Parking Brake Communication: What You Didn't Say...
Ever pull out of your driveway and as you're driving slowly down the street wonder why your car is a bit sluggish when just yesterday it ran great?
You drive a bit more and you think okay your daughter ran an errand with your car last night but didn’t say anything.
You drive a bit further and you’re like, “Why is it so sluggi—” and then you see it.
Dang girl put the parking brake on.
WHO PUTS THE PARKING BRAKE ON ANYMORE?
Parking Brake Communication:
You just got out of bed and you walk into the kitchen eyeing your husband having his morning coffee.
He sees you walk in and speaks.
Ed: “Hey…can I make you a cup?”
You sit down and you’re aware you have this undelivered communication you want to tell Ed from last night after you and he had sex.
You don’t know why it’s hanging around your head this morning.
But it’s sitting there.
Ed places your coffee in front of you, kisses you on your forehead, and sits down across from you and smiles.
Ed: “That was great last night,” as he sips his coffee as his smile broadens.
You stall for a just a millisecond.
You are thinking:
“I wish we would spend more time with foreplay. Sometimes I just need to be warmed up a bit more.”
You give a faint smile to acknowledge him and drive head with your parking brake on your real communication and don’t say what you really want to say.
Marie: “Yes...yes...it was nice.”
You are completely aware you had one thing you really wanted to say, and said another.
That’s parking brake communication.
You know you just kind of move ahead and ignore it because you don’t want to “get into it.”
Ed picks up on your so-so vibe and asks:
Ed: “Everything okay?”
And again, in a millisecond you think “No, everything’s not okay because I don’t like sex being so slam, bam, thank you mam.”
And you drive ahead, albeit a bit sluggish.
Marie: “I’m good. Kind of a restless sleep. A bit more coffee and I’ll be fine,” as you take another sip and look at him endearingly.
Liar liar, pants on fire. Your nose is longer than a telephone wire.
I’m thinking everyone has driven a short distance sometime in their life and noticed the parking brake was on.
Or even a longer distance.
And it’s always one of those slap your head moments when you realize it was on.
But when it’s off?
It’s sooooooooooooo different.
And that’s really the point.
When you or your spouse or partner keep the brakes on some comm between you, you can go about your day.
And you do.
But you will begin to notice that when you talk about how your day was or Ed begins to kiss you in bed the next night, what comes to the surface?
That lit up red light that says:
And then you’re going to find it a tad more difficult to move forward in your communication. You may not feel like sex tonight for no other reason than you have undelivered communication.
And couples are often that much not on the same page.
Just that much.
See, if you meant to say it and it’s unsaid, then it’s sitting there parked.
And you can talk over it and around it and you can continue forward.
And whether it’s sex or finances or that you wanted to know why your partner was spending so much time texting someone else and their reply is “They’re just a good friend,” then your relationship ride enters the effort band and you both will feel it.
And these are not drastic situations like cheating or hiding financial expenditures.
They don’t have to be drastic.
A parking brake on does not destroy your car.
You could get to the store and back no problem.
But you and your partner are not Chevys.
People come to me with really what in truth is parking brake communication.
I will listen to Ed and Marie and they both tell me things they have not told the other.
And I will ask both, “Why haven’t you told this to him/her?”
“Tell Marie? Oh, I’d never hear the end of it.”
“Ed would blow a gasket.”
No. That’s another part of the car.
Your gaskets blew way back down the relationship road because something had to give while you’ve both been “driving” with your parking brake on.
Take the parking brake off.
Tell your partner what you really want to say.
Your relationship is not an Instagram post.
When you leave real communication parked you are knowingly abdicating the creation of your relationship.
Then you are no different than a Chevy.
And that baby doesn’t go anywhere until it has a driver.
I offer a free online test that shows the long term effects of suppressed communication in your relationships.
This test is very much like an x-ray that your doctor takes in order to see where the human eye cannot. Your doctor can then advise you based on what’s really going on.
The test I offer is very much the same. It is uncannily accurate in showing your strengths and areas where you’re having difficulties.
This test is free to take online and I offer an evaluation of your results over the phone, no charge.
Just click on the link below.
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