The Home Butterfly Effect

The Home Butterfly Effect

The idea of this buzz was triggered by a comment on LI by James Olcott, MBA. I asked James “your father was a sharp businessman. The question is why you didn't follow his steps? Was it your love of writing”? James responded as follows As a faithful reader of http://thebernardolcottstory.com/, I am sure you have noticed that I was up against some very strange obstacles -- at least in terms of directly following my father's steps. The fact that he created many of those was both baffling and damaging to me spiritually and psychically. Sometimes your childhood home turns out not to be a good place to be. So my challenge was to find another path with grace and heart. And hopefully with a bit of humor as well. Maybe when my journey is over, you might say that I did follow in his steps, but in my way. And that I did capture many colorful rabbits along the way. While embellishing my love of writing”.

The above exchange of comments triggered the idea of this buzz. What starts small at home may turn hugely effective in the future. Small today doesn’t mean small tomorrow.

Babies find home the first place to socialize. It is their mini world that scales up into the larger world. Understanding the importance of having a great social family life for babies and kids is of paramount experience. No wonder we read about The Family Effect, The Daughter Effect, The Son Effect and The Middle Boy Dilemma. All these effect magnify over time and their understanding is a must.

Let me start the discussion by a simple diagram. It shows the support and demand of parents that parents may give to their kids.


Before we give support and demand we must realize that daughters differ from sons. Recent research show that girls want love, whereas boys demand respect. The parents should understand that to demand from their sons they need to do so with respect to their will, interests and desires. It is not enough to demand; giving support is equally important. Parents who demand forcefully and without giving support to their sons will cause many problems for the sons, which shall manifest in the future. The boys may later not give respect to others and become demanding at work. Their style of life will be distorted. The actions of today shall have inflated reactions tomorrow.

Daughters need love. It is their priority. The Daughters Effect have shown the future results of extending love to daughters by fathers. The firms whose partners had more daughters hired significantly more women. And they also made more money. Firms with improved gender diversity, induced by parenting more daughters, delivered better performance and higher profits. The authors say that fathers who raise daughters may feel less biased toward women and be more open to hiring them. The reverse is true. This might explain the avoidance of some male executives to hire women. I am sure Lisa Vanderburg and Mohammed A. Jawad will have a word to say here.

That some of our actions may have lagging effects doesn’t mean they shall have no effect; in contrary, they shall have magnified effects. When parents demand heavily and apply pressure on their kids with little or no support the kids shall grow up with fear, doubt, lack of self-confidence and trust, feelings of rejection and feeling they are unworthy.

We may cover the lives of our kids with the clouds of feeling lonely, unsupported and doubt. We need to remember that these clouds rain their lives negative attitudes to life, to society, to the world and to themselves. Is this the respect and love we want to give to their future?



#71 you know your words resonate with me @Lisa 🐝 Gallagher. My youngest daughter is in Germany now. May be also the ease of communication has added to my peace of mind. But mostly due to Sara is a mature person to depend on her. In no way we shall have 100% peace of mind. However; I don't worry at the opposite extreme either.

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Lisa Gallagher 17/11/2017 · #71

#70 It really is a great feeling when we can sleep peacefully with no worries @Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee. I used to worry about my daughter a lot when she was a teen and in her early 20's. I did lose a lot of sleep then because I know females are vulnerable. Happily, they are both married and raising their own children and doing a great job! I'm glad you are very content :)) I'm sure your daughters all feel very special with their dad who is a good man with a good heart.

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#69 I assure you of one thing @Lisa 🐝 Gallagher. I am so happy anf contented with my daughters. Not only of my instinct love to them, but also djue to their respect for others, accomplishments and very healthy habits. It is great when we put our heads to sleep in peace and with no worry whstsoever from the kids.

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Lisa Gallagher 17/11/2017 · #69

oops, sorry I posted and it cut off my comment, so I'm reposting it :) I think I hit enter too fast.
#56 I sounds like you and your wife had to create a fine balancing act with each other and raising your daughters together since you both did come from different backgrounds. From everything I've read, you've done a great job raising your girls together. I've often heard it can be hard for a man when he is surrounded in his home by all females ;-) The few photos I've seen of you with your daughter(s)?, I could see the love!!

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Lisa Vanderburg 14/11/2017 · #66

#25 couldn't agree more @James Olcott and @Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee#29 . we were very fortunate to be in our own business, so hubby took off pretty much a year and our kids were a year apart and we took them everywhere: we were very lucky! not many have that chance (cost us a fortune, but was well worth it). to have the father so delighted in his babies is pure blessing!

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Lisa Vanderburg 14/11/2017 · #65

#23 lol....i said 'tutelage', James. 'Leverage' sounds so....manipulative...?

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Lisa Vanderburg 14/11/2017 · #64

#12 just as well most female-dominant communities are considered non-human...for the delicacy of some males, dear @Debasish Majumder!

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#61 Instead of location-location-location in marketing I would say position-position-position for social studies. So, dear @Lisa Vanderburg I agree with your finishing lines "Parents never get it 100% right, but starting from falling in love with your baby really helps"! The starting position is falling in love with your baby. Yes, because love at this early stage is felt. Respect comes later as the kids grow up and mainly for the sons.

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