- Producer08/10/2016Help! How do I block someone?Other than unfollowing only to have this reoccur at a later date, how do I do...
- Producer20/07/2016Affinity Networking Is On the LineA LOT OF BEES ARE TALKING THE TALK, BUT HOW MANY ARE READY TO WALK THE WALK? ...On a recent installment of "He Said He Said" (Vol 17, by Jim Murray and Phil Friedman) an issue arose about the nature of Affinity Networking. And I was very surprised...
Comments26/09/2016 #338 Phil Friedman#337 Thank you Karen Anne for reading and commenting. I notice that you are designated a CNN Women Leaders 2015. Have you seen @Jim Able's CNNN news bulletins, bringing you all the news that's unfit to print? https://www.bebee.com/producer/@jim-able/bringing-you-all-the-news-that-s-unfit-to-print22/09/2016 #335 Mark AnthonyI will certainly be more careful than I have been previously on other sites . I thought ooh , that sounds interesting I'll follow. Before I knew it I was being bombarded with an overload of complete nonsense , memes used to mean a sub culture to me ! But I am a bit of newbie22/09/2016 #330 Phil Friedman#327 Okay, Gerald. So how about we do a recap at this point. How many who have been following this discussion have actually taken some action to sharpen up their Affinity Networking? Are you muting the noise? Are you reselecting the hives that deliver the content you want, and filter that which you don't? Are you muting the users who consistently post what you consider drivel? Hey, stay away from that mute button on my Profile Page!22/09/2016 #324 Phil Friedman#321 Gerald, you may be sorry that not everyone is good with words, but do not, my friend, believe for a moment that you fall into that category. Before writing comes thought. Personally, I find many of your insights fascinating and intellectually enriching. And that is where the rubber meets the road. Keep truckin' and stay cheerful!
- Producer14/09/2016Tail of Republican, L.F. HuntNow that protesters finally convinced Ringling Brothers to retire their elephants, some of them are available for part time jobs like tattoo modeling, just to add a little insult to injury.Who you razed depends on how you were raised... the...
- Producer12/09/2016Why You Want To Join WannabeeGripe was a hive that started for griping about anything. Those of us that love beBee don't want to see a bunch of griping about the network, especially since it is still evolving so fast. I am guilty of this and feel guilty about it. So I am doing...
- Producer11/09/2016On Cooking With PamDOES AEROSOL SPRAY CAUSE THE FOOD TO SMELL FUNNY?... — Jim AbleText Copyright © 2016 by Jim Able — All Rights...
- Producer09/09/2016Sort of .... but not really.The little bell icon in the upper-right of my beBee screen has a bunch of numbers in it."Oh boy!", sez I. "These are Notifications! Maybe somebody likes me. Let's see who." ... and I click on it.Here's what I find : Some people have liked my...
Comments14/09/2016 #113 John Vaughan#110 glad to hear about beBee's quest for Venture Capital @Aurorasa Sima
The punchline is ... what do you invest it in? In a similar vein - Kudos for LinkedIn's buyout by Microsoft. In both instances ... we'll see ...
Don't know what you mean by Bell Labs being "a homogeneous environment" (uniform, identical, unvaried, consistent, indistinguishable ... consisting of parts all of the same kind). Maybe it looks that way to you, but I respectfully disagree. In any case, it was effective for other reasons.
Likewise "altruism" (the belief in or practice of disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others) actually has merit beyond shallow marketing 'feel good' jive. But that's another rant ...
Here's a Case in Point from the WayBack Machine:
COMMUNITY SERVICES SITE Pro Bono community work http://www.jcvtcs.com/portfolio/pack-215.html
Showcase: SOCIAL http://www.jcvtcs.com/showcases/showcase-social.html13/09/2016 #110 Aurorasa Sima#109 Altruism? Great agenda, the motivation is that helping people makes altruistic people feel good (:
Maybe you are more concerned because you are addressing issues for a longer period of time. The bossi bees are currently traveling overseas to get VC that they to my knowledge are planning to use for product development and growth. Will that solve all the strategic and structural problems in the world at once? Probably not but it´s an essential step.
We could leave for something better, work with what we have or build our own. As a change expert, you could teach me that change is a process that often happens in small steps.
The Bell Labs thingie was a great thingie. A tad easier maybe because it happened in a homogeneous environment.13/09/2016 #109 John Vaughan#100 " Self-marketing happens in every form of relationship." is a given, @Aurorasa Sima
We also draw some boundaries so that the words have meaning as you note in your attempt to differentiate between "understandable/acceptable" marketing and "over-the top/manipulative" marketing
I'd add another 'agenda' for why people are in this community: Altruism. Yep, I said it. Look at anyone's profile - and how they describe themselves. Volunteer work, hobbies, community involvement - even political activism - are all important aspects of how we value our world. It's a fair amount of what we post about. These are 'labors of love'. I often work with volunteer and non-profit groups, with the motivation of "the greater good". It's always interesting to see how 'marketing' and 'self-promotion' are viewed in those environments. But that's another rant.
I'm glad we agree about "just because you build it" ... but part of my insight was that NO amount of promotion or marketing would really make a successful difference in this environment. Because: Collaboration is not perceived as having any real value. Perhaps it is valued by a few customer-members, but it's not systemically important to beBee. No blame. That's just what it is.
