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Death & Dying: Stages of Grief - beBee

Death & Dying: Stages of Grief

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  1. ProducerIan Weinberg

    Ian Weinberg

    29/12/2016
    On the matter of death
    On the matter of deathWith so many well known and lesser known individuals dying, I thought it appropriate to share the subject of ‘death’ with you living folk. ‘Living’ is a relative concept incorporating the full spectrum of life – vital,...
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    Pamela 🐝 Williams
    04/02/2017 #28 Pamela 🐝 Williams
    #27 I look forward to that future article Ian.
    Ian Weinberg
    04/02/2017 #27 Ian Weinberg
    #26 Thanks for the comment and thanks for sharing @Pamela 🐝 Williams My experience has taught me that we are often not aware of subtle and often suppressed feelings in others, including those close to us. In fact the afflicted have often not engaged in any meaningful way with themselves and are unaware of potentially damaging, deep seated emotions. As regards the potential influences in the environment, we know only too well that loss of a close friend or relative can precipitate a pre-morbid cascade of emotions which may result in the death of the responding individual. The classical and documented example is the death of a spouse relatively soon after the death of the partner following a long term relationship. This for me clearly illustrates the precipitation of a potentially terminal hopeless-helpless mind state which may culminate in death unless 'revived' by some new meaning or purpose. I've done a lot of coaching of individuals with terminal disease (over twenty years) and as I'm writing this I'm thinking back to some dramatic cases which perhaps I should share in a future article.
    Pamela 🐝 Williams
    04/02/2017 #26 Pamela 🐝 Williams
    It seems that in the last twenty years I have had to face the realities of death more than I thought I ever would. You expect the death of the aged, you come to terms with it, but in the mid-90s my family seemed to be in a war with death. We lost my brother at the age of 37, then another brother's mother-in-law passed from cancer and his sister-in-law was struck by a car while riding her bike, then their close friend died after minor surgery from a staff infection, then a great-niece was still-born. I cannot off the top of my head tell you they happened in this sequence it just seemed to be a never ending funeral procession, like ticking off a list. The point is that none of these people would fit into the categories you laid out, BUT instead it would be the people around them that would be 'the fit'. It makes me think of the post you did on ESP...do people perhaps bring about the outcomes by the energy they emit?
    I remember my brother and his wife, who suffered the most losses saying: "We came back from Germany to be near family so if something happened...".
    After losing 3 close family members in just over a year, they moved back to Germany because; "It seems like being back in the States is inviting death".
    I've often thought about those words...
    Lisa Vanderburg
    24/01/2017 #25 Lisa Vanderburg
    @Ian Weinberg's considerable expertise reveals a truth that NEEDS to be said.
    Lisa Vanderburg
    24/01/2017 #24 Lisa Vanderburg
    What a beautiful and salient address to what so many of us try so hard to avoid - I applaud you, Prof @Ian Weinberg.
    Your hard-learned summations, in my humble opinion, are breathtakingly (and heart-breakingly) correct. It is all too easy to ruin a perfectly good child; causing 'failure to thrive' in their adult selves.
    Ian Weinberg
    18/01/2017 #23 Ian Weinberg
    #22 Relax and breath in deeply!
    Paul Walters
    18/01/2017 #22 Paul Walters
    @Ian Weinberg Wow that was all rather sobering...think Ill just go out and kill myself!!! seriously , thank you for a great missive
    Gerald Hecht
    02/01/2017 #21 Gerald Hecht
    #20 @Lisa 🐝 Gallagher no; just by a small bit; at best. I'm much funnier with self-tapping bone screws than drilling burr holes for microelectrode "deep brain ice fishing".
    Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    01/01/2017 #20 Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    #14 Good one @Gerald Hecht! You have me beat by far in the wit category.
    Gerald Hecht
    31/12/2016 #19 Gerald Hecht
    #18 @Ian Weinberg The Chief was wise; to an extent that many will not fathom; but when it comes to ACTUALLY BEING A GENUINE HEALER...we both know that very few are called --and but a small percentage are priveleged to be chosen.
    Ian Weinberg
    31/12/2016 #18 Ian Weinberg
    #14 @Gerald Hecht This may disturb the faint-hearted and the purists among us, but I once had a general surgery chief whose mantra was ' cure them or kill them but don't f*ck around!!!'
    Gerald Hecht
    31/12/2016 #16 Gerald Hecht
    #15 @Lyon Brave Well matters of life and death...can initially seem intense; but upon further consideration, we see that it probably one of the most mundane and universal shared experiences of sentient beings...we all die, we all experience the death of our most influential cultural touchstones, those we love most, etc.

