Childhood Pain, Anti-depressants, and Your Zone of Genius
OK, taboo topic, long post with lessons for you, vulnerability alert – It’s a fact that such a large number of women take antidepressants or tranquilizers in order to just make it through the day or to achieve any of their goals. I am one of them. And I will be honest I recently got off the antidepressants that I was taking for over 2 years, and still take tranquilizers as needed (all by prescription of course). And I am a coach, and I am great coach and this does not affect the quality of my work, only adds to it.
BUT, the beginning of my journey was not the greatest. I was depressed and anxious at the same time, I was actually a functioning depressed person with anxiety. The reason for this was as for many people, my upbringing. I just recently realized that my mother was a functioning psychopath or sociopath who was unsteady with her emotions, created co-dependent relationship with me, while being also extremely aggressive, beating me and terrorizing me in my early childhood without actually being aware of what she was doing or the harsh effect it had on me. So I never knew what to expect from her, sometimes warmth, cuddling, sometimes strictness and punishment for really normal childhood behavior. I was even blackmailed that if I don’t behave in a certain way, she would send me to my father. They were divorced and my mother also made me the mediator, and the judge and made me from the age of 5 fight for my alimony. My mother would sue my father for 10, 15 years and while those court cases were happening, I was made to ask him to raise the alimony anytime I saw him while I was growing up – my mother said it was my duty to fight for my money (can you image crazy money beliefs I got from that?). And my father was passive aggressive and had negative feedback to me as he saw my mother in my learned behavior. So needless to say, I was between several rocks and hard places.
How I survived – I was a good girl, I pushed down my real needs, I pleased anyone who I needed to and I became a robot.
LESSONS 1: Investigate your childhood and upbringing to discover the untrue and negative beliefs you internalized in order to survive in that environment.
Fast forward to my adulthood and years of therapy which helped me just enough to keep my head above the water, not thrive, but barely survive. Interestingly, all these therapists never suggested any medication to me, one did suggest tranquilizer and that did help but no one suggested anti-depressants. The reason why and I understand it now is that I was FUNCTIONING – that for a therapist is a signal that I can make it on my own and don’t need medication. They were not interested whether I am thriving and happy, or maybe I had developed even a happy and funny persona that they accepted as my reality instead of seeing my deep hole behind.
LESSON 2: Just because you are high functioning individual doesn’t mean you don’t have deep pain which is actually keeping you stuck, no matter how much activity there is in your life, and that you are not presenting a whole different persona to everyone in order to be accepted and live your life.
This continued until a friend of mine with similar history as mine starts taking some anti-depressants and started to feel great so I decide that its time I do the same. It was enough of me just surviving and barely living, I wanted to feel good. And with a help of a psychiatrist I started taking a very low dosage of one of the lightest antidepressants. It was the best decision I made at that time and now I realize why – I was hurt so badly, I had so much pain inside that it was actually good for me to numb part of that pain so that I can deal with some of it, day by day and not feel overwhelmed. Plus some pain I didn’t even feel any more and I felt balanced and calmer. This allowed me to take my relationship with my partner to the next level as my hysteria and withdrawal patterns subsided and stopped causing anguish for her, allowing us to move forward.
LESSON 3: Don’t be afraid of medication and of exploring if some anti-depressants are for you. Of course, not alone, and by yourself, but with a help of an expert. However, don’t give all your power to the expert, listen to your intuition and inform yourself properly before accepting any suggestions. And if a medication makes you feel worse, don’t continue, but ask for advice from your doctor as you might need to change a few to find the one that helps you and matches your internal chemistry. And most importantly don’t judge yourself as society stigmatizes people who needs medication as crazy. You are not crazy, you are looking to heal and cure yourself and antidepressants can provide a much needed break from the many ups and downs you experience or pain and sadness that never seems to go away. You deserve a break to recover and recuperate and antidepressant can provide that if done properly and with a help of an expert.
Fast forward to today – I am off antidepressants because again I came to a point I wanted to do it. It took a bit of adjustment, but it feels so good to feel everything fully now, but because I released lot of crap in the last 2 years, I am not having the heavy ups and downs anymore and my clarity has increased. ENTER coaching into my life a few months ago full time and prior to that part time and I find my calling, and I find a new way of addressing what is bothering me. I find a way to address my pain quicker and with more motivation then in therapy, I find the ability to change beliefs and to change the reality in which I live, not only adapt to it – which is a key difference from therapy.
LESSON 4: Find your calling in this life - that will provide much of the cure and healing you need as you will reach an understanding of the suffering you endured and how to release it while allowing your true magnificence as a human being to shine. Don’t give up if you are stuck, research the next, try different jobs, get a coach, read books such as the Big Leap by gay Hendricks which help you find your Zone of Genius.
I never wanted to adapt to the world, I wanted to change it and I am doing it, thanks to, and not in spite of, my challenging journey, and thanks to COACHING. I do believe that coaching if done properly and deeply, as I like to do it, is the best and quickest possible healing there is on this planet. AS mentioned in one of my pervious posts, it gives you FAITH, it gives you tools, it gives you knowledge, it gives you challenges and it gives you your own POWER back. This is why I am loving what I do and I wouldn’t change the circumstances of my life for anything in the world because I now have a keen ability to help people who are high FUNCTIONING yet still in deep pain prohibiting their full life expression. I am not afraid of any feelings or expression people can have or make as all of that is human to me, and I can be compassionate and there in that moment with you. As Lenka Lutonska, one of the people I like and admire, said, the human experience is universal, and since I have gone to hell and back several times, I can lead you out of any situation you wanna change now in your business or your life, and help you create amazing fullness. One caveat is certainly if you have a diagnosis which requires constant psychiatric evaluation and help then I suggest you stick with that and not pursue coaching. Anything else, bring it to me, I can help you, I can teach you, I can heal you and I can springboard you up to where you truly belong – with your desires and wishes attained, with internal happiness and joy released, and with deep fulfillment of what life has become for you! #60minutecoach
Dunja is a 60 Minute Coach who helps REVOLUTIONARY women release fears and heal the pain that keeps pulling them back in business and life, while guiding them to embrace their LIFE-AFFIRMING nature and DESIGN an amazing life.
Benefits of working with Dunja: Complete freedom from the past. Release of all the stored pain. Reframed life and business goals to match your newfound authentic personal truths and strengths. Ease and flow in business and daily life. Greater connections with your family, loved ones, friends and the global community. Sense of belonging. Peace of mind. Book a complementary Personal Power Call - http://bit.ly/2ahAdTp