Is Fairness Your Trigger in Business or Life?
Do you have a need for fair dealings in the world? Is it important to keep your integrity while doing your business? Would you rather lose money then manipulate someone to buy something from you?
Have you thought why is fairness so important to you? Why does it stick out from other things?
Usually the reason is the following – when you were young someone close to you didn’t treat you fairly and that really upset you, but since you were a child you didn’t have a way out of that situation. So you started believing that you must accept unfair situations now and again in order to make it, because that is the way it happened for you when you were little. That’s why now anything to do with fairness, triggers you. And this is good. Because it is allowing you to heal that part of your past experience.
How do you heal it? Here is a exercise that will help you do it. And I mean it, it will help you heal the pain, understand your negative beliefs, reframe them into positive and actually feel good about it. Sound good? Let’s start.
Think of a situation when you were treated unfairly recently and go into it, remember fully what happened, where were you, who was with you, what were you doing prior to this situation happening, what actually happened that was unfair and stay in those feelings for a bit. See where you might have pain or discomfort in your body and notice it. Now speak out loud anything you feel, anything you want to say from that place where you are, any thoughts you are having, anything. While speaking them, write them down. It could sound like, “why are you bullying me?”, or “what do I do now?” or “I hate that person” or “the world is unfair”. After you feel you have expressed all, and may be even touched a very sore emotional spot for you, stop and look at what you wrote/said. Take 2-3 sentences or phrases that have the most impact or affect you deeply when you read them. Write them down on a separate peace of paper. And for each of them do the following If/Then exercise:
Write a sentence starting with If and then what your belief or thought was for example lets take the question – Why are you bullying me? – put it in an If statement as such:
If people bully me, then___________. Fill in the blank. So let’s say you write: If people bully me, I must be weak.
Next whatever you said after then – becomes your next If statement:
If I must be weak, then ___________. Fill in the blank. Here you could say: If I must be weak, then I am no good.
Keep going with this until you get to a final stage, where you feel like there is no more point in anything, where you feel a sense of futility, or that you might just die and no one will care. In this case it might look like this:
If people bully me, I must be weak.
If I must be weak, then I am no good.
If I am no good, then I shouldn’t be alive.
If I shouldn’t be alive then, I shouldn’t have been born.
That’s basically the end, cos there is not much farther you can take this – this is your core negative belief which is causing your fairness trigger. Now combine it with the first statement you said in this exercise:
If people bully me, then I shouldn’t have been born.
Look at that statement and answer if you feel this is true. Is it true that you shouldn’t have been born if people bully you?
The answer is probably not. So this statement is NOT TRUE. What we do next is we rewrite the statement with what we feel with our rational brain is true taking in consideration the circumstances. So what is true If people bully me? For example:
If people bully me, then I don’t feel safe. (do the same If/then exchange for this now true statement.
If I don’t feel safe, I can ask for help.
If I ask for help, then I am weak and will be abandoned by the group.
If I am weak and abandoned by the group, then I can leave that environment and find another where I feel better.
If I can leave and find another environment where I feel better, then I am not helpless.
If I am not helpless, then I have some strength.
If I have some strength, then I can do things in the world.
If I can do things in the world, I am worth something.
If I am worth something, people will want to hang out with me.
If people want to hang out with me, I will be happy.
If I am happy, then everything is ok.
And we can stop here because you have come up with your new or actually uncovered true positive beliefs which were covered by those other untrue negative beliefs.
Let’s take those positive beliefs out and make them into your unique affirmations:
I can do things in the world. I am worth something. People want to hang out with me and I am happy. Everything is ok.
These are your words, your truths, and now if you look at them daily and repeat them, they will ring true to you as they came from your heart. This process will heal you as you will validate more and more your positive truths instead of the negative lies you were made to believe. This will free your heart and mind to focus on the good in you which will allow you to feel powerful, worthy and happy and from that state, possibilities are limitless.
Know that you can do this with anything that triggers you in life, no matter how big or small, take it through this process and release the pain and negative energy stored in your beliefs and simply replace them with your own unique truth.
If you found this exercise and process helpful and would like to get help to overcome your triggers, fears and negative beliefs, in order to create a positive revolution in your business or life, reach out to me for a discovery call - http://bit.ly/2ahAdTp where we can look at how I can help you release your past obstacles quickly and embrace your future potential now.
Dunja is a 60 Minute Coach who helps REVOLUTIONARY women release fears and heal the pain that keeps pulling them back in business and life, while guiding them to embrace their LIFE-AFFIRMING nature and DESIGN an amazing life.
Benefits of working with Dunja: Complete freedom from the past. Release of all the stored pain. Reframed life and business goals to match your newfound authentic personal truths and strengths. Ease and flow in business and daily life. Greater connections with your family, loved ones, friends and the global community. Sense of belonging. Peace of mind. Book a complementary Personal Power Call - http://bit.ly/2ahAdTp