    It's great raw material for Philosophers, Artists, and late night broadcast television advertising for "class action wrongful death lawyers", "life insurance companies", "life extension through home juicers at $19.99 U.S...(and you can get an additional juicer free if you call within the next 10min.), and "Core Shredding Videos by the King of the Kore", etc.
    Lyon Brave
    31/12/2016 #15 Lyon Brave
    wow, what an intense subject matter.
    Gerald Hecht
    31/12/2016 #14 Gerald Hecht
    #8 @Lisa 🐝 Gallagher yeah, I had a mentor whose only mantra was "drill baby drill"...really annoying after a "bit".
    Ian Weinberg
    31/12/2016 #13 Ian Weinberg
    #12 Thanks @Jim Murray Best wishes and a happy New Year.
    Jim Murray
    31/12/2016 #12 Jim Murray
    Very interesting. Not my favourite topic. But an interesting read. I don't know what to say beyond that. Glad I'm not dead I suppose. Happy New Year @Ian Weinberg
    Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    31/12/2016 #11 Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    #9 After I posted I realize I type about certain aspects of my experiences as if I am talking to a room full of medical Professionals I'm comfortable with. I immediately wished there was an edit button to remove the gory sentence I shared. I don't regret sharing about the burr hole. I shared that story because it was stuff like this that did affect not just myself but everyone who was part of the team on that day. Many things we see in HC leave an imprint, both good and bad. Again, great article @Ian Weinberg.
    Gerald Hecht
    30/12/2016 #10 Gerald Hecht
    #9 @Ian Weinberg 🎯❤️
    Ian Weinberg
    30/12/2016 #9 Ian Weinberg
    #8 Thanks for sharing @Lisa 🐝 Gallagher I obviously didn't feel it appropriate to share the really extreme stuff - that's generally only communicated face-to-face with an appropriate group. Just another point of relevance however - one of my friends, a psychistrist who did a 1 year rotation in neurosurgery, once said to me that my subjective world view based on my extreme experience in neurosurgery, would become very skewed and distorted and diverge from the 'normal'. For me however, the opposite has happened. Yes, I'm quite at home with blood, gore and death, but going to the edge and sharing extreme experiences with many, has added a sensitivity to the human element. I became far less judgmental and more value-add driven.
    Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    30/12/2016 #8 Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    Thanks for sharing your story @Ian Weinberg. It's nice to hear your personal perspective as a Physician. I worked in Respiratory Therapy and I began to question the existence of a God during and after my time spent working with the dying and watching the life sucked right out of so many. My job was life altering. I learned at a very early age I wasn't invincible and I also started fearing the loss of loved ones. How traumatizing it had to be to see all the dead children on that bus. I think some people forget that Dr's along with other healthcare personnel can be affected by much of what we see for a long time to come. During your interview, the person that offered up this statement, "Well...’ continued the chief ‘you need a strong right shoulder to do neurosurgery because wherever you go and whatever you do, you will always carry the Angel of Death on your right shoulder!", spot on considering the field you chose. One thing that always stayed with me: A man was hit by a train and I was ventilating him. The Physician told me to reposition his head for a better airway. When I put my hand to the back of the patients skull I felt brain matter (sorry to those of you that haven't worked in HC, I know that was gory to hear) What was worse, the Surgeon on call insisted on drilling a burr hole and he used a manual drill like that you'd find in a garage. It seemed archaic to me and we all knew the man was 'clinically dead' before this Dr. drilled the hole. He did expire within minutes of the Physician trying to drain a subdural hematoma. I was mortified this took place. Death and trauma affect people on so many levels if we are exposed to it consistently. Thank you for this!
  2. ProducerDana Peller

