John White, MBA

6 years ago · 2 min. reading time · +100 ·

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To Be Successful, Get Rid of The Losers in Your Life

To Be Successful, Get Rid of The Losers in Your Life

31d16c97.jpgPhoto: Flickr

To be successful or as beBee CEO, Matt Sweetwood, would say, "To Live a Big a Life" one of the first things I learned was I needed to get rid of the losers I was associated with. It's something I've been working for the past several years as I've transitioned away from a career I no longer liked (ok, I hated it) into doing something that I love.

I'm not saying you have to stop sending a Christmas card to that Uncle who is a bit of a lowlife, but you "love em" anyway. What I will say is that you never want to allow losers into your inner-circle or trusted advisors. 

Not Everyone Will Understand Your Journey

Some people seem to feel threatened by other people's success. They get jealous easy. They are quick to complain about their circumstances in life but unwilling to do anything about them. So, when they see someone out there who is working extra hard towards a goal in life that they see as being different their reaction is often to try to make light of that person's dreams. These people are not winning and they've stopped growing. 

Losers often seek company and convince others that they too should stop going after their dreams of success.

When you are pursuing success in life and attempting to push the boundaries of what is possible, you will have many failures and setbacks along the way. This is just part of the process and something that you have to deal with.

When you allow losers in your life they will use this opportunity to bring you down even further. They will be a constant negative voice in your ear saying things like:

  • You should quit while you're ahead.
  • Why don't you just get a real job like the rest of us?
  • Maybe you just weren't cut out for that.
  • Quit now before things get really bad.
  • Doesn't it suck to work so much? 
Not everyone will understand why you are so driven. They won't understand the long hours. They won't understand your constant quest for knowledge and the opportunity to improve yourself.

I spent years listening to the negative voices in my life and it limited my potential (Not only the potential in my career but my potential to be truly happy in life).

Surround Yourself With Winners

Once you've cut out the losers from your life. The next step is to begin to associate with winners. These are the people that are on a similar journey. Winners add value to your business and enrich your life in many ways. They help pick you up when you fall flat and give you advice on how to do it better next time because they've failed and moved on many times themselves. 

When you start hanging out with only winners, their success will motivate you. Losers will encourage you to quit chasing success because they quit on life.
"
#Losers #Rid #CEO #Matt Sweetwood #Flickr
Comments

Lyon Brave

6 years ago #64

It's easy to surround yourself with losers. In college I knew a lot of winners, but since those days it is becoming more scarce. I travel too much I think lol to really find g

Bill Stankiewicz

6 years ago #63

At times we hold onto folks that are users & only want to know you to use you. I distance myself from those folks. Many times I see people that only want to have a contact to meet someone I know & then you never hear from that person again. Another user....

Bill Stankiewicz

6 years ago #62

Good post from Matt

Javier Cámara-Rica 🐝🇪🇸

6 years ago #61

This is a wonderful post from John White, MBA. It is often important to read this:-)

Lupita 🐝 Reyes

6 years ago #60

Wonderful post John White, MBA!!! We gave to remove them as soon as it feels like our happiness is going a little bit down! Then succeed and become one of those people who others would love to be around. :-D

Lyon Brave

6 years ago #59

This is so true. Getting rid of losers now.

Liesbeth Leysen, MSc.

6 years ago #58

agree with Javier \ud83d\udc1d beBee the only way is up

Javier Cámara-Rica 🐝🇪🇸

6 years ago #57

People who suck the life out of you with constant negativity, complaints, gossip, selfishness, or extreme dependency are damaging. Remove Toxic and Negative People from Your Life!

Javier Cámara-Rica 🐝🇪🇸

6 years ago #56

Winners want you to win and will relish in your success. Well said!

