- Producer04/07/2016Is this becoming a world of ANGRY people?Please don't shout at me, it's just a personal observation, but I do believe we are suffering from a surge of anger. It's a strange conundrum because I also sense a strong peace movement, a rise in the practice of meditation and a yearning for...
Comments09/08/2016 #47 Deb Criveau#39 I strongly agree Rebel @Rebel Brown. Many people, especially those who are aggressively indignant in getting their point across have some serious work to perform on themselves. People need to start repairing and rebuilding their own lives before they can fix the world's problems, but it seems instead, they would rather point fingers and shove their opinion down your throat. Oh, the hypocrisy in an imperfect world. :(27/07/2016 #45 Dale Masters#21 @Geralt Hecht I would add four more types:
3) The venters (those who just need to get the anger out...doesn't matter at whom or how);
4) Those who can't see past the left/right dichotomy...and blame the other side ( I call them "footballers" . In their minds, the world is high school writ large)
5) Those who ask "Qui bono?" Only when this question is asked can a solution begin to form.05/07/2016 #43 Donna-Luisa EversleyIt is a boiling pot of fear, hurt, anger, depression, anxiety and a lot of insecurities with the ongoing wars worldwide, especially in the middle east. The few causing the pot to simmer to combustion seem to be having the upper-hand. Politically it is a situation fueled by external conflicts and an internal reaction to past decisions. Thanks for sharing a very emotive piece @Fiona Pagett... a current issue on everyone's mind!05/07/2016 #42 Paul Frank GilbertIt is not becoming ... it merely is a world full of people. People who "suddenly" have a voice and an ability to reach large audiences without any kind of grooming or filtering. We discuss things for the very purpose of exposing ourselves and others to the "pros and cons" the "yeas and nays" the "loves or hates" mentality. Human beings are, apparently, by nature very judgemental. We love to be drawn into an argument that though randomly communicated ... seems to be all about us! Ask yourself, why can't I simply ignore that post? Why MUST I comment? It is merely because you can and having the ability to do so, some folks forget why ...
Anyway, we are not becoming ... we are ... and our digital social communities are allowing us the greatest of freedoms. I think that this exposure will change things. Eventually we will grow weary and tired of the purposeless rantings ... and maybe even the meaningless hate. Once we grow weary of it. We are on our way!04/07/2016 #39 Rebel BrownGreat thoughts @Fiona Pagett I wrote something similar about the rage in America not so long ago.... we are de-evolving on a daily basis in this country! We've been programmed into fear (thanks to the media and more) and now we're in a state of Fight, Flight or Freeze. That instinctual complex wasn't designed to be on for sustained periods of time. The result? Hair triggers and rage, people lashing out at others and blaming them for their own perceptions. I think everyone needs to stop focusing on others and heal themselves of the shit that's fueling the fear that becomes rage. Then the world would be a better place, by far. Blessings Fiona!04/07/2016 #38 Claude Avilez- I understand what you are saying. I was part of a LinkedIn writing group until Facebook & Twitter got in contact with LinkedIn & they blocked from ever posting again in that writing group. So Freedom of Speech & thought is very limited, if not shut down all together if you name names like I do.04/07/2016 #37 Deb HelfrichI do agree that the medium of social media seems to have initiated a new type of persona, who turns from facing their own life to spending inordinate amounts of time berating others, simply because they know they will never have to confront these folks in person, as living, breathing souls who are just as worthy of opinions and thoughts as everyone they get to meet in person.
I keep returning to this quote from Nietzche: "I do not want to wage war with the ugly. I do not want to accuse, I do not want even to accuse the accusers. Looking aside, let that be my sole negation! And all in all, to sum up: I wish to be at any time hereafter only a yea-sayer!"
I show up on beBee to find the people, ideas, and causes I can champion wholeheartedly and I invest my time and effort in being a Yay-sayer!04/07/2016 #36 Deb Helfrich#16 You know, @Neal Rauhauser, it would be better if many of these people spewing hatred could invest some time in learning a little bit about the crises we are facing on the planet as a species. None of these 'created' categories matter in the face of an eco-system that is about to crash out of the range of sustaining life.04/07/2016 #31 Gerald Hecht#29 @Susan Rooks You can "kill someone with kindness" as well; I think some what (may seem) like anger, is more of a cathartic "venting" of frustration; in a land where the right to speak freely was, in fact, the first addendum to the basic construct of its "charter". The construct being the "self-evident truth" that all are guaranteed the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness --so long as no individual exercising those rights interferes with any other of their fellow citizens engaged I the same exercise.04/07/2016 #29 Susan RooksAs the world becomes more and more connected, we see more than we ever did, @Fiona Pagett, the good and the bad. You're right; we're yelling a lot more this year than I can ever remember -- in many countries including yours and mine. All Any of us can do, I think, is continue to reach out to others with kindness, hoping that will spread as well. Thanks for a very good post!
