Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago · 3 min. reading time · 0 ·

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The Man in the Mirror

The Man in the Mirror

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I was born in December.

For a highly introspective raging introvert, that creates a double whammy, particularly as the number of birthdays climb.

I am faced with evaluating both the year that just passed, and at the same time, the years of my life that seemed to have raced by.

It seems like I’ve just gone over this exercise, but that was twelve months ago.

It’s true what they say.

When you are ‘over the hill’, you pick up speed.

So… I look in the mirror – figuratively and literally.

As for the literal look in the mirror, I have become convinced the damn thing is haunted.

Every time I look into it, there’s this old fart staring back at me.

My ‘inside’ age is about 34-3/4… My outside age is a bit older.

Many people my age are talking about ‘early retirement’, and spending the days in the sun on the links.

Not me.

I’ve still got a lot to do, which means I’ve got to keep the ‘outside’ me healthy so he can keep up with the ‘inside’ me that still has a lot of dreams and aspirations.

But what about that face I see?

When I look in the mirror these days at my face, do I see someone that is approachable, content, satisfied? Or do I see a cranky person, angry at something, or lonely, or sad?

I’m reminded of the story of Abraham Lincoln, when he was President of the U.S., was advised to include a certain man in his cabinet. When he refused he was asked why he would not accept him. "I don't like his face," the President replied. "But the poor man isn't responsible for his face," responded his advocate. "Every man over forty is responsible for his face" countered Lincoln.

I heard that anecdote years ago, and it is more meaningful each day I gaze into the mirror.

Which gets me to the other type of mirror gazing – figurative.

When I review the year (and years) I ask myself “What kind of person have I become?”

How do people see me? (It helps to have a partner and good friends who are lovingly honest to you).

Are my values clear to others? If I say that helping others is important to me, is there any evidence in the last year that I really do value compassion? What have I actually done?  That goes for everything I say is important.

Did I do something to make the world a better place since last December? While I can’t change the whole world, I can make a big difference to a few. It's a good time to set some realistic goals.

Am I moving toward healthy relationships, or away? Being a raging introvert, there is a pull to withdraw as I get older. This is unhealthy and I know it.

Am I still relevant? This is the toughest of the questions as we age. The spotlight and opportunities are for the young, or so it seems. We seem to forget that we ourselves have the biggest impact on our relevance. We cannot wait for others to offer us opportunities, but have to go out and create our own opportunities. Join a club, volunteer, be helpful, be a friend to someone. These are all simple ways to remain a contributor.

This introspection time at the mirror consumes much of my thought life each December. It is not depressing, but constructive. It helps me plan how I’m going to let the “34-3/4 year old me” set the plan, full of ambition and aspiration, and keep the dodgy old coot in the mirror away from telling me what to do.

I’ll leverage the wisdom and calluses I’ve gained over the years, but I’m certainly not going to give into an ‘old’ mindset any time soon.

At least not till next December, then I’ll start all over again.

_______________________________________________

Image: Kevin Pashuk

About the Author:

68a4bcd2.jpgI’m the Chief Information Officer for Appleby College, in Oakville, Ontario Canada, where my team is transforming the delivery of education through innovative application of technology. I'm also a beBee Brand Ambassador.

I'm convinced that IT leadership needs to dramatically change how IT is delivered rather than being relegated to a costly overhead department.

In addition to transforming IT in my role as CIO, I look for every opportunity to talk about this... writing, speaking and now blogging on BeBee (www.bebee.com/@kevin-pashuk) , LinkedIn, ITWorld Canada, or at TurningTechInvisible.com.

I also shoot things... with my camera. Check out my photostream at www.flickr.com/photos/kwpashuk 



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Comments

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #48

#66
I've known that for a long time Graham\ud83d\udc1d Edwards... but as the Canadian icon Red Green says... "If the women can't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy!"

Graham🐝 Edwards

7 years ago #47

#62
I hate to say it Kevin Pashuk but your not that good looking.... nonetheless a great photo.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #46

#64
#60 Okay guys... now I'm blushing. Do you mind if I show this to my wife? :)

Phil Friedman

7 years ago #45

#60
Graham, not to guild the lily, you are looking at the face of integrity -- believe me, I know. A person is often known by the company he or she keeps. And I am pleased to keep company, with Kevin Pashuk. (And no, Kevin, I am not asking you out!) Cheers!

