Today I Met Hopeless - Harvey Lloyd - United States

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago · 2 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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Today I Met Hopeless

Image credit http://www.incourage.me/2013/07/love-in-the-dark.html

From my desk i see students who run away from class. This incident was really no different than other’s, but a compelling force that said i should get involved. You see my domain is the business side of this school. Operationally we have great teams that help our disabled students survive and learn within the school day.

I went to the window and asked as she passed if she wanted to share the story of events. With some cajoling she sat outside my window and told me about the events leading up to her walking out. Please keep in mind that students we serve are not here because they are great students but because their behaviours are unmanageable in the public system.

She sat and picked up some rocks and i began to wonder if i had made a mistake in engaging.

At this point the young tenth grader had not looked into my eyes. We talked about her aspirations and with each one she gave reasons of why she wouldn't be successful. Each of these reasons were given to her by an adult at some point. One of the reasons, she stated, “I have anger issues”.

I offered up, on one of her dreams, becoming a marine communications specialist, our help in achieving this goal. Then it happened, with eyes locked on mine the words cut like a knife, “What’s the use?” hopeless we deep dark and ugly. I wanted to snatch hopeless up and choke the living…. well you know. But he was hiding within a tenth grader who couldn't manage him while he dug deeper. We only have our words to rebuild a life, mine felt pretty inadequate at the moment.

Like a high speed film racing through my mind i remembered all the people in my life that told me i could do it and i had now met the hopeless side of that equation.

Our Director meets with her several times a week and has become a small candle of trust and hope in her life. It always seem so little when so much is required. The director filled me in on the long history of reports, evaluations and i thought we have really become sophisticated in labeling hopelessness with expensive names.

We work diligently with these students each day to hopefully bring some functionality to their existence that is rewarding for them. But i often think we take our roles as leaders way to lightly.

Someone is watching and trying to sort out what it is you need as a leader to see their greatness. Don't make it hard to find. Leaders are in every role we play, parents, uncles, grandparents co-workers or the boss. That child or peer is looking for hope in their dream, is it so difficult to share the light of hope?

Encourage that person let them know they can do it, show them that you are there to help them cross the finish line of their dreams. It's not about what is wrong but where in the dream they are and what is needed going forward. Most important, success is within the journey not the finish line.

Be the candle in a child's dreams not a spotlight on their behaviour or your frustrations.

#reason #Met Hopeless #student #dream #life

Comments

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #49

#44
Thanks for your thoughts and yes i have been humbled in life everyday since i walked into this field. I am the business person but i see and hear many of the stories. I have learned that only through the grace of God there go i. I try and stand on the short ladders of life as i dont have far to fall. But sometimes i grab the high one and the students remind me of the impending fall.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #48

Harley King Thanks for the share.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #47

#51
In business i never liked the word hope, hope is not a plan. Onward and forward, keep your shoulder down. Then by chance i showed up in this field. I learned about hope and its rope it extends to some rather tough situations. Thank you for stoping by and commenting and yes i too can label each turn in my life where folks were their to show hope and guidance. My hope is, i can return the many favors passed on to me.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #46

#52
Thanks for the thoughts and yes HS is a rough place for some. I had many great teachers and friends of the family that helped me through these times. Working with the students we work with, you begin to understand the major role parenting has in the first ten years of life. Bonds, expressing ones self and the ability to cope from strength of family. You never know the few minutes you stop and take a moment with a child the impact you might have.

Lisa Gallagher

6 years ago #45

Wonderfully said Harvey Lloyd. If more adults took the time to listen, more children may see their real value. I struggled in HS emotionally because I worried more about what others thought than focusing on myself. I had low self esteem but I don't think the kids around me ever knew that. I hid it well or so I thought. I had a great guidance counselor and he took me into his office one day. He began asking me some deep questions and he listened intently. His words of wisdom were more words of guidance (no pun intended) and he made me think hard about my future. He pointed out my strong points in a way I wasn't aware he was doing. He was the reason I chose to go to our Vocational School 11th-12th grade and become a certified Medical Assistant. I was in my element. If it hadn't been for him, I don't think I would have thought to seek out the Vocational School. Adults sure can make a positive difference. Your kids are lucky to have such a wonderful person like yourself who really cares!

Alan Culler

6 years ago #44

Thank you Harvey Lloyd, for listening and connecting and offering help and thank you for sharing -evoking our empathy and requiring my humility -because of all of those who have helped me get to where I am -mostly to those who -like you -have given me hope.

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #43

Humanity at its finest: pratfalls, gimps, hang-up allowed with LISTENING!

