Is it Time for a Friendectomy?
[NOTE TO READER: Every so often I feel compelled to rant. Today is one of those times. And since I was sitting down to write today's blog post, I felt it might be a very good time to let loose. So while this is lightly connected to my normal blogging style, I will feel much better after I get this off my chest. I hope you do too.]
Can you really have 500 friends? REALLY?
I'm not sure about you, but the last time I checked the number of people I would actually recognize if I met them on the street was nowhere near 500.
Then why do I think that I could possibly have 500 close contacts in my LinkedIn, beBee or Facebook account? Especially if I'm in the tech industry.
We come from an industry where people like Sheldon of Big Bang Theory can exist and pass for normal, in a strange kind of way. While bright and brilliant, we didn't get to be so good at programming, or troubleshooting networks, or building systems by being party animals. Let's face it. There were likely kids in school who were WAY more social than we were.
If you were like me, you had a close group of friends, that shared common interests, like standing with your back to the wall at the school dance (I'M JOKING!!!), but more likely was the group who knew about, and ran every bit of available technology at your high school.
So I find it interesting how Social Media has removed the barrier for those of us who kept close to a small group in school, are now suddenly compelled to link up with everyone who wants to be our friend on Facebook or LinkedIn? Are we secretly trying to make up for all those times that [insert rejection event here]?
Today's Social Media pundits would tell you that more is better. We are hoarding friends to the point of ridiculous. And we let this behaviour spill over into our professional lives.
Let's make a key differentiation here... There is a difference in having a great network of professional contacts - people you have done business with, and making connections with anyone and everyone. How in the world do you possibly keep up with the updates?
I say it's time for a Friendectomy. Go through your contact list in LinkedIn and Facebook (and even beBee) and delete those who are only mere acquaintances. Keep those with whom you are in regular contact with, and who's updates will mean something to you - for example, they are friends of friends, in a similar role, or are genuinely interesting people.
You can't maintain a genuine relationship with 500 people. Don't accept invitations from anyone you don't know. Respectfully decline. There are other ways to connect with you.
If Social Media is about relationships, then make them genuine relationships.
When I see people on LinkedIn with over 500 connections, it could mean they will accept anybody's request for a connection, and thereby lose all the personal and professional value that Social Media can provide. It also sends a message to me that they are not really concerned with me, but rather that I am the means to increase their friend count, or IMO a prospect to immediately pitch a product or service.
Disclaimer - I now have over 500 LinkedIn connections, but as I go through them, they fit my critera above. 聽In actuality, many of them are followers who seem to like my postings.
You can still connect with acquaintances, but use more appropriate tools, like Twitter, or a blog.
For genuine engagement, I've found the affinity aspect of beBee useful to develop more than a 馃憤 type of relationship. 聽I've developed a cadre of curmudgeons and thinkers who like to engage around ideas, and spin wonderful tales of their worlds.
There.
I feel better.
You may not agree with me, but that's ok.
That's what the comment section is for.
________________________________________________________
About the Author:
I鈥檓 the Chief Information Officer for Appleby College, in Oakville, Ontario Canada, where my team is transforming the delivery of education through innovative application of technology. I'm also a beBee Brand Ambassador.
I'm convinced that IT leadership needs to dramatically change how IT is delivered rather than being relegated to a costly overhead department.
In addition to transforming IT in my role as CIO, I look for every opportunity to talk about this... writing, speaking and now blogging on BeBee (www.bebee.com/@kevin-pashuk) , LinkedIn, ITWorld Canada, or at TurningTechInvisible.com.
I also shoot things... with my camera. Check out my photostream at聽www.flickr.com/photos/kwpashuk聽
"""
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Comments
Louise Smith
7 years ago #33
Sara Jacobovici
7 years ago #32
Kevin Pashuk
7 years ago #31
Thanks for sharing Christine. We do treat each platform differently.
Wayne Yoshida
7 years ago #30
Yes, exactly. Sort of like that who wants to be a millionaire game show. Kinda irritating.
Kevin Pashuk
7 years ago #29
Thanks Harvey... I know that being a Raging Introvert affects my perspective of such things as relationships... Didn't Susan Cain say that introverts have fewer relationships, but those they have are deeper? I'm not sure that 'friendectomy' will hit the DSM 5, but Aaron Skogen's 'connectectomy' might, since it sounds more scientific and is hard to pronounce.
Kevin Pashuk
7 years ago #28
I wonder Wayne, if a button was labelled 'ZAP!', whether anyone would ever push it. In the old days when I used to program... we always built in a "Are You Sure?" message for the terminator function. In one case I even followed the "Are You Sure?" with a "Are You REALLY Sure??" message. ... but I suppose that it is better to have LI'd and lost, than to never have LI'd at all.
