What your Coffee Says about You
There is a glory glad glomming article being passed around like last week's Tinder Trophy Hook-Up Pics, saying that people that prefer black coffee are psychopaths. According to the study published in “Appetite” - people that prefer black coffee and bitter food items are “positively associated with malevolent personality traits, with the most robust relation to everyday sadism and psychopathy.”
I like my coffee like I like my Dystopia: Dark, Stormy, Well crafted and without the sugary syrup that the hordes of blathering society suckle like a pacifier. I won't drink coffee with chocolate, a shot of bottled candied extract, sugar, whipped cream, sprinkles or pumpkin pie spice. I am there for the caffeine – not as a jolt, but as a maintenance dosage. My coffee of choice is the 'Red Eye' – it is four shots of espresso, filled with house drip, a shot of cream and poured over ice to chill it. Served in a To-Go issue, because I am not hanging around the cafe to lurk or pose. I will drink 3 to 4 of these a day. If I cannot get them from a barista stand, then I will bring a Thermos to get me through the shift. Or if I am in a spot for a good duration, I will bring a small desk fridge and micro latte machine to my desk. It has been a life saver for me for survival in a cube farm. In my sales positions – customers always wanted to sit with the guy that could brew a latte – especially in Seattle. As Starbucks was founded in Seattle, we feel we are entitled to the coffee culture like no other city in the States. We feel we own coffee - and as natives, we are a bit snobbish to what we put in a cup and call 'coffee'.
The best coffee I have ever had, I discovered while on deployment into the Middle East during the first Gulf War. In Bahrain, they had a 'white' coffee that was simply amazing. It was sun blanched instead of roasted, and instead of dunked and drowned in water, it was scrubbed with nut shells (usually hazelnut, but walnut, almond and Filberts are common too). An industrial strength grinder is required to pulverize the raw beans, meaning – you killing your home machine if you attempt it. It is an amazing flavor, naturally nutty and packs a potent punch. Because the bean is neither roasted nor soaked, it retains all of its' strength without being acidity. It is a smooth almost desert dessert drink. You can get the coffee State side finally, from Lowry's, they will deliver it to your door in bulk, or you can snag it at Cost-co. It is well worth the price above the ground fair from the emerald crowned corporate mermaid.
So how to decide where the best coffee in Seattle is located? First and foremost, avoid the big box national franchised chains. They are generic and bland to fit the majority of customers through their door. They are not about smooth, potent, or rich – they are about volume and mundane redundancy of bland brown swill water that NEEDS to be dressed up in flavors because it is so off-putting when naked. Second, who is their roaster? Any quality stand or cafe will proudly display the brand of coffee they serve. My current Seattle favorite is Caffé D'arte.
Third, speed and accuracy. I want my coffee fast – I am not there for the check-out prattle. If you mess up my drink – I won't be back. And that is a mistake that is costing you dearly; as I said – 3 to 4 times a day in a 12 hour shift. I had a serious budget for coffee when I was working in the Metro Seattle Sprawl. And finally, atmosphere – if I do decide to park, I want to be undisturbed, and not tortured with Britney Spears, Bruno Mars, Beyonce or worse - Nirvana Muzak. I enjoy the Seattle Freeze. I don't want to talk to anybody, I don't want to meet anybody, and I am not interested in your loud 'OMG, I was soooooo drunk' broadcasts. I don't care where you are from, and I am not your single serving 'friend'.
My favorite place in Seattle has long since closed down. It was the Smith Brother's across from Union Square off of 6th Avenue. They knew me well, had my schedule down. My drink was ready nearly as I walked in the door. Their tip jar was always rewarded well for such efficiency. The ultimate place to escape the tedium and noise of Downtown was Waterfall Garden Park – up against the freeway, behind Union Square. Most people don't know it is there, it was the perfect place to be left alone and enjoy a great cup of coffee. I miss them.
You say “psychopath”, I say “quiet guy that pays all his bills and keeps to himself”.
I am a Seattle Native. I was born there back in the day when two hippies created their own version of Woodstock and 'Free Love' by decided to have sex in a waterfront park. (Thanks mom for relating that story to me in all of it's sordid details) My family traveled with the military, and I returned to Seattle for University. As a graduate of University of Washington, I quickly discovered life off campus was cold, sterile, distant, passive - aggressive and down right inhospitable. I blamed most of it on the fledgling pedantic Politically Correct culture - where anything and everything you said could and would be held against you. Rather than talk to HR - it was just easier not to talk to anyone; don't make friends, don't make conversation, don't make eye contact, and for f*ck sakes never compliment a girl on her outfit.
Seattle is the perfect training ground for anyone considering a career in HR - you will learn to pay attention to people for only 6 seconds - LIKE A BOSS.