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #42

Before I run out the risk of outstaying my welcome, ALL the commenters here bring valid, substantial statements! Just goes to show, we don;t have to be be perfect, we just have to have the HEART to truly listen! Way to go...there is hope for the hopeless still - that humanity at it's finest, warts and all!

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #41

#21
#22 Ian Weinberg; 'I don't believe some parents understand the clay in which they hold.' Says soooo much!

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #40

#15
Exactly and bless you for your immense intuitiveness and compassion Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee. Sometimes we just need someone to how, not judge..just hold onto.

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #39

#6
Had to laugh: 'They keep me in the back for a reason.' Just having children (loved or not) do not make perfect parents!

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #38

God love you for the work you do, for the honesty to NOT give a pat answer - the time and consideration and compassion Harvey Lloyd! I'd missed this as I'm in the middle of moving, but I'm so happy Sara Jacobovici alerted me to it with her buzz. I have been where this girl was (I say that because I have confidence you could change that....no one said different to me!) and hope is so very fragile, breathing becomes 'unnatural'. I've said it before, bu tit's remarkable easy to ruin a perfectly good child. You may well have changed her entire life. We need more role models like you, dear man!

Sara Jacobovici

6 years ago #37

Great piece Harvey Lloyd. You are a true teacher; one who learns from his students. Thanks for passing on those lessons.

CityVP Manjit

6 years ago #36

Dear Harvey Lloyd I look at my hill of life and it will be my lack of patience that defines hopeless. You look at your Everest and because the summit of this out of reach, that is the greater height of humanity where hopelessness begins to come into sight. It is not that you underestimate the height of your own power to deal with youngsters who sit outside the social constructs of society but in this work you do there is no equivalency between my hill of life and the mountain you seek to help your children climb. It is one thing that I may find my own life hill challenging, it is altogether a different proposition when you are helping children climb - you are the dedicated spirit that seeks to put the light of life into those who otherwise may never see that light. You combine caregiver with education and constantly challenge and try to breakthrough a wall that would easily be considered futile to the rest of us. The gift you are to humanity finds it's hope in breaking through and sometimes that gift comes back unexpectedly by someone you helped decades ago, someone whose life was changed because you existed in this world. Even in a regular school, there was a story a primary school teacher told me where one of her kids was considered to have great challenges to the extent it was called a learning disability. This Italian child could not overcome his reading challenges. It is however an idea out of the blue that was offered by an Italian teacher, who happen to ask that child to write a story in Italian. The child did. What that child wrote brought tears to these teachers, they had found the key of hope, not the lock of hopelessness. This is why I say we are literally blinded by a "success culture" mentality. May you find keys of hope always.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #35

#41
Some great thoughts and I agree, leadership in any setting is challenging. We do have to admit to ourselves the role is important and specific to the child we are leading. It is not an easy task but one where both teacher and student can learn together. Thanks for your kind and thoughtful insights David Navarro L\u00f3pez

David Navarro López

6 years ago #34

Thank you, Harvey, for writing such a thoughtful buzz. It is a very complex task to helping youngsters to become adults, because as long as you influence someone, you are in danger of limiting his/her own personality. Leading is changing the path of a follower, but it has to be done in a way that the follower would be a leader in the future. As you point out in your words "Be the candle in a child's dreams not a spotlight on their behaviour or your frustrations.", there is a blurred line between correcting and criticizing. A leading sentence, "a candle", can become "a spotlight" if it is misunderstood. The biggest and, most of the times, "hidden background" when trying to lead is love. In my opinion, the first step to be taken when leading is to make crystal clear that the leader honestly cares about the sake of the follower. I am sure Sara Jacobovici has a lot to say about this issue. Katja Bader have a look at this interesting buzz

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #33

#39
Thanks Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador. Glad you stopped by. There might be some folks that consider it a blessing the world has only one me😳 But I’d appreciate your thoughts

Randall Burns

6 years ago #32

#33
Excellent analogy and I agree, best to be on "the field" and not in "the bleachers".

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #31

#36
Jerry Fletcher I found the comments as with yours uplifting ,that more see the need than I thought Thanks for your thoughts and stopping by

Jerry Fletcher

6 years ago #30

Harvey, your story and comments make it abundantly clear that all of us need someone to believe in us encourage us and accept where we are in our journey. Bless you for the work you do but more importantly for the engaging attitude you shared with us here.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #29

#29
small business has taught me alot. Many material things but mostly spiritual things. When the darkness arrives with me, and it does for most, i know to get back to fundamentals, serve others and just start walking. But what of those who are young and have to been given this simple yet effective process out of the darkness. These are the ones i share a great affinity. They know no different than the narrative that was built by others, who were merely seeking their own survival, but none the less imparted the great fears of life into a child that was not emotionally ready to manage. All we can do is walk the journey and see where it leads.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #28

