Brian McKenzie en kyrzbekistan SVP Patient Integration • MEDx Ehealth 29/11/2016 · 5 min de lectura · +200

Kyrzbekistan: Part 20


Mama Lamchik was waiting by the front door of the arcade. She had changed as well and left the shorty short skirt to trade up for a sarong, silk shirt that let you know she was wearing a bikini and a pair of low strappy sandals. She was beach bunny bingo girl, Barbie had no chance of keeping up with her style. I had my dirty laundry and wet towel, she told me to put it in the machine and Mila would take care of it. I went inside, to do the deed and drop the load. Mila had turned on the AC, and from the raised perch of where she stood, it was all too apparent that the cold current was working a magic on her pert pears that were at exactly my eye level.

Kyrzbekistan: Part 20

'Nyzjno miytb odejzhdy'. (I need to wash my clothes) She smirked and leaned down to me, teasing me with more than just her cleavage, 'Mamochka zdelenena tebya ynichtojzul?' ( Did mama Lambchop cause you explosion?) what was there to say, the evidence was quite apparent. I know Mila is barely over 1/3 my age, but how is it she has me feeling like a randy teenager myself ~ Caught sporting wood in home room without a Pee-Chee to hide the lump! She crooked her finger and called me to her lips so she could talk closer to my ear..... ' Ne volnyutec, Ona drozhnula menya tojze, y neu vkyznaya jobykunky' (Don't worry, she teases me too! She has a hot little ass). As I was pondering the linguistic gymnastics she had just completed by joining the Russian word for ass with American kinky and made a diminutive of the event...she was doing a shimmy and shake of her hips - a cute wriggle that was barely in time with the blaring Pubic Fruit that was drowning out the video game binks, bonks, dings, sprongs with its' techno and soft-core moaning. 


I didn't see her hook her panties with her thumb, but she must have, Mila shimmied and stepped and her green top was gone as well. She plopped them on top of my heap.....' Vcex bydut gotof Kogda vernyshcya'. She put a heavy emphasis on the EVERYTHING in her assertion that all would be ready when I came back. Yooosh't



I came out of the arcade and into the sun, Mama was leaning against a miniature Mercedes convertible that had to be topped onto a golf cart chassis. Everything was dimensionally correct, but it was noticeably smaller. 'Mama, - kto rezsiet tvoya mashinka ?' (Who shrunk and cut your little car!?). She laughed 'no I order - it's 'green', run on our sun - all battery - no gas gas. I hope all cars here soon in Asotenya be like theees' There was enough sun for the effort to make it happen, and the town was small enough to pull it off. The doors were cosmetic, to get in the seat - I stepped over the low ridge and clambered in like a kids' go-cart. Apparently, there is a company out of China that is building these, and there is a wide selection to choose from. Hmmmm an affordable "Ferrari" .....sure ~ IP be damned. Silly, fun and sloooow. We headed to the beach and it's boardwalk area, about 2 miles away.  She gave a knowing laugh and smirk at the lump that neither one of was going to acknowledge but was all too blatant to be denied.  Let the entendre and innuendo continue ! 


'Kyda miy?' (where are we going?). I asked?
Mama: We go Sheik Shack!
The Sheik Shake is a franchise that does korovki and vege patties served on fresh brick oven Na'an. It is the home of the Khaled diet, where a rather large and roundish Kryzbeki had lost over 90 stones by only eating the wrapped sharmani and drinking the juiced shakes for every meal for a full year. The ad copy doesn't tell you he walked to every meal and would log nearly 10 miles a day doing it.......but it is good commercial fodder. Good for Khaled - he's an inspiration.


And now for some funk-a-roake...

Hop in your cart - it is as fast as a snail, gonna eat some kale
The Sheik Shack is a little ol place we we can eat together - I sang at the top of my groggy lungs trying to pull off the lisped falsetto of the original
You got me in a Diamler, it runs about 20
So hurry up and shake your lunchbox honey

Mama caught on and joined in the 'Roaki

The Sheik Shack is a little old place where we can get some gobbler
Sheik Shack, baby (a-Sheik Shack, baby)
Sheik Shack, baby Sheik Shack
Sheik Shack, baby, Sheik Shack
Sheik Shack, baby, Sheik Shack (Sheik baby, that's where it's at)
Sheik Shack, baby, Sheik Shack (Sheik baby, that's where it's at)

Sign says (woo) "Eat real foods"
'Cause vege rules at the Sheik
Well, it's set right front in the middle of the beach
Just a funky lil shack and I gonna get the Yak
Glitter on the front steps
Glitter on the doorway
Glitter on the counter
Glitter on the in our back booth
Well, it's set right front in the middle of the beach
Just a funky old shack and I gotta get a Menu !

