When Anxiety Persists Too Long- Depression Follows: People Feel So Alone and Sha

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago · 4 min. reading time · ~100 ·

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When Anxiety Persists Too Long- Depression Follows: People Feel So Alone and Shamed

It's not fun when you suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder, it's with you 24/7. Left untreated it can lead to Clinical Depression. I will share some facts and what feels like a dismal story, looking for that happy ending! Many times the person suffering thinks they can overcome the symptoms on their own or they think, "Hey I rode this out before, it will pass again." Don't risk giving into those thoughts if you have suffered longer than 4 weeks.

The symptoms associated with GAD- Generalized Anxiety Disorder are numerous and not only take a toll on the brain but your physical body as well. The symptoms can be numerous or few but they are life altering when not treated. A person can wake up and feel shaky from the inside out as soon as their feet hit the floor. Your heart feels like it's beating over time most of the day, hot flushes come and go, dizziness, feeling faint, sleepy when you should feel awake, not being able to sleep (insomnia), fear of going places or leaving your home period, intrusive thoughts like a Merry go round in your head or a bad song playing over and over, legs feel like jelly (very weak), and mood changes. Not a great mix, sort of makes it hard to function.

After my mom passed my Anxiety level rose. I kept relating it fully to grief. It wasn't until the past few months I realized her loss opened up a can of worms. Yes, my GAD became worse but it didn't give me a reprieve. I went to Counseling and my Dr. but I honestly thought most of this was fairly normal considering how deep the pain was after she passed. I found myself staying up later and sleeping in later as well. I honestly don't feel like getting out of bed most days because I don't want to feel all these symptoms. I do however, make myself get up and function. I can't tell you how hard it is just to shower, I know right... such a simple task! I can't begin to share the immense amount of guilt I've placed on myself because I don't feel worthy. It's hard to concentrate which means it's been harder for me to read or write. I've become angry but my anger is really directed at my illness even though it may come out in different manners right now.

I've lost my zest for life but not my zest for living.

I know there is still such a freaking stigma attached to Anxiety Disorder and Depression because a few people who used to say, "I'm here if you need me, or I understand," well some of those same people have turned their backs on me. Who can blame them? It's not like I have cancer or I suffer from Heart disease- I LOOK perfectly healthy.

I missed a surprise Anniversary party for my Sister in law and Brother in law in June. I let their daughter know a few weeks before that sadly we would not be able to attend. I wrote them an email about a week after the party to let them know we missed them, explained why we couldn't make it (which included my daughter having medical issues from her pregnancy) and I didn't want to be 3 hours away when she was just a few weeks from delivery. My sister in law's response back? She wrote me and said (paraphrasing), No worries, 'Jane, John, Jack, Jemma, Joe, Jolene... all flew in to be here and our "Church Family of 20 years" was here for us too. She down played my daughter's medical issues and never once sucked it up and just said, Thanks for writing, we missed you too.. I know, an expectation, right?! My sister in law knew I was still grieving, it had only been less than 5 months since I lost my mom so I was already feeling fragile on top of dealing with a looming depression I had no idea was slowly setting in. I wrote her back and told her I felt she was passive aggressive in her reply, said a few more choice things and left it up to her to get back to me. She began putting up Memes on Facebook about people with depression but they were mean Memes. Memes that basically said to suck it up and get over yourself. I'm sure her Church family was clapping for her.

She never got back to me and my brother in law saw the emails too, he deleted me on Christmas Eve. I must admit, I deleted her about 6 weeks earlier. I told myself if I didn't hear from her in 6 months I would delete her. I have since deactivated my facebook page because I don't have the energy to deal with others (especially family members) who seem to be the most nosey or as the younger generation would say- creepers! I realized through my therapy that I had to put myself first and that meant letting go of anything that is toxic to my well being right now. My sister in law is a Human Resources Manager, I feel sorry for anyone who needs to confide in her or seek her counsel if they are suffering from anything!