#30
Thanks Cyndi wilkins for stopping by and your comment. Yes hopelessness is a fierce opponent in the world of working with students who are disabled. Most of the time i can be the shining light like the staff here does every day. Sometimes, just sometimes, my limbic system gets hit with tunnel vision and i want to save the student from the world. That lightening struck yesterday. Those storms are not quite as often these days but they do have greater intensity when the come.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #27

#32
I agree and feel we have two choices, die in the bleachers or on the field of battle. Many friends find it exhausting to find me but they always know where to look, on the field. This is the only commitment one can make that makes any sense. I don't win as many as i would like but hope i will be counted in the legions trying. Thanks for stopping by, every time you do, i am uplifted by thinking of the mad chef in the middle of service trying to make sense of the orchestrated chaos. My life always looks simple:) I do it every once and while you do it every night.

Randall Burns

6 years ago #26

Great post Harvey Lloyd, it is a sometimes difficult road to "teach/mentor" in that the barriers surrounding our students put up by others are the biggest hurdles to overcome. But it is in overcoming them that is one of our greatest rewards, and it can be done...

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #25

You gave 'hopeless' the time of day Harvey Lloyd...Somewhere along the line that in and of itself has shifted the trajectory of her thoughts...Being listened to, perhaps for the first time, can only make one hopeful. Lovely story;-)

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

6 years ago #24

You conveyed a very important message Harvey Lloyd through this buzz. Spend more time with our youth. We need to draw out the hopelessness and it should be like the dirty clothes that we take off when we know they are dirty and need washing. Once its washed the hopelessness is washed away. The dirt that sticks on us is external forced onto us like a sticky grease. Everytime I'm hopeless or anyone is hopeless I only ask them one question what is that you can do to bring a smile on another person's face and if its a positive reply I'm lucky. I Tell them that smile is the hope we need. So Let's Go get some smiles. Thank You for what you do Harvey.

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

6 years ago #23

You conveyed a very important message Harvey Lloyd through this buzz. Spend more time with our youth. We need to draw out the hopelessness and it should be like the dirty clothes that we take off when we know their are dirty and need washing. Once its washed the hopelessness is washed away. The dirt that sticks on us is external forced onto us like a sticky grease. Everytime I'm hopeless or anyone is hopeless I only ask them one question what is that you can do to bring a smile on another person's face and if its a positive reply I'm lucky. I Tell them that smile is the hope we need. So Let's Go get some smiles. Thank You for what you do Harvey.

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

6 years ago #22

You conveyed a very important message Harvey LloydHarvey through this buzz. Spend more time with our youth. We need to draw out the hopelessness and it should be like the dirty clothes that we take off at the end of the day. Once its washed the hopelessness is washed away. The dirt that sticks on us is external forced onto us like a sticky grease. Everytime I'm hopeless or anyone is hopeless I only ask them one question what is that you can do to bring a smile on another person's face and if its a positive reply I'm lucky. I Tell them that smile is the hope we need. So Let's Go get some smiles. Thank You for what you do Harvey.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #21

#25
Charlene Norman thanks for the encouragement and i do not normally dwell upon the weaknesses of myself in this opposition. Today was a deep sight i don't usually see. Hopelessness by choice is what it is, but with children it's not choice but rather neglect. Our vision statement includes "one degree", we can't fix the world but in one student, if we can alter the course by "one degree" we can change a future outcome. Maybe today i was able to change the course by one degree. Thanks again and am looking forward to the newsletter. Good luck with those endeavours:)

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #20

#23
The river is the constant, your paddle in the water is your choice.

Ian Weinberg

6 years ago #19

#22
What else is life, other than work in progress?

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #18

#21
Ian Weinberg i can only imagine your stories. Mine do paint a human condition of many emotions as the author of the listener. My early years in this institution we call education i brought my construction mentality and that went over like a fart in church. So i was relegated to the rear office. Probably best i deal with humanity rather straightforward. I find the source of issues and reclamate or install enough fear so that the issue doesn't arise again. Again my soft spot is children. It started with great teachers who taught me about non-verbal students. I never looked at that disability the same. Now i can see past behaviours to the hopelessness handed out by adults onto unsuspecting children. You have brought me into a very strong sense of understanding of the narrative and its many components, leverages and dynamics. I don't believe some parents understand the clay in which they hold. It's a narrative being written by them. When i hear the parents a burning fire starts, i typically need to leave on some non sober occasions i engaged. I embarrassed my family. Thank you for your continued efforts in reinflating the human condition in so many. It's a job whereby the full gambit of emotions are felt, before, during and after the encounter. Somehow though i feel as though i have moved forward just a bit in finding humanity.