That was the beauty of the Bell Labs thingie: The opportunity to pursue good ideas creatively in a supportive environment (with really smart people, too. What's not to like?). beBee just doesn't have the resources and furthermore (no offense) doesn't really strategically 'get it' either. No blame. That's just what it isn't.13/09/2016 #106 John Vaughan#103 "Yes, it's deceptive from the recipient's view, but it doesn't mean the taggers are being deliberately deceptive." says @Robert Bacal
Agreed. In my original article, I didn't get into motivation - Just noting behavior. A little analysis. And alluding to solutions.
A classic moment in almost any UX engagement:
* 2 minutes - identifying a "glitch'" like this as a problem that should be addressed
* 2 weeks or more - dealing with reflexive, reactive pushback, finger-pointing, blame, defensiveness, butt-covering, etc. that is the inevitable result of .... change
https://www.bebee.com/producer/@john-vaughan/change13/09/2016 #104 John Vaughan#89 "Was the Alcatel (Bell Labs http://www.jcvtcs.com/portfolio/bell-labs.html) solution an Intranet?" asked @Aurorasa Sima
Short answer: Yes
Relevance: Organizations & businesses who want to evolve socialNet capabilities for their in-house community (i.e. intranet + some affinity attributes) ALSO want to leverage that 'networking' in order to (ahem) ... do something worthwhile. Collaborate.
'Affinity' for beBee is a brand more than it is a differentiator - in the sense that ALL socialnets are based on affinity attributes. Variations on a common theme. beBee trumpets a couple of features, but thy're not real market-makers. Any valuable features will be knocked off by competitors (They always are). Right now beBee doesn't appear to be successfully integrating The Good Stuff from their competitors. Aside from that, beBee's got a strong international profile (and plenty of language-barrier silos as a result). Automated translation solutions will be iffy, at best.
The Collaboration Engine (Your Intranet on Steroids) is the REAL Next Big Thing. There's a ready market for it. But only if you've got a solution.13/09/2016 #103 Robert Bacal#98 John @John Vaughan Yes, it's deceptive from the recipient's view, but it doesn't mean the taggers are being deliberately deceptive. In fact, I don't think anyone says: OK, I'm going to tag/mention a bunch of people to trick them into coming here.
I've come to the conclusion that the problem isn't the users, although there are a few that I see as spammers, but the Bebee system of notifications, which is downright terrible. And, that Hives don't send notifications. You'd think that after all the LinkedIn mistakes, Bebee would ensure that this essential part of the interface function the way it ought to. I AM wasting a lot of time checking out all the notifications that pop up, finding most don't have anything to do with anything I wrote. It's a deal killer, and unless it changes - i.e. how notifications work here, I may have to shut down my involvement.13/09/2016 #102 John Vaughan#93 What is beBee+Plus? @Aurorasa Sima
"Make beBee all it can beBee" (It's a 'work in progress)
Post Challenges and kick around Solutions.
Keywords: Collaboration, Creativity, Crowdsourcing
I'm a 'solutions guy'. It's what I do, professionally. I was a squeaky-wheel-with-a-decent-following of professional colleagues at LinkedIn. LinkedIn was a powerful vision that stagnated - and abandoned its commitment to the professional Groups who'd made its success possible in the first place. Then beBee became "the new kid on the block". (There have been many. There will be more.) So there's a window of opportunity for Change. (There have been many. There will be more.) I've built and pioneered a fair amount of stuff over time - most of it "ahead of its time". I enjoy being on the cutting edge - even tho it can cut you. beBee+Plus would be a safe space for those of us who actually have something valuable to contribute ... to contribute. And to play together. As regards Crowdsourcing, Creativity, and Collaboration - I am a believer-with-solutions-credibility. And beBee is ... yet another Work In Progress.
Just because "you build it" doesn't necessarily mean that "they will come". Like many/most other groups (esp during startup), I primed the pump with my own articles. (Not unusual: beBee's self-marketing is something like 16% of this site's content https://www.bebee.com/producer/@john-vaughan/the-mirror-100-posts-our-content-profile). When you look at the Facebook-y profile of beBee (and the fact that many of us deserted LinkedIn because it, too, had become just another trivialized marketing engine) you can see why an active, particpatory, solutions-oriented collaboration Group wasn't exactly destined to succeed. It's past tense now: Haven't posted much there lately, have considered shutting it down, and ... running out of space on this Comment.
There ya go.
Thanks for your interest.13/09/2016 #100 Aurorasa Sima#99 Self-marketing happens in every form of relationship. It starts when you chose the shirt that looks nice on you.
There will be no community consisting of people with different agendas without self-promo. I differentiate between people who add value in order to promote themselves and people who post valueless salesy messages. It´s too early to say, but so far the last type has no traction on this site.
You are right. Just because you build it does not mean they´ll come. It´s a bet. Promotion and being a role model can influence the odds.
I love that you´re a solutions guy, someone who can add value and be a problem solver. Let´s get that window open, then. Unless you know of other undeveloped plots it seems like the right thing to do.13/09/2016 #97 John Vaughan#95 You pose some interesting challenges @Taylor Bonds and @Kerry Taylor
I don't know if you are asking about how to 'interact with clients' on social media, thru your website, or thru beBee in specific. Or all of the above?
In any case, it's a big bunch of questions. Worthy of a book - and there are some good ones out there. You might ask beBee to guide you to how to do it here. Marketing - and specifically Self-marketing - is pretty much what beBee is all about. More so than "professional".
beBee should probably take your request as more evidence that they should develop tools, techniques, and philosophy to support you and members like you. I no longer provide Solutions Suggestions in this venue.
