Defensive Behaviour ........a small business perspective

Within most of my writings around the subject of leadership, i am always discussing points from a risk perspective.  Being defensive is just another communications tactic within any given relationship.  But when that relationship needs to perform the risk exists.  You need to walk in with eyes open.

Once our defense mechanisms turn on we begin to interpret our environment differently.  Keep in mind i am not referring to the all out jump and run.  No it's the subtleties.  Misinterpreting client intentions or needs, polarizing meeting objectives and the subtle cloud of negative feedback.   In most cases we don't even recognize we are within a defensive envelope.

This has lead me to update my current understanding of the subject. We tend to blame our automatic reactions on the area of the brain and the naturalness of the defense itself.  Social media tends to promote the concept of personal brands and to be ourselves in our posts.  What if our natural responses are based on an outdated narrative that filter our thoughts?

Are we defending our life from a lion or are we defending a position we held on to from our past narrative?  Is this narrative still valid?

http://www.theleadershiphub.com/vault/blogs/understanding-defensive-behaviour

“As adults, we have the potential to shift from living in our Self-Protective System, but first, we have to realize that we are living in survival mode.”

I am not describing our defense mechanisms as a psychosis but like any physiological process we need to seek understanding of its impact on our lives.  The defense mechanisms that we use may be part of the “survival mode” that is triggered by a narrative that no longer is relevant. Test it.

Once in defense mode we are unable to access the higher functioning brain accept to aid in defense.  Secondarily your defense response will trigger the same in others to varying degrees.  Resulting in the degradation of the team efforts.  We now have two distinct goals, the original goal, and making everyone feel safe again.

“If you want the Self-Actualizing System of the brain to develop so that you can live your life in the pursuit of your hearts desire, experiencing and dealing with everything life brings to you and achieving your potential, you have to strengthen the neural pathways from your emotional to your rational brain.”
By: Anne and Heather Dranitsaris, PhD and Dranitsaris-Hilliard

Our logical brain is what we need access to just prior to acting on any defensive alarm bells.  This is not to diminished our brains alarms in strictly fight or flight, but more so when we logically can assume our safety is not at risk.  Given this safety we can initiate a logical reading of our environment and the participants while calculating our response.

• Everybody wants something.  When you hear a stimulus that draws your defense, understand what the stimulus wants, Ignore the three alarm defense response until you fully understand.

• Take a few seconds and come up with two separate meanings of the stimulus you encounter.  They should be counter to your automatic response.  If they make sense go with one of them, if not blast away.

• Restate why you are involved in the first place.  It’s usually best to prepare your mind for a meeting by stating the three objectives of the meeting.  Values to be honored, empowering others, meeting objectives.  Using these as filters, we can channel our auto response.

• Reflective questions.  Come again? What? and similar questions are defensive.  Find new ones.  We need folks to talk so we can fully understand.  Using the above statements sets them into defensive mode.  Next time try, Please help me/us understand how (Repeat statement) will help us achieve our objective?  Or come up with your own go to statement.

The right to be defensive is yours.  No one can take it from you or give it to you.  You have the ability to determine when to show.  Once your defenses have been challenged, your response can still be valid in ten minutes as it was in the first three seconds.

This will be a very mechanical operation at first.  Your facial expressions will note your defensiveness.  But your words will be focused on meeting objectives.  Overtime your facial expressions will match your words as you internalize the process.  

Keep in mind that auto responses that show up internally show up externally.  Are your customers experiencing defensiveness instead of solutions?