Ian Weinberg

6 years ago #17

I have counselled-coached over many years. There have been some heartening successes and many failures. I have learned that the most effective that we can be is empathic, sensitive and genuinely receptive listeners. And out of this authentic human space and connection arises the appropriate response – most effectively, turning the light on the assets rather than on the liabilities, as you clearly described. But sometimes it doesn’t even need a response – the authentic listener is all that was required. Last week I counselled a young woman with the most tragic and horrendous life narrative that I have ever encountered. She hugged and thanked me after a gruelling two hours, just for listening to her. I told her that she was the hero – for surviving and transcending the evil around her. I spent the next hour alone and in awe of this inspiring and incredible human being who was in fact a teacher and not a client. This is my tribute to all humans who, against all odds, prevail and transcend. Thanks Harvey Lloyd for sharing and reminding us of our humanness.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #16

#18
Thanks for your words of encouragement and yes we can find humanity within ourselves if we only seek.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #15

#15
Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee sometimes we just need an ear and a heart that can hear. I am sure the gentlemen found peace in the moment you brought. Thanks for sharing your thoughts today. Its not always easy being human but it sure is fulfilling as we share our journeys.

Mohammed Abdul Jawad

6 years ago #14

Ah, the great goodness is by giving good guidelines! Harvey Lloyd thanks for this inspiring post.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #13

#16
Thank you for your comment and offer of support, Joanne Gardocki. If only the need was money. I am good at making. The one thing i can't make is time. These kids need time in an environment where they can feel safe and understood. They are so busy trying to survive within an adult world they have been thrust into and don't understand. I don't write about these things as they get me stirred and that usually recalls the rebel without a cause aspects of my youth. Cannot explain today it just seems that the little girl needed someone just to believe in her, if even for a moment. I will look at the link and see if it offers us any strategies of success in our classrooms. I will let you know if decide to move forward with anything. Thanks again.

Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee

6 years ago #12

If only each one of us took the time... Yesterday, I nestled the head of a young man in the crook of my shoulder--hugging him mightily as his fear subsided. He was having a panic attack. He was not a client--just some young man I knew knocking on my door. I yanked him inside and crushed him in my grip--assuring him everything would be alright. He slowly recovered his boundaries, moving away and we began to talk about possible triggers and ways to escape them. By the time over an hour had passed, we were talking about ways to gently move towards a future. He was calm and focused. Here's hoping he remains so today.

Ali Anani

6 years ago #11

#8
we hopefully spread the kind of leadership you advocate for Harvey Lloyd. I wish we would always remember our role as genuine leaders as outlined in your thorough buzz. Keep writing my friend.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #10

#5
Thanks Javier \ud83d\udc1d beBee appreciate your support and thoughts.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #9

#7
Thanks for dropping by Joel Anderson appreciate your comment and enjoy your posts.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #8

#9
Thanks and yes i was a rebel without a cause during my youth today, i would be emotionally disturbed, ADHD and mild depression with psychotic features. Rebels without a cause just needed a little leather against the hind parts and we found the cause of the pain. Today they get pills and huge bills. Thanks for your comments and again children don't ask to be here but they are. As adults if we brought'em we need to take the responsibility to give the best chance at success. WIthout labels.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #7

#4
Thanks Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee your comments are always appreciated and heartfelt. Today was one of the tougher days of the last twenty some in this field. Seeing the heart of hopelessness in a child is always sobering and a real reality check. I am blessed to have had great parents and by extension learning from them the basic tenants of parenting. I have two great daughters. I have an ulterior motive with the disc profile stuff. My grand children will have a boss one day and my hope is the boss began the journey of great leadership and can instill the light they need to grow.

Joel Anderson

6 years ago #6

Well said.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #5

#3
Thank you Edward Lewellen, children are my soft spot. Your scenario i see play out so many times. The hope and dreams shuddered by good meaning parents that i watch the light of hope snuff out. They keep me in the back for a reason. My heart sometimes gets ahead of my better judgement, especially around parents. Thank you for stopping by, and i believe the work you do is also applicable at home. ALthough we need professional supports, these supports can transfer home when we look at the needs of our best personal customers, our children, wife. They bought the premium addition of you.

Javier Cámara-Rica 🐝🇪🇸

6 years ago #4

Wonderful buzz. I agree: success is within the journey not the finish line.

Ali Anani

6 years ago #3

This is a buzz for all of us. It highlights many issues related to our live styles. We should not despair on what eloquently Harvey Lloyd describes "It always seem so little when so much is required". A must read for we are all leaders in one place or the other.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #2

#1
Thanks Pascal Derrien, once you around these students a while the behaviours look normal and you can see the lost hearts of a youth deprived of hope and dreams.

Pascal Derrien

6 years ago #1

Powerful says I

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