Jennifer 🐝 Schultz in Lifestyle, beBee in English, Entrepreneurs CEO & Founder • RecruitmentQueen Jun 7, 2017 · 2 min read · 1.9K

Forty-Five and Friendless….Am I the Only One?

This post originally appeared on my mommy blog: www.mommybrief.com

As I sit here contemplating all the stuff my son needs for his last week of 5th grade, and finishing the never ending baskets of wash and pretending like I am going to bed really soon – I realize that I have no friends. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of people that I am friendly with – both personally and professionally, and I have lots of support and kind words when I share my “mommy life” on social media.

However, what I don’t have is close friends or even just one best friend. Forty-Five and Friendless….Am I the Only One?

I’m not sure when it happened. I had great friends in high school and one great best friend that I spent most of my time with: having sleepovers, going to the mall, hanging out – some of the best memories. As I became a mom, sure, my life revolved around my kids and work and balancing everything – getting my kids to dance classes, friend’s parties, summer camps, basketball, and soccer – you name it. I tried to invite some moms that were parents of my kid’s friends to do something from time to time, but, most of the time we didn’t get together.

Of course my husband is my best friend – as we share our lives, our children, our hopes and dreams together. And I pretty much share EVERYTHING with him – sometimes too much. Let’s just say he doesn’t need to know some of the details of every conversation I had with my hair stylist, weird bump I find or why I am dragging him to Kohl’s to go shopping with me again and again.

And my 20 year old daughter is a great friend – we are as close as we can be, like two peas in a pod, but even daughters have their limits. And I can’t forget about my 11 year old son – who is so supportive of his mommy and loves to share his secrets with me.

I have also moved a few times – but certainly not so far that if I had friends I would lose them. And with social media and texting now – it should be relatively easy right?

Now I have thought to myself – maybe I am sending out the wrong signals? What is the right signal? Should I hold up a sign – “Lonely Mom Seeks BFF.” Obviously SOS won’t work and posting a message on Facebook saying “who wants to be my friend” seems a little desperate. So I started wondering:

Could it be because I don’t drink coffee? I AM an orange juice girl!

Could it be because I don’t drink wine, beer, or anything with alcohol? Talk to my hubby, a quarter wine cooler once a year gives me a buzz. LOL.

Do I just not belong to the right social circles? MommyFriends4Eva

I long for that judgement free, BFF support, and girl outings that I just don’t get right now.

You know – to go those places that my hubby and kids don’t want to go!

Recently I was invited to go to an event with one of my business partners – not for business, as friends! I can tell you, I was so excited – you would have thought that I was going to my senior prom. I put on make-up, did my hair (not my usual ponytail) and spritzed a little body spray on. Maybe not prom excited, but, it was great to be able to get out with someone other than my husband and kids for the day.

When I see all these wonderful posts celebrating friendships online – I would love to be able to say – Hey Girl – you rock – you are my BFF!

I was thinking, maybe I need to run an ad – or maybe create a website where people who are looking for friends can meet. Could it be that simple?

So maybe I am not going to be that friend that wants to go the bar – but I’d love to take a yoga class, take in a great tear jerker movie, head to the beach or a long list of other “friend stuff”.

I am the only mom that doesn’t have friends? How does one find a good friend these days?

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Jennifer Schultz is the CEO and Founder of RecruitmentQueen.com and Apple Girl Boutique

She has over 15 years of experience in helping employers find the right hires and guiding job seekers through training and coaching. She has planned and hosted over 45 career fairs, employer summits and job seeker focus groups and is dedicated to seeing more people in Bucks County find careers or start on the path to a new one.

She also has a mommy blog, The Mommy Brief, that she tries to write on from time to time. :-)



Lisa Gallagher Jun 24, 2017 · #22

I joined a few mothers groups when I was in my 30's and they were extremely cliquish. I didn't stay with the groups long, so I totally agree Jennifer! I think my daughter will find her niche because she has found and continues to seek healthy outlets for herself and her daughter :))

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Jennifer 🐝 Schultz Jun 23, 2017 · #21

Thanks Lisa - I appreciate your kind words. I feel for your daughter - I know that there are a lot of groups for new moms and moms with young children to get together and hang out, so maybe your daughter can try that. I know also though, that those groups can be very cliquey. I think for me it's another challenge that my kids are 20 and 11 - more independent - so there is the feeling of not being needed as much. Yes, wish that you were a lot closer to me! That's so sweet for you to suggest to meet - we'll have to make that happen! #20

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Lisa Gallagher Jun 23, 2017 · #20

Hey girl, you rock! @Jennifer 🐝 Schultz :)) My daughter is experiencing something similar right now. Her little girl will be one year old in 2 weeks. She worked as a Nurse until she had the baby. She had friends and was always socializing in one way or another. I think in her case she changed... she was already a wonderful person but her mommy duties come first and foremost. I have a feeling that some of her friends who don't share her new values have sort of abandoned her. I told her to get involved with activities that involves moms/kids and she may meet new friends who do share her values! Life changes so much after we have children and we can even feel as though we've lost our identity. You've got this Jennifer! Your a sweetheart with and I can tell you would be fun to be around. Don't we both live in Pa? I'd love to meet up with you one day! We could even meet half way- that might be Harrisburg? I could even bring my daughter who will be 30 this year, I think you both would hit it off too, even if you had a long distance friendship :))

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Jennifer 🐝 Schultz Jun 11, 2017 · #19

Thanks Carolyn - it's true that other moms do seem to already have their friend circle. #18

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Carolyn Leigh Jun 11, 2017 · #18

I've definitely found it much more difficult to find and maintain close friendships as an adult. I'm in my 40s and don't have kids, and I always assumed that mothers had it easier when it comes to friendships, because they had "automatic" social circles of other parents built around their kids' school and activities. Regardless of whether you have kids or not, everyone already seems to have their own close social circle.

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Jennifer 🐝 Schultz Jun 11, 2017 · #17

Thanks for the insight Brook! Interesting to see a Dad go through the same thing - especially when my own hubby doesn't seem to care whether he has friends or not
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Brook Massey Jun 9, 2017 · #16

@Jennifer 🐝 Schultz, I believe that I am leading the dad version of your life. I have many acquaintance friends, but really no close friends. It is hard to squeeze time in between wife, kids, family, work, lawn,... When I have made concerted effort, it seems like everyone already has their own circle. They really are not interested. I am thankful for my wife, kids, family, job, co-workers and neighbors, though. Hang in there. Que sera, sera.

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Jennifer 🐝 Schultz Jun 9, 2017 · #15

Thank you @Donna-Luisa Eversley - my Caribbean friend! #islandlife #14

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