CityVP Manjit

6 years ago #55

#65
The real heart of your buzz John is about POWER and the conversation that flows into the world are governed by our emotional road signs. In Comment #65 you write about reclaiming your power and this shows readers how you transformed your being through reclamation of power. A emotional road sign that says LOSER sends hearts driving down old detours, when the real story is POWER. It is like mourners coming to a funeral who are paying respects to someone who died of cancer and the way those mourners relate to the conversation is to recount every cancer story they have heard, but in doing that they drove down their emotional road sign called cancer and in reality did not end up focusing on the deceased and his life. If I am the mourner coming to pay my respects I am apt to both inquire and add to the deceased person's life story and not simply be swayed by the emotional road sign that says cancer. Now if Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher looks at response #64 it is easier to rev our wheels on a emotional road sign such as "loser", but Lisa's actual story is also one about the reclamation of power. Not only can we easily be distracted by the emotional road sign but a road sign like loser adds gas i.e. Lisa is pressing the pedal on that word Loser even harder because there are so many ignition points that can get us driving at 150mph. As the wheels turn faster in that direction the memories of these kind of people burn deeper rubber tracks in our minds - but the gift that you and Lisa have is actually found on the other road. Memory is like tires, each recollection is us burning our tires and that ironically leaves deeper tire marks. Your story is POWER.

CityVP Manjit

6 years ago #54

#65
Do you John White, MBA what you have written in response #65 because that is the real heart of your buzz. This is a buzz about POWER and the conversation that flows into the world are governed by our emotional road signs. Comment #65 shows me that you reclaimed your power and once people understand how that has transformed your being then your story has emotional road signs that take others who are still hurting down a different road. It is like mourners coming to a funeral who are paying respects to someone who died of cancer and the way those mourners relate to the conversation is to recount every cancer story they have heard, but in doing that they drove down their emotional road sign called cancer and in reality did not end up focusing on the deceased and his life. If I am the mourner coming to pay my respects I am apt to both inquire and add to the deceased person's life story and not simply be swayed by the emotional road sign that says cancer. Now if Lisa 🐝 Gallagher looks at response #64 I want Lisa to see how easy it is to get focused on the emotional road sign, which in this buzz is the word LOSER - but Lisa's story is also about a reclamation of power. Not only can we easily be distracted by the emotional road sign but a road sign like loser adds gas i.e. Lisa is pressing the pedal on that word Loser even harder because there are so many ignition points that a word like loser can get us driving at 150mph. As the wheels turn faster in that direction the memories of these kind of people burn deeper rubber tracks in our minds - but the gift that you and Lisa have is actually on the other road. The emotional road sign that says drive this way to POWER is what you have written in #65 and when Lisa writes about how she has tried to overcome anxiety - each turn of the wheel creates more energy - yes reality is needed bu

Lisa Gallagher

6 years ago #53

#66
That's why English can be hard to learn in the US, not only are there similar words, IE: There and Their but we use terms that may mean one thing to others yet have many meanings to those of us that are familiar with certain terms in the US. Geek used to equate to a weird and awkward person now it's a cool term to call someone a geek.

Ian Weinberg

6 years ago #52

Thanks for highlighting and sharing this important concept John White, MBA, I agree with @Pascal Derrien that this cannot be adequately quantified in a uni-dimensional way. I had begun commenting on this buzz, but it got so long that I converted it into a new buzz. Therefore for your interest, see https://www.bebee.com/producer/@ian-weinberg/who-s-who-in-the-zoo

Ian Weinberg

6 years ago #51

Thanks for highlighting and sharing this important concept John White, MBA that this is cannot be adequately quantified in a uni-dimensional way. I had begun commenting on this buzz, but it got so long that I converted it into a new buzz. Therefore please see https://www.bebee.com/producer/@ian-weinberg/who-s-who-in-the-zoo

John White, MBA

6 years ago #50

Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher, that's a great point. It could be a difference in the cultural interpretation of the word "loser."