    Dana Peller

    31/12/2016
    How to Help Kids Handle Grief
    How to Help Kids Handle GriefIt's been a little while since we heard the saddening news about Jose Fernandez, 24 year old pitcher for the Florida Marlins who died in a boat accident.  I remember reading the news aloud from my Facebook feed that Saturday morning, and catching...
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    Comments

    Froilán Pérez
    02/01/2017 #4 Froilán Pérez
    this is beautiful, and something people should know about - kids should have someone to talk to when in pain instead of ignored. thanks for sharing
    Cepee Tabibian
    02/01/2017 #3 Cepee Tabibian
    @Dana Peller, great post on topic people often don't want to broach. Thanks for sharing!
    Deb🐝 Lange
    31/12/2016 #2 Deb🐝 Lange
    When we lose a part of ourselves we may then experience other emotions she ch as emptiness, or hardness or perhaps feeling vacant.
    Grief and loss are the means to express our humanity our love as of loved ones, our loss of connection to the life of another. We can experience grief and loss of another even if we have not known the person who has passed on.
    I believe in a world where technology and rationality pull us away from our humanity we need to consciously choose to express our humanity. Experiencing and expressing loss for another not only shows love, compassion and care for others , it also shows care for ourselves. Being compassionate with ourselves is just as important as being compassionate with others. Our grief expresses our connection to life.
    Deb🐝 Lange
    31/12/2016 #1 Deb🐝 Lange
    That is a great post about death and grief. There are many cultures who openly talk about and have rituals to be with their grief and death. There are many cultures where death and feeling and sharing emotions and thoughts about grief and death became taboo. Keep a stiff upper lip type of thing. Be strong . But we know that to deny ourselves our feelings and our thoughts about loss is to deny our humanity.
    Loss is a reality. Loss brings many emotions to many different people. Some feel empty, some feel pain and ache for who is no longer physically present. Some have waves of grief and need to release their loss with tears. Others need to talk and others need solitude.
    But we all need to learn what we need to do to to allow the loss to be experienced through our bodies and released.
    If we deny our loss and the emotion, thoughts and images that arise with loss we lose a part of ourselves.
  3. ProducerRandy Keho

    Randy Keho

    08/08/2016
    Knockin' on Heaven's Door and Filing the Paperwork
    Knockin' on Heaven's Door and Filing the PaperworkWhile most of you are glued to the television screen, anxiously awaiting the thrilling conclusion to the epic battle between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton on Tuesday, November 8, I'll be focused on a race that hits closer to home.It's the race to...
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    Comments

    Aurorasa Sima
    08/08/2016 #4 Aurorasa Sima
    Not an easy job. I wish you all the best (and no accidents)
    Paul Walters
    08/08/2016 #3 Paul Walters
    Go Frank !!!!!!
    Kevin Pashuk
    08/08/2016 #1 Kevin Pashuk
    Loved the story @Randy Keho... but my favourite line by far was "It's an awkward situation at best." Life can do that to us, can't it? But maintaining a professional relationship despite awkwardness is a sign of a good leader.
  4. ProducerLisa 🐝 Gallagher
    Is Anxiety Disease Interfering With Your Job?
    Is Anxiety Disease Interfering With Your Job?We all get anxious when it comes to our jobs, however, Anxiety Disease - also called Anxiety Disorder can lead to missing too much time from work, leaving work early, or ultimately losing your job.Many people aren't aware they have Anxiety disorder...
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    Comments

    Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    02/02/2017 #71 Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    #70 Interesting stuff @Robert Cormack and great analogy with the use of ginger ale 'going off in my head,' by Tony Soprano!
    Robert Cormack
    01/02/2017 #70 Robert Cormack
    They did some studies at the University of Toronto, comparing certain centres of the brain using MRIs. Depression causes red areas whereas, when the brain is more stimulated (read happy or relaxed) the centres turn yellow. Both CBT and SSRIs produced the same yellow areas over essentially the same time (SSRIs were quicker but tended to move from red to yellow to red while the CBT patients were more consistent). Yoga and meditation are particularly good before stressful days, parties, lectures, etc. It takes time, but it's important to reduce stress levels whenever possible. Anxiety is really the build up of stress, acting like a release valve. If you think of air suddenly coming out of a tire puncture, that's what anxiety is like. That's why Tony Soprano once said about his panic attacks "It feels like a can of ginger ale going off in my head." Very apt description.
    Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    01/02/2017 #69 Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    #67 lol no biggie @Lisa Vanderburg :)) Should see my typing when I don't have my glasses, I have typo's galore.
    Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    01/02/2017 #68 Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    #66 Hi @Robert Cormack, I agree... I've found after being in therapy for quite a few months now that was the beginning of my tipping point. I always thought maybe there were many triggers but never brought it up to the Dr because I didn't want to sound like a major complainer. Sad that with an illness we still get embarrassed. Thankfully, this is the first Counselor who seems to really know what he is doing. CBT for quite a few months and just began my first session of EMDR followed by some type of meditative techniques to bring the mind back down before I left. As even my Dr. told me, this can work much better than meds- we shall see, I have a lot of hope! I haven't given up on the idea of taking yoga either. Tag me in one of your next buzzes, thanks!
    Lisa Vanderburg
    31/01/2017 #67 Lisa Vanderburg
    #65 My bad - you're right Lisa...it was his friend Bobby. MUST put my glasses on! :)
    Robert Cormack
    31/01/2017 #66 Robert Cormack
    I've written on this as well, Lisa. So many people change jobs, linking those jobs directly to their panic disorder. Unfortunately, events at work may only be the tipping point of many early unresolved issues. I think panic disorder is the result of too many "triggers." It's not the job so much (Let's call it the irritant factor), it's all the triggers making an anxiety soup in our brains. CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) takes time—more time than most people want to spend—but it can be just as effective as relying on SSRIs, etc. I also firmly believe that medication and yoga—together with CBT—is more effective SSRI therapy (and a lot less expensive if Trump really bungles healthcare). Thanks for the post.
    Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    31/01/2017 #65 Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    #64 Hi @Lisa Vanderburg, My brother is still alive. I forget what I said that may have been misinterpreted that I lost him. Appreciate your kind words!
    Lisa Vanderburg
    30/01/2017 #64 Lisa Vanderburg
    You have really brought home the concept of applied perception @Lisa 🐝 Gallagher, in such a heart-gripping way! The idea that the very thing that 'turns us on' or fulfills us, can turn around and become the acid that burns deep. I am so very sorry to hear your brother didn't make it - would the outcome (of your perception) have changed if he'd lived? Maybe for a while?
    Like @Deb🐝 Lange so astutely conveyed, we often await for that final drop to take us from 'in control' to out of control; of our minds.
    Beautifully written, lovely Lady - thank you so much for allowing us in.
    Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    20/01/2017 #63 Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    #62 Thanks for reading @Sandra Smith, yes it can feel like a heart attack or as if your going to faint ( I think I've read that some people have fainted) obviously many more symptoms and if it lasts long enough un-treated or not treated properly it can lead to clinical depression. I was going to begin with EMDR quite some time ago but I wasn't ready. It's taken a lot of work (and that means, still in a state of anxiety because of the work) but now ready for EMDR. We've been doing CBT for quite some time. Had a few set backs and will begin EMDR in 2 weeks. I may write about my set backs.. this has been one hell of a journey. I have faith in my counselor though, he's awesome and doesn't coddle.
    Sandra Smith
    19/01/2017 #62 Sandra Smith