From my own struggle with juggling multiple socialNets: Your "internal organization" is key to efficiency. Information Architecture - the librarying of what's-there-and-what-you-have-to-play-with - (an Inventory, if you will) is a good first step. And you probably want to 'map Process' (what you do, how the tools work). This guides you to a Template (replicable solution) that works for you. There are lots of Patterns. Get to know yours. Your keyword is "convergence".
You have my sympathy and support. Convergence is a bitch. Make it yours.
http://www.jcvtcs.com/techniques/social-convergence.html : Video = several years old (2012), but still sorta relevant13/09/2016 #95 Taylor BondsHi John. It is definitely not the age of the technically challenged. I a new to this whole social media marketing and have registered FB, LinkedIn and now with Bebee. I have a web developer that I am using to do the development of my site and to try and interact with my clients.
I am interested to know how one interacts with the clients. Posting pre designed ads is not getting the results and I suppose could be classed as spam with not much interest. Ideally I need to interact with clients and hopefully direct them to the right solution for them.
I would appreciate if you could guide me in the direction that best suits the interaction
Taylor Bonds13/09/2016 #93 Aurorasa Sima#92 And you could help me understand what your hive is about. When I looked there was a quote or meme, another article and mainly posts by you. Therefore, I thought it´s a UX hive and you are witness to the fact that I don´t have much to add to that topic.
Fly then, little bee, and bring home that honey. As long as it´s qualified sales and B2B, the posts don´t have to be about storytelling.
Storytelling, Emotional Intelligence (Vulnerability, Empathy ...), Sales.
PS: There might be administerial equity in your future (;13/09/2016 #92 John Vaughan#89 Yes, @Aurorasa Sima - the Bell Labs example could be called an intranet, since it was intended to bring "affinity" attributes to a workplace/collaboration-oriented environment.
I will continue to address 'the issues', but since beBee does not value design or usability contributions with ambassadorial equity, I will not continue to post solutions here.
I like the idea of 'story seekers" and have joined. I've crafted some (in my mind) interesting and valuable solutions for the interactive sales & marketing arena and will post references to those when I've crafted an article.
It's the whole 'cross-pollination' thing.12/09/2016 #90 Aurorasa Sima#83 I think the mass tag thing is pasé, the hives will fill and until changes have been made, people will learn to be disciplined enough to only join hives they care about or check less popular business hives proactively for new content.
I tagged you earlier (: In an anti-tagging honey (:12/09/2016 #89 Aurorasa Sima#83 Was the Alcatel solution an Intranet? Anyway ..
The level of quality and interaction you are looking for is only possible in closed groups/hives. What Phil and you did (me too), creating hives, is the way to go. I´m sure that conceptual changes are possible that can help the site (yes, content management or something like a table of contents would help. I suggested a number of unread posts next to the hive name) - you know more about that and I hope you will not stop addressing the issues.
Currently, there are not many active English speaking members on here. The percentage of professional:entertaining is ... just like in real life.
beBee has appointed ambassadors, that have the task of promoting the site further.
Quality content like yours or the "all business" hive is needed to invite new members that share your mindset to stay and become active. Feeds from hives do get pushed to users feed. If they don´t see them they are probably part of very active hives, like i.e. "English" or "Lifestyle".
Come, join me https://www.bebee.com/group/story-seekers - I´m all alone.
Personally, I´ve applied the 100-day rule and will see what happens. I also would not write articles for 3 people for unlimited amounts of time.
Besides good communication, I would also like to form business connections.
A part of the people I want to reach will not go to beBee, or maybe with an alter Ego. Top Managers, at least from most corporations, use LI as a static extended business card and I would not see a reason for them to join an affinity-based site, independent of the quality of the structure or its content.
Maybe a few masochistic ones will show up that want to get hit by a bus of salespeople or end their careers by sharing how they read the communist manifesto between Thai massage and binge watching The Walking Dead.
- Producer07/09/2016I Wish, I Wish for... a Perfect PublisherTAKING A LOOK AT WHAT MATTERS MOST TO WRITER-PUBLISHERS ON beBee Preface: For the record, I'm a beBee booster. Have been since beBee Social Marketing Director John White, MBA first suggested to me that...
Comments01/10/2016 #122 Phil Friedman#121 thank you Ben. I will leave my reply up because it clarifies what I've been suggesting, and may be useful to the discussion. I agree with you about the advantages of authors promoting not only their own work, but that iof others as well. I just believe each of us should have a say in which authors are associated with us and our work. Thanks.cheers!01/10/2016 #120 Phil Friedman#119 Sorry, Bennie, but I don't see why you say it's my math or why you comment is directed at me. My suggestion was originally that one of the three ad boxes at the bottom be for the author's posts, while the other two boxes highlight other authors CHOSEN BY THE AUTHOR OF THE POST. No algorithm involved, unless that author fails to make the selection. Thus, the author of the post gets to control who and what is associated with his or her work. Cheers!01/10/2016 #119 Ben PintoOk @Phil Friedman, I have to say that either you didn't do your homework or your math skills are off:
At first I was happy to agree with your peeve about advertising three buzzes from other bees at the bottom of your honey. Now that I have been paying attention to this it is a teeny price to pay BECAUSE of all the publicity you get when you are one of the three at the bottom of other Bee's buzzes.