John White, MBA

6 years ago #49

#63
CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit, I used to but I don't anymore. There were a few years in my career where I started listening to the people that were trying to limit me. They tried to blame me for their own failures. They put me down when I succeeded so I wouldn't threaten their position at the company. I took their insults to heart and began to doubt myself. I wondered if I would ever snap out of it and begin to feel successful again. I went from one toxic company to another. It was a time of a downward spiral for me. After I finally realized that I didn't have to listen to the people that were trying to limit me, I began to grow again. Most importantly, I regained my hapiness. For me, it was important that I begin to listen to the positive voices in my life and find people to bring into my circle that cared about me. People that are achieving success in their own right. People I can learn from and who I can hopefully add value to as well. People I have things in common with. I've found lots of people like this over the past few years and cut out the losers. I call them losers (again at least for me a loser is not someone that suffers losses and setbacks). Maybe you prefer another term for them like toxic individuals, haters, detractors, leeches, bloodsuckers, jerks, etc? However, for me, cutting the few people out of my life that were dragging me down has made a huge difference and I'm not letting them back in!

Lisa Gallagher

6 years ago #48

I was reading through the comments and thought I'd add: Loser is sort of a slang or urban 'word/term' used in the US. It's an older slang term. Example: Guy asks a girl out on a date, he never shows or calls, response from her friends, "He's a loser." Example 2: Person is rude to a waitress- thoughts- "What a loser." Example 3: A boss confronts employees in front of co-workers, talks behind their backs to other co-workers, never commends you for the good work you do but is quick to find the slightest fault and point it out... in a persons mind, the term loser for that boss may linger a bit. Loser can equate to a toxic person. Since I'm from the US and we hear this term a lot, I understood what John meant by the use of the word loser.

CityVP Manjit

6 years ago #47

John, do you give people power that they should not have power over you? I can understand why #3 Pascal Derrien are queasy about the harshness of the title of this post. Maybe the word "loser" is a projection of your worse fear and people can feel that projection, so a person who is a loser to you may be giving Pascal, Dean and me high fives and be jovial or the virtuous cycle. A truly toxic person is the less encountered and no one would say anything other than avoiding toxic people is a good thing, but the word loser carries a very loose definition and casts many more people in the net. I like to think of a toxic person as a NEGATIVE BATTERY. First I can define a negative battery. These are people who plug into you and their sole purpose is to drain you of your energy. Whether this kind of person is narcissistic or psychopathic nobody needs this kind of bad news individual in their lives. If we are misreading people or looking out for the "loser" in our life, that very act of looking may warp things and invite more of what you do not want. The law of unintended consequences is greater than we realize. We need to take care not to be prone to confirmation bias or make people wary enough to walk on egg-shells around you, as they hope they do not fall into the "loser" net. The more anxious someone is the more the will identify with what you say here. Yet the key question is power we hand others to make us feel that way. We give that to them and that can attract your definition of losers. Do you give away power?

John White, MBA

6 years ago #46

Dean Owen, yeah, I figured that's what caused the disconnect. I tried to explain what I meant in the post. I'll try to better articulate my points next time. Thanks for reading and commenting!

Dean Owen

6 years ago #45

#56
I get what you are saying John. You mean avoid all the toxic people which is something I do in my life (except on beBee where I am still waiting for a block function). I guess the reactions you provoked are because you called them losers. Toxic people are losers but the opposite is not often the case. Your title just sounds very callous and harsh as does "Surround yourself with winners".

John White, MBA

6 years ago #44

#55
I think maybe we are talking about different groups of people. I'm not defining a loser as someone who suffers a lot of setbacks or someone that truly needs help. We all suffer setbacks and we all need help many times during our lives. What I was suggesting in the post is to cut out the people from your life that make you feel inferior, that put you down, that hold you back, and make you feel worthless. I got to a point in my life where I started listening to what my detractors were saying about me. Doing so made me a very unhappy person cc: Paul \

John White, MBA

6 years ago #43

Rick Delmonico, I'm more than glad to help those in need and are genuine in their requests. For example, I am a supporter of my Mom's mission in Africa. LONG story short, she works for an orphanage in the N. of Ghana that rescues the Spirit Children (children that are abandoned by their village due to physical and mental handicaps). The gratitude shown by the children and by Sister Stan for the help they receive is makes it more than worth it to help support them. On the other hand, I've invested too much time trying to help people that are unwilling to help themselves (I'm not talking about people who are incapable due to physical or mental limitations). It's the ungrateful ones that try to steal my knowledge and waste my time with no intentions of ever repaying me with even a simple thank you that I have finally learned to stay away from.