- Producer11/10/2016Hive Talk Special - Featuring "Sanctuary" owned by Irene HackettA Sanctuary, where people go for peaceful tranquility, Well Being and WellnessThere is no excuse for Verbal Abuse On and OfflineWhat we need is Nature and Sustainability - ideas for a better worldhttps://www.bebee.com/group/sanctuary Sanctuary...
- 05/10/2016DISCLAIMER: The sole purpose of this video is comedic entertainmentMy Anti-Bullying Video Here is my Anti-Bullying video. I take a stand against all of those who insult and bully me within and around the world. To learn about the making of this...
- 18/09/2016Different kinds of Internet trolls explained by...get this, a "Troll Scholar" and there's even research.A Step-by-step Guide to Dealing With Trollsfusion.net Sorry trolls, but the gloves are coming...
- Producer18/09/2016LinkedIn: Land of Trolls, Haters and Fakes - Is beBee Far Behind?Lately, I decided to post onto my LinkedIn account and it didn't take long for the haters to come out. I define a "hater" as someone who is critical of a post but chooses not to explain why. Instead, they use phrases such as "This is garbage"...
Comments20/09/2016 #98 Vincent AndrewYes I've had the "big busted women" following me too @Cory Galbraith but I am not following them back. No chance. Bebee is a place to feel refreshed, to read other people's experiences and views and certainly not to be attacked. So far the people I have followed have produced good quality honey and that is a pretty good reason for me to stay.20/09/2016 #97 William VanDorin#92 I am possessed of outrageous opinions and the tenacity of a badger, I have had my share of trolls. I openly mock them in a none hostile way, often arguing their side of the excrement they are flinging to much better effect! They loose interest rather quickly when they realize you are having fun with it. In the end they are wishing I would just stop, but again, the whole tenacity thing! LOL!19/09/2016 #92 Phil Friedman#89 No, William, it does make a difference. I have a pet troll, or rather a groupie troll who stalks my profile daily so he can find my posts and comments, then shows up there with, commonly, arrogant, thinly disguised by personal attacks on my writing, ethics, intentions, or style. Since this has been going on for over two years, I am both bored with, and indifferent to the obviously I'll-motivated slurs. But it does often dampen the enthusiasm that many have for the conversation at hand, which is a pity. For many times that conversation is lively and interesting, until this troll shows up with his non-sequiturs and smelly red herrings,19/09/2016 #89 William VanDorinWe need the trolls. they are a poignant reminder of ignorance and where humanity needs work. With the proper attitude haters can be such fun, as they seem to be very easy to anger to the point of nonsensical ranting. Is it sinister to provoke such venomous people for sport and amusement? Who am I kidding? I don't care! Go ahead, hate on me... I could use the diversion.19/09/2016 #86 Jim MurrayInteresting Post @Cory Galbraith. I won't explain why (LOL). But I think you nailed it with your thought on the level of civility in society declining. There are a lot of things you can point to as causes for this. But mostly I think it's simply that people don't respect each other to the degree that they used to. The internet and all that comes with it gives people the freedom to be rude and insensitive without any fear of recrimination. So they do. And if you think LinkedIn is bad, you should try commenting honestly on a sports site like TSN.com. They're all animal over there. I think it was Thoreau that said "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation". But that was before the internet. Now they lead lives of willful ignorance and disrespect, which stems, to some degree, from a false sense of entitlement. Me. Me. Me. It's all about me. Thanks for the post. I'll share it in the Beezers Hive.19/09/2016 #84 Paul "Pablo" CroubalianRe Big Booby Ladies: everyone has been getting followed from the same obvious scammers. MY METHOD: I do not use the no thanks link. I open in a new tab, check the profile. If I follow, fine. If not I just close the tab and ignore it. Otherwise, you are liable to get repeated follows.19/09/2016 #79 Robert Bacal#75 Actually, Phil, I just wish you'd stop the tap dancing before you end up in the tub, but that's another issue. If you are referring to my response to you, rather than using this kind of vagueness, I'll explain, although sadly you did not ask. A friend tells another friend when they have toilet paper stuck to their shoes. An enemy lets you walk out with that toilet paper on your shoe because it will make you feel stupid. I'm neither friend, nor your enemy. I wrote what I wrote since you mentioned being criticized, but you left out part of the equation SOMEONE should care enough about you to tell you.19/09/2016 #77 Phil Friedman#73 Aurorasa, I like you 2-reply rule, except I not sure that it works for all contexts. Some of the best conversations I've been involved in on social media have gone on for much longer, and for many more back and forths than that. Depends on the participants and their objectives and expectations, I think. And I also think that we should not modify what we do in such discussions based upon how they might "look" to outsiders -- unless we believe that all our activity online is for display purposes only. Cheers!