About the research - next time you are with someone else that is on beBee ask to take a look at their viewpoint. In the case of me YOU ARE ADVERTISED ON ALMOST EVERY PAGE I SEE!!!!!!! Which I wouldn't mind at all if if your rogues gallery shot was replaced with my wife's picture. Perhaps a better solution would involve a number of criteria to form a fairer algorithm.13/09/2016 #117 Ben PintoWe are Fried Man! In others words, I think any respectable author and people like me would have to agree with you! I am reposting this to a newer hive called Wannabee. I have asked @Javier beBee and @Juan Imaz and other beBee people to join, because what is good for the gander is good for the goose.
People like @Phil Friedman and myself have used argumentative writing since before we knew the name for it. I remember a piece I wrote in 6th grade. The point is that showing how we wannabees, want to be on beBee, will make the managing of ideas easier on the beBee management team.09/09/2016 #115 Gerald Hecht#108 @Milos Djukic I think we both have some stories; in Psychology/Neuroscience...the world is still so small it can downright rattle a person... I think I told you about this massive crowd-sourced endeavor called Neurotree; I don't know if you checked it out or not...but I think you would love it (if for no other reason than this conversation) even if not a Psycho! It's the idea of mapping the ENTIRE ACADEMIC FAMILY TREE for an ENTIRE BRANCH OF SCIENCE! Psychos and Neuros just happen to be "young enough" to have been thoroughly documented even before this interactive TREE!! It is such GREAT FUN!!! It also "EXPLAINS STUFF" in the same way that learning things about your "crazy aunt" in your "real family tree" does...real quick...I thought I was a rebel, who somehow got into a world class academic bloodline...exploring the tree; revealed the more mundane truth "they wouldn't have had me any other way", lol --couldn't have http://neurotree.org09/09/2016 #114 Gerald Hecht#112 @Phil Friedman it's something --you they that nobody really is gonna change anyone else's core beliefs with an argument and yh'a may well be true. It also becomes irrelevant when you are interacting with someone at the level...I mean it can't just be me; it matters not in the least if you agree or disagree with the idea(s) --I don't even know how to describe it coherently; I imagine it's like a boxer training with that perfect sparring partner (right and wrong don't even exist anymore) winning/losing/competition thingies go similarly bye bye...and afterwords (speculating with your interactions with Noam Chomsky)...something has changed! Something in Phil and something in Noam! Given the intensity of the discussions hear regarding "science" --I'm hesitant to bring up the word "alchemy" and I probably will vanish if a discussion about that topic ensues ( at least for a few weeks)... but umm...well actually nevermind09/09/2016 #113 Anonymous#112 You @Phil Friedman are correct. And then we have some article ghost-written (by some self proclaimed ghostwriter) by some self proclaimed or corporate interests motivated "influencer", phew. "Content marketing", It used to be sad, even comical. Which content marketing? By some self proclaimed ghostwriter or some self proclaimed or corporate interests motivated "influencer"? The agony of social media writing :)09/09/2016 #112 Phil Friedman#108 You, @Milos Djukic. and Gerald Hecht are correct about the power of meeting a great mind in person. I was fortunate that while I was in graduate school Noam Chomsky spent several months there as a scientist in residence, and i had the opportunity to attend a couple of his seminar style talks. Much different from just reading his work. Cheers!09/09/2016 #109 Anonymous#107 Yap @Gerald Hecht :) It's true. That is the reason why I wrote: "The moment when we start to believe that we are influential is at the same time the final moment for our own rigorous review, reconsideration and implementation of all necessary corrections." and @John White, MBA, my friend (oops Our friend :)) loves this quote. Glory and respect should be above the mist or any kind of mystification. First of all, it is a great responsibility. Ego is a very strange beast, which is often unreasonably hungry. Then we become futile.09/09/2016 #108 Anonymous#106 @Gerald Hecht, Yes it was him, Edward Lorenz. My mother knew Niels Bohr (Bohr model of the atom) Nobel Laureate. She was a metallurgist. Unfortunately, Prof Mandelbrot has never received the Nobel Prize. I've experienced him as a humble man of the utmost integrity. It is hard to explain that someone's lecture can influence someone's change in thinking, but it is true. I realized that his praise was the most genuine. He was a fractal. We should not have the slightest doubt that any breakthroughs were preceded by “creative chaos”. Of course, such a creative chaos certainly involves some very heated discussions, confronted opinions and disagreements. I also believe that you have the potential for "greatness", please do not ask me how :))) You're different, my friend, definitely ("not necessarily in a good way" :)) A great person deserves no less.. I recently also met Paul C. Paris (Paris' law), pioneer of fracture mechanics. These are important things for a scientist.
