David Navarro López in Lifestyle Service Technician • Fawema GmbH Sep 2, 2018 · 2 min read · 2.5K

Melting hostility: an ancient forging procedure

Melting hostility: an ancient forging procedureEveryone has suffered sometimes hostility, without, at first sight, an evident reason for it, or without one making something weird to promote it. In these cases, our normal first response is being surprised, as we are not aware that our behaviour deserves hostility.

The inception of this hostility can happen due to many reasons, most of them, based on fear as a breeding ground. Issues like cultural differences, religion, academic background, sex or sexual orientation, can be the trigger or excuse to deliver hostility without a legitimate reason, being most of the times, personal attacks instead of disagreement for the issue itself.

To make a hyperbolic example, let us say there is a western car producer company, which has recently hired a new marketing department leader, a young lady from the Middle East, extremely talented, who has been recently very successful on a broker company.

No doubt she is going to become a lot of hostility as the first reaction to her new ideas or management, without even considering the validity of her proposals.

The bigger differences or the bigger the thread, the bigger the hostility would arise.

Answering to hostility with an equal mindset will always make it grow in an endless destructive spiral, from which it might not be a kind way to get out of.
David Navarro

What other options are available?

  • Ignorance. In a short term could be the wise thing to do, considering that the ground problem would not be solved. In the above-exposed example, a cutting-edge proposal could be successful despite all the odds, and for the next proposal, the hostility would arise, in some cases, much more viciously, with jealousy or envy attached to it.

Respect needs to be gained, and success is not always the cure-all receipt to turn hostility into something else positive, because the ground of the negative mindset is not the issue itself, but something personal.

Now the main question here is whether if we want to gain this respect or not, because the way to obtain it can be sometimes much harder than just suffering the situation and trying to ignore it.
David Navarro

And you need to evaluate if it really worth the trouble to do it. 

Remember: you are not here to change the world. Just your world.

An ancient Forging procedure.

When forging steel or other metals, blacksmiths used to stack burning coal on it, to increase the temperature by heating from below and above the steel, and at the same time, adding carbon to the metal during the process.

This would make the melting and forging process faster, and with better results.

Photo credits here

If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat;
And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink;
For so you will heap coals of fire on his head,
And the Lord will reward you.
King Solomon, Proverbs 25:21-22

The first thing to be done is to understand what the real ground is for this person to feel bad, not because of you, as you did nothing to make him/her feel that way, but because there is a hurting background that makes fear grow. Their needs are to be deeply in sight.

Then, putting down this fear by showing there is no threat there, as a first milestone to make the heart receptive to what it comes next without misunderstandings. And that is love.

Only love can definitely eradicate fear and hate.

The bigger the hostility is, the more amount of “coal”, love, will be needed.

Few hearts are so hard that they do not melt before the enormous heat that radiates a patient, selfless and ardent love. Charles Bridges 

All this process needs a huge amount of our energy along with time.

Sometimes there is no immediate successful result, and in fewer instances, there is no success at all, or at least, crystal clear before our eyes.

The point is, we need first to understand that the first person from whom we need respect of is ourselves. To respond to hostility with more hostility or ignorance is not the way to it.
David Navarro

If we succeed, we could become from a former hostile a fireproof ally.

Furthermore, even if our efforts are not giving results at the “hater” because is a “lost cause”, most probably the surroundings of him/her will be sensitive to our positive reaction and be helpful to overcome it.

I must say that in my personal experience, it took much less effort than expected. The first obstacle was the most terrible one, and it had nothing to do with the "hater" itself but to win my own negative feelings and forcing myself to face the situation with a different mindset.

That’s the first battle to be won.

Are you up to it?

Fay Vietmeier Nov 7, 2019 · #14

@David Navarro López
How beautifully expressed is bee-affection ;~)
"we think or imagine that we met physically, but we never did. However; I say that our spirits did"

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#10 (I have more to say about this in an upcoming buzz). I smiled reading this dear @Fay Vietmeier as this is consistent with describing you as "Well=spring spirit". As long as your "fountain of ideas" is open we shall read often of new ideas springing in your head.

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#11 Thank you for this comment dear @Fay Vietmeier.
@David Navarro López knows of my deep respect to him. In fact, we think or imagine that we met physically, but we never did. However; I say that our spirits did.

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Fay Vietmeier Nov 6, 2019 · #11

thank you for connecting me to another of what I call: "best of bees" @DavidNavarroLopez
I love that true Wisdom is timeless:
As you so well stated: "King Solomon helped you in developing a lovely metaphor of forging steel and forging ourselves"

Fay Vietmeier Nov 6, 2019 · #10

@David Navarro López
Thank you for sharing your wisdom
I love the way you connect: “melting hostility” and an “ancient forging process”
(I have more to say about this in an upcoming buzz which will include the “Refiners Fire” and how cooperating with the refining process of the Holy Spirit equips us & “makes our heart receptive”
Your insight is key here in that the: “first milestone is to make the heart receptive” … that being our own heart
And to recognize that “differences” can indeed be a breeding ground for hostility … but with the right understanding & right heart-attitude ... hostility can be turned to alliance & peace
And thank you for sharing the wisdom of Solomon which is repeated in Romans 20:

“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

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David Navarro López Sep 2, 2018 · #8

#5 You are very right when saying "we risk being contrary to those around us who hold a different opinion. We could lose status, even be reidentified within a new group"
Firstly, as I mentioned in the post, my point is that one needs to respect himself. By following the Solomon proposal, at least you can be at peace with yourself, knowing that by doing it so, you are fighting with your own wrong selfish point of view, and trying to help someone who is in pain. Someone, who is using hostility as a way of crying for help without even knowing.
If it takes a loss of status, well, one has to evaluate which kind of status this is and if it really worths the trouble.
In other words, if none around me is understanding that looking for higher values is the way to be, maybe I am in the wrong environment.
In the other hand, similar people gets attracted to each other, "cosmically".
People who use to criticise other people with bad intentions at their back, normally use to drink coffee together at work.
A high human value-based behaviour uses to attract other people with the same values, and people with antagonistic values use to feel uncomfortable within.
If your mentioned new group matches better my values, well, let it be, as even not trying to be different, I have suffered hostility anyway.

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Debasish Majumder Sep 2, 2018 · #7

excellent buzz @David Navarro Lopez! enjoyed read and shared. thank you very much for sharing such excellent insight.

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