50 First Dates - Learning to love.
The film tells the story of a veterinarian named Henry Roth (Played by Adam Sandler) who is considered the "tagger". He can not hear of marriage or serious commitment. He just wants to enjoy life and live catching the Hawaiian tourists.
One day, he is enchanted by a young Lucy Whitmore (Drew Barrymore). He seeks to conquer it, believing it will be another of his achievements. This time the situation is different. The young vet just getting interested by Professor Lucy, but she has a problem of memory.
The story before the veterinarian Henry knows it is: She was in a car accident along with her father and from this moment, she only remember the things that happened until just before the accident. So every day she lives the same day, forgetting new things.
Faced with this problem, Lucy does not remember Henry and the young vet is obliged to earn it every day. Every day he invents a way to win the woman of his life.
Henry creates a very creative way to make Lucy follow the news, events and always remains at his side, winning daily.
The film portrays exactly the challenges of a loving relationship. Although the young person has memory problem and in most relationships, this problem does not exist, every relationship needs to be fed daily. Interestingly, some ATTITUDES that Henry had to have to maintain the relationship with Lucy.
Decision to Love
When we're teenagers, we live some platonic loves. We imagine that someone will fall from the sky and just exactly in our backyard. And in addition, we imagine that this person will be perfect: physical appearance that attracts us, clever in the latter, which like all the things we like, that just like think we think and who loves us intensely.
I see nothing wrong in believing that there is someone special and that we can live the life next to this person. The problem is to create an expectation beyond what the other person can be or can do. The initial feeling is wonderful, some call it passion. Your heart races, you live a euphoria and adrenaline at the same time. Misses. She is jealous. Dreams of the person.
However, anyone who has ever had a serious relationship (long), you know that your loved one has flaws and that initial feeling or goes away, or matures. This is the great question of loving relationship.
The secret of loving relationship is that love is not only feeling, but it is also the Way, is a decision to be taken, a commitment to be done. It is the decision to love someone else. And this love is a way to go, formed by very concrete actions: look, listen, understand, respect, help, walk together, cry together, smile together, grow together.
It is interesting in the film Henry TAKES DECISION of Daily conquer it. He had other options, other ways. He might as well have gone to another relationship, easier relationship. However, he makes the decision, because those who love follows the Way of Love: commitment to love the person.
This decision should be made by both (male and female).
The languages of Love
I wish to comment here on the Blog the book called "Five Love Languages". The author Dr. Gary Chapman presents the following thesis: Every person has a primary love language and to love and feel loved, one needs to find your language and discover the language of your beloved / your loved one. One must love the other in the language of the other person and be loved in your language. So, the couple is committed to love the person so that she feel loved. It is very interesting this thesis.
In the film, Henry cares to make the other person happy. He is committed to conquer it. The young vet becomes expert desires, tastes of your loved one.
Today, with the motto "every man for himself, God for all", any problem in the relationship is reason to end, to separate. Unfortunately, individualism, materialism, competitiveness, greed, have meant that many people do not live a relationship, deep, lasting and healthy.
You find people with a reasonable age, but without maturity, without personal growth. And one of the reasons is the lack of commitment to another person. To remain faithful. Overcome problems. Have committed to feed the fire of love daily.
Love is attitude too.
In large part, at the beginning of relationships, romantic atmosphere is intense. Declarations of love are constant, gifts, flowers, chocolates, cards, outings, cinema. Over time, in many relationships, the relationship is so monótoma, dull, unchallenging, no adventure, no grace.
Henry was very creative to keep the relationship with Lucy. The creatively is important. In the book "Men are oysters and feet-Crowbar women", the author states that it is possible to keep the flame burning passion, have feelings and at the same time, have attitudes, commitment, respect. Love is not only good feelings, is compromise decision, attitudes, a path to be followed. However, with creativity you can keep the feelings, keep lit the fire of love / passion (Passion towards feelings of attraction, longing, joy, typical of the beginning of the relationship).
In loving relationship, we realize that many people are concerned only about themselves. They seek their own growth, benefit. In a healthy relationship, each person cares about the growth of the other person and asism both grow together. It is a path of growth, reaching maturity. Bear the defects of others, be willing to grow, to tolerate, to respect different.
Some say that opposites attract. However, loving relationship, people who have more in common, like certain things in common, common dreams, mentality, world view, is that it has a much more likely to go right. Opposites may even attract, but not mean it is a factor to MAINTAIN a serious, deep, lasting relationship.
It primoridal you feel right next to the person, be happy to do activities together. The beloved becomes your best friend / your best friend. Of course, you have friendship with the beloved, never exempt you from having other friends. Have other friends is essential for life.
Now, no use to relate to a person you do not get along, think completely different, different lifestyles, different worldview. They do activities together. No use being good only in bed and incompatible in other activities