Joel Anderson

7 years ago · 2 min. reading time · +100 ·

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Lonely Numbers: Demons in my Closet/Monsters in my Head

Lonely Numbers: Demons in my Closet/Monsters in my Head

11111111111111111111111111111 11111111111111111111111111111 11111111111111111111111111111 11111111111111111111111111111 11111111111111111111111111111 11111111111111111111111111111 11111111111111111111111111111 11111111111111111111111111111 11111111111111111111111111111 11111111111111111111111111111 One is too many!

    

This is dedicated to those who feel that suicide is the only answer. Seek help. Be not afraid to take that step in seeking the help you need or of what anyone will think. You are important. Rise up and be strong. Do not succumb to the monsters and the demons whatever they may be, wherever they reside or however they conjure themselves.

https://988lifeline.org/ 988

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 1-800-273-8255

https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/ 1-800-273-8255

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/suicide.shtml  1-800-273-TALK (8255) 
 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

  

I have demons in my closet

And monsters in my head

They tell me of the things I’ve done

And remind me of things I’ve said

They come in many sizes

Some small, some large—ever present beggars just egging for a fight

They whisper and they taunt me 

During the day and throughout the night

A few are oh so gentile

While others cause alarm

They come to visit from days gone by, or arrive anew at Dawn

And how I try to fight them, despite their surreptitious aura and spurious kind of charm

They hide in nooks and crannies

And ignore my pleas to leave

Some simply smile or give a glancing frown, while others pierce my very soul with sneers of mockery

All too often they laugh in devilish delight, and enable me as I grieve

We often have deep conversations

With clouded visions so vivid and so clear

It’s like they show me movies

Of my actions, deeds and fears

I try to avoid them all day long

And hide from them at night

But they live within my head

And in the closet of my mind, nothing seems to confine them as I try to make it all alright

I don’t know how to ask for help

And fear you’ll think me strange

If I told you of my closet

Of the specters congregating in my mind, that play within its range

On the surface I may not show it

But invisible they are real

I scream in muted horror, as I spiral towards the floor

I just don’t know how to say it, the pure desperation that I feel

I have demons in my closet

And monsters in my head

They give a sense of hopelessness, and strive to make me numb

Simple and complex, incessantly how they visit me and conjure up such dread

They haunt me and delude my mind

In thinking of relief

There is a horrific answer

One that causes so much anguish, such unbelievable enduring grief

I am the keeper of my house, the holder of its keys 

With its ever present uninvited guests

They persistently go unnoticed, as we travel down our path

Still the monsters and the demons linger, ever present companions on my quest

I will not let the demons in my closet

Or the monsters in my head

Become my judge and jury

And control my look at life, and sway me into thinking, all my hope has truly fled

I have demons in my closet

And monsters in my head

They tell me of the things I’ve done

And remind me of things I’ve said

For those in crisis--Choose life. One may be the loneliest number that you ever do or know, but in seeking others, there is help.

For those who have read this, all I ask is that you look for the signs and engage by letting those in crisis and others know of your local crisis/suicide hotline numbers.

For other works by Joel Anderson: https://www.bebee.com/@joel-anderson

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this post are solely those of the author

"

#Lonely Numbers #Head #Closet #Monsters #TALK
Comments

Fay Vietmeier

4 years ago #27

#29
Joel Anderson Your words reflect wise & caring leadership ... "my folks" are the people working with you? Being able to stop & take time to hear requires caring & time ... the world is "busy" and at times people can't get past themselves or their agenda (whatever that might be) to actually listen Giving someone a good listening to is a gift ;~) My acronym for ear: E engaged A attentive R responsive You keep writing great poetry ;~)

Joel Anderson

4 years ago #26

#28
Thank you. I used to tell my folks to be mindful of greeting someone. If they approached someone and asked "how are you?" to be prepared to stop what they were doing and take the time to hear the other person and talk if needed. One came back and said, but what if I am late getting in to the office. I simply told them, "then you will be late!" It was much more important to me that they got past the superficial nature of the greeting and actually took the time to observe, "listen to hear" and help if and where needed. "If only" indeed. Keep making a difference one person--one step--one impactful conversation at a time.

Fay Vietmeier

4 years ago #25

Joel Anderson As I read these lines came into my mind: Sadly too many have them & their minds are filled with dread If only the heart & mind … could be filled with life instead Your words are profound. A great title and image and "Amen" …“1 IS too many” … Poetry is a great way to broach sensitive subjects … often people do not know how to respond to death ... let alone tragic death We all need to be more observant about & sensitive to "hurting people" People have become rehearsed in communicating When someone asks: "How are you? ... they just want to hear "fine" or "great" ... not the truth ... that you are struggling with an important ... perhaps even life issue.

