Harvey Lloyd in Understanding Thinking, Humans, Nature and Creativity President • The LEAD Center, Ltd Oct 29, 2018 · 2 min read · 5.1K

Language of the Crossroad

Within any relationship, business or personal, we find ourselves at crossroads we don’t always have the language in navigating with the individual we find ourselves.  One wants to continue straight the other wants to ponder the other two paths.  Maybe we have even survived many other crossroads with the same individual or team.

Keep in mind both parties have an end game that is shared.  But the crossroads opens up a choice that intrigues one and the other is not wanting to veer off the path of this shared destination.  With this, we need a language that helps us understand each other while within the crossroads.

I am not referring to that language of “why”, the conversation of how each is wrong according to the other.  I am referring to the thoughts each is having concerning the behaviour of the other.  The picture each is painting in their mind as they experience the crossroad together.

Typically we begin to use language about the differences and from this newly forming perspective we see each other slightly different. Maybe just for a moment or worst it's adding to a bag of rocks that have been brought forward from previous crossroads. Maybe words like, hasty, simple, indecisive or other words come up in our mind. These words as they enter our perspective, begin to shape how we see each other.

Add to this a multiple of crossroads and before long we have shaped a view of each other from words as mentioned above.  Different words within our perspective could make them a life long partner in our personal or professional lives. Each crossing adds to the confidence and trust or adds to a distancing perspective.

Dave WorthenLanguage of the Crossroad book, "Marriage, Merriment, and Madness" takes a look at how crazy our perspectives can get when we traverse the crossroads of life.  This somewhat satirical view is true, funny and engaging.


In the book he discusses a married couple who have entered many crossroads and found themselves separated by the challenges of each crossing piling up into an unsustainable language.  Creating a self fulling prophecy at each new crossroad.

I don’t think this is limited to just marriage.  With each professional challenge we learn a little more about our team and form perspectives.  More importantly Dave makes us aware of the millimeter wedge that each crossroad has brought to any relationship.

Given the time and effort we put into each other in our professional and personal lives.  The book offers a way to find that trust again by using language that helps both people understand what has happened with so many crossings in the past. Those things that over time have added up to “Spiritural Distance.

I really enjoyed the following from chapter two of his new book.  Distance or “Spiritual Distance” that space that he describes so well.

Not physical distance.
Spiritual distance.
WTF is spiritual distance.
You know, like when you have had a slight tiff with your partner before going to bed, and then in bed you are physically right next to them but this tiff created distance.
He or she could be on mars as far as you are concerned.
You might not want to even touch them.
Yeah, that.
That’s spiritual distance.
Dave Worthen

The first three chapters has been a very thought provoking journey and funny as you seem to realize that Dave is actually talking to you/me.  Almost as if he has been peeking in the life of many relationships i am engaged.

Picking up on the language that Dave is walking you through, gives new words and perspectives within the crossroads. The words that can hopefully keep the choices within the crossroads and not allow our perspective to change beyond the crossing.

Fay Vietmeier Mar 14, 2020 · #10

@Harvey Lloyd
You writing is like comments ... well reasoned and a reflection of your wisdom.
I was not on beBee when you wrote this Harvey ... a most insightful post ... which I am sharing.
As "social distancing" is being initiated ... HOME needs to be even more a place of REFUGE and peace.
While reading the thought occurred to me dancing is so much better than distancing ... although distancing in any relationship is it's own form of dance
Take the "bag of rocks" and build a "crossroads" memorial in a garden ... a reminder of the "end game-shared destination"
Spiritual distance is the cliff that kills ...

I like how mention extending the principles into work relationships.

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Ilias Hossain Jan 13, 2020 · #9

User removed

Harvey Lloyd Feb 14, 2019 · #8

@Lupita 🐝 Reyes thanks for the share. Dave really has a way with bringing forward the language we encounter.

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Harvey Lloyd Feb 14, 2019 · #7

@🐝 Fatima G. Williams thanks for the share.

Harvey Lloyd Feb 14, 2019 · #6

#5 I think in our busy world it is easy to miss a lot, but thanks for the comment and stopping by. I am really curious as to the tipping point when we once saw humans as on a journey to humans in need of judgement. Giving space to others allows us the opportunity to explore their views and goals. Most often leading to successful networking of new ideas.

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Tausif Mundrawala Feb 13, 2019 · #5

I have stopped being judgemental on the behavior of my close friends because there had been instances where I thought they were being rude but in fact, they were busy with something important. I have learned to give space to all of my relations be it, siblings, parents, friends or other family members. I can't comment on married couples as I have not experienced that relationship. In order to nurture any relationship, we should allow time to take the course and should allow space to nurture it.

How did I miss this buzz, Sir @Harvey Lloyd

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Harvey Lloyd Oct 30, 2018 · #4

#3 Well stated and it is worrisome as we watch team members use “separating lanagauge”. The book is really entertaining as you review this langauge.

Thanks for the share and comment.

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The crossroads offer possibilities and choices. It is sad that we may tend to use a separating language when we have the opportunity to choose. Understanding at junctions becomes volatile unless we accept the choices and try to figure out which path to take.

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