- 18/09/2016FREE! 10 ways to manage employee conflict and improve office communication, the workplace environment and team productivity.
Disputes between employees are inevitable. But if left unresolved, they can disrupt your department’s productivity, sap morale and even cause some good employees to quit. That’s why Business Management Daily has prepared this “workplace survival” special report for managers, employees and HR professionals. Learn how to resolve workplace conflict on everything from refereeing staff rivalries to dealing with a boss who’s throwing more than just a temper tantrum to managing co-worker resentment when you get a promotion.Workplace Conflict Resolution, Free Business Management Daily Reportwork911.tradepub.com Free Report to Workplace Conflict Resolution 10 ways to manage employee conflict and improve office communication, the workplace environment and team...
- 17/09/2016Hawksbury school kids send a message after bullying related suicide. Remember that every time a child views abusive verbal behavior, it becomes that much more normalized and considered part of "normal" behavior. Whether on or offline, verbal abuse, and putting others down legitimizes verbal violence. Be careful what you say when you disagree of make public judgments of others online.
- 17/09/2016Today, in our small town was the funeral. If you want to know why I'm so concerned with verbal abuse on and off line, here's one of the answers. Verbal abuse hive is at https://www.bebee.com/group/verbal-abuse-on-and-offline'It hits hard': Hawkesbury student who took her own life was bullied, friends saywww.cbc.ca Friends of a 16-year-old eastern Ontario girl who took her own life yesterday mourned her outside her school...
- 16/09/2016If you can, put aside being pro or con about Donald Trump but read this and focus on his behavior and that of other candidates that are, in essence verbally abusive. Take special notice of how verbal abuse is excused as being honest, etcIf You Can't Recognize Abuse In The World, You Won't Be Able To Stop It In Your Homeconflict911.com
- 15/09/2016Sadly Suzette Haden Elgin, Psycholinguist, SF author and the developer of verbal self defense passed away in 2015. She had a profound effect on my own work and books.
Many of her verbal self defense books are still in print, and I recommend them highly. I had the honor of being contacted by her a number of years ago via email, and I know she was active in social media and blogging until shortly before here death. We lost a good one, but one with an incredibly productive life helping others deal with verbal abuse.R.I.P. Suzette Haden Elgin: Author, Poet, Verbal Self-Defense Coachio9.gizmodo.com Suzette Haden Elgin, who died last week, was a pioneer of using linguistics in science fiction, creating a whole constructed language in her novel Native Tongue. She was a giant of feminist SF. And she helped bring SF poetry to prominence, while...
- 14/09/2016Have you been the target of PRIVATE abuse, attacks or threats sent to you privately as a result of your contributions to either BeBee or LinkedIn? If so, I'd like to hear from you for a potential article I'm contemplating writing. Confidentiality assured. Examples, and some of the text would be great.
If you want to contact me via email, rather than on the platform, my email is email@example.comVerbal Abuse On and OfflineVerbal Abuse On and Offline For discussion of verbal abuse, verbal attacks and any other forms of verbal violence at home, online in social media, and at work. Please try to be constructive in your comments and support others who may be either targets, or people who are
Comments16/09/2016 #5 Robert Bacal#3 Deb @Deb Helfrich I have lots of examples collected over more than a decade, plus current stuff. I'm trying to figure out a way to make use of that material is some sort of constructive way that will help people. The examples tend towards trying to intimidate others, boasting, diminishing, and to third parties, trying to persuade them that a third party is...a troll, or otherwise evil.
One interesting thing about them, is that some, perhaps many of the examples I have are so bad, so extreme that people would hardly believe they are real. That' part of the syndrome when one is targeted because it's hard to believe what one is seeing - that people actually do this stuff. The privacy involved is very much like managerial bullying, or sexutal harrassment - there's a tendency to disbelieve it goes own because we don't SEE it ourselves.14/09/2016 #4 Robert Bacal#3 I am hoping people will step up and offer examples, even if they are anonymous, and I'm going to go through my email archive to see what I can find on my own and that I can share. Clearly the problem with private abuse is very much like sexual harrassment, and other private bullying in that it's one person and the other person out of the spotlight.14/09/2016 #3 Deb Helfrich#2 It would be useful to see some examples. I doubt the offenders would actually bother to read, but it would help the people being subtly bullied to understand it is not about them personally, but rather a manipulation of someone trying to feel better about themselves by making others feel small or wanting to protect some sort of invincible attitude in the public spheres of social media.
