Why not just Shut up and Listen!?!

Listen! 
Do you want to know a secret?
Do you promise not to tell? 
Closer!
Let me whisper in your ear.with apologies to Lennon and McCartney

When we hear "our master's voice", or curiosity has the better of us, or a lover is promising to tell us the words we "long to hear", or when our senses are heightened by danger, then we will surely listen, and oh so intently, that we'd hear the sound of a pin dropping.

Then, and only then, can we truly say that listening is the direct opposite of talking.

Unfortunately, in the great majority of conversations we have, when we are fully engaged and willing participants (and not merely hanging around in the periphery of a monologue by some boring old fart), listening intently is the very last thing we do.  In this context, the opposite of talking is ..... waiting to talk ..... yes, biding our time so that we can interject with what we want to say, whether to impress, or to gain social standing points, or because we are excited to show off, or simply because we just like the feeling of commanding the floor and taking the opportunity to tell the world how particularly good we are at ...... whatever.

We've all experienced the sudden realisation, when the conversation appears to be going back and forth in a frenzy of excitement, like heads at a tennis match, that your 'opponent' hasn't really been listening to what you are saying, but rather is jousting with experiences and positioning him or herself to top your respective points of view, using each successive animated statement to momentarily rise above you in an almost farcical frenzy of phonetics.

The tell tale signs are there when you are holding the floor. The glazed eyes, the sudden intake of breath pre-launch, the hand gesticulations, the forward leaning stance, all indicate that this predator is preparing to pounce.

So, when someone’s talking to us, how should we actually genuinely listen instead of  waiting to pounce ? Because, as sure as ..... 

death and taxes; 

the pope’s a catholic; and 

a bear shits in the woods; 

someone, some where, some how, will need us to “shut the hell up, why don’t you?” and really listen to their problems, their issues, their difficulties.  

What’s more, without really investing in listening, how can we pay back with help?  

Sometimes just listening is enough, so that our ‘someone’ can off-load and simply get the problem ‘off their chest’.  In some circumstances, remaining silent, while conveying sympathy and support, can be a powerful aid and may be all that we can offer.  

And even when we may be able to proffer a solution, or at least positive or meaningful advice, our ‘someone’ may need to off-load as part of a grieving process, before they in turn are even capable of listening to and processing advice.  

Here's a few tips that I've learned over the years, when the time has come to really listen.  

1. Don't Interrupt

2. Paraphrase

3.Silence is Golden

"Wise men speak because they have something to say; 
Fools because they have to say something."Plato

Well ..... That's it for me, for now.  I've nothing more to say, so I'll leave you with ..... SILENCE !

.....................<<..................>>...................

"And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence"

The author of the above, Ken Boddie, besides being a sometime poet and occasional writer, is an enthusiastic photographer, rarely leisure-travelling without his Canon, and loves to interact with other like-minded people with diverse interests.

Ken's three day work week (part time commitment) as a consulting engineer allows him to follow his photography interests, and to plan trips to an ever increasing list of countries and places of scenic beauty and cultural diversity.