About your sense of humor:
"For some people, childlike behavior, after reaching maturity, can be an indication of emotional immaturity. I have a tendency for revert to "childish" behavior. Children love to play; their game is a fascinating evidence of commitment to truth. Children are inexhaustible source of some of the most wonderful wisdom. The problem is that most adults with years gradually lose the mind of a toy. Termination of playing is the ultimate sign of the beginning of stagnation. Of course, I believe that we will not fall into a dangerous trap." - from "Leadership and Successful Human Conversations", LI long-form post, March, 2015 (https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/leadership-successful-human-conversations-milos-djukic?trk=mp-reader-card)09/09/2016 #107 Gerald Hecht#101 @Milos Djukic Interestingly, in a "pre social media world" , it was also Enrico Alleva who said to me (and I believe he was very serious), that: "in the academy, many of the most influential thinkers, go to their graves filled with regret that their ideas were never influential" (it's haunting in Italian, I remember that much --I don't remember his way of saying it BUT I wrote it down carefully and still have it in a box from that meeting; also in Latin...which isn't as "haunting"); I must dig those out.09/09/2016 #106 Gerald Hecht#86 @Milos Djukic was the it Lorenz who first coined the phrase "Butterfly Effect?" I know that when one has the opportunity to speak with thinkers of that caliber, it's extremely cool; because very often, this heretofore "hidden" (and human) aspect of the construct(s) for which they are known provides insights; for me, hanging out for two weeks (also in Italy) with the Neuroscientist Enrico Alleva at a NATO-ASI was kind of life changing...not necessarily in a good way; I distinctively remember him telling me that I had the potential for "greatness", if I could learn to let my sense of humor shine --"be crazy!"...I was one of about 6 or 7 American Scientists Invited...on the 2nd day they stopped serving pitchers of wine at lunch --because the "Americans couldn't handle it...he convinced me to stand up pond my fist on the table and say: "IT WOULD BEBA SIN TO SERVE FISH WITHOUT WINE!"...I did it! I have never been the same --we had wine at lunch for the duration!!09/09/2016 #103 Anonymous#100 @Phil Friedman, I use C-Butterfly and Fractal metaphors, but very carefully and not always. Metaphor sounds like fun and fellowship in search of the essence of something that is complex. Social networks are complex adaptive systems, as well as our interaction and the final results: common progress and prosperity.
"Interestingly, we find that the influence of the metaphorical framing effect is covert: people do not recognize metaphors as
influential in their decisions; instead they point to more ‘‘substantive’’ (often numerical) information as the motivation for
their problem-solving decision." - A quote from an article: Thibodeau PH, Boroditsky L (2011) Metaphors We Think With: The Role of Metaphor in Reasoning. PLoS ONE 6(2): e16782. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0016782
- Producer06/09/2016Emulsification, Racism, and Getting AlongNicole Chardenet recently wrote a rant post titled "How's Your Privilege?" In it, she talks about how a Pakistani student complained about racism in Canada because she was assigned an idiot for a roommate."Idiot" may be too harsh a word. "Clueless"...
Comments11/09/2016 #48 Larry BoyerI like your take on this @Paul "Pablo" Croubalian. There is plenty of self righteous or self-centered blame to go around. The only caution I would add is there is a difference between in both when you are in the minority and in the majority. I believe those in the majority should make an effort to listen to the experience of those in the minority. We cannot understand their experience if we don't.11/09/2016 #47 Don Kerr#43 Yeah. About that confession thing. Never understood the Roman Catholic approach. Convenient sure but I think the Jewish faith has a superior approach with an annual day of Atonement. While an avowed atheist I am not entirely against hedging my bets on occasion. Look out now...here comes a tag @Aurorasa Sima11/09/2016 #42 Aurorasa SimaI nearly missed this wonderful post. It has the same picture as another post and I nearly scrolled on. What stood out the most to me is that we spend too much time on issues that do not really matter.
I should probably also take away that mature negotiations of compromises are the way to go. But that's when my learning resistance kicked in.
One of my favorite quotes from a trainer that had tried to get through this learning resistance, Lester Karrass: "In business and in life you don't get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate".10/09/2016 #35 AnonymousI see where this has annoyed you @Paul "Pablo" Croubalian ! Is this similar to the rule in a lunchroom at work: No cooking fish in the microwave (lol)
I find that I sometimes have little tolerance for stupid things that honestly I wonder why it even has been acknowledge by entities such as CBC or any "real" News delivery feed, that should have better things to report on..this event I would expect to see in a Rag-Mag at the store along with "I Married The Terminator from Plant X". :)
I think common courtesy and consideration of someone else that you share a small space (this world IS becoming much smaller isnt it?) is the bottom line for both dorm roomies and apparently were not taught that at home. I am worried for when they both have to go out into the real world after mommy and daddy pay for college and have to deal with real world issues that are undoubtedly more important...this squabble is just what it is: two babies that need a time out and a lesson in common respect for another. I have a feeling we may be seeing more of these gals on a reality show called: Who the Bleep Did I Room WIth or Killer Roomies (to compliment the weekend series: Snapped and Killer Women) #MissedTheLessonAtHome10/09/2016 #34 Charles David Upchurch@Paul "Pablo" Croubalian I read all 3 posts: yours, the one from @Nicole Chardenet which started this conversation, and the one by @Ben Pinto. Until I got to yours, I knew I disagreed with many of the arguments, but It was your post which helped me to see why that was. Thank you for that clarity.
I am not saying that I agree any more with your arguments about this than I do with the other two writers, but I think there is hope for mutual understanding.
The three of you, not unlike the two roommates, have staked out positions, then argued out lines in the sand. As in the pre-eminent negotiation and conflict resolution manual "Getting to Yes" by Fisher and Ury...to prevent and resolve potential conflicts, it is important to look first for interests and values which we, the interacting parties, have in common. Positions almost always inform us of the potential differences between us, after which we argue or fight over the values and interests that were the separate BASIS for each party's choices about positions or territorial claims. That, of course, gets us precisely nowhere. The 60-year conflict between Israel and Palestine is a perfect example of this.
