The Very Raw Truth About Pregnancy and Giving Birth (Graphic- especially for men)

The recent birth of my daughter's baby and some of what she experienced before, during and after labor reminded me of a time not so long ago when I gave birth. *WARNING*- THIS WILL BE GRAPHIC AT TIMES, MEN IN PARTICULAR, READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION. 

There are many things even women don't share with other women when it comes to their fears or what they experienced during pregnancy and/or childbirth. 

I had a fear that the baby would get stuck on the way out, I mean come on... how can a BABY fit through MY canal?! 

My dear son was turned face down, a baby is supposed to enter the world face up. It's very hard to push a baby out of the canal when they are face down, also known as a Posterior Occipital birth. The reason it's so tough to push the baby out, well that's because the back of the head is heavier and when a woman pushes- gravity isn't on her side. Instead of making a timely entrance into the world, the head keeps being pushed towards the tailbone, instead of being pushed right out of the birth canal. Many times help is needed to assist the baby out of the canal. The device above was not used on me but forceps were. They also use a vacuum applied to the skull of the baby to assist. Sadly, my daughter also had a posterior baby and forceps were used. I think the fact that she delivered an OP baby brought back a lot of memories to me with my own experience. It also reminded me there are many things we women may not share with other women, we rarely share with men and don't want to appear wimpy by sharing our fears with our OB/GYN's  I also had no idea there was a chance I could break my tailbone during delivery, which I did. I fractured it because the head kept hitting my tailbone as I pushed. When the Dr. came in the next morning and asked how my stitches felt, I said, "I don't know, my tailbone hurts too bad." He explained to me how I broke it. 

I remember at some point asking the Dr. if he would please just pull this baby out of me?! I remember the nurse asking the Dr. if he wanted to turn the baby inside of me during labor. I thought to myself, "Hell no, I will choke you if you try!" Oh,  the thoughts that go through your head when you're in labor! Many women do a lot of screaming during labor, I didn't have the energy to talk let alone scream. I cried silent tears.  

Weeeeeee I love your bladder

Many women have to go through much of their pregnancies with the baby lying right on top their bladder. I bet you don't hear many complain that they have bladder leakage constantly and it gets worse as the baby grows? 

Fears, Fears... Oh, those annoying fears!

First-time moms, in particular,  have so many fears that they don't share because they fear others will think they are nuts or wusses. Just like my fear of the baby getting stuck, I didn't share that with anyone. I had a fear of ripping apart, I feared my morning sickness wouldn't end. I was working 10 hours per day and had flu like morning sickness almost 24 hours a day until I reached 13 weeks, seems to be a magical number for most pregnant women. There are some women who experience morning sickness throughout their entire pregnancy.  I worried a lot in the early months that I would miscarry. We worry about our babies being born healthy and I'm sure I can say most dads share in this worry too. 

After the delivery and what no one prepared you for

I think this may be the least talked about topic. Maybe it's the least talked about because women are embarrassed or they just want to forget how they felt after they delivered. If we didn't forget we wouldn't have more babies!  

Ironically, I healed up very fast after the tough delivery I had with my son. I was done bleeding in less than 10 days. I even went to the grocery store the day we arrived home to buy food so I could make a nice meal and invite my parents-inlaws over. What was I thinking?!  It had only been 3 days since I gave birth and it was party time at my house?! I learned very fast that I wasn't going to be cooking for others after that first day home because my son ended up being very colicky and cried from 12 am - 5:30 am every night. I was spent. 

The birth of my second child, my daughter, was completely different. I had a short labor- 3 pushes and my daughter arrived. I *assumed* I wouldn't bleed very long after I had her but I was wrong. 

The dreaded first poop, yes I said POOP!

Many women (most from what I've read) develop poop anxiety before they produce their first bowel movement after giving birth. Let's face it, our insides feel like they are draining out of us and many women are so bruised and swollen down below that the idea of pooping is scary. My daughter experienced this and ended up impacted. I won't go into detail about her experience but I will share mine. When I had kids they would not let you leave the hospital until you've had your first poop! An Incentive to get out the door, sure thing! I remember getting up on day 2 and had to go. I sat on the toilet inside my patient room and out 'it' came. I felt something else come out and it wasn't poop! I looked inside the toilet and thought I would pass out. I saw a clot the size of liver inside the toilet. Immediately I rang the bell which was in the bathroom for the nurse after I saw the mammoth clot. My nurse arrived promptly (she was a friend of mine, by the way) but I had no modesty left at this point. I told her I passed a clot and asked if she would look at it. She looked and I said, 'Is this normal?" She told me it was a bit larger than they normally see (she was trying to keep calm). She went on to say, "Lets get you back in bed and elevate your feet." In the meantime,  she called the Doctor. He ordered a pill to make me cramp more with hopes of pushing out the crud left inside. 

I didn't poop again until I went home but each time I did, I was passing golf ball sized clots. I called the Doctor and had to be checked each week for 4 weeks straight after delivering. I can tell you right now- It was far from a pleasant experience considering I was so sore from giving birth. By the time the 5th week arrived I was scheduled for a D&C which is a dilation and curettage. Oh geezus, the thought of my unhealed vagina going through one more thing put me into a high state of panic. The Doctor thought that part of the placenta was still inside of me. The Doctor also said my bleeding would stop after the procedure. My Doctor was wrong, I was still bleeding bright red blood 7 weeks after giving birth. When I went in for my check up he told me that the placenta wasn't the problem- I had a hormonal issue and he put me on the pill. My bleeding stopped within 24 hours, YAY ME!!  I vowed to myself that I would not have any more babies after that experience and I didn't. I'm blessed with the two children I chose to have. 

My poor daughter had such poop anxiety she never went before she left the hospital and I guess that's no longer a requirement for discharge. She also left the hospital with a fairly large hematoma down below and was in a lot of pain. Today she called me crying because she was unable to go, took 3 doses of Miralax the day before and Colace ( a stool softener; Miralax is a laxative). My poor daughter has anxiety like I do. Her anxiety played head games with her. She was afraid if she pooped, she'd hemorrhage. I must admit, that was my fear too, after seeing my first large clot. I never shared with her my negative experiences. Obviously, anxiety can differ from one woman to another but when you are prone to anxiety disease your mind goes into over drive. They finally had her take a strong laxative today and she went! Yay for poop!  Who would have thought women could get so excited over pooping? I'm going to assume this would not cross a man's mind [ sorry guys ]. She felt 100% better after she finally went. Her mood changed from depressed to happy. 

Having a baby and being pregnant is an exciting time for a woman but it's also a scary time. The fear of the unknown is the worst. It's a shame we aren't warned that we may face "this or that situation,"  and reminded that many women do and we will live through it. 

So there you have it!

I realize this topic didn't highlight the excitement of giving birth. I realize it was a bit graphic but they are the facts that women deal with when they give birth. This was just a small glimpse. Every woman has her own story, some are similar to mine- others are not.  Please share your stories, it's my hope that other women realize that although the process can be very scary, we all recovered and our prize- the baby, was worth every fear and all the pain we endured. 

Remember ladies, men don't have a hard time sharing the nickname they gave their penis, so why should we feel shame sharing the naked truth about pregnancy and giving birth?  I would love to hear others stories. Maybe women who have anxiety disorder have deeper fears? I'd would be curious to know the answer to this as well. Please do share!