John White, MBA

6 years ago #42

#51
Rick Delmonico, yes, exactly.

Javier Cámara-Rica 🐝🇪🇸

6 years ago #41

If you have friends who do any of the following, you need to seriously consider their place in your life: They’re not supportive. They’re not there when you need them. They’re only there when they need you. They make you feel drained. They have no ambition. They constantly infuriate you. They expect you to drop everything when they want to do something. They think everything is an urgent crisis.

stephan metral 🐝 Innovative Brand Ambassador

6 years ago #40

As it is very hard to avoid those type of people, the best way to get rid of them is to introduce one to another...lol. Busy fighting each other for idiocray supreme command, they leave you in peace. Keepmthe medicine rolling John White, MBA !

stephan metral 🐝 Innovative Brand Ambassador

6 years ago #39

There also a third category of in your IYW (In Your Way) people, happy people call them the "In between", merely happy or successful they characterized themselves by specific behaviors such as antagonism, whining and interpreting things, words and facts too fast in the wrong way. Funnel is the magic word!

stephan metral 🐝 Innovative Brand Ambassador

6 years ago #38

Haaa good comments all... no wring or bad answers, just reveal your fears, that is good. Debate, raise voices, don't remain in your comfort zone...do not fear the unknown. All good points and critics. The great thing with common ground is that it can reveal the best of humans. Winners will keep winnin until defeated by another, failer will turn into winner, and the cycle of society goes again and again while another alternative model grows its way and propser.

John White, MBA

6 years ago #37

Paul \: call them whatever you want losers, winners, haters, toxic people, ass holes, jerks, or blood suckers. But I let people with bad intentions linger in my life for far too long. Once I stopped listening to them and no longer cared what they said, I began to flourish. I'm sure as hell not about to let them back in my life now.

David B. Grinberg

6 years ago #36

Kudos on another buzzing blog post, John, filled with awesome career advice -- as always! I've pinned this to the top of my Twitter home page for RTs at https://twitter.com/DBGrinberg and I'm sharing in three hives (of course). I wish you and everyone in the USA a wonderful 4th of July holiday weekend! The buzz is growing louder worldwide... cc: Jan \ud83d\udc1d Barbosa

Lisa Gallagher

6 years ago #35

Some people are toxic and they are only happy if they have others in their corner. Others get off on making those around them unhappy. It took me years to realize I had some toxic 'friends,' but they weren't really friends, they were emotional tolls and I allowed it until I didn't. I have a few good friends but they are quality friends. People who really care about you lift you up even if things aren't going well. Friends are there for you not just during your hard times but cheer you on during your good times too. We live in a very small town and there are people who have been mean and negative towards my husband for reasons I won't disclose. I won't say it doesn't get to him but it's re-charged him to keep working on his business plan with success & with the idea of being able to do more work outside this county and remotely He already began a new venture which is growing. I understand your points John White, MBA and couldn't agree more. If I didn't have positive people in my life, including my husband- I might hate the world. I think when you get to the point that you are, it's easy to appreciate the small things and not sweat the things we have no control over. Thanks for sharing this!

stephan metral 🐝 Innovative Brand Ambassador

6 years ago #34

Here You can copy paste the question and tag your favorite bee - We will evolve into A Swarm Intelligence Society by Will, Technology or Evolution. which is the less painful according to your wisdom?

stephan metral 🐝 Innovative Brand Ambassador

6 years ago #33

fun chain of comment to initiate John White, MBA We will evolve into A Swarm Intelligence Society by Will, Technology or Evolution.

Liesbeth Leysen, MSc.

6 years ago #32

#32
fact is, we are all responsible to create and manage our own energy and surround ourselves with energy that is dear to our heart

stephan metral 🐝 Innovative Brand Ambassador

6 years ago #31

Humanism and Science...is there a cure for almost anything? Yeah ! We will evolve into A Swarm Intelligence Society by Will, Technology or Evolution. Here is a fun chain of comment to initiate John White, MBA + ....