I've learned that there are a few I can count on, including my Doctor and Therapist. My therapy sessions have increased, we had to hold back on the EMDR until my mind was in a better place. I'm getting there slowly. I refused medication because my Doctor has learned a lot about EMDR and told me that EMDR can be closer to a longer term cure vs. Medication that does not cure and just helps people to get over the hump period. I'm not advocating that others don't try medication; I just can't take it because I've had horrible side effects. We will be officially beginning EMDR next week. I thought this would begin some time ago but I misunderstood. I was told it will get worse before it gets better. The good news... it will get better! I know a person who just finished with EMDR and it has been life changing. Reading of others and seeing someone first hand go through something similar and come out on the other side shining gives me the hope I need. I hope it also gives anyone who's reading this and possibly dealing with similar issues hope too. Let the Professionals handle it and turn to them when you feel no one else cares.

I pray one day that Mental health issues will be taken as seriously as a physical health issue. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I feel as though I babbled on in this buzz. It's become quite hard to keep wearing my fake smile. I look forward to my genuine smile returning.

#Anxiety #EMDR #Shamed #Memes #Long- Depression

Comments

Lisa Gallagher

6 years ago #31

#44
I'm sorry Steve Brady, please feel free to PM me anytime :)

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #30

#42
Thanks, I'm doing fairly good right now :)) I agree, what waits on the other side makes life feel that much better!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #29

thanks for sharing Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen :))

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #28

#38
Thanks Steve Brady, I think in many circumstances there are always bits and pieces others can relate to, agree! :)

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #27

#34
\ud83d\udc1d Fatima Williams, I believe that you did grieve differently. I have 4 siblings and each one of us has grieved differently too. I feel bad for my step dad because he still lives in the big home that he and my mom built together, much of it done by them! I'm glad you were able to start sleeping normally again. Your brain must have held onto that time (1:30) and because of grief, it would wake you up. Laughter is so good for the soul and I can tell you, that's one thing I haven't done enough of in a long time. Maybe I need to make a few new friends that aren't so serious... I have some great friends who are wonderful people but also have a fantastic sense of humor but we don't live close enough to get together often. I think there is a lot to be said about laughter, not taking life too serious, people who don't take themselves too serious along with some (not speaking of anyone on here) who just need to lighten up, period. Thanks Fatima, your such a kind person and I appreciate your sincere thoughts and sharing your story too!

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

7 years ago #26

Dear Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher I dislike it when some people behave when they act as if they care or say that they understand one's pain. No-one can understand the way one feels but rather may have the experience of a similar incident with a different kind of feeling / pain. No two person's pain is the same. The pain I had and my mom had, when we lost my DAD were two different types of pain. We grieved differently . I remember not being able to sleep at the exact time that my DAD had passed for nearly two months. When 1.30 am arrived each morning I would get all worked up and I could say it was perhaps anxiety or a kind of depression I didn't know that such things until a few years ago. It took me about 2 months to start sleeping normally , led me to resign my job as it lacked the liveliness I needed at that point , go on holidays with my mom and sisters to places in the country side laugh, laugh and laugh at silly things until we could cry no - more. All of which turned out in my favour today as I have learnt so much as a result of such experiences. As I mentioned once to you and I hope you won't forget that "You are a champion" dear Lisa and you will thrive anywhere like you do here on beBee. Nothing or noone nor this anxiety can bring you down, they are mere speed breakers that slow you down. The race track is yours and your in the driver seat what more do you want Keep racing on :) :) Hugs to you .

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #25

#28
Hi Preston Vander Ven, I can't imagine the depths of depression you experienced after the loss of your brother and to have your seizures increase too, wow! I would imagine a major event/stress can cause epileptic seizures to increase? You made such a great point Preston, 'surrounding yourself with others who had dreams and hope, which you lacked at the time." Maybe that's what gave me the courage to post such a personal buzz on beBee because I do feel safe, it is a positive environment and it's helpful to release certain emotions via writing and by talking to others who are such positive forces like you and others who posted on here! Thank you so much and I'm sorry you endured such a difficult loss.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #24

#27
Thank you @Max Carter and best wishes to you :))

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #23

#26
Hi Don \ud83d\udc1d Kerr, I love that quote and it's the first time I've heard it. I will have to remember that. I'm glad it works for you too or you would have never finished that book which, btw... I'm half way through. I'd be done already but I put books on the side burner until my concentration level returns. I wish I could just go catch it lol. Thanks Don and hope your doing well1

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #22

#25
So nicely put Ali Anani, yes my heart will smile again! :))

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #21

#24
I hope you do yourself a favor and just stay clear of her, your too kind of a person to be treated in that manner. Self care, remember how important that is Cyndi wilkins

don kerr

7 years ago #20

Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher as William Styron wrote, "Writing is a fine therapy for people who are perpetually scared of nameless threats... for jittery people." Works for me. A brave piece to keep the discussion open and active. Thank you.

