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  1. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    24/05/2017
    Bill Forces First Lady To Hold Prez’s Hand
    Bill Forces First Lady To Hold Prez’s HandRep. Emmett Russell III of Alabama has proposed a Congressional bill that would force the First Lady to hold hands with her husband.H.R. 321, “The Palm-to-Palm Act”, would make it a federal law that America’s First Lady must hold the hand of the...
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  2. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    19/05/2017
    Chinos Make Man’s Butt “Look Huge”
    Chinos Make Man’s Butt “Look Huge”Brad Palstettler is not usually prone to anger, but he blew a gasket when he looked in the mirror and saw his backside in his new Chinos.“I don’t have the most athletic body,” the 34-year-old actuary from Pine Bluff, Arkansas told The Lint Screen in...
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    Comments

    Gloria 🐝 🐾 💫 ☕ Ochoa
    19/05/2017 #3 Anonymous
    ROTFL! Hubby needs a butt..he is thinking of trying on some Chinos.
    Gloria 🐝 🐾 💫 ☕ Ochoa
    19/05/2017 #2 Anonymous
    ROTFL! The title alone caught my attention--so of course I had to read it! Good job Patrick! HUbby needs a butt..he is thinking of trying on some Chinos.
    Franci🐝Eugenia Hoffman
    19/05/2017 #1 Franci🐝Eugenia Hoffman
    And I thought I had problems. Yikes!
  3. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    16/05/2017
    “Guess Nuclear Code Game” Played With Russians
    “Guess Nuclear Code Game” Played With RussiansPresident Trump is a gracious host — he invented a new parlor game when he hosted Russian bigwigs last week.White House officials confirmed with The Lint Screen the president asked Russian foreign minister, Sergei Lavrov, and the U.S. Russian...
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  4. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    13/05/2017
    New FBI Director Candidate “Looks Perfect”
    New FBI Director Candidate “Looks Perfect”Now that President Trump has taken out the trash by canning FBI Director James Comey, Washington is abuzz with rumors of his replacement. Sources close to the prez have told The Lint Screen the short list is down to two candidates, and the leader is...
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  5. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    01/05/2017
    O’Reilly To Be The Bachelor
    O’Reilly To Be The BachelorRecently fired hothead ‘no-spinster’ Bill O’Reilly has just been signed by ABC to be “The Bachelor” in the network’s blockbuster show.“O’Reilly is a hot property,” Frankie Turminder, ABC’s head of programming told The Lint Screen. “With all the...
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  6. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    19/04/2017
    O'Reilly Outraged At Getting Canned
    O'Reilly Outraged At Getting CannedFox News may have killed Bill O’Reilly, but his gravesite will not be a no-spin zone.In an exclusive interview with The Lint Screen, the megastar opened up about his mistreatment by Fox. “I made those people billions, billions of dollars over the...
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  7. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    17/04/2017
    United Airlines Offering Passenger Insurance
    United Airlines Offering Passenger InsuranceUnited Airlines has had its share of troubles recently, but the company today announced a proactive measure to “get some positive spin and shut the pieholes of crybabies,” according to Max “Biggy” Tempraw, a spokesman.The large man told The Lint...
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  8. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    13/04/2017
    Trump Inauguration Crowd Declared “Largest In History”
    Trump Inauguration Crowd Declared “Largest In History”January 20, 2017, will go down in history as the date Donald J. Trump was sworn in as the 45th President of the United States of America, and also “the day more proud Americans assembled to witness a tremendous moment and new chapter in the glorious...
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    Comments

    Jim Murray
    13/04/2017 #1 Jim Murray
    Very funny. Very sad. I laughed. I cried. It tossed my cookies and then hired an illegal immigrant to clean it up.
  9. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    10/04/2017
    Tide With Clean Coal Is Introduced
    Tide With Clean Coal Is IntroducedGet ready, America, to get your clothes clean — clean coal clean!Today, Tide, the nation’s most popular detergent brand, introduces a revolutionary formula that uses clean coal to do as the launch advertising campaign says and “get clothes clean...
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    Comments

    Kevin Pashuk
    10/04/2017 #2 Kevin Pashuk
    Well done Patrick!
    Jim Murray
    10/04/2017 #1 Jim Murray
    Ha ha ha...You had me going there for a minute. Great clickbait is the sign of a good huckster.
  10. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    05/04/2017
    Maybe No One Wants You To Join Their Conversation
    Maybe No One Wants You To Join Their ConversationMarketers have told themselves that social media gives them a great opportunity to engage consumers in conversations.Yes, it does. But sometimes, you should keep your damn mouth shut.Witness the recent on-line video boner and spot by Pepsi.The work...
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    Comments