Liesbeth Leysen, MSc.

6 years ago #30

#32
fact is, we all responsible to create and manage our own energy and surround it with energy that is dear to our heart

John White, MBA

6 years ago #29

#29
, that's exactly it. Negative versus positive energy. That's not to say that people with positive energy cannot tell you something that is negative. The difference is they also provide you with solutions. People with negative energy are only there to bring you down.

John White, MBA

6 years ago #28

stephan metral \ud83d\udc1d Innovative Brand Ambassador you always add so much to conversation. Thanks for adding your voice here.

Liesbeth Leysen, MSc.

6 years ago #27

surround yourself with the right energy yes

stephan metral 🐝 Innovative Brand Ambassador

6 years ago #26

On beBee : Sharp vision takes clean edges. Stand Up & Fight for Your Choices ! Fight or Quit Write History or disapear in Oblivion, Links won't Dry Until GOOGLE become a LOOSER too (Cache search)

stephan metral 🐝 Innovative Brand Ambassador

6 years ago #25

#26
Yeah ! Buzz on ! Matt \ud83d\udc1d Sweetwood the peacekeeper...lol ...We care, but we have work to do, path to follow, journey ahead.- Sharp vision takes clean edges.

Matt Sweetwood

6 years ago #24

Agree 100% Buzz On!

stephan metral 🐝 Innovative Brand Ambassador

6 years ago #23

Move on! is my takeawy on this inspiring one John White, MBA, never back down! Medicine Man.

stephan metral 🐝 Innovative Brand Ambassador

6 years ago #22

Oops so many Keybords typos!

stephan metral 🐝 Innovative Brand Ambassador

6 years ago #21

i am just saying...paasing by the camp fire...You know what...life is really paasing by too fast...are you really going to cry al the way long to the grave? Come on!!! Say the L....word, it is part of the free therapy.

stephan metral 🐝 Innovative Brand Ambassador

6 years ago #20

We will all helps loosers, 5 mins at a time to undertsand where and when they fail. Ask with in the meantime embrace change and listen to the medecine man, good potions...adaptbthe recipe at your own taste, add flavor. But please change and stand up on your feet, no one else will do but you. Looser accepting help are failer but soon...winners at their own personalmscale of victory. Keep that same moody behavior, keep on and your just branded yourself looser on socialmedia, too.

stephan metral 🐝 Innovative Brand Ambassador

6 years ago #19

shows the ways of nature, the Force, the sense and expressions of the Swar and so many unsung heroes (Jan \ud83d\udc1d Barbosa The Fight will, We all will!

stephan metral 🐝 Innovative Brand Ambassador

6 years ago #18

I will conclude that loss very much as fear has no physical body, it is a trick of your mind. Stop undermining yourself. Get up, fight, go and get it. It is ok to be a looser, but don't stay one. Consider that failing is the only way to learn and succeding lays in repetitive modified attempt. At a point, your body, behavior will change without permission from your mind , then you will experience Ghosting, the abscence of fear. Failers are sleeping learning winners, loosers are affected by pshychotic behaviors.

stephan metral 🐝 Innovative Brand Ambassador

6 years ago #17

while we can show some compassion and help, A looser is necessary to any community, he/she shows the limits between light and darkness. Lead or win by example, while studying the loosers, you might ignore what to domright, but youncan observe those who fail to avoid the pitfalls. Being a looser is a temporary status, unless it became psychotic...but good news, it can be cured. Why? Because you are human...you have the ability to make choices..so sink down tonthe bottom of the pool once for all and give a good push on your legs and swim back to the surface, so we can teach you again how to fly (accept who u are, love yourself, care for the others)

stephan metral 🐝 Innovative Brand Ambassador

6 years ago #16

John White, MBA by doing so, in his life, his contribution and here with the community is a hell of a story teller,maround the camp's fire, we love listening to the medicine man, it doesn't hurt. We have much lost contact with simple things and words and genuine behavior. We fear calling a worm a worm, welll a looser is a looser, someone with weaknesses, but we need them. Looosers who are lacking by nature assertivness are socially suffering from swarm intelligence behavioral disorders. It is Okay.