Joel Anderson

4 years ago #24

https://youtu.be/fSelWIBAPzY

Joel Anderson

4 years ago #23

Van Morrison--Reminds me of You: https://youtu.be/PibbKXijO68?list=PLFDl3gMaGEsHVqSPLFjmfA7KTw-Z_Ofdb

Joel Anderson

4 years ago #22

https://youtu.be/PibbKXijO68?list=PLFDl3gMaGEsHVqSPLFjmfA7KTw-Z_Ofdb

Joel Anderson

5 years ago #21

https://www.military.com/daily-news/2019/01/30/active-duty-military-suicides-near-record-highs-2018.html

Joel Anderson

5 years ago #20

https://www.linkedin.com/learning/sheryl-sandberg-and-adam-grant-on-option-b-building-resilience/fighting-permanence?trk=2SUV1_7days_learning

Joel Anderson

6 years ago #19

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDxgSvJINlU

Joel Anderson

6 years ago #18

http://www.suicide.org/

Joel Anderson

6 years ago #17

https://www.pinerest.org/danger-signs-of-suicide-blog/

Lisa Gallagher

6 years ago #16

I'm glad this re-surfaced Joel Anderson. I had shivers when reading this again. It's a reminder of people we love or are very close to that may keep so much hidden from us and we do need to watch for the cues if we are aware something has gone awry. You described the last stage of depression very well and also psychosis which people suffer from as well. Thanks again for this!

Joel Anderson

7 years ago #15

That through any direct or tangential activity in our daily lives, each step-each personal interaction-each scientific discovery can, in their own way, help all of us understand the warning signs, the mechanics behind the gray matter, the "fractals" in our heads and the bifurcating inputs and outputs that morph someone's brain into deviating from one path to another much more devastating and horrific. In understanding the thought processes of our brains, where all hope fades and choices for help and alternatives seem to become all too elusive it is my hope in writing this, that we can share with others that they are not alone.

Joel Anderson

7 years ago #14

I do not care about the politics behind efforts, but we consistently see things like the "Brain Initiative" that has permeated multiple aspects of government sponsored research for advanced technologies. In that initiative and other similar activities I just feel compelled in my personal journey to try and understand it all. Understanding the thought process, striving for a deeper understanding of how the brain works and functions, and despite some of the focus and orientation on technology could have some residual effects on the broader impacts.

Joel Anderson

7 years ago #13

When I was younger and experienced extended members of my family that took this path, it was taboo to discuss or even contemplate saying anything to try and understand why, yet alone write about the subject. I fundamentally hope that in doing so, somehow, in our navigating the busy and chaotic "fractals" and experiences of our lives that we can take the time to listen, see and hear and in doing so we can make a difference one person, one step at a time. The statistics remain alarming. The scientific research and deep intellectual capital that has been spent on trying to stem the tide still leaves us scratching our heads with the hind sight questions of why, what did I miss, what could I have done differently, how could someone think this way?

Joel Anderson

7 years ago #12

I have however, been personally affected by it with family, friends and colleagues choosing its path and that is why I wrote this. It is my hope that in putting these thoughts down in writing, trying to think through the things that haunt and persistently dog someone into thinking that suicide is the only alternative, that somehow they can see that there is hope. That others may just struggle with demons in their closet and monsters in their head, yet they keep looking for the dawning of a new day and the continuation of their journeys despite the challenges.

Joel Anderson

7 years ago #11

I am not a polished poet or writer for that matter. I am not a PhD, Scientist or expert in neurology. Whether this poem is an attempt at free verse or narrative or combination there in, it really doesn't matter. I do not feign an answer or any fundamental insight into the mind or the thought process of those who choose this path. Far too often we lose sight that people are behind it all and our collective efforts can lead to new initiatives. understanding and making a difference.

Joel Anderson

7 years ago #10

All, thank you for your comments and or tagging this as relevant. We have to do more to figure this out where in assessing “Lonely Numbers” we remain committed to an orientation where “One is too Many!”

Joel Anderson

7 years ago #9

#9
Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher Thank you and thank you for referencing #WHO #MentalHealthAwareness. The subtleties of one day, one subject and those who struggle that far too often go unnoticed. Know that your insights and passion are truly appreciated. Keeping making a difference.

Joel Anderson

7 years ago #8

#7
CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit Thnak you for the comments and for sharing. Keeping making a difference there is that "One" out there who needs each and every one of us.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #7

Thank you for posting this Joel Anderson. It reminded me of the song, "One is the loneliest number by Three Dog Night, even that was more about being alone or feeling alone when with someone. Great message on this day, #WHO #MentalHealthAwareness.

Milos Djukic

7 years ago #6

#6
Thank you Joel Anderson!

CityVP Manjit

7 years ago #5

#3
One is too many is spot on. BTW I had no idea that Harry Nillson wrote "one is a lonely number", I had assumed it was Amy Mann because it was featured in the movie Magnolia and I did not know that Three Dog NIght were the one's who had the hit with that song. Song is absolutely appropriate for the message being delivered here.

Joel Anderson

7 years ago #4

Thanks Javier \ud83d\udc1d beBee is right, as arbitray as they are, 290 1s get the point across. Regardless the statistics and numbers in and of themselves are alarming. We have to do more to make a difference: one step, one person one life saving conversation at a time. Thank you for helping me do just that by commenting and/or sharing.

Joel Anderson

7 years ago #3

#4
Deb \ud83d\udc1d Helfrich Thank you and absolutely agree that one conversation, one observation, one caring comment, and conditioning our selves to hear what is said or in understanding things left unspoken the act of doing so takes concerted concentration and effort but in the end, is worth the time and effort to show someone that we care. "One is too many." If this article helps just one person think differently and seek help, or energizes one other to help another in need then it has served its purpose.

Joel Anderson

7 years ago #2

#1
Jon Rueck Thank you. And on the topic of "One" Three Dog Night https://youtu.be/d5ab8BOu4LE

Joel Anderson

7 years ago #1

#1
Jon Rueck Thank you. And on the topic of "One" Three Dog Night https://youtu.be/d5ab8BOu4LE?t=14

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