    Paul Walters
    06/04/2017 #11 Paul Walters
    @patrck scullin When I saw the spot I thought Oh no!!! Bad brief interpreted badly by the agency? Glad you pointed out the fact that it was done in - house. An absolute load of shite...its sugar water for Gods sake !!!
    Praveen Raj Gullepalli
    06/04/2017 #10 Praveen Raj Gullepalli
    Super critique! That was quite pat, Patrick. You said it. We have moved from chaos to disorder, from new gen to millennials ...and glam sham still sells! Philosophy becomes fizz...protests become parties. ;)
    Brian McKenzie
    06/04/2017 #9 Brian McKenzie
    Pavlovian Kibble ~ Lenin would be proud.
    Veronica Ochoa
    06/04/2017 #8 Anonymous
    #4 Your welcome @patrickscullin But as many BLM protesters and Civil Rights pioneers said.... I didn't realize holding a can of Pepsi would have saved me from a, b or c. I agree in general with the lack of empathy as referenced in the Kent State remark below but, I would also warn of this issue across the board... Susan Sontag one of my sheroes wrote about this as "The Other" in "Regarding the Pain of Others". https://monoskop.org/images/a/a6/Sontag_Susan_2003_Regarding_the_Pain_of_Others.pdf
    Patrick Scullin
    06/04/2017 #7 Patrick Scullin
    Thanks, @Veronica Ochoa, you make excellent points.
    Patrick Scullin
    06/04/2017 #6 Patrick Scullin
    Thanks, @Phil Friedman, I appreciate the kind words.
    Veronica Ochoa
    05/04/2017 #3 Anonymous
    While I cannot condone the use of Kendall Jenner I understand (from POV) that this is similar to me to the 70's version of Coca-Cola's "I like to give the world a Coke" campaign and the ending is (in my POV) a nod to the infamous photo of Jan Kasmir (flower power movement). I think it is a betrayal of her memory and her legacy then and now. I wish this had been done better but, this reminds me and all of us there is work to do.Yes, advertising and media should step up. The Superbowl commercials were lackluster and only one dared to talk about the immigration debate. 84 Lumber's http://fortune.com/2017/02/03/super-bowl-commercials-84-lumber/ very subtle yet powerful and evocative message spoke to me as a daughter of a Mexican immigrant who mother was given amnesty by Ronald Reagan mind you....and who herself as the liberty to evoke her 1st Amendment right to free speech. My mother a proud US Citizen..fully vested in everywhere and has been since 2000. Yes, there are POCs everywhere in the commercial because this is the America and not what the current government wants us to believe. Are the signs myself and others have made to protest since Trayvon Martin creative? Yes. They are. Are we trying to be social change agents. Yes, we are. This affirms to me the BLM movement is relevant, protesting is relevant and we need to #resist http://motto.time.com/4695248/vietnam-war-protester-trump-pepsi/
    Phil Friedman
    05/04/2017 #2 Phil Friedman
    Straight out of a marketing playbook derived from a selection of advice to be found on social media about branding and "authenticity". The only thing the creators of this ad missed was mixing in recovered historical footage of students being shot down by inexperienced, scared and panicked National Guardsmen at Kent State University. Because it's possible for an eight-year-old to drive an automobile doesn't mean you should let them. Thanks, @Patrick Scullin, for bringing this to our attention. Some serious lessons to learn here.
  11. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    30/03/2017
    New Samsung Galaxy S8 Extinguishes Itself
    New Samsung Galaxy S8 Extinguishes ItselfYesterday, Samsung officially unveiled its latest smartphone, the Galaxy S8, and it’s a corker!Following the embarrassment of the Samsung Note 7’s tendency to catch fire, the latest model addresses that possibility in an ingenious way. “It...
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  12. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    24/03/2017
    GOP Proposes New & Improved Healthcare Bill
    GOP Proposes New & Improved Healthcare BillAs Republican members of Congress scramble to try and save their health care bill called the American Health Care Act, it looks dead on arrival.But, it’s not over yet, The Lint Screen has learned.After conferring behind closed doors, Speaker of The...
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    Comments

    Patrick Scullin
    29/03/2017 #2 Patrick Scullin
    We are golden! Thanks for the update and stay healthy!!! #1
    Todd Jones
    29/03/2017 #1 Todd Jones
    Excellent, Patrick! Dr. Bornstein later that day proclaimed all Americans to be in terrific health, thereupon bringing the healthcare crisis to what Donald calls a winning conclusion.