In short, if what you are looking for is disagreements and the attendant social problems, stake positions. If what you want is to build on agreements and form alliances among diverse individuals or groups, be interested in what the others value.08/09/2016 #32 Robert CormackNo question, we had to get rid of Harper, but if we're comparing Justin to his father, Pierre never would have made that comment. As he would have put it, "We have no business in the bedrooms of feminists." There is nothing Justin will do—or can do—that will advance the feminist cause. He'll learn that feminists are divided, those who want equality, and those who want preferential treatment. Pierre would have recognized this division and essentially told feminists—like he would have told Black Lives Matter—reaching equality and tolerance is an incredible achievement. But "special status" in any matter reduces the equality of everyone else. I've been passed over many times because a company wanted (and expected) a woman. I've worked hard my whole life establishing what I hope is a reputation for doing good work. To be passed over because I'm not the right gender repeats a bias favouring one group over another (regardless of credentials). To say, "Well, it's about time, you had your chance, now move over," sounds heartless (as it should). I've lived as an equalitarian my whole life, believing we should all be judged on what we can do.
- Producer05/09/2016Cause that is how we are!Andrew said to Harriet, "you can take my place just don't cook the curry!"Perhaps Tubman didn't realize how privileged she was to not have been one of Jackson's 300 slaves.My buzz about: How's *Your* Privilege? by Nicole Chardenet It seems like the...
Comments08/09/2016 #20 Ben Pinto#19 Mags, I couldn't help notice that you tagged @Paul "Pablo" Croubalian here and you may not have noticed that he is the thinker model I used for 'sit on b.' That may have given it away, but if it didn't, that's ok, because I do like to keep a mystery going for as long as possible. The suspense is like a page-turner...07/09/2016 #19 Margaret Aranda, MD, PhD#6 I love the idea of a Gripe Hive. Ben, this opens up a slew of negativity Quotes. For Mental Health and balance in making sweet honey, what other kind of Hive would be most appropriate? The one on Positivity? Outer Space? @Franci Eugenia Hoffman View more#6 I love the idea of a Gripe Hive. Ben, this opens up a slew of negativity Quotes. For Mental Health and balance in making sweet honey, what other kind of Hive would be most appropriate? The one on Positivity? Outer Space? @Franci Eugenia Hoffman, @David Grinberg, @Paul "Pablo" Croubalian? Close07/09/2016 #17 Lisa GallagherYoung and immature, her complaint ok.. whatever, I get it, she doesn't like the smell of curry. But for the news to pick this up and make it about racism, not cool at all when there is real racism taking place all over the globe. That undermines the true meaning of the term. Maybe she was sweating curry? LOL07/09/2016 #13 Nicole Chardenet#11 I dunno, I think it was a simple case of two immature girls who weren't used to living with people they weren't related to. I'm reminded of the old Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode where Buffy meets her new roommate Cathy who's a bit high-strung and spazzy, plays the same damn Cher song over and over, and labels every food in the fridge with her name that she bought herself. Not, you understand, that it's any great picnic to live with a vampire slayer either...
And oh yeah, they were both white. So I doubt they got interviewed on the radio. :)07/09/2016 #12 Nicole ChardenetLOL! While I'm a fan of curry, I'm NOT a fan of curried gym socks...so you just keep your smelly curried gym socks out of my face!!! But if you want to curry some chicken go right ahead. Here, I'll make up some basmati rice and run down to the store for some naan...and you can't have naan...ha ha just kidding! :)05/09/2016 #6 Ben PintoI have removed my gripes about gripes and am posting this answer to another gripe into 'Gripe.' This would be a great hive to join to learn what others are complaining about: @John White, MBA, @Paul "Pablo" Croubalian, @Javier beBee, @Donna-Luisa Eversley, @Federico Álvarez San Martín, @Matt Sweetwood, @Cristian Randieri, PhD -President & CEO of Intellisystem.it @C_Randieri,05/09/2016 #4 AnonymousI don't know if I understand curry or not curry and I best read the orher buzz referenced I think, but stand alone in this moment now, your photo plus words make me think of this for some reason: http://www.thisiscolossal.com/2011/05/first-look-hans-peter-feldmann-suspends-100000-dollar-bills-on-the-walls-of-the-guggenheim-museum/
- Producer17/08/2016How's *Your* Privilege?I heard a Pakistani immigrant girl on the CBC a few weeks ago complaining about racism in Canada. She told of how she was going to university and her new roommate said that 'Rule 1' of the household would be no cooking curry, because she couldn't...
Comments09/09/2016 #62 Nicole Chardenet#60 BTW I think you're looking for Ben @Ben Pinto's link https://www.bebee.com/producer/@ben/cause-that-is-how-we-are08/09/2016 #60 Paul "Pablo" Croubalian#57 To quote the Beatles: "I'll get by with a little help from my friends." This rant of yours, plus one that you inspired that I want to link to but can't find (It was titled "because that's the way we are" or something like that) led me to write my https://www.bebee.com/producer/@paul-croubalian/emulsification-racism-and-getting-along .
I was also thinking about this post this morning. It's a quiet work day and I needed to think about stuff for my web-app-with-no-name.
So I got to cooking.
It's my father-in-law's 88th tomorrow, so I made his favs. I started with Jack Daniels infused orange marmalade. It will be served with homemade vanilla/Grand Marnier ice cream on puff pastry boats (now in the oven.)
