I remember the doctor telling me I have MS and asking, "So how do we fix this." I knew what her answer would be. I strive to be stronger even when I can't. In simple terms, it sucks to feel helpless. Hope you have recovered.09/02/2017 #5 Devesh 🐝 Bhatteither now or for times gone by,
If you hurt, you must cry.
Even tigers shed some tears.
When sly men attack with poisoned spears.
They cry for strength, live and endure.
A few days slow, he feasts on boar
Silly silly mashup translation
Cry a little. Smile a little. Have a feast.09/02/2017 #4 Ken BoddieYou asked if any of your post resonates with us. Well here I am, flat on my back in bed, recovering from food poisoning, and I've put my back out again. But hey, I'm stuck in a short tunnel and the light at the end is clear and bright. Sounds like your tunnel may be a bit longer and the light more difficult to see. Or else you've just come out of one tunnel to go into another. Just remember that every tunnel has a light at the end. Sometimes we may not know where it is yet but deep down we know it's there. And if that light happens to be a train coming towards you, step aside, count to ten, then move forward again. You can cry if you want. You can do anything you want. After all, you're DLE from T&T. 😀
- Producer05/02/2017The 6 Toxic Beliefs That Makes Your Life DifficultThe thing that makes your life difficult is produced in your mind, it controls you and make problems manifest into your experience. If you do not collapse and let go of your toxic beliefs, it will continue to control you, produce the cycle of...
- 02/02/2017Sometimes I say to myself "just shut up and observe" and then having observed, take a deep breath and honour what it is you have seen. The play Wit by Margaret Edson is to observe that which I would not wish upon my worst enemy - the experiences from cancer treatmentThe Play Wit- 2001 (Margaret Edson) Wit by Margaret...