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #44

#61
You are right Harvey... we have that thing called 'experience' to draw from as we age.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #43

#60
If I didn't know better Graham, I would think you were asking me out...😀 I'm glad you saw the 'look' in my eyes as knowing... In reality it is the look of wishing I wasn't in a picture. I much prefer to be behind the lens. In this case, it was a selfie... so I was on both sides of the shot.

Harvey Lloyd

7 years ago #42

Self Awareness at 50+ oh i meant 34.75+ is a different animal than when facing it at 25+. The spousal unit and i discuss your relevant concept all the time. We are proactively engaging our children and grandchildren. We have plans to work way past our retirement age. Not for money but rather engagement. This time of year with time off, the season and the surrounding of family it gets you to thinking about the year's goals and roles and were they really as important as you had them scaled. Have a merry Christmas and thanks for all your posts they are thought proving. ps. I stopped looking in the mirror more than once a day.

Graham🐝 Edwards

7 years ago #41

Kevin Pashuk this is one of the most impactful photographs I have ever seen in my humble life.... the reserved face of "knowing". The buzz was pretty good too btw lol. I know I have already read this but every time I see this knowing face in the "feed" I need to stop and look at the wisdom behind those eyes of yours!

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #40

#58
You are very welcome Joel. SRV is on my list of great musicians.

Joel Anderson

7 years ago #39

Kevin Pashuk Thanks for a great post. As Stevie Ray Vaughan would say "Lookin' back in front of me, in the mirror's grin; Through eyes of love I see, I'm really lookin at a friend..." Thanks for a great introspective.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #38

#56
Thanks John White, MBA... I was wondering why the notifications on my phone were buzzing so much. :)

John White, MBA

7 years ago #37

Kevin: Great job creating a ton of buzz with this post. We just tweeted it out on several beBee twitter accounts including @beBee. Check your Twitter notifications! ;)

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #36

#46
I'm sure it would be a good read Kevin Pashuk! I'm not retired (far from being there) but I do work from home for my husband's business and sometimes I feel as though I've lost a bit of my own identity. I could see how that could happen to retirees. Some plan way ahead and work part time, travel part time etc... I think they fare better.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #35

#39
Thanks Debasish

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #34

#37
You say the mirror doesn't add 10 pounds Gerald, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it...

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #33

#35
Thanks for the kind words Sarah. May I wish you a great (early) birthday?

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #32

#33
Thanks Don. Are you reminding me it's now my turn to buy when we meet at the Kerr Street Cafe?

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #31

#32
Great insights Irene. 3rd Act. I may borrow that.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #30

#31
Thanks Robert. I often wonder how Lincoln became so wise without access to the Internet.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #29

#30
Thanks Mohammed. My mind is young... my body doth protest sometimes. That's why I work to stay in shape and keep active.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #28

#29
Thanks Lisa. I don't see retirement as 'lucky'. I'm doing what I love now. Most people I know who have retired early seem to be dealing with a loss of identity... but that's another post.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #27

#28
I'm very discerning about my revelry Ken... in a sense you could say I'm party-cular.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #26

#27
I tried using the magnifying side of the mirror Phil, and it cracked.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #25

#26
Thanks Elizabeth.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #24

#25
I would entirely ditch the mirror but one must make sure all the remaining hairs are in place and all the wogs removed from your face before you head out for the day.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #23

#21
Thanks Donna-Luisa Eversley for the verse and advice on the ultimate question about the pants.

Sara Jacobovici

7 years ago #22

I like who I see in the mirror (great photo!) Kevin Pashuk.)

don kerr

7 years ago #21

#22
superb advice from my favourite Caribbean princess.

don kerr

7 years ago #20

Kevin Pashuk all banter aside you are an inspiration. Kind, compassionate and thoughtful. You have much to contribute and I am privileged to call you my friend.

Robert Cormack

7 years ago #19

Nice piece, Kevin Pashuk. I like that little story about Lincoln. We're all responsible for our faces, and I'm particularly aware of people, supposedly with everything, but still no happiness in their expressions. Their mouths seem to be turned down, a look of disappointment. I don't know what they're disappointed about, but I'm seeing more of it now. Perhaps they haven't gotten all they feel they deserve. I think the harshest lines are formed on faces that don't feel they've gotten what they deserve.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #18

I think everyone reaches a certain age when they question 'the man in the mirror.' You wrote, "Am I moving toward healthy relationships, or away? Being a raging introvert, there is a pull to withdraw as I get older. This is unhealthy and I know it." I've done the same and realized it's not healthy. The more we are able to expose ourselves, I swear it reaps benefits we weren't aware of previously. Social interaction keeps us healthier, so say the studies. Keep being you, age is just a number. If you feel 37 & 3/4ths then you are!! :)) Good buzz, something I think many of us can relate to. Also, the retirement issue- my husband hears others his age talking about early retirement too, he can't for a long time to come. I know he wishes (even though he doesn't say so) that he could be lucky enough to be one of those who retired early as well. Life is so complicated at times, so we need to appreciate what's right in front of us.

