I Said NO! Why Didn't He Listen?
The story I'm about to share is a very hard story to talk about. I've gone back and forth in my mind about sharing this story because it really is very personal. This week's news about women being groped and talked about as if they are inanimate objects that are there for certain men's amusement brought everything back to the forefront of my mind.
When I was in High School I babysat quite frequently to make extra money. One particular evening I asked the parents I was babysitting for if I could invite a good male friend of mine over to their home. They told me it was fine as long as he came over after the kids were in bed. So, I invited John to the house and told him we could sit on the back porch to chat when he stopped by.
To my surprise
When John arrived at the home I was babysitting, he had a friend with him. He never asked me if he could bring this friend and I obviously had no idea the friend was going to be with him either. John was a really fun, nice guy. We had been friends for a long time, he was like a close girlfriend to me. The friend John brought was on the football team and yes, I thought he was hot. I never told anyone, including my friend John that I thought Perry, the football player was hot. So you can imagine my surprise when Perry showed up with John.
Not long after John and Perry arrived, Perry told John to go to the store for some snacks. John protested a bit. The fact that he was protesting made me feel uncomfortable because I sensed something a bit more sinister. It wasn't chilly out that evening but suddenly my body felt a chill.
I should have listened to my gut
Once that chill came over me I kept wanting to say to John, "No, please don't go to the store, don't leave me alone with Perry." I was only 15 years old and I didn't have the guts or maturity to speak up like that. As soon as John left, Perry grabbed me, pulled me against him and kissed me hard on the lips without permission. I pulled away and told him to stop. Perry was 6'2 and weighed about 200 lbs. I was and am 5'2 and only weighed about 107 lbs. After I pulled away and told Perry to stop he became more aggressive. Perry pushed me down onto the back porch and straddled me. He had his knees on top of my arms and began to pull up my shirt and unzip my pants. I was screaming at him to get off of me! The more I protested, the more aggressive he became. I guess he was used to getting what he wanted and I must of hurt his male ego after his attempt with a kiss that felt more like someone pushing wet bricks against my lips! He was just beginning to pull up my bra and suddenly he was being pulled off of me with a lot of force.
Someone listened to their gut
I'm not sure if John was aware that Perry was going to try something like this or if he just had a gut feeling because he knew Perry so well. So, John hid in the bushes instead of going to the store. When he saw what was going on he ran to the porch, pulled Perry off of me, punched Perry and told him 'to get the hell out of here now!" I was lucky because Perry didn't put up a fight. I was lucky that John waited in the bushes or I would have been raped that evening.
I never told anyone
I was so embarrassed about the incident I never shared this story with anyone. John even promised me he wouldn't tell a sole. After this happened to me I lost a LOT of trust in guys. I also lost faith in myself. I actually thought in some warped way that I was partly to blame. I'm not sure why those thoughts go through a gals mind after being assaulted by a man but they do and they feel real. It was hard for me to get close to a guy for a very long time after this happened because I feared they might try something similar or play up to me until they got what they wanted, then discard me. Yes, my self-esteem sucked very bad after the incident. I was probably one of the few females who would not allow myself to have sex with a guy until I knew we were very serious. I'm married to that man now and have been for many years. Thank goodness he had patience with me and respected me enough to wait.
If you experience a strong gut feeling about someone (as many call it, intuition) listen! And, never feel it was your fault if a guy tried to rape you or succeeded. As they say, no means NO. I'm sure many females have experienced something similar and kept it a secret their entire lives because it made them feel confused about themselves and even dirty. I wish I would have talked about it with someone after it happened but I didn't. I was shy around guys/men for years. I didn't fear them because I did realize that most men didn't have bad intentions but it did affect my psyche around men. To this day, until I get to know a man well, I'm still shy. Obviously, I'm not in the market looking for men but I still feel a slight bit of inferiority around men until I get to know them better. Once I get to know a man and feel comfortable, I'm able to be just as fun, silly and serious with them as I am with my friends that are women.
I was lucky that I had a friend who cared enough to wait and come to my rescue. Not every female is that lucky. I just wish I would have sought some counseling earlier in life after that incident. I honestly had no clue how much and in what ways it did affect me until many years later. The only advice I can offer to anyone who's been close to being raped or has been raped is this: Don't stay silent, never blame yourself and seek help from a professional. I should have reported this to authorities as well because I often wonder if he did this to others and did end up raping one or more gals? Maybe I could have saved other females from this horrible excuse of a guy if he did prey on other females. I will never know, but it will always haunt me.
Photo credit: Google images- http://img.stomp.com.sg/styles/500_height/s3/ss/featured/2016/05/rapeposed.jpg?itok=7LoQQzkP