Harvey Lloyd
7 years ago #27
Wayne Yoshida
7 years ago #26
Brian McKenzie -- LI has a "delete account" button. It's pretty drastic and once it is clicked - zap - everything is gone. I know at least one person who did that accidentally. Now he has to start all over. I am not ready to do that (yet). . .
Kevin Pashuk
7 years ago #25
Thanks Aaron. I did try to say 'connectectomy' three times quickly... it didn't work.
don kerr
7 years ago #24
Sure. If I survive the cut! Kevin Pashuk
Kevin Pashuk
7 years ago #23
Hey Brian! Thanks for commenting. I've heard it said that Social Media is like putting your hand in a bucket of water. Things are moving when your hand is in the bucket, but pull it out and see what kind of impression you left... It's amazing how much the interaction drops when you are away from social media for any time. It's a very much 'in the moment' world. Sad is the person who's only friends are online. I guess that's another one of the points I was trying to make.
Kevin Pashuk
7 years ago #22
Even with your broad criteria for following, you are right Sir Ken that there is still lots of activity. Like you, I am more ruthless, mainly because it's too easy to cross over to the point where you should be doing other important things... like work, or family, or out taking pictures.... And thanks for the ear worm (he said somewhat sarcastically, given that I work in education, but I am a PF fan)... We don't need no education We don't need no thought control No dark sarcasm in the classroom Teachers leave them kids alone! Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone! All in all it's just another brick in the wall. All in all you're just another brick in the wall. (Pink Floyd - Another brick in the wall)
Ken Boddie
7 years ago #21
Kevin Pashuk
7 years ago #20
I must have spent too long in the 'bush' Nichole... I've never heard of a 'harem guy' before. I think the point I'm trying to make is that the process of collecting 'friends' isn't what social media is for, but to find *friends* to engage with. Thanks for commenting.
Kevin Pashuk
7 years ago #19
The 'Only' friend Paul? If I were you, I'd broaden my horizons. I'm sure that living in Bali would create a whole bunch of 'friends', especially in the Canadian winter months, just like owning a pickup truck gets you all kinds of 'friends' at the end of the month when people are moving.
Kevin Pashuk
7 years ago #18
Thanks Franci. You are one of the anchors here on the English side of beBee. You hit the nail on the head with the word 'engagement'.
Kevin Pashuk
7 years ago #17
#11 Phil and Pascal... I have to admit that I looked for a photo with the biggest pair of scissors... I'm a bit cruel like that.
Kevin Pashuk
7 years ago #16
Don't worry Ren茅e... I won't leave... and you've just shown the power of beBee. How would you know all those things about me if you only saw one facet (personal or business) that the other social networks provide? I do think it's time for another meeting of the Kerr Street Cafe Coffee Klatch Club... Right Don \ud83d\udc1d Kerr?
Kevin Pashuk
7 years ago #15
Great observations Wayne. You could create a new post based on your comments. I personally find that LI has primarily generated product and service solicitations more than it has provided great engagement. I'm not writing it (or FB) off any time soon. I do find that the professional and personal relationships I've developed on beBee through affinity are stronger than anything EVER generated on LI or FB.
Kevin Pashuk
7 years ago #14
Thanks Javier! If social media is about developing relationships, then having dozens of *friends* doesn't help. As many have pointed out in the comments here, having a broad audience is also important if you are a blogger and a writer. beBee actually lets you have both - friends and a broad audience.
Kevin Pashuk
7 years ago #13
Trust me Pascal, I'm a professional. It won't hurt (me).
Kevin Pashuk
7 years ago #12
Thanks Jim. I do agree that having a big audience for your writing is important. Isn't that why we moved to beBee... to avoid the algorithm? But 'collecting' friends doesn't do much more than create a huge time sinkhole and lets you be distracted from important things. Thanks for the kind words... if you want I could always throw some Canadian cursing such as "mon Dieu, tabernac!" or "Jesus Murphy!" into the rant next time.
Paul Walters
7 years ago #11
Wayne Yoshida
7 years ago #10
Wasn't that covered in a Seinfeld episode?
Pascal Derrien
7 years ago #9
just reading this makes me uncomfortable ...ouch I am going to bed now :-)
Phil Friedman
7 years ago #8
#2 Just for the record, most Jewish men I know have an ingrained phobia of scissors and clipping. :-)
Wayne Yoshida
7 years ago #7
Wayne Yoshida
7 years ago #6
Javier C谩mara-Rica 馃悵馃嚜馃嚫
7 years ago #5
Phil Friedman
7 years ago #4
Javier C谩mara-Rica 馃悵馃嚜馃嚫
7 years ago #3
Pascal Derrien
7 years ago #2
Jim Murray
7 years ago #1