    Great post, Lisa...I remember from my psych 101 class that panic attacks feel a lot like heart attacks to the sufferer... but therapy and relaxation techniques can make all the difference. As well as medicine of course.
    Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    04/01/2017 #61 Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    #60 I just became anxious reading about you getting fired lol. Did you really get fired because of anxiety? Its happened to some, sadly.
    Lyon Brave
    03/01/2017 #60 Lyon Brave
    Anxiety, how naughty! I once got fired from a job, and then for awhile i was really anxious about getting fried from a job lol
    Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    21/10/2016 #59 Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    #57 Hi @Deb🐝 Lange, your poor dad! I have to tell you, somatic therapist is a new term to me. I will have to check that out. As you explained your fathers surgeries, on-going pain for years and PTSD it made me think of the back and neck pain I've been dealing with for a very long time which got worse after I fell and broke my left shoulder and right hand 2 years ago. I notice on days that my anxiety is at an all time low, the pain is too. They are inter-connected. I will check out the link you left and appreciate you sharing what you did! Sharing information is very helpful. Thanks!
    Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    21/10/2016 #58 Lisa 🐝 Gallagher
    #56 Thnaks @Paul Walters, not sure how I missed your comment, since you only posted it 7 days ago LOL. I find it easier to share some of these issues that used to be kept so hush. Thanks for reading Paul!
    Deb🐝 Lange
    21/10/2016 #57 Deb🐝 Lange
    @Lisa 🐝 Gallagher an inspiring post of truth and trust. I am glad you found ways to release your anxiety. There are so many ways available today, somatic therapists, body work, yes you name exercise etc. My Dad had a car accident at 60. He then had 3 back operations which did not work. Finally, a psychiatrist said, "If we had treated you for post traumatic stress, it is likely you would not have had those back operations and you would have an able body and mind today." Yes, if Dad had been able to see a somatic therapist, he could have released the pain and tension of trauma from his body. The psychiatrist also said, the accident was like a trigger for all of the stress from him post world war 2, that he had held onto for 60 years. You might like my post and be interested in my new book that will be released shortly. Thank-you for sharing your experience. So imprtnat for people to know there are ways back to wellness. https://www.bebee.com/producer/@deb-lange/trust-your-senses-embodied-wisdom-for-the-modern-age
    Paul Walters
    13/10/2016 #56 Paul Walters
    @Lisa 🐝 Gallagher Again a brave and insightful piece Ms Gallagher. Whatever works for you when it comes to treatment is YOUR choice and good on you for voicing your opinions !!!!!
    Robert Bacal
    01/08/2016 #55 Robert Bacal
    #54 Ok. Rebel @Rebel Brown I'm making this one last comment. The numbers DO matter, and 10% or 50% or 60% being non verbal is factually wrong, and a result of ignorance which is shared by a LOT of very smart people who simply don't know better. To promulgate falsehoods, or to repeat falsehoods does a disservice to others, and not an insignificant one. The numbers people quote are ALL bullshit. FInally, if the numbers don't matter, why did you use a number? Let's have a little accountability and responsibility for spreading bullshit.
    Rebel Brown
    01/08/2016 #54 Rebel Brown
    @Robert Bacal I've heard what you're saying and I've studied that research and what M said. My bottom line around this whole argument is simple.... specific numbers DO NOT MATTER. You can make words 50% or whatever will make you happy. Words are still not the only source of input into our minds, and they are certainly not the majority of the communication inputs into our unconscious minds. We have individual interpretations of words that are stored as programs that trigger with the words. Which is one of the reasons we've all seen the miscommunication in emails, social media, any form of the written word. For complete and clear communication to occur - our minds need more. Especially our unconscious minds which control our data filtering and processing. The language of our UM is the senses, not words. So we need MORE... And that was my point. Which I am guessing you already knew anyway...
    Robert Bacal
    01/08/2016 #53 Robert Bacal
    #52 Rebel @Rebel Brown Not to minimize the importance of non verbals, but you are propagating a commonly held myth here. What you say about the 10% is simply and absolutely not true. It's a gross misinterpretation of Meharabian's research, one that he often bemoaned. For a full explanation, http://work911.com/communication/mehrabian.htm
    Rebel Brown
    01/08/2016 #52 Rebel Brown
    #50 No Worries @Lisa 🐝 Gallagher Words comprise less than 10% of our total communication processing, which is why email, social media etc are such nebulous forms of communication. I know your heart sistah!!