The Comedy Of Menopause
*WARNING CONTENT NOT SUITABLE FOR MEN* I'm sure many don't find Menopause a comedy but what if you can remember that it's a part of life and 50% of women experience symptoms. Maybe if we can laugh at ourselves or remind ourselves that at this point in our lives we earned the right to act crazy one moment, cry and run around the house naked because our bodies feel like they are going to combust or we can't remember what we said 2 minutes ago we'll feel like teens again . RIGHT...
How many women get asked by their husband's, significant others or even their children, "How long is this supposed to last?!! I thought once you hit menopause you'd feel better!" Of course, many who ask don't understand that women go through perimenopause prior to hitting menopause. The symptoms of both can be similar. The next time someone asks you "How long is this supposed to last," just tell them, "I hope the rest of my life because I enjoy the hot flashes immensely and really get off on my mood swings, knowing I tick a lot of people off!"
Do you ever feel like jumping in your car the moment someone close to you says, "What is your problem?" Well grab your keys, always have a bag packed and waiting in the back of the car, keep a stash of cash and run! Hey, that will show them after you make a call from 500 miles away crying, "I'm sorry I left but will you make sure to keep the house clean, have dinner ready and a warm bath drawn for me when I return?"
Did you have a sudden and drastic weight gain once Menopause arrived? If you did, just make sure to power walk 5 miles per day, 5 days per week, work out at the gym another 5 days per week and stop eating. Everything you eat causes pounds to accumulate, even drinking tons of water causes weight gain. When your not working out, don't sit still, keep moving even if that means not sleeping. Speaking of sleep, how's that working out for you?
Speaking of hot flashes, isn't it wonderful to sweat in places you never dreamed possible? That's why they invented fans and air conditioners! If it's a problem at work, you need to ask your boss to accommodate you with a cool whirlpool tub, a personal fan, extra time at lunch so you can run home to catch another shower if needed. You should also be allotted an extra half hour to arrive at work because you may need to shower again after you put your clothes on and blow dry your hair. These requests listed are not unreasonable.
How many women wished they had larger breasts when they were younger? Ok, wish granted with menopause, hows that working out for you now? If you didn't have large breasts embrace them and flaunt them by showing tons of cleavage like the Kardashian gals do. If they are painful, go braless, after all, people burned their bras during the feminist movement. So, embrace your inner feminist!
Buy a life alert button and if you feel like your losing it just press your button. When the person from life alert calls you, tell them you have a menopausal emergency, "I lost my keys, fell to the floor crying and I don't want to get up!" I think they bring care packages instead of sending an ambulance in cases like this. The care package consists of a bottle of wine, chocolates, and a spa package gift certificate with unlimited sessions.
If all else fails, just blame everyone else!
Have you wondered how the term menopause was derived? Well, think no more...
The Ancient Greek roots of the term menopause are: “men” + “pauein.” The word “men” means month which is closely related to word for moon “mene” because the months were measured by the moon. The word “pauein” means to cause to cease or stop. So the Greek term pauein from which the word “pause” is derived actually does mean to stop rather than pause.
All kidding aside, menopause can interfere with life on so many levels. So many treatments, both holistic and medical available to women but do they really help? Some women will say yes, others will say no. It's individual for every woman. This post was written just for giggles.