Dave Worthen

6 years ago · 5 min. reading time · ~100 ·

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Chocolate Cynicism: The Covert Bullet Aimed at Creatives

Chocolate Cynicism: The Covert Bullet Aimed at Creatives

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There’s a flavor that has been growing in this culture that has turned my head. It’s not a familiar flavor like I experienced growing up. In my teens I would frequent the famous ice cream chain called “31 Flavors.” Back then, people would have this almost orgasmic ooooh and ahhhh response to eating “Praline’s n’ Cream.”

Me? I was like, what the hell is a praline?

Fast forward to present time.

One evening I stopped into a local ice cream shop and just get a single cup of good-old fashioned chocolate ice cream.

Except when I tasted it, it wasn’t chocolate.

The flavor?

Chocolate Cynicism.

What in the land of jolly green giants are you talking about?

Oh. Ah. Sorry. Maybe you haven’t tasted the cynicism yet?

Here. You try it. I’ll wait.

Taste…taste...hmmm….heyyyy...wait a dang second here...

There’s something else in this ice cream!

That’s right.

That “something else” was bitter. It didn’t belong in your savoring of the deliciously smooth chocolate ice cream, until you digested it.

And then it hit.

Out came the critical and disparaging remark about you.

At first when you hear this person taking a shot at you you’re like WTF is this? You look in your cup of chocolate ice cream to see if someone might have put rat poison in it when you weren’t looking.

You even sniff it to see if it’s bad.

I know, who sniffs ice cream, right?

Well, often this person is working with you right there in your company. Hell, in the same department. Or right there, day-in-and-day out on your Project Team.

Or maybe they’re a “friend” of yours, or...hold onto your hat...a family member.

The reason this is a shocker is it is almost always someone close to you.

I know. It’s scary-crazy, right?

But if you’re honest with yourself, and you take a look at any project, idea where you are truly expanding, unfortunately there are often people who you thought were part of the chocolate, but covertly enjoy being part of the cynical.

And listen: It often comes out of the blue when you are enjoying your chocolate. It comes when you are expanding and succeeding in life. And when you take your business up a notch, or you win an award or you get public recognition, that’s their cue.

And they come covertly out of that crowd of colleagues, friends, and yes, sometimes family, to do what cynics do:

To disparage or discredit you.

And it’s not a fastball down the middle of the strike zone.

Nah. They know you can see that.

They throw a high curve at your chest which you swear has the intention to hit you.

In your gut you’re thinking, “Damn, it felt like he was aiming for my head.”

Exactly.

You’re like...what is going on here?

You look back at your colleague/friend/family member and they’re laughing. Or they’re covertly smiling while taking a sip of wine and reply with something flippant like, “Almost got you there, Eddie boy!”

This not your Labor Day water balloon fun-filled family banter.

This was sinister.

And the reason why you miss it, is because it comes across chocolate.

But it arrives with cynicism.

The key is you have to get better at spotting and handling this, because as you read this, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

When you get the disparaging remark, recognize this was locked and loaded for you.

Disparage means to depreciate. That’s right, like the brand new car you drive off the lot. It’s value is less. But this is not about your car.

It’s about you.

And let’s talk value for a second.

Whether in your personal life or business, there is the value of you.

People often miss this. They get all caught up in their product or service. Or in a relationship, the value of the great times or great sex or their fun in the Caribbean.

There are no great times or great sex or fun in the Caribbean without you.

Just you and who you are.

When your wife says she’s not sure about wearing her bikini out on the beach, and you assure her she looks just fine and you love her, bikini or no bikini. She smiles, blushes, and falls in love with you all over again.

That’s value.

And when your wife hopes you’ll spend your Sunday morning with her and not on the golf course, but sees your enthusiasm and instead goes with the flow, packs you a lunch, and kisses you on your way out the door.

That’s value.

It’s the essence of who you are.

The greatest value you have is you, your heart and soul, your ability to love, and your ideas and creativity.

This is what you bring to the table be it in the work space, at home, or in life.

And when dealing with the cynic, whether in your personal life or at work, you will sometimes out of nowhere get this queasy-uneasy feeling that you’re on the other end of their M24 sniper rifle. It’s crazy as hell. Suddenly the conversation shifts, like the bullet’s been loaded in the chamber all quiet and shit, while they smile and covertly take a shot at you.

You keep your cool and raise your eyebrow while looking them dead in the eye. Their camouflage coat just fell to the floor like some bad Game of Thrones episode. Their eerie-smarmy smile comes over their face and you realize life just got really real.

This person is covertly trying to take you out.

This is completely different than someone commenting on your product, service, or project.

When the target is you, you will often look inward like you’ve just been shot, but you cannot locate the bullet hole.