- 14/09/2016"The Bully Boss Strikes Again!"
How to deal with bosses who make crazy requests.
The editors of Business Management Daily asked administrative assistants to weigh in with the craziest things their bosses had ever asked them to do. They expected to hear about killer hours, volatile tempers and perfectionist demands. They didn’t anticipate the things you’ll find in this report!The Bully Boss Strikes Again!, Free Business Management Daily Reportwork911.tradepub.com Free Report to The Bully Boss Strikes Again! How to deal with bosses who make crazy...
- 12/09/2016Excellent overview of Suzette Haden Elgin's Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense http://www.adrr.com/aa/overview.html
Comments14/09/2016 #2 Deb HelfrichInteresting information, Robert. I'd have to practice, a lot, though, to be able to utilize it. And I am a very astute listener. There has to be some sort of catchy phrase such as "Don't react, xxx" to sum it all up, so that it might actually help squash a return knee-jerk reaction.
- 12/09/2016On constructive criticism. https://www.bebee.com/group/verbal-abuse-on-and-offline The Hive about verbal abuse on and offline
- Producer09/09/2016Understanding and Dealing With Customers Who BullyBullying and Verbal Abuse From and To CustomersBy Robert BacalYou may not know that bullying and verbal abuse from customers comes from two "places". First, customers will sometimes lapse into more childish behavior because they are emotionally...
Comments09/09/2016 #2 Robert Bacal#1 There are some industries, @John White, MBA that are much worse to work in, and wireless/phone/ etc. is one of them. Others that are really bad are healthcare (probably the worst because there's high violence potential), and airlines. The more important the problem the client faces, OR the worse the perception the customer has in the first place both fuel the problem. Often anger is really pain in disguise.09/09/2016 #1 John White, MBA@Robert Bacal: Wow, this one spoke to me. However, it took me back to a dark place in my career. You see, I spent over a decade in the wireless industry, mostly in B2B account development roles. People can become enraged when their wireless device doesn't work right. I was on the receiving end of much of the abuse you described in your post. Also, the billing in wireless used to be a complete nightmare, which, of course, was the fault of the industry. However, the front line employees were the ones who took the heat from customers, not the execs that created the crazy billing schemes to get customers to pay more.
I definitely get bullied a bit on social media and haters emerge on my blogs. However, it's pretty mild compared to the wireless industry. LOL! I'm glad I'm out of there!
- Producer24/08/2016How to Avoid the Consequences of Social WarThere is something in the air, my friends. It’s the foul odour of rot. It’s the stench of animosity. It’s the reek of cowardice. It’s the sickening putrescence of a soul. Bullying has come to beBee. It cannot be tolerated. It will not be...
Comments28/08/2016 #67 Don KerrOn a related point, I'd like to encourage everyone to read Robert @Robert Cormack's post https://www.bebee.com/producer/@robert-cormack/students-who-want-safe-spaces-should-avoid-alan-dershowitz-and-my-house25/08/2016 #66 Lisa Gallagher#62 @Paul "Pablo" Croubalian, have you tried to make a pig sing? LOL, you know I'm just teasing. I love that line of yours, never heard that one before! Well said. Interesting convo about the bears at the Cairo zoo.. I agree, they'd have to have showers and A/C. Or big watering areas they can swim in.24/08/2016 #63 Paul "Pablo" Croubalian#61 Actually, I just asked my mother. It seems that the bears in the Cairo zoo did have showers to keep them cool. Cairo isn't exactly a prime black bear habitat, so the showers make sense. No doubt they are now in some sort of air conditioned enclosure.24/08/2016 #62 Paul "Pablo" Croubalian#58 True, @Sarah Elkins. I used to have a "Whatever doesn't kill me had better start running," mentality. I've mellowed somewhat with age. Now I make sure the injury was intentional first. Even then, I question if it's worth my while to respond. There's an old saying, "You cannot teach a pig to sing. First, it's impossible. Second, you only annoy the pig"24/08/2016 #58 Sarah Elkins#51 This is the key, I think: "Still, we should be careful to make sure offense was intended." I'm not easily offended these days. Like you, @Paul "Pablo" Croubalian, I had some early years of bad treatment that left me marked. Lately, though, I ask myself a few questions before jumping on anything: What was the intention? What was the motivation? Was it to be insulting? If yes, is a response going to fix the problem? If not, I have two choices 1) ask directly to offer an opportunity to clarify, or 2) leave it alone because it wasn't intentional.
