Deidré Wallace en Lifestyle, Communications and journalism, Teachers Relationship Therapist, Life Coach and Teacher • Private Practice 5/3/2018 · 2 min de lectura · 1,5K

Why Do You Really Need To Tell Your Life Story?

Why Do You Really Need To Tell Your Life Story?


Why Do You Really Need To Tell Your Life Story?


These days everyone is being encouraged to write down his or her life story.


Often it's because someone has led a fascinating life and a book filled with all their experiences could be an interesting and captivating read.


On the other hand and as Morgan Harper Nichols once said, "If you tell the story of the mountain you climbed, your words could become a page in someone else's survival guide".


For this reason, people are being encouraged to write down their experiences, so that others can feel less isolated, knowing that they are not alone in what they may have gone through.


Many of the stories have also been informative: often they give exposure to issues that have long been swept under the carpet; or they present viewpoints that haven’t ever been considered, and therefore the stories offer a learning opportunity.


And sometimes a story has lead to the creation of valuable support groups and so on.


However, there is another side to presenting one’s story that isn’t always absolutely altruistic.


On one level, telling a story can be very healing and rewarding for the storyteller - but on another level, sometimes there are other deeper issues at play. Sometimes, a book can become an excuse for unaddressed issues which may have gone unnoticed.


Telling one’s story can therefore also be about:


1) A wish for an audience’s applause that may be an attempt to replace the unconditional parental love that was never received.


2) In other words, the book or story can become a replacement for deeper issues: feelings of failure, rejection, possibly a lack of love and so on.


3) In certain cases, the storyteller may even appear to truly have felt the pain of their past experience and they may truly appear to have healed their past. Yet in telling their story, it may become clear that the healing has not fully taken place, as the teller ‘tells this – in order NOT to tell that'.


4a) If the storyteller is competitive in any way, on an unconscious even conscious level, they may be elevating themselves by proposing that what they experienced was worse for them than perhaps any other family member and so on - and that they therefore deserve more sympathy and attention.


4b) On the other hand, they may be saying, “Look I am so marvellous - I exposed it all’.

This (both a and b) could be rather annoying to many. And instead of drawing people close, in the long run - they may actually be pushing people away.


5) And if other siblings and family members are mentioned or are involved in the story, and without getting their full permission, a story could lead to family friction. 


This could open a can of emotional worms. And although the storyteller may feel justified in telling their side of the story, forcing others to see, read or address issues they may find hard to deal with, can be seen as arrogant or indeed, the storyteller may just be seen as the 'irritating family snitch'.


It is at this point, that one may ask why there is a need by the storyteller to expose their their family - and what it really is, that they hope to gain?


It may also be worth checking themes such as arrogance, humility, sibling rivalry, competitiveness, power and control issues and so on, in order to clear any long term implications that may result from ignorance of other’s feelings or even the rights of each family member to anonymity and privacy.


This is certainly not to discourage anyone wishing to tell a story.


However, I do wish to encourage an awareness of the issues involved when telling a story.


© 2018 Deidré Wallace. All rights reserved.


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About The Author

I am a fully qualified UK Psychodynamic Relationship Therapist, Life Coach and Teacher.

I am not offering relationship advice, I am offering relationship knowledge.

I encourage people to think differently and I help people understand how and why we choose our personal and business relationships.

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Brian McKenzie 8/3/2018 · #19

#16 the word sabotage comes from Dutch throwing their clogs (sabots) into the factory machinery - it is a timeless idiom of revolt.

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Deidré Wallace 8/3/2018 · #18

@Brian McKenzie: Sharing your story can certainly be tricky. How you tell it and indeed when you tell it, can make all the difference between success and failure. It is therefore imperative to fully understand the 'how' and 'when', of story telling.

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Deidré Wallace 8/3/2018 · #17

@Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee: Thank you for your complimentary comments and for including @Lisa Vanderburg as wells as @Proma 🐝 Nautiyal, in your comments. Much appreciated and honoured. Thank you.

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Harvey Lloyd 7/3/2018 · #16

#15 In some ways i resemble your statements. But would suggest that the best way to tweak a machine is within the engine compartment. Standing outside of the engine and throwing wrenches is similar to the theory of evolution.

I do not refer to life indifference but event/situation indifference whereby i don't know something is happening or when i do know i need not comment because it is merely a personal opinion of someone who is expressing themselves.

One of the key points in your comment is downward revenge against the machine. Well the machine is all about the same thing, inserting meaningless drivel as reality within our lives. Your wisdom could be used to subvert the message of drivel and offer alternative thinking.

Being against something is not necessarily a plan.

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Brian McKenzie 7/3/2018 · #15

#14 There no Dragons to slay, maidans to rescue, treasures to be discovered, wars to be waged or heroism to be celebrated in the grinding reality of the average life of the anonymous non descript.
Indifference would be Zen, I am focused on a downward revenge and retribution cycle against the machine.

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Harvey Lloyd 7/3/2018 · #14

#13 I get your sarcasm and to some extent your bitterness towards the various subjects that you comment. The world can be viewed from many perspectives.

But the opposite of loving something is not hate. One can not hate something without having loved it first or in some way experienced/acknowledged love within the concept.

The opposite of love is indifference. So by your commentary i would assume that you lost something within the realm of love and now are bitter.

I point this out only because whatever it is you believe to be true your commentary is not convincing nor is it seen in the light you would expect.

It is met with indifference.

This is a shame because i believe your thoughts and experiences could be adding to the debate of the subject matter you choose to engage. The fringe argument is never effective, regardless of side chosen.

Your wisdom of experience is needed in a lot of the current issues.

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Brian McKenzie 7/3/2018 · #13

Everyone says, 'Tell your story! Be Authentic! Be you!' Until you do.....then - crickets.
It was a cathartic clearing of the boards and a reaffirming exemplar of the conclusions I had drawn from doing it.
People only want to hear pre packaged pretty tales with happy endings. Noone wants to hear of an abusive childhood that leads not to a shining victory but a mediocre dissapearing act and a full negation of the overblown 'Happy Ending' narrative.
The looks, likes and shares show that it is not socially consumable fodder.

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Last night I commented on a buzz by @Lisa Vanderburg "Waiting for Release" in which she explained why she is encouraged to write the story of her life. In my response to @Proma 🐝 Nautiyal that she wrote on my buzz "The Syndrome of Balance" I said: I believe if we perform a study on achievers and how they became successful then the truth of your comment shall be revealed on a greater dimension.
Therefore I encourage all bees to read this lovely buzz by @Deidré Wallace. It is deep, thoughtful and is worthy of your reading time.

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