Ali Anani

7 years ago #19

Dear Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher- there is nothing that I may add to your very thoughtful buzz. You live the experience and your words are alive describing anxiety disorder. I only know that with such clear understanding of this disorder that all fake smiles shall disappear and then your hearty smile shall surface out. Only I hope soonest.

Cyndi wilkins

7 years ago #18

Yep...She's like a vampire in the energy department...Bingo on the personality disorder too...An "all about me" type you know? It's like a Jekyll and Hyde effect...One minute she'll give you the shirt off her back...But it comes at a very heavy price...Perhaps your sanity?? I've definitely been chucked under that bus...LOL! My anger spilled over with the whole "I have anorexia" scheme...Took her to the best doctors in Boston and she snubbed them because they were not fooled by her antics...Sad really. She has everything...Money, houses, friends (the ones she can still manipulate) and her health...which she put in jeopardy when she starved herself. I do believe there is an underlying mental illness there...you don't binge and purge without reason. I just don't have the energy for people who stay in denial and won't help themselves...Sometimes you just have to let them go. Thanks Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher...For shedding light on this.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #17

#21
Hi Cyndi wilkins, after reading that I feel cured (just joking to make light of the seriousness of your friends condition). Wow, I've never heard of an illness like that, I wonder what the term is? It sounds like she's sucking the energy out of you and you don't need that right now... or ever. One thing that did enlighten me through counseling, I have allowed others for way too long to take advantage of me and drain me because I didn't want to hurt their feelings. I have been letting go of toxic relationships. My anger spilled out this year and I'm sure grief played a large role. In some ways I have to thank grief for it because it opened my eyes to others and myself a bit more. Maybe your friend is more than you need to deal with and she needs to get extreme help from professionals? It almost sounds like she has a personality disorder too which can't be fixed. I'm sorry that happened to you. You need positive people around you that are going to care about YOUR feelings!! Hugs Cyndi, so many ups/downs after the loss of a loved one, don't allow her to intrude on your own healing.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #16

#20
Thanks Rod Loader! Ditto, my friend :)

Cyndi wilkins

7 years ago #15

Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher ...I am absolutely not going to say, "I know how you feel." I am just going to comment that I know where you are...Big difference. Grief hugely exacerbates underlying conditions...but is certainly not their cause. Grief is a natural process of our being...Trauma however, is not...nor is chemical imbalance in the brain. The "invisible invasion" I like to call it... Your advantage to the situation is your AWARENESS...Many stay locked away in denial...mostly because of this terrible stigma attached to mental illness. I had an experience with a close friend recently in the aftermath of my dad's passing...This friend of mine suffers from a condition that resembles Munchausen Syndrome...whereas she is constantly adopting the "conditions" of others that she sees are drawing them sympathetic attention....Most recently of course would be Dementia...A condition my dad suffered toward the end of his life that caused me to focus my total attention on him. She always seems quite put off when she is not the center of attention...in the past, she went so far as to starve herself and lose 22 pounds in the process.She and I went to a play the other day...Something I have not been able to do for quite some time.I was a bit late picking her up and she snapped at me a little when she got in the car. She said she had been waiting a long time for me and was getting nervous that I wasn't going to show...BTW...I've NEVER ditched anyone like that...But she pulls that shit ALL the time! Like it's ok 'cause she has dementia now right? I tell her I'm sorry but I got held up on the phone...She says, "Well, at least you can't blame your father anymore," WTF??? I was so pissed off I said, "Neither can you...So cut the shit!"

