- Producer17/11/2016A Time to ReflectImage credit: Clipart KidI opened up a time capsule today; a plastic bag filled with bits of paper with my poems written on them. For about fifteen years, between my late teens and early thirties, I wrote whenever and wherever the muse took me....
Comments17/11/2016 #1 Ali Anani@Sara Jacobovici- you wrote in this amazing buzz "As I have written about the integrated me, these poems represent a younger personal me whose voice I have carried over into the older professional me". This shows that past influences our present and future and that we are fractal humans as we scale up past experiences. We don't drop our past; more we scale its major events.
This scaling up shows exactly who you are. The titles of your past capsules are still consistent with your recent titles. Is the past what makes our roots the grow our fractal tree? I tend to say yes because of your great buzzz.
in fractions and fleeting opportunities
through distinct forms and underlying plans.
life threadlike…..ready to snap
I am ready to say you are a beautiful mind and your time capsule is filled with wisdom. This buzz is unique in its value for it show our footprints over time. Yours are outstanding fractal footprints. Shared
- Producer26/10/2016Mixed Bag Of EmotionsToday I was reminded that it was almost a year ago when mom became bedridden. My sister sent out an email to our family asking us if we would like to honor Mom by making homemade gifts for Christmas in honor of my mom. I never thought I would feel...
Comments28/10/2016 #47 Harvey Lloyd#45 I believe that we can all find some levels of being in tune with our emotions. These emotions get tested at small levels and we do seem to learn some system of management. The walk we speak of here though, doesn't dull an emotion, but rather rings it out so that we might see beyond the areas of our life that it had covered. The finality of the walk with no route of escape becomes a reflecting pool of ourselves, we are not always happy with the reflection. A process we would all like to avoid, and many do. I would imagine you took the courage to walk this journey. Never easy, but a step that only perseverance can show. Wisdom always comes at a price.
Facing the reflecting pool at this level, i found, is indeed personal. Although personal, it is a journey we will all make at some point. Some of my family members did not have the courage to walk by this pool. I could only walk with them knowing they would eventually face the reflection. Avoiding this reflection requires lots of energy and from the outside it looks and shows as a misguided process of hiding.
I offer this up only as a perspective of drawing the family together again. Each has to walk at their speed. Your wisdom can be shared at the pool when they return.27/10/2016 #45 Lisa Gallagher#43 Hi @Harvey Lloyd, I like the way you coined dying, "The walk with death." You're so right, it is both, private and a challenging journey. You sound like you are very in tune with others emotions. I've always felt I was fairly in tune too but I think sometimes just like any sense it gets dulled during a tough or sad time in our lives. I decided after writing this, a comment Pascal wrote, saying my sister is still grieving too, that it's time to reach out more to my family. We used to talk almost daily and it feels as that all came to a stop about one month after my mom passed. It's because everyone is going through it differently. I need to reach out more because I know I can. Realizing or knowing you the love within your family was never lost or gone is comforting. Thank you for sharing what you did, I really appreciate it. Yes, my mom was a selfless person :))27/10/2016 #43 Harvey LloydA walk with death is a private and challenging journey. I have walked with family members in both sudden deaths and also personally with those who walked slowly. The anger at first always gives way to compassion and a shared experience. Some family members didn't adjust well. The outcome after a few years was to look back and see how this journey changed my view of the person. Surely we were close but through differences of opinions we saw each other as needing feedback of approval and couldn't get it sometimes. After the journey we each realized we already had it and the shared love was shown. This seemed to make the walk bearable on my side and removed the fears on the other. Your mother sounds like she was an amazing person @Lisa Gallagher.27/10/2016 #42 Lisa Gallagher#40 What an amazing woman @jesse kaellis, her plate sure was full. My brother lost his best friend in a canoeing accident. It was a beautiful day and they went out on the River. The river is calm with one exception, they hit a hydraulic and it sucked their canoe in. My brother said it just looked like a very small water fall. I was working at the hospital, we got a stat page to ER saying 2 six year olds were in the water. I was in Respiratory Therapy at the time and we were told to go back to the floors and continue our 'other' work until the ambulance arrived. I got a stat page by the ER supervisor and she asked me to meet her at the end of the hall I was working on. She said point blank, "One of the drowning victims is your brother." I freaked and asked where he was, she said, "He's in ER, in shock and needs you." Obviously at that point I was done working for the day. His friend came in about 20 minutes later and died. My brother had survivors guilt for a long time. He would spend 4 hours a day at Bob's grave (we weren't aware) until later. It took a long time for my brother to get over his loss, Bob was like a brother to him too. I think guys may grieve outwardly, different than females and they tend to hold a lot in. When my brother was finally able to talk about it, it seemed the healing began. I'm sorry your friends loss hurt you so much.27/10/2016 #40 jesse kaellis#35
The woman who helped start MADD, her husband had Alzheimers. Her plate was full. I respected and admired her ability to make a contribution out of her misfortunes. And no, the counseling didn't help much but how could it? Maybe it helped me on a subliminal level.