Eatin and a gropin at the Sheik Shack

The Sheik Shack is a lil old place where we eat lunch together
Sheik Shack, baby (Sheik Shack, baby)
Sheik Shack, that's where it's at
Sheik Shack, that's where it's at

Here Mama pulled the cart to a stop and motioned for me to drive as she arched her back to let me slide under her. I was expecting her to take my spot on the other side....she did not, she was firmly back in my lap....our caterwauling continued -! She was warming up another round of her by now famous 'Punch the Clown'. Our tune and dance resumed !

Just a kissin and a Huggin
Lovin ' and a-grinding
Wearin' next to nothin' Here I pulled the tie to Mama's sarong, full open to her sexy legs.
'Cause it's hotter than an oven
The whole cart shimmies. (And it was)
Yeah, the whole cart shimmies. (More dry hump for the morning)
The whole cart shimmies when everybody's
Movin' around and around and around and around
Momma be movin', I be groovin', baby
Soldier standing ' up just to get on and in
I be movin', momma be groovin', baby
Funky lil shack
Funky lil shack

The Sheik Shack is a lil old place where we eat lunch together
Sheik Shack, baby (Sheik Shack, baby)
Sheik Shack, that's where it's at
Sheik Shack, that's where it's at

Mama: Bang, bang, bang, on your xyu, baby
Me: Knock a little louder, baby
Mama: Bang, bang, bang, on your xyu, baby
Me: I can't hear you
Mama: Bang, bang, bang, on your xyu, baby
Me: Knock a little louder, sugar
Mama: Bang, bang, bang, on your xyu, baby
Me: I can't hear you
Mama: Bang, bang, bang, on your xyu, baby (Knock a little louder)
Bang, bang, bang, on your xyu, baby
Bang, bang (On your xyu, baby)
Bang, bang (On your xyu)
Bang, bang (On your xyu, baby)
Bang, bang

Your what?
Tvoy xyu, nutted

Sheik Shack, baby, Sheik Shack
Sheik Shack, baby, Sheik Shack (Sheik baby, that's where it's at)
Sheik Shack, baby, Sheik Shack (Sheik baby, that's where it's at)
Sheik Shack, baby, Sheik Shack
Just a kissin and a Huggin
Lovin ' and a-grinding
At the Sheik Shack

The sexual witch did it again - damnit, this town was going to be very a hectic hell for my refractory rates.  

Our little riffed chorus put us from the front of the arcade to the corner booth rather quickly. And certainly everyone thought we were symashedshi (crazy brainless) for singing as such chant. Meh - life needs more show tunes.
Mama looked to me: Borya, you are fun, but we will never F*ck.
It was one go those E.F. Hutton moments, the whole cafe was quiet. I was not sure how many spoke English but I assumed the ones staring our direction definitely did. 


She looked at me directly as she tied on her sarong again: You want the honey, you buy whole beer.
The idiom doesn't mix well with the translation, but the intent was clear.
She continued, "You not gotov jenatcyi - you still wild horse'
She was right, I was not ready to get married, I am still running the field, hell - nearly any field I cast my eyes on. 
Some things are better left alone, they are safer at a distance, out in the field, out in the wild.

Nod of the head and tip of the hat to The B-52's
30 years later and that tune still rocks the fun.



Brian McKenzie Hace 3 h · #5

#4 this is all pretty tame - you should hear the girls when we get to drinking and turning up the music 😆 I did apply to Trump's Admijistration, I would love nothing more than to burn down Obamacare and all the crony architects with it

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Jim Murray Dec 2, 2016 · #4

You're nuts. But I love it. I'd share it but I don't know if I'd get drummed out the ambassador corps for doing that here. Just kidding, I'll share it on Linkedin. I don't give a shit what happens to me there. TYou are a wild and crazy guys for sure. Why doesn't Trump put you in his cabinet, a new post: Director of Kink.

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Brian McKenzie Dec 2, 2016 · #3

@Dean Owen Thanks for reading and sharing. The girls here are a mix of wild crazy techno party insta-grammers to staunch traditionalists that want to get married, have kids and always be the wife. And not much in between. And they do indeed bring the A game to husband hunting. Surf City was all the rave for 2 to 1 .... here it is more closely to 6 to 1 in the city, and at the Universities it is nearly 11 to 1. I have not had a date free day in months. It will be sad to leave for the next country - but I will, because that is the life I know is for me. Never settle, never stay, never marry, never breed. #MGTOW

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Dean Owen Dec 2, 2016 · #2

Shared on Facebook -https://www.facebook.com/CafebeBee/

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Dean Owen Dec 2, 2016 · #1

Fun read @Brian McKenzie. Certainly has a unique style of writing that is uniquely you! I am dangerously beginning to stereotype the ladies of your region into a "desperate for a better life" category when I am sure many young ladies are perfectly happy in the country and would be perfectly happy to marry natives.

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