I have a big-assed batch of basil tomato sauce simmering away to use in the lasagna/cannelloni/manicotti (I haven't decided which yet, but the pasta dough is ready)
I also made some tomato sherbert to use as ice cubes to keep the gazpacho cold. Did I mention the gazpacho?
My condo has waves of various aromas. The marmalade mixed with tomato was getting to me. I opened the windows.
That's when I saw Melissa, my neighbour. She was heading out.
She told me she couldn't stand the smells anymore. Not that they were bad, but that they were making her hungry. She was off to a Weight Watchers' meeting.
LOL08/09/2016 #59 Nicole Chardenet#55 WOW. I think I would have killed my kids (if I'd had any) if they referred to me as a 'white bitch'. What an awesome act, to move them to a whiter neighbourhood where they can learn to appreciate the other half of their DNA. You bring up a great point, which is that racism is ALWAYS wrong. Even when you're not white. 'Victimhood' isn't an excuse.08/09/2016 #57 Nicole Chardenet#52 Yes, and I very much appreciate everyone's support! It still amazes me how it drew little attention a few weeks ago when it was published (and I almost didn't for fear I would get flamed far and wide by the left) but then Paul and you and a few others found it and now it's got over 2,000 views! Thanks so much to all of you!08/09/2016 #56 Nicole Chardenet#50 You can come over to my apartment building and rant about all the curry smells you can find...along with fried fish and Goddess knows what else. I live in an immigrant 'hood in Toronto (and I'm an immigrant myself) and the halls are always filled with food smells. But my reaction is usually, "Oh please, invite me in for dinner!"08/09/2016 #55 Renée CormierI used to live in a neighbourhood which was filled with immigrants from China, Pakistan, India and a handful of Middle Eastern countries (i.e., people who might consider themselves brown). My children are mixed race so they are not as fair skinned as me. One day I discovered some things they had written where they referred to me as "that white bitch". Not long after, we moved to a whiter neighbourhood because I was not going to have my children grow up to be racists and believing they were separate and different from me. Comedian Russell Peters in his routine called, Red White and Brown, commented that brown people were more racist that white people. I have to think there must be some truth to that. Having said that, a spoiled brat is a spoiled brat and all university students go through an adjustment period having to learn to live with strangers. C'est 'tough shit' et c'est la vie!07/09/2016 #53 Margaret Aranda, MD, PhD#40 "People stink universally" and "melatonin-challenged" and You gotta love that people really have raised a spark! I quote these as I quote (?hundreds) of other writings to capture phrases that bees originate.[ In Fractals Forever with @Milos Djukic, we quote one another all the time. } This is simply noted to accentuate your originality of thinking, something we love to notate in Fractals. ;)07/09/2016 #50 Lisa GallagherI just found a link to this @Nicole Chardenet, I noticed last night someone mentioned you wrote about this but I was way over tired and didn't look until now. Great piece! I think the next time I stay at an all suites hotel I will scream about my privilege when I smell curry in the halls ;-) Or maybe I should call the news the next time my neighbor has their fire pit smoking and the smoke is entering my bedroom window because darnit, I'm privileged! LOL. So many big issues going on, many of which we never hear about from the media- I find a lot of real news online from independent journalists. I can't believe that TV channel actually aired her complaint. Oh and by the way, that toy I never received from Santa years ago, well I'm still angry about that, I deserved it ;-)07/09/2016 #45 Nicole Chardenet#3 What's wrong with beach? Or beech? What have you got against lovely seashores and nut trees, Margaret? :) Dunno, all skin colour is is amount of melanin - AFAIK, originally evolved to help protect against the sun's rays! Then some folks moved out of Africa and up into the Fertile Crescent and the continent one day to be known as Europe and then they settled in some very cold places with little sun and they didn't need that melanin. White skin soaks up the Vitamin D which is less plentiful when you live in Norway...It amazes me that human beings share *99.5%* of our DNA with each other...and yet that half-percent accounts for such noticeable differences...that we think make a lick of difference...and consider how there's only 3.5% diff between us and our closest cousins, the Trumpanzees...er, I mean Chimpanzees :)
- Producer24/08/2016Is Rudeness Costing Your Company Revenue?We have all had our encounters with rude people – they butt in line in front of you or cut you off on the highway, they pop you the special finger saying you are number one, and they interrupt conversations – should I go on? The big question is –...
Comments24/08/2016 #14 Jennifer Schultz@Erroll -EL- Warner - that's so true - I know though, that some people are just crabby and rude - all the time and no one can ever break their shell. In my experience, when I had rude co-workers - they had a reputation of being rude and people could not change them. People do not like confrontation - so they would say and do nothing. In these cases, upper management didn't understand or care that there was a problem. So good employee after employee would quit to get away from these rude people, especially because rudeness was accompanied by other negative traits as well.24/08/2016 #13 Erroll -EL- WarnerWhen people including associates are rude just "shower" them with kindness. Going to the donut shop next door on a break ask them if they need you to purchase something for them. Oh!, how quick they are to say "NO"!. It takes two to build an argument. When associates smile with other customers and fellow associates those with the "attitude" get angry because they keep wondering how come that person constant being so nice. The lady refused your invitation or conversation because there is a serious employee problem. It could relate to micro managing and other awful treatment. She would never like other people and customers to heard about it.24/08/2016 #12 Harvey Lloyd#11 The Secrets of Power Negotiating is Roger Dawson's series. When it comes to employees and being rude to customers......I find that rudeness knows no boundaries. Rude folks do believe in equal rights, they are generally rude to everyone. Employees who are rude within the office I know are rude to customers. Rudeness in the office is met with a separate and swift action outside of whatever is being discussed.
