Is Fairness Your Trigger in Business or Life?
Do you have a need for fair dealings in the world? Is it important to keep your integrity while doing your business? Would you rather lose money then manipulate someone to buy something from you?
Have you thought why is fairness so important to you? Why does it stick out from other things?
Usually the reason is the following – when you were young someone close to you didn’t treat you fairly and that really upset you, but since you were a child you didn’t have a way out of that situation. So you started believing that you must accept unfair situations now and again in order to make it, because that is the way it happened for you when you were little. That’s why now anything to do with fairness, triggers you. And this is good. Because it is allowing you to heal that part of your past experience.
How do you heal it? Here is a exercise that will help you do it. And I mean it, it will help you heal the pain, understand your negative beliefs, reframe them into positive and actually feel good about it. Sound good? Let’s start.
Think of a situation when you were treated unfairly recently and go into it, remember fully what happened, where were you, who was with you, what were you doing prior to this situation happening, what actually happened that was unfair and stay in those feelings for a bit. See where you might have pain or discomfort in your body and notice it. Now speak out loud anything you feel, anything you want to say from that place where you are, any thoughts you are having, anything. While speaking them, write them down. It could sound like, “why are you bullying me?”, or “what do I do now?” or “I hate that person” or “the world is unfair”. After you feel you have expressed all, and may be even touched a very sore emotional spot for you, stop and look at what you wrote/said. Take 2-3 sentences or phrases that have the most impact or affect you deeply when you read them. Write them down on a separate peace of paper. And for each of them do the following If/Then exercise:
Write a sentence starting with If and then what your belief or thought was for example lets take the question – Why are you bullying me? – put it in an If statement as such:
If people bully me, then___________. Fill in the blank. So let’s say you write: If people bully me, I must be weak.
Next whatever you said after then – becomes your next If statement:
If I must be weak, then ___________. Fill in the blank. Here you could say: If I must be weak, then I am no good.
Keep going with this until you get to a final stage, where you feel like there is no more point in anything, where you feel a sense of futility, or that you might just die and no one will care. In this case it might look like this:
If people bully me, I must be weak.
If I must be weak, then I am no good.
If I am no good, then I shouldn’t be alive.
If I shouldn’t be alive then, I shouldn’t have been born.
That’s basically the end, cos there is not much farther you can take this – this is your core negative belief which is causing your fairness tr