Yes, my friend was like a brother to me, and he was also my mentor. One thing that happens is that you don't just lose the person you lose the time of your life that you were involved with that person.
In other words, he was at my first fight. Now that's gone. When he died, it was as though a door slammed shut in my face.
So -- I'm haunted by lonely memories. But they are less devastating than they once were.
Thank you for your kindness, Lisa.27/10/2016 #39 Ali Anani#37 https://www.amazon.com/90-Second-Mind-Manager-Instant-transformation-ebook/dp/B00ZYMPVN0 View more#37 https://www.amazon.com/90-Second-Mind-Manager-Instant-transformation-ebook/dp/B00ZYMPVN0
This is the address to the e-book @Lisa Gallagher Close27/10/2016 #38 Lisa Gallagher#34 Awe, thanks @Sara Jacobovici and I send good thoughts your way too! We can never receive enough good thoughts, after all, that's good energy! Thanks for the *cough* birthday wishes LOL... I was trying to forget it this year. My daughter is so sweet, she called today and said "Mom, Joe and I want to make dinner for your birthday, how would you like us to smoke some meat and cheeses?" She's so thoughtful, and I feel so blessed to have children who care so much for others (not just for me). They really have great hearts, that is something to be so very grateful for!27/10/2016 #36 Lisa Gallagher#33 How awesome that you wrote the forward to his book @Ali Anani! I didn't know Dr. Edward Lewellen lost a daughter to cancer. I have to say, I would think losing a child has to be one of the hardest losses anyone could face in life. I think I may be on the right track then if remembering the good moments is healing. I'm trying. I cry when I remember, I smile... I feel change has been happening, it's slow but I can talk about mom many times without crying- I think that may be a good sign too? Thanks for your words of advice and always, your encouragement!27/10/2016 #35 Lisa Gallagher#30 Hi @jesse kaellis, I'm very sorry you lost your mom. It's true, we never forget... I think life just changes, we go on and find different ways to cope, move forward etc... Yes, every person's journey is unique to themselves. I see that within my own family. I remember reading your story about your friend, that was so sad. He must have been like a brother to you. Did grief counseling help? How noble of the woman (and probably helped her in many ways) that lost her daughter to a drunk driver and still channeled her energy in a positive manner. I can't imagine the pain she experienced. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who wondered what my mom was thinking when it finally hit her that she was dying. She always said, I wouldn't have gone through all these treatments if I didn't want to live, and I want to live! I too, think of death and dying on a personal level, I'm sure so many of us do. I have to believe in an afterlife, or I wouldn't be able to make it through this one. Thanks for your comment, for reading and sharing. Very appreciated! 25 years and you still cry, you loved him very much Jesse!27/10/2016 #33 Ali AnaniI wrote the forward for the e-Book "90-Seconds Mind Manager" by Dr. @Edward Lewellen. In his great book, Edward applied neuroscience to heal people from such sad events.and including himself having lost his daughter to cancer. His trick was to remember great moments of the deceased. So, when you write dear @Lisa Gallagher Eventually, we are left with beautiful memories that produces smiles not tears. I look forward to that day and I'm realistic that it will arrive! "- I say your innerself has guided you to the correct conclusion.27/10/2016 #32 jesse kaellis#22
25 years, Lisa! That's how long my friend has been dead. And I still cry. Time -- time is a real world illusion. It could be yesterday. Time doesn't heal the wound, but I got used to the sadness and grief. Life goes on; it has to. Such a shame. Why did it have to happen? (It was a single car accident).27/10/2016 #30 jesse kaellisThis was a strong and brave story, Lisa. My mom died of cancer in May of 2006. I still think about what it was like for her knowing she was dying. I reflect on how it will be for me, how will I feel about it. When my friend died young, I was so angry. I looked at people, I looked at strangers and wished them dead. Why did he die and they are living? Grief is a typical journey and a journey that you take alone. Or, I think so. I went with my father and sister to grief counseling at the Jewish Community Center. The facilitator was a woman whose daughter had been struck down by a drunk driver. She was one of the co-founders of MADD.
As I said, it's very common but it doesn't feel remotely like that, it's not business as usual when it's someone you loved. Is there take-away? Some kind of silver lining? I kept waiting to get over it until I realized that I never would get over it, you never forget. And that's important because I don't want to forget. If there's an afterlife I will see my loved ones again.