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #14

#14
Hi Terri Barr, I like that Acronym! I will have to remember that. Welcome to beBee and thank you for your comment!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #13

#13
Thanks for the link David! I will check it out. Good points made about Chinese Medicine.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #12

#12
I didn't know it was classified as such , I just learned something new today! I know employers aren't supposed to discriminate but I'd be very fearful of sharing this during an interview (well it's all public knowledge now) since I have been sharing it online ;-) But, I would fear if I did share it they would just find another reason and never admit that my illness is the reason I didn't get the job. It's very true, looks can be very deceiving- I've met others with this affliction and they are high functioning. A person can never tell by looking at a person but some are quick to judge after they know. Thank you for your well wishes, appreciated!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #11

#11
If China doesn't recognize any mental illness (gah, I hate that term) as legitimate then the stigma is worse. At least we have Dr's who understand, care and do search for the newest of treatments available. Counselors too. Sometimes it's a crap shoot depending on your insurance and the area one lives in. I have been lucky because I have a very progressive Dr who is constantly going to conferences to learn about the newest research and a Therapist who has more Certs than the average (again, considering my area too). Acupuncture, I've read that people do use it but it doesn't last, it's not a cure. However, I guess if someone could afford it Dean Owen it wouldn't hurt to get that along with other therapies. Thanks for suggesting!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #10

#9
Hi Steve Brady, I'm sorry you've suffered too from it. Very creative, "How bloody awful GAD it is." Wow, that could be used as part of a campaign to end the stigma! You also wrote, I'm discovering more of who I really am, and how for years I had conformed but stifled my own soul." I heard through EMDR I may just begin to discover much more about myself and I look forward to that too. Thank you very much for sharing and feel free to PM me anytime as well!

David B. Grinberg

7 years ago #9

#11
Dean Owen, while I'm not sure acupuncture is a cure all for GAD and depression, you nonetheless strike an important chord about medicine. That is, Chinese medicine has been around for THOUSANDS of years -- whereas American medicine has been around for about only 241 years. That's a major disparity that should speak volumes. The saying "ancient Chinese secret" exists for a reason. I recommend reading, "Between Heaven and Earth" for those who want to learn more about Chinese medicine https://www.amazon.com/Between-Heaven-Earth-Chinese-Medicine/dp/0345379748

David B. Grinberg

7 years ago #8

Bravo, Lisa, for standing up and speaking out about a critically important mental health issue in need of more understanding and empathy. You are 100% correct: most people think if someone "looks okay" then everything must be fine. They can't comprehend the helplessness of a hidden disability or invisible impairment. But anxiety disorder is in fact classified as a "targeted disability" under Title I of the American with Disabilities Act (ADA). Targeted disabilities are defined as the most severe impairments. Under the ADA, it's unlawful for employers to discriminate against employees/applicants due to mental health conditions. This all just proves once again that "looks" are indeed superficial and one can't always "judge a book by its cover." The USA needs mental health parity ASAP because mental suffering equates with physical suffering, regardless of whether it's visually apparent or not. Take it one day at a time, Lisa. Everything will get better, keep the faith!

Dean Owen

7 years ago #7

I suspect the "stigma" is far worse in countries like China where understanding and social acceptance of GAD may be quite primitive. I really have no idea, but I suspect many in China would look to acupuncture as a possible treatment, and I suspect acupuncture could work to allay many of the symptoms but perhaps is not a long term solution. Have you considered acupuncture?

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #6

#7
Thank you for your wise words @Jim Cody! I never felt so nervous before hitting the publish button! I almost deleted this post today but thought hey, if it helps to be honest and keep spreading the word(s), then I will leave it up. It makes a person feel very vulnerable when posting something this deep. As you stated the stigma will continue as long as they classify 'brain illnesses' as Mental instead of reclassifying them as a Medical Condition and it's very true, unless a person has experienced any Mental Condition, they can't phantom how terminal this can feel when one is at their lowest, which includes what it does to the physical body. I won't even mention where the brain tends to go when people hit their lowest but it's real. Thanks again!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #5

Liana Nitsetskaia thank you for your kind words and I will gladly accept your virtual hug! :))

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #4

Thanks for sharing . I took a chance and wrote this last night with raw honesty. It was very hard for me to hit post. My hope was by sharing it may help others to know it's necessary to reach out to loved ones or professionals. It's my hope that the stigma will end one day. This is a real story and it took a lot of effort to write.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #3

Thank for sharing this deep buzz John White, MBA

Pascal Derrien

7 years ago #2

''I've lost my zest for life but not my zest for living'' thats a signature style sentence all over Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher :-)

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #1

#1
Thank you for reading it Emily\ud83d\udc1d Bee and I'm sorry you can relate... I think that made sense?

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6 years ago · 4 min. reading time

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