    In a related story, all of the money set aside for the “The Tremendous Healthcare Plan For All Americans Act” can now be redirected to building a really long wall since those cheapskate Mexicans aren't going to chip in.
  13. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    22/03/2017
    Grilling Judge Neil Gorsuch
    Grilling Judge Neil GorsuchThe editorial board of The Lint Screen has compiled a list of probing questions for Supreme Court Justice nominee Judge Neil Gorsuch and submitted it to the grand inquisitors in Washington.Let’s see if the puppet politicians have enough backbone to...
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  14. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    13/03/2017
    Dead Demand Their Voting Rights
    Dead Demand Their Voting RightsThe dead are not lying down on their rights as Americans!After the 2016 election fraud, politicians are vowing to clamp down on voter fraud that they say cheated President Trump out of millions of votes. One of the key claims is that dead people are...
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  15. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    28/02/2017
    Oscars Awards New Accounting Firm
    Oscars Awards New Accounting FirmAfter Sunday night’s screw-up by PricewaterhouseCoopers, the Academy Awards Committee has fired the prestigious accounting firm and hired H Block (in central Tarzana) to take over auditing responsibilities for The 2017 Oscars.“We thank...
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  16. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    27/02/2017
    Clients of PricewaterhouseCoopers Demand Do-Overs
    Clients of PricewaterhouseCoopers Demand Do-OversFollowing last night’s epic Oscars fail by PricewaterhouseCoopers (PwC) by mixing up the envelopes for the Best Picture winner, many of the accounting firm’s clients are demanding their tax returns be re-done.“How can we trust their calculations?”...
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  17. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    17/02/2017
    White House-Approved Media Questions
    White House-Approved Media QuestionsFollowing President Donald J. Trump spanking of fake news yesterday, the White House has drafted a list of approved questions for the media to ask in press conferences.“We had to do this,” Jeremy Bostwich, White House senior advisor told The Lint...
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  18. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    13/02/2017
    Wilson: A Bitter Washed-Up Hollywood Has Been
    Wilson: A Bitter Washed-Up Hollywood Has BeenIf your name is Wilson, Hollywood ain’t exactly La La Land singing, dancing and technicolor love-goo!The handsome volleyball, who co-starred with Tom Hanks in 2000’s blockbuster movie Cast Away, has been on the beach ever since looking for another...
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  19. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    04/02/2017
    Douglass Falls In Bowling Green Massacre
    Douglass Falls In Bowling Green MassacreIn a tragic turn of events, Frederick Douglass, who President Trump recently recognized for his “amazing work” died as a result of The Bowling Green Massacre.Douglass was 198-years-old.“It’s a horrible end to an incredible life,” Prof. William...
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  20. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    02/02/2017
    Punxsutawney Phil Sentenced To Death
    Punxsutawney Phil Sentenced To DeathThere’s a critter who is hating the sun today.Punxsutawney Phil, the famous groundhog who has his own holiday and movie, saw his shadow this morning when he exited his burrow in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. Tradition says that his shadow sighting...
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  21. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    19/01/2017
    Bat Boy Slams Fake News
    Bat Boy Slams Fake NewsBat Boy, the sensation discovered by the “Poo-Litzer Prize” winning WEEKLY WORLD NEWS has surfaced again and is making headlines with his tirades against fake news.“I’ve had it,” an irate Bat Boy told The Lint Screen. “Reporters must uphold the...
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  22. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    14/01/2017
    Dude Joins Social Media, Finally
    Dude Joins Social Media, FinallyLarry Kolirews has always been his own person.“Don’t run with the herd, that’s my slogan,” the 56-year-old guitarist and lead singer of Air Supply cover band “Free Luv” told The Lint Screen. But now, he’s finally diving into the modern world by...
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  23. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    04/01/2017
    Congress Votes Itself Huge Raise And Other Perks
    Congress Votes Itself Huge Raise And Other PerksAfter yesterday’s Congressional embarrassment of flip-flopping on trying to shut down the ethics committee keeping a watchful eye on itself, lawmakers made a bold, decisive move and passed historic legislation this morning.The majority voted itself...
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  24. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    28/12/2016
    2016 Files For An Extension; World Outraged
    2016 Files For An Extension; World OutragedTalk about overstaying your welcome–– the year 2016 has officially filed with the universe for an extension. The formal request states that 2016 would serve all of 2017’s term, then retire and allow 2018 to serve.“If this extension is granted,” said...
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  25. ProducerPatrick Scullin

    Patrick Scullin

    22/12/2016
    Santa Claus Not Coming To Town
    Santa Claus Not Coming To TownChristmas is a time for fuzzy slippers and fuzzy feelings for traditions, but one of the oldest traditions won’t happen this year thanks to a cranky ol’ St. Nick!In a shocking revelation, Santa Claus held a press conference this morning in the North...
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    Comments

    Don 🐝 Kerr
    22/12/2016 #1 Don 🐝 Kerr
    "You think I like smelling reindeer cracks?" @Patrick Scullin Never thought of it from this perspective butt (groan) he raises a fair point!
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