- Producer04/09/2016The Tragedy of AaronThe Study hive is my personal interface between my offline studies through both public and college libraries - though I have yet to make good use of any college library I have the choice to access. My presence here is as a 21st Century learner, but...
Comments18/09/2016 #5 AnonymousThank you @CityVP Manjit for sharing your insightful and relevant post. Let me share you one relevant quote which enlightens quite well what happened... " Since one cannot educate adults, the word "education" has an evil sound in politics; there is a pretense of education, when the real purpose is coercion without the use of force. " - HANNAH ARENDT16/09/2016 #3 CityVP Manjit#2 Dear Fatima there is nothing wrong with fighting injustice and obscene power but one must be prepared for the consequences. Both Edward Snowden and Julian Assange are now living in exile but they had a plan, however Aaron underestimated the consequences of special interest in education and the power they wield with government officials. This is why there must be campaign finance reform and a democratization of special interest groups.
In order to fear these things we must first get caught in the cross-hairs of those who have a different opinion of freedom and what the future should be. Instead of fearing power, we must be thoughtful that there are people like Aaron who were willing to see a bigger picture and the tragedy here is what his loss has meant in terms of reforms to the law and more importantly, the reshaping of law so society can move into the knowledge age.
These battles for transformation are nothing new, these fights occurred at the beginning of the first wave of globalization at the beginning of the century, as well as at all other prior transformational periods. https://www.etown.edu/offices/president/2014-11-14-WW1-Globalization.pdf Another way that supporters of globalization look at this is written here http://www.americanforeignrelations.com/E-N/Globalization-First-era-of-modern-globalization-to-1914.html
You and I Fatima are ordinary mortals far removed from the world Aaron was trying to change, there should be no fear from trying to be aware of these things, unless of course anxiety is our underlying condition, and that is a personal transformation.16/09/2016 #2 Fatima Williamsmy heart goes out to Aaron such a brilliant mind targeted and forced to live a short life. Our lives have become a movie directed by those who want to control us and sometimes we end up being mere puppets. An untold melancholy remains in my heart as I think more about this Aaron's story made me feel so insecure about what can happen to one who is much lesser in thought and actions than him
- Producer15/08/2016She's BlueI was woken by a noise so foreign I cowered under my sheets. But curiosity got the better of me. It was still dark outside. I had no concept of this time of day. I would sleep at 9pm, wake up at 7am, have breakfast and be off to...
Comments03/09/2016 #35 Ken BoddieFriday 24 June is Red Nose Day here in Oz, Dean-San. Many buy red clown noses and some stick large ones on their cars. All proceeds go to SIDS.
Grief never leaves us,
She answers not our why's,
She hugs us like a shadow,
And refuses our goodbyes.
She's there lest we forget,
When our loved ones slip away,
That their spirit lives in what we do,
And everything we say.
I'm sure your little sister would be proud of her big brother, Dean-San.03/09/2016 #33 Dean Owen#30 Grief is weird isn't it. I never really grieved. It was only after decades and finally writing this that I actually felt deep emotions of grief. It was easy to lock away in the back drawer, but just wonderful to dust off this memory and share.... Thanks so much @Sarah Elkins03/09/2016 #31 Fatima Williams@Dean Owen Thank you for introducing Natasha to us. She's a beautiful angel in heaven right now but she has been reborn in our hearts as a new memory , new person , we are going to remember her as you have given life to her time here , through this brave act of sharing her story with us .
I'm sure and wish that your heart is light now. Peace to Natasha who must have been a very beautiful lady right now judging by your looks ( Winks ).02/09/2016 #30 Sarah ElkinsGrief is such a strange thing, isn't it, @Dean Owen? What a vivid and heartbreaking memory from your childhood. And yet... I would guess just a little bit of a relief to share it, own it, and appreciate it for its intensity of feeling. Without that, what do we have?02/09/2016 #29 Lisa Gallagher#26 I'm sorry I missed your reply @Dean Owen and I just wrote on Donna's buzz I needed to read this because I seem to be missing your stories. wow, I think I'm missing my mind somewhere lol. This was a good yet, sad read again. They do say to lay babies on their backs now, no blankets, no toys and yes open air. I remember fearing SIDS when my babies were little. We swaddled them and laid them on their sides back then.16/08/2016 #23 Lisa GallagherSo very sad that you lost your sister when she was an infant @Dean Owen. I cant imagine how tough that was for your parents! I can imagine you do still think of her and will always have unanswered questions. SIDS is scary, I know my daughter worries about it with the new baby. They follow all the guidelines but I think that fear is there for most parents. Thanks for sharing something so personal16/08/2016 #20 Phil Friedman@Dean Owen, I cannot even begin to imagine your anguish. As parents, my wife and I were absolutely crazed about SIDS and keeping everything out of our daughters' crib (except the dog, who faithfully watched over each of them in turn, and would scold us if we didn't respond quickly enough to their crying). We allowed only a bottom sheet and no blanket. And when they were very young, we had a set of soft foam wedges to keep them sleeping on their sides. But truth be told, we have a close and dear friend who did all of that and more, yet lost a baby to SIDS anyway. It may be the universe's way of reminding us that we are not in control, or it may be just random misfortune. I am sorry for your loss, and for the hole in your heart that I am sure will always be there.
