Pictures Speak A 1000 Words, A Re-Cap of 2017
Photo Credit: Lisa Gallagher 2017
There are many moments we can't and would never want to capture in a photo. I realize we are supposed to be extremely thankful for our time here on planet earth and those who surround us. I can honestly say, I'm very thankful for those people who do surround us and I'm also thankful for those who have bared their inner souls, for you allowed me to walk away quietly and with dignity. There are days I question my role on planet earth and I can honestly say, I'm not all that thankful on those gloomy days. I'd love to sugar coat things, you know, lie? But, I can't lie and won't. Life isn't filled with butterflies and roses for everyone. To say everyday sucks would be a lie too. I guess it's a fine balancing act. You should not have to pretend for the sake of others that your feeling as though the wind is at your back when it's smacking you in the face, it takes more energy to pretend than to just be yourself!
The good, the bad, and the ugly
Lets start with the ugly:
As I wrote on my last buzz, my husband's lungs are deteriorating. He has 3 diagnoses but after our last visit to his Specialist in Pittsburgh, they decided they want to look outside the box. They want to make sure there isn't something else that has caused his shortness of breath to become much worse over the past year and a half. I'm thankful they are being thorough but I'm sad that I see such a vibrant person putting on a strong face for everyone, when inside, he's crying. He has always been a hunter and a 'woods dweller,' and he's been unable to go out into the woods to even hike this past 2 years. He managed to do a hunt with my son in Colorado this year but he confided that he wasn't able to keep up on flat ground even though the guys were going very slow for him, he confided that he went back to the tent ahead of them more than once and "bawled." Yes, this breaks my heart. I'm a fixer and I can't fix this! He's still working but is working a lot more from his home office instead of going in. Work helps him to keep his mind busy so he's not worrying about himself during those hours. We've spent more time in the Emergency room than I'd like to admit this past year and made numerous trips to Pittsburgh to see his specialists. Pittsburgh is a 3 hr drive one way for us and in the winter this can be nerve wracking due to weather conditions. I'm thankful he has a great team of Doctors who care, keep in touch and also interact with each other. I pray for more answers in January (hope).
I've hesitated sharing this but maybe it will help others to know they are not alone. When you are in Business for yourself, things can take off wonderfully and without notice contracts can disappear as fast as the favorite food on your plate. You can try to prepare for the unknown but unknown circumstances can creep up on you before you know it's hit you. We lost a few part time contracts over the past 3-7 years and it had nothing to do with the services the company provided, just changes in administrations which decided to provide their own 'in house' services because of consolidations with larger Health Care Facilities (yes, our business provides IT/Network support for Health Care Organizations) along with Governmental Organizations. We not only lost a portion of our income but it became difficult to pay personal quarterlies because the money was no longer there. We are now on a payment plan with the IRS, which is very stressful. He has been taking time while he's working from home to devise a few new business plans and one is beginning to add more income, so we are hoping that we can pay them off and get caught up in the next year. One mistake my husband made long ago was to charge our local County Government less than he should of. He felt he was doing a great service for them by trying to save them money. I'm going to guess he also felt he'd be rewarded at some point but that's just not reality. People take you for granted and once you've under cut your worth, it's hard to gain it back financially. So, we owe... I'm sure there are more people than other's are aware of that struggle financially, it's a topic that's very hard to discuss and it's one of life's other biggest stressors. How many people "Rob Peter to pay Paul," each month? I honestly didn't picture this as a scenario at this point in our lives but it's our reality today.
I want to end this on a good note. I am so thankful for my family and good friends. My son and his wife paid for an entire winter's worth of plowing and shoveling at our home because my husband isn't able to do this chore like he used to. My daughter and her husband are always checking in to see if we need anything and my son in law would be over in a millisecond if my husband needed his help with anything, my daughter is very helpful too. I am also so grateful and in love with my grandchildren. Grandchildren remind you of the innocence we may neglect to see all around us. Grandchildren put smiles on your face even on the dimmest of days. Grandchildren do not know hate, they love unconditionally and if we are able to hone in on their innocence along with curiosity of the world around them, it's contagious and reminds us that we too, can learn to enjoy the the many simple things we take for granted through the eyes of a child.
I will leave you with some photos that were the highlight of my year.
Out to dinner with our Favorite Granddaughter and Papa is always smiling when he's with her. She's our only granddaughter ;-)And, a park in Colorado when we drove out to visit my son, daughter in law and grandsons. Time spent with family always leaves me with wonderful memories.
Louisville, Kentucky, highly recommend a trip to Louisville, home of Jim Beam and Makers Mark- May 2017
A Great Memory from Oct 2017, my trip to Nags Head, SC with Pamela 🐝 Williams and walking the beach!
I realize this buzz began with negatives but this is life for many and it's my hope that people don't feel they have to pretend to be breezing through life when life is throwing some major curve balls. I admit, I tend to share a lot more when I write vs. spending a lot of my time complaining when I'm just trying to tackle each day as it comes. Writing does help me to vent and once I'm done, I feel it was good therapy, I'm just sorry I had to drag all of you along to my therapy sessions!
Wishing everyone a peaceful, healthy and beautiful New Year. May 2018 bring with it more peace for all.