stephan metral 🐝 Innovative Brand Ambassador

6 years ago #15

John White, MBA as our medicine man in the internationa global digital village, he shares medicines.

stephan metral 🐝 Innovative Brand Ambassador

6 years ago #14

Win or loose, the subject doesn't matters. It is all about the game, the result is a consequence of 1) your ability to choose (make a choice and stick to it - fight or quit; 2) Your persistant call to action and plan them 3) funnel , select, show empathy & compassion, then close the deal. People rejects you, smile...next..archive detractors in the black list ( you will soon losse track of'em) Loosers are lost, in their insanity they Trust: You cannoy help them..that is evolution.

John White, MBA

6 years ago #13

Sadman Ishrak: Use sites like beBee, Twitter, and LinkedIn to network with people that understand the vision you have for your future! Don't listen to those that are trying to limit your potential. Once you have raised enough money, consider moving somewhere else. The great thing about life today is that we are limited by geography or your nationality. We can live pretty much where we want. Now leaving your friends and family behind to pursue your destiny is a tough choice. But at least it's an option you have on the table.

John White, MBA

6 years ago #12

#2
Pascal Derrien, I think you may have missed the point as well. It's not us versus them. As I said to Dean, I used to listen to the people that put me down. I used to care what they said about me. I let them limit my potential. I allowed them to make me feel bad about myself. Once I stopped listening to the negative voices in my life, things really started to change for me. I am so much happier now.

John White, MBA

6 years ago #11

Dean Owen: You missed the point. It is not about calling people losers. It is avoiding the people in your life that bring you down. I used to listen to my haters. I allowed them to put me down. I allowed them to limit my potential. I don't want people like this in my life and it's been a turning point for me.

Pascal Derrien

6 years ago #10

#9
one valid way of seeing it Javier \ud83d\udc1d beBee :-) but this all too one dimensional for me, in the end its not important and that's just semantic :-). People deserve success in their own right and that's a good thing it does not necessarily mean others who don't , don't get it :-)

Javier Cámara-Rica 🐝🇪🇸

6 years ago #9

I love this interview. Juan Imaz is a winner beBee Interview to Juan Imaz: @Mamen_locutora https://www.bebee.com/producer/@mamen-delgado/bebee-interview-to-juan-imaz-i-am-a-fighter-who-never-gives-up vía @beBee

Javier Cámara-Rica 🐝🇪🇸

6 years ago #8

#3
Pascal Derrien is talking about winners. Winnerd can say YES and can say NO :)

Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee

6 years ago #7

Insightful. There's a lot of good advice in this buzz. "It is a wise man who admits he does not know it all." is a good motto to remember.

Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee

6 years ago #6

Insightful. There's a lot of good advice in this buzz. It is a wise man who admits he does not know it all.

Javier Cámara-Rica 🐝🇪🇸

6 years ago #5

John White, MBA I fully agree. Surround yourself with BETTER professionals than you! My team is definetely better than me :)

Javier Cámara-Rica 🐝🇪🇸

6 years ago #4

John White, MBA So true ! ;)

Dean Owen

6 years ago #3

Agree with you Pascal. And calling someone a loser, well doesn't that kinda make the caller a loser? We don't know their situation. We don't know their back story. Calling anyone names smells of spitefullness. This almost sounds Trumpish - "I like winners"

Pascal Derrien

6 years ago #2

I have hesitated to comment as I am probably going to be hang by the positive cavalry but while there are some truths in this I cannot help finding this a bit binary I must say, us v.s them does not really sit well with me. I don't think it is as simple as that, I am wary of forced positivity sometimes it leads to denial, being unrealistic and/or naïve or even manipulative. I think you need to have a healthy balanced other wise you are surrounded by yes people...... Just me now people you can throw the tomatoes... :-)

John White, MBA

6 years ago #1

CC: Javier \ud83d\udc1d beBee

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