- Producer20/07/2016They say time is medicine ; I now believe it's a mythIf time were medicine it would heal our wounds but no amount of time could ever make us not miss you dada.You are missed so badly ; my heart can't explain how much, each day I wake up I wish you were still there.To tell us where we're lacking and...
Comments23/07/2016 #9 CityVP Manjit#8 Dear @Fatima Williams, you and @Sara Jacobovici honour your respective fathers immensely by being beautiful souls, for no parent wants to see their children in a state of hurt but in a state of blessing. That is the reality of love, we all know love when the magnitude of love quakes within our own heart - and my intention here is not to awaken that hurt but to show how awaken that love is within you both - for it is this awakened state that showers strength into the life we have and hence become the substance of winged blessings. For sure our time provides us more gifts than simply the photograph but our hearts contain the gifts that a greater relationship gave us. Now as I absorb the meaning of the love you express, this is what enriches me in my own life - and this the grounded reality of how we choose to interact in this virtual space - that the gifts we find in that are more precious than success. Did you lose a father or did you win love? If winning is society's chief credo this is the only kind of winning I want to seek.23/07/2016 #8 Fatima Williams#7 Thank you @Sara Jacobovici . I'm guessing the scar can never heal, I'm going to look at this as a tatoo that remains with me till the end. And I admire what @CityVP Manjit has graciously mentioned in the comments below, on how we can create an online virtual space where loved one's can come and visit and pay respects online. Where my unborn children or family in the near future can reminisce the memories of our loved ones. This is absolutely, a brilliant thing and I wish my parents had done the same, it would have helped connect with my grand parents whom I hardly remember as they had partrd when I was very young.23/07/2016 #7 Sara JacoboviciI felt and heard your words coming straight from the heart @Fatima Williams. It's been 20 years for me since my father passed away. I miss him today as much as the day he passed but the wound is a separate experience. I find that each year a layer of scar tissue covers the wound. It just makes breathing easier when I do miss him. Wishing you all the best Fatima.22/07/2016 #4 CityVP ManjitThe online space has opened up for creating memories of loved one's that have passed https://www.everplans.com/articles/the-top-10-online-memorial-websites View moreThe online space has opened up for creating memories of loved one's that have passed https://www.everplans.com/articles/the-top-10-online-memorial-websites and here memory capsules as a hive serves to do the same thing. My view is that personal space is not just about our work life, it is the expression of life. As time passes and the virtual world merges with the physical one, spaces where loved one's can come and visit and pay respects online will become far greater in form than it is now.
The stories of Philip Clinton Williams live within you and this is where I differentiate between sharing as publishing and a life shared. This is also a very delicate line because it involves highly emotional aspects of our life - and in a world driven largely by marketers and professionals one cannot assume that people who have used advantage as a strategy, have the same motivation as those who genuinely read obituaries.
I do read obituaries because the best one's give me a sense of life. Since often I do not know these families or people, I am free respect human life as a human being. I also read these obituaries because I want to be intelligent about grief, and there are myths about grief that we are not cognoscente of and if a part of life is increasing our intelligence about mortality. There is great reverence in the one thing that we all have a commonality with. At the same time I also note that the spiritual also contains ego.
We continue to treat social and business networks from the view of connection - but affinity is far greater than that. I want to understand my relationship with grief, just as writing this buzz provides comfort for you and can be highly cathartic in that regard. Affinity needs to be as close to authenticity and the heart as possible, and that in it self inspires in us greater intelligence. Close22/07/2016 #3 Anees ZaidiThank you dear @Fatima Williams for remembering me on such an emotional moment. Neither I met you nor I met your father. But I see your dad in you. I know he was kind like you, he was loving and caring like you. The change is inevitable - sooner or later this has to happen. The best we can do is to put our steps in the shoes of our loving parents and continue their journey. May God bless you with all His bounties and give your dad a place in the Heaven.