Being kind is not the same thing as being compliant and eternally agreeable. And the kicker with social media is that here, it is highly unlikely that you will ever convert someone to your way of thinking by commenting on a post. Want to open minds? Have one-to-one authentic conversations.24/08/2016 #56 Harvey LloydUnfortunately groupthink bulling has become a part of the society we live. I can identify with your youth story. I didn't grow until I was in my twenties, the poor folks who tested me after that probably got some pent up childhood experiences.
I would offer up though that bulling has become an issue, not only the sense of identification, but also in definition. Disagreement can be seen as bulling. I know a bully when I read one. Your suggestions are honorable. Bullies exist just as potholes on the road, do your best to not engage either. Engagement is what they wish. Sorry your youth experience happened, but I know those spaces in my youth brought me to where I am. I wouldn't change them.24/08/2016 #54 Mamen Delgado#45 So did I Pablo!!! Hahahaha LOL! We say "cairota" in Spanish but I had no idea how to say it in English so I just looked for it... ☺️ I've been several times in El Cairo (I could stay there and live inside The Egyptian Museum for the rest of my life, I love it!) but I didn't see any bears taking showers although it is a beautiful image. Lucky you!! 🐻🚿24/08/2016 #53 AnonymousWow, @Paul "Pablo" Croubalian.. this is such a great post and one that ALL of us can relate to on one side or the other. I try really hard to contribute to social conversations in a "meaningful" way. While I don't always agree with a post, I strive to share a different perspective rather than disapproval or judgment. There are those times that, in haste, I don't always stop and read my response before hitting the send button. I've been called out a few times and when I've reread my comment, I realized that it didn't read at all the way I had intended it. What a great reminder that this is a social forum and there are rules of social etiquette and common sense. Thank you!24/08/2016 #52 Paul "Pablo" Croubalian#49 Thanks for the compliment, @Kevin Pashuk. It's impossible to avoid offending anyone. Some people work very hard to find something offensive.
If I post the lyrics to "Mary had a Little Lamb," would someone be offended that its fleece was white as snow? What about black sheep? Am I racist? Why Mary? Why not Maria? Why not Billy? What about slushy snow?
We can't please everyone, so we may as well please ourselves. The unfollow/mute/block works both ways.24/08/2016 #50 Paul Kearley#48 Bullies like to work in secret, and they always like a "mark" or victim that they can be assured of being bigger than which gives them a better chance to come out unscathed. I have found that When you make public what they are doing, most times they stop, either through shame or peer pressure.24/08/2016 #49 Kevin PashukIf I had the 'Stinger' feature right now @Paul "Pablo" Croubalian I'd 'sting' this post.
There was an article a few year's back by Michael Coren (Canadian Right Wing commentator (Yes we have right wing people in Canada)) who garners his fair share of aggressive replies to his posts. While I don't agree with much of what he espouses, I did appreciate he would get the issues on the table and I like to read people who think differently than I do.
Anyway, back to my point. His article (which I have searched for and can't find) talked about the worst kind of commenters. He called them the "IAOs" for the "I AM OFFENDED" which was the phrase that usually proceeded their comments. They were not interested in dialog, discussion or debate, but only getting their anger out.
You've addressed these issues so eloquently. Thank you.24/08/2016 #48 Paul "Pablo" Croubalian#47 Exactly right, @Paul Kearley. take away the soap box and they have no power. But it is still a two-way street on social media.
It's very difficult to "accidently" attack someone physically.
It's very easy to attack accidently in writing. Maybe we need to grow slightly thicker skin, I don't know.
Maybe we should simply ask them to re-state their comment. Maybe we should set the post aside for a bit and return later to see if it still pisses us off. Thoughts?
- 08/09/2016http://work911.com/conflict/carticles/copcomma.htm Outlines the meaning of cooperative vs confrontational communication. Its focus is the workplace, but the same modes of communication apply to any kinds of interaction
- 08/09/2016This is a link to the verbal self-defense books by Suzette Haden Elgin, who is the major influence on my work helping people deal with hostile customers and difficult people. The reason I find her books so powerful, is that she stresses non-violent responses and empowers victims and targets of verbal abuse.Amazon.com: suzette haden elgin verbal: Booksamzn.to Online shopping from a great selection at Books...
Verbal Abuse On and Offline~ 100 buzzes
For discussion of verbal abuse, verbal attacks and any other forms of verbal violence at home, online in social media, and at work.
Please try to be constructive in your comments and support others who may be either targets, or people who are trying to alter the way they communicate to be more positive.
Please try to be constructive in your comments and support others who may be either targets, or people who are trying to alter the way they communicate to be more positive.