David Navarro López en Lifestyle Service Technician • Fawema GmbH 2/9/2018 · 2 min de lectura · +600

Melting hostility: an ancient forging procedure

Melting hostility: an ancient forging procedureEveryone has suffered sometimes hostility, without, at first sight, an evident reason for it, or without one making something weird to promote it. In these cases, our normal first response is being surprised, as we are not aware that our behaviour deserves hostility.

The inception of this hostility can happen due to many reasons, most of them, based on fear as a breeding ground. Issues like cultural differences, religion, academic background, sex or sexual orientation, can be the trigger or excuse to deliver hostility without a legitimate reason, being most of the times, personal attacks instead of disagreement for the issue itself.

To make a hyperbolic example, let us say there is a western car producer company, which has recently hired a new marketing department leader, a young lady from the Middle East, extremely talented, who has been recently very successful on a broker company.

No doubt she is going to become a lot of hostility as the first reaction to her new ideas or management, without even considering the validity of her proposals.

The bigger differences or the bigger the thread, the bigger the hostility would arise.

Answering to hostility with an equal mindset will always make it grow in an endless destructive spiral, from which it might not be a kind way to get out of.
David Navarro

What other options are available?

  • Ignorance. In a short term could be the wise thing to do, considering that the ground problem would not be solved. In the above-exposed example, a cutting-edge proposal could be successful despite all the odds, and for the next proposal, the hostility would arise, in some cases, much more viciously, with jealousy or envy attached to it.

Respect needs to be gained, and success is not always the cure-all receipt to turn hostility into something else positive, because the ground of the negative mindset is not the issue itself, but something personal.

Now the main question here is whether if we want to gain this respect or not, because the way to obtain it can be sometimes much harder than just suffering the situation and trying to ignore it.
David Navarro

And you need to evaluate if it really worth the trouble to do it. 

Remember: you are not here to change the world. Just your world.

An ancient Forging procedure.

When forging steel or other metals, blacksmiths used to stack burning coal on it, to increase the temperature by heating from below and above the steel, and at the same time, adding carbon to the metal during the process.

This would make the melting and forging process faster, and with better results.

Photo credits here

If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat;
And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink;
For so you will heap coals of fire on his head,
And the Lord will reward you.
King Solomon, Proverbs 25:21-22

The first thing to be done is to understand what the real ground is for this person to feel bad, not because of you, as you did nothing to make him/her feel that way, but because there is a hurting background that makes fear grow. Their needs are to be deeply in sight.

Then, putting down this fear by showing there is no threat there, as a first milestone to make the heart receptive to what it comes next without misunderstandings. And that is love.

Only love can definitely eradicate fear and hate.

The bigger the hostility is, the more amount of “coal”, love, will be needed.

Few hearts are so hard that they do not melt before the enormous heat that radiates a patient, selfless and ardent love. Charles Bridges 

All this process needs a huge amount of our energy along with time.

Sometimes there is no immediate successful result, and in fewer instances, there is no success at all, or at least, crystal clear before our eyes.

The point is, we need first to understand that the first person from whom we need respect of is ourselves. To respond to hostility with more hostility or ignorance is not the way to it.
David Navarro

If we succeed, we could become from a former hostile a fireproof ally.

Furthermore, even if our efforts are not giving results at the “hater” because is a “lost cause”, most probably the surroundings of him/her will be sensitive to our positive reaction and be helpful to overcome it.

I must say that in my personal experience, it took much less effort than expected. The first obstacle was the most terrible one, and it had nothing to do with the "hater" itself but to win my own negative feelings and forcing myself to face the situation with a different mindset.

That’s the first battle to be won.

Are you up to it?

David Navarro López 2/9/2018 · #8

#5 You are very right when saying "we risk being contrary to those around us who hold a different opinion. We could lose status, even be reidentified within a new group"
Firstly, as I mentioned in the post, my point is that one needs to respect himself. By following the Solomon proposal, at least you can be at peace with yourself, knowing that by doing it so, you are fighting with your own wrong selfish point of view, and trying to help someone who is in pain. Someone, who is using hostility as a way of crying for help without even knowing.
If it takes a loss of status, well, one has to evaluate which kind of status this is and if it really worths the trouble.
In other words, if none around me is understanding that looking for higher values is the way to be, maybe I am in the wrong environment.
In the other hand, similar people gets attracted to each other, "cosmically".
People who use to criticise other people with bad intentions at their back, normally use to drink coffee together at work.
A high human value-based behaviour uses to attract other people with the same values, and people with antagonistic values use to feel uncomfortable within.
If your mentioned new group matches better my values, well, let it be, as even not trying to be different, I have suffered hostility anyway.

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Debasish Majumder 2/9/2018 · #7

excellent buzz @David Navarro Lopez! enjoyed read and shared. thank you very much for sharing such excellent insight.

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Harvey Lloyd 2/9/2018 · #6

The discussion here has tremendous weight on leadership. Enemy or comrade that draws from a experiencial narritive instead of a stated one, will fight for their axiom.

Being a leader we cant share an experiencial developed axiom. I did not share in your experience, nor can i see from your view what you experienced. We can share a stated one.

Leaders who are confronted by axioms that are not stated should immediately understand the condition and state the axiom that all will engage. Your Solomon one is definable in current terms.

Barring this action a leader will face a battle of axioms that can never be stabilized. I watch Starbucks as they meander through these experiencial axioms and how they plaid out within the recent chaos. It would appear that the experiencial one is now challenging other ones within the employees.

Your post is touching on the craziness of our current world and offers an opportunity for us to a take a deep breath.

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Harvey Lloyd 2/9/2018 · #5

#4 I really did enjoy the post as it hits very close to an axiom that i hold sacred. Your qouteing of Solomon is the axiom. Not necessarily because its a “good” thing to do and i or we wish to be “good”.

Before we move forward with discussion surrounding Solomon, what would be the alternative to this position?

We would follow a experiencial narritive we have developed from others. In other words we would act on our axiom of something is bad are good based on a developed narritive rather than a stated one. The Solomon verse being a stated one.

This alternative is often unstable and does not help us move forward. It establishes skirmish lines based on a false narritive that everyone now must engage. This is the alternative to Solomon wisdom.

But this Solomon way of moving forward impacts our pride. To not engage with our inherited axiom but rather with the Solomon, we risk being contrary to those around us who hold a different opinion. We could lose status, even be reidentified within a new group. Even though serving that which we fear is the best way to find the grace on the other side of that fear.

This of course is my definition of free will. Choose between Solomon or your experienced narritive. The former offers us wisdom over time, while the latter expresses we will live within our own dogma for years.

Thought provoking piece.

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David Navarro López 2/9/2018 · #4

look forward to your always enriching comments, dear @Harvey Lloyd

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Dear @David Navarro López- It is honorable for me that my buzz inspired you to write this buzz. For me, this is the highest form of engagement.
I love the way the proverb of King Solomon helped you in developing a lovely metaphor of forging steel and forging ourselves and how ignorance, hatred and fear require more coal fire to help in forging us into better shapes. I shall add that the fire may originate from burning our grudge. Isn't this what we rightly call "burning out". This is a real risk because what stop the fire burning if it initiates within us? Fire this shall be self-extinguishing only when it finds nothing more to burn.
I also liked your approach to finding the root causes of our feelings that lead us to behave the way we do.

Great thinking in this buzz my friend.

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