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #17

Hey, Kev, it'll soon be the festive season, so if you really want to have others see you and your values, while making the world a better place, why not forget the 'relevant'? Get yourself out there and become a 'revel ant'! 🐜 Older and bolder!!! It's party time!!! 🍾

Phil Friedman

7 years ago #16

The wise man know to never, ever used the magnifying side of the mirror. Cheers!

Paul Walters

7 years ago #15

Kevin Pashuk You are certainly relevant!! I read your stuff and I find it relevant, Note to self. Ditch the mirror!

CityVP Manjit

7 years ago #14

Every morning I wake up and I say to myself - wicked life has given me one more day, cool, I will aim to do this all over again until there is no tomorrow. I am not too concerned about aging as I am about the fact that we all have a one way trip but what is the use of shaking our fist against the ultimate act of nature, when in the grand scheme of things the act of awakening to all of this is the only deal we get that is ours. All I can hope for is the middle between birth and death there is all the good stuff.

Phil Friedman

7 years ago #13

#16
Randy only a recidivist divorcee would seriously ask that question. If you need to ask, you will never learn!

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #12

#16
There is no right answer to that last question Randy... other than to say that her refulgence overwhelms you. I heard that word on Prairie Home Companion and did try to use it... once.

Randy Keho

7 years ago #11

If a tree falls in the forest, does it make a noise? If there were no mirrors, would there be no aging? After all, the outside is not a reflection of the inside. What do you tell your wife when she asks if the dress she's wearing makes her ass look big? That, is question.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #10

#10
Happy Birthday Renée. Us December babies (at least in Canada) can trace our origins back to the first warm day of Spring in the year of our birth... I fully agree. Life goes off the rails pretty quickly when your lifestyle does not match your values.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #9

#9
It's true that mirror images are inverted Gerald. Now if I could only get one that sheds a few pounds...

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #8

#7
Thanks Franci for joining in my musings.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #7

#6
I wish I had your gift of prose Jim. All my thoughts seem to come out in snippets. I'll have to dig out some of your lyrics next time I'm doodling on my guitar and see if there is any affinity.

Jim Murray

7 years ago #6

Nice stuff Kevin Pashuk. This post reminds me of a lyric I write a while back, when I was thinking a lot of the same thoughts. This is the chorus. "Just as long as you ride the road Like you know where you're goin' Just as long as you carry the load Like you know where you been Life will be good And you'll be much wiser for the knowin' And tomorrow will open Her lovin' arms and take you in" There's a realm sense of optimism in all the posts you write. That's what makes them so damn enjoyable. Keep on truckin', my brother. You're a Beezer and Beezers live forever.

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #5

#4
Thanks Susan! You are so right. Age is a function of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. Keep your younger self vibrant.
Wonderful post, Kevin Pashuk! There seems to be a common thread among several writers on aging recently -- and you have mentioned things I know we've all considered. In this increasingly fast-paced world, it's easy to think we might not be relevant, but I am determined to be well into my old age! I think we all have that younger self -- whatever age that might -- who looks out, sees a face in the mirror, and wonders who that person is! But as long as our younger self is happy, healthy, and eager for life -- we should be fine. By the way, I only have one mirror in my small place, and it's in the bathroom. No point in reminding myself every minute of the disparity between inside and outside! :-)

Kevin Pashuk

7 years ago #3

#1
Thanks Mohammed for your comments (and the blessing). The look on my face in the photo is an expression of how much I hate taking pictures of myself... I usually like being behind the camera.

Mohammed Abdul Jawad

7 years ago #2

Kevin Pashuk May the Almighty Lord bless you with good health and longevity! Aamen.

Mohammed Abdul Jawad

7 years ago #1

Kevin Pashuk Reading your post, in the beginning, gave me a chuckle. :) Really, you are lively, good person. It's not your growing age matters, but what concerns is how expansive your heart is with contentment and face filled with cheerfulness. In the mirror, you look aghast as if someone has snatched your prized collection. :)

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