We often ask customers for feedback on our communications with them and have had to let some folks go based on feedback. But like you I have my limits of rudeness. Situational rudeness is where I will practice, my button is when you make it personal. Personal attacks by lumping me in with the call centers that call all hours of the night can become a battlefield. That's usually when the not so nice active listening skills come out.24/08/2016 #11 Jennifer SchultzWell said @Harvey Lloyd - listening is key - for example, when someone is rushed, I use tactics like asking if there is a better time to call them back so I am respectful of their time. And yes, I too try to see if I can win them over or calm them down - but, as you have probably experienced, there are always the challenging characters that push my limits on my ability to engage in pleasant conversation. At the same time, rudeness to me is unacceptable - and I would be personally embarrassed if one my staff was rude to anyone. Companies need to be aware of how someone, in a position like answering phones, which is most times a first interaction with an organization, can truly make or break their business. And thanks for mentioning Rodger Dawson, I'll have to check him out. :-) #1024/08/2016 #10 Harvey Lloyd@Jennifer Schultz The Golden Rule always applies. Sounds like you applied it well. I would offer up that rude people offer us an opportunity to hone our active listening skill sets. These skills in sales or other styles of negotiations are so important to success. Most of the time we are learning on the job, where risk is high. When given the opportunity in a low to no risk situation, using active listening skills gives us immediate feedback of technique.
Reflective language is a part of the process and I try to use it in low risk settings to see if I can win the person over or calm them down. Also rudeness sets us back on our heels in negotiations. Practicing active listening in low risk settings stops the rudeness from knocking us back. Especially when the negotiations have a large meaning to your success.
Rodger Dawson, a negotiations expert, stated that rudeness in the opening gambit should be treated as an interesting first position. Merely a perspective that allows us to turn our skills on and not push us back on our heels.
I would like to say I do this every time, but not. I usually do what you accomplished and not meet rude with rude. Unfortunately though I am human and try and out preform the rudeness on occasions.24/08/2016 #8 Aurorasa Sima#7 I feel a bit guilty. In 1996 I was one of the salespeople selling Call Centers and Campaign Managment Software and such. Voice over IP etc. all of that just began. Customer service changed. Now that agents get controlled, spied on - they don´t get measured on customer happiness. They only get in trouble if they didn´t say Mam 7 times and "did you know we offer ..... " . Companies who have "free" agents are so much more effective. The working conditions in most call centers are horrible.24/08/2016 #7 Jennifer SchultzI know @Aurorasa Sima - I think companies get very disengaged with their business - and it doesn't seem to matter whether they are big or small. It's funny I was always taught the customer is always right even when they are wrong. That might be old school - but, it is something that I still follow. It's about serving people no matter what size or type of business. So many business owners look at their P&L and blame losses on other reasons. #6
- Producer18/08/2016With a Cherry on it. I see a lot of people on here, on Linkedin, motivational speakers; they seem to have a secret language that I hear as this: "Blah, blah, blah--with a cherry on it!" Be positive, do these steps and pay a lot of money to take my seminar, and you too...
Comments18/08/2016 #3 Lisa Gallagher@jessie kaellis, There are motivational speakers I admire and then there are those like Joel Olsteen who I abhor. I find him to be a fake and IMHO it'a all about how much money he can make off the backs of others. I like @ben pinto's idea for the Gripe Hive- serves a higher purpose!18/08/2016 #2 jesse kaellisI do not want to appear to be too caustic. The people in the congregation looked to be reasonably prosperous already. I have an aversion to motivational seminars and programs, but I did the est training in 1980 (google it if you are not aware of that -- Werner Erhard) the precursor to many present day programs like what Tony Robbins does. I did the Landmark Forum a couple or more years ago because -- what the hell. And as an est graduate, I got a discount. It didn't do me any harm, but I managed to get kicked out of one of the seminars.
These programs have their applications. For example, you can meet nice middle-class average type women, the ones I go for, who suffer from middle-class angst. I don't have that particular malady having crawled through the gutter for much of my life and surfaced into a serene existence. I'm not kvetching about the meaning of life if you get my drift. Life doesn't have a greater purpose than just to experience it. Whatever road you take, whatever script you write. You try not to hurt other people or pull them into your drama. And that is about it. Thank you, Ben. I enjoy your comments, and they give me an opportunity to run my mouth.18/08/2016 #1 Ben PintoI love a good gripe so I have shared this story to the hive named Gripe. Since you mentioned the church of money in your rant, I would like to tie in a blessed gripe. I meet people that are hard on luck and need a little financial aid from friends and/or relatives. To support their families they will beg if nescessary, while offering prayers. Months later I ask about their previous plight, "so how did it go?" This is what I ALWAYS HEAR, "I was blessed. God came to my rescue and I got the money I needed."
HELLO - what about the coworker that loaned you $300!!!!! Are you kidding me????
Next time how about saying "my brother gave us $500 that we don't have to pay back, and my boss was so nice to loan me $200. Oh, and by the way, I am blessed."
Anyway, this is an example of a use for this 'Gripe' hive.