It’s the weirdest thing ever.

That’s because the purpose of the bullet is to introvert you. 


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The greatest bullet hole to the intelligent and creative, is to make them wander around in the space they were priorly occupying being creative, and wonder why they don’t feel like creating any more.

That’s the ultimate bullet hole.

And let’s just be honest.

Their intention was your head.

And how do you know?

Because on your drive home all of your attention is in your head. And at the dinner table with your family, you are still in your head as you mechanically go through the dinner conversation with your wife and kids.

Your wife asks, “Everything okay, honey?”

Right.

She knows.

Somebody tried to take the Obi out of Obi Wan Kenobi.

You look back at her like she’s the most beautiful being on the planet because she does know. But you are so stuck inside the crossfire hurricane of the thoughts inside your head, you just nod and say,

“Yeah...yeah...just some stuff at work, babe.”

Nah. Sorry. That’s crap.

Here’s how you handle these Chocolate Cynic’s:

First thing to know is this:

Intelligent and creative people are at their best when they are extroverted and excited and out there.

Go look at some of Leonardo da Vinci’s drawings. He was out there.

And sometimes when you’re out there, there are cats that just can’t have you being that free and creative. And often they can be people very close to you. You gotta keep your Jedi or Spidey sense up on this.

When you feel like someone just threw a ninja star right at your throat and you’re getting woozy, or you find yourself spinning in the high-traffic-thought pattern in your head, you’ve been shot.

You must recognize this.

Don’t analyse it. Don’t get all down on yourself. That’s what they want. They’ve still got that smarmy smile while they’re loading the next bullet in the chamber.

Trust me, these guys are good.

Once you realize you’re in your head because...ummmm...you missed your normal turnoff getting home and you’re looking at a Home Depot you’ve never seen. And at dinner your daughter asked you to pass the butter and instead you passed her the salt and she looked at you like you were on drugs.

The very first thing you do?

Get right back on that creative pony and create like hell. Swing for the fences. Hit one outta the park.

Flourish and Prosper.

Cue up your own background music of Return of the Jedi and just create so many finger color paintings your Dad has to buy a second refrigerator to post it all.

It drives the cynics crazy.

Because the value you have, you have in spades.

It’s infinite.

It’s who you are.

Go all Warp Factor 9 with your Praline’s n’ Cream. Then gather the crew, smile big, take a selfie, and post that bad boy all over social media.

And...oh yeah...

Stay away from the Chocolate Cynicism.

That’s killer.



For a free phone consultation to discuss your personal or business needs, please feel free to text me or call me at 303-641-6647, or email me at daveworthen@gmail.com









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Comments

Lisa Gallagher

6 years ago #12

Great article by Dave Worthen if you missed it!

Dave Worthen

6 years ago #11

#13
Thank you very much, Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher! You are a great writer too! You took the chocolate analogy and ran with it! I’m glad you liked my article. Really, it is a beacon to all creatives. And your husband is lucky to have you point these things out because because creatives often are still stunned from the covert bullet.

Lisa Gallagher

6 years ago #10

Excuse the phrase but, this was a kick ass article Dave Worthen! I've seen chocolate ice cream with a hint of crap splattered on my husband's face more than once. I have to point it out because he may not see it or feel the coldness of it until it begins to harden and become sticky. Great tips and I love the analogies you used. Sometimes, it may take a loved one (observant responder) to notice the build up before the person that is experiencing even realizes. Honesty is really a good thing at that point.

Gloria (Glo) Ochoa

6 years ago #7

quote: The greatest value you have is you, your heart and soul, your ability to love, and your ideas and creativity.

Gloria (Glo) Ochoa

6 years ago #6

Love this: The greatest value you have is you, your heart and soul, your ability to love, and your ideas and creativity.

Dave Worthen

6 years ago #5

#7
Thank you very much, Linda Ferguson! I appreciate you stopping by and your feedback!

Dave Worthen

6 years ago #4

#3
Thank you very much, Jerry Fletcher! I did my best to dial into this and pass along my advice to just out-create it and Flourish and Prosper. Thanks again, Jerry.

Dave Worthen

6 years ago #3

#2
Thank you so much, Ness Campagnaro! Yes, you are right. They can try to take the Obi out of Obi Wan, but they never ever succeed.

Dave Worthen

6 years ago #2

#1
Thank you, Kathryn Landers! I appreciate your support of my writing and commenting here!

Jerry Fletcher

6 years ago #1

Dave, What a ride. You really called it with this one. I just need to get my spidey sense tuned. When you work solo it is a lot harder. You encounter these trolls in trade associations and they can be mind numbing. Thanks. I needed that.

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