But, how to get rid of the body.....?
Oddly, I often wonder (with more than a bit of awe), how the bad guys in films get away with murder so often. It really, truly is HARD to get rid of a body!
because we've been up to here
with the practical side of 'getting one's affairs in order' in the post above, I wanna talk about what I left out: body disposal.
I have no lasting attachment to my body, thank God 'cause, damn...it's knackered. Once dead, I'm outta here - the important bit anyhoo.
But. Having done all the paperwork for the pair of us (heinously tiresome), getting rid of the bodies is a bit more of a faff. The trouble is choice. I yearn for a good swim-with-the-fishes idea, but ships are expensive to rent. Years back I looked at Promessa. They dunk you in liquid nitrogen to freeze-dry, then sorta crack you up (with a mallet, not jokes) and voilà - clean fertalizer! There's a few innovative ways like becoming a forensic offering so they can hone their bug-analysis, but there's no room on this wee island. Some curious and bizarre ideas here, including another one I'd looked at, Resomation - a sort of boil-in-the-bag way of reducing the body. Both Promessa and Resomation are hellaciously expensive; not as expensive as shooting your body closer to a celestial being or making it into a mock-diamond, but the upside is (as Randall Burns would know, being a Chef), a body only becomes a carcinogenic hazard because of cremation, not what the body expired from. If smoking killed you, cremation makes you...ah... worse?
Burial is, in my personal opinion, a waste of space. There is no way in hell that we're gonna pay £6-8k per pop(ped) to lie in perpetuity in perfectly good real estate. So we tried the 'donate my body to science' bit - nope, they don't want either of us: apparently the UK brain banks are overflowing in gelatinous substances with no current PD projects in the offing. Huh...that's depressing!
I did want to tat my big toe to say 'place tag here' but what happens if I lose it before I pop my clogs??Neither of us want all the pomp and lining-of-funeral-directors-pockets either, so we've decided on Direct Crem (David Bowie's the most recent fan). No service, no cars, nothing but a middle-of-the-night slot at the local crematorium and ashes returned to family. I tried to book it in advance but they wanted to collect us now. Got through to the 'hot-line' apparently.
Say goodbye to your dead, bring them out, and have a damn fine wake - that's a lot more fun!!
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Comments
Geoff Hudson-Searle
5 years ago #29
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #28
Dagnabbit - link's not going anywhere but buzzin' bees - can you resend Geoff Hudson-Searle? I tried to persuade my kids to just turn me over every other month in the flower bed, but they ain't having it - spoilsports!
Geoff Hudson-Searle
5 years ago #27
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #26
Not at all so long as you acredit me...thanks you Neil!! Thanks for the share here too!
Neil Smith
5 years ago #25
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #24
haha....I'd forgotten that Edward Lewellen!! it was a common refrain during the Great plague of 1665. Now that's a thankless job!
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #23
Hi Debasish Majumder - sorry for my absence; I've missed a lot. Thanks for the comment and share!!
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #22
No, dear friend Lana Liniger (BTW: you're meant to have a face on your profile here)....only the tale will be passed down. I even laid to rest my much-loved un-cut calvarium, Uther. No dead here (yet :) )!
Debasish Majumder
5 years ago #21
Cyndi wilkins
5 years ago #20
Just thought I'd 'buzz on' by on my broom dear Lisa Vanderburg...We sista's need to stick together;-)
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #19
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #18
I too have burnt steak....shameable, I know Cyndi wilkins. Lord, it's wonderful to see you again!!!!
Cyndi wilkins
5 years ago #17
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #16
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #15
Couldn't agree more darlin' - getting all those wretched boxes ticked means freedom to LIVE. That said, the process of getting one's affairs in order are enough to drive one to an early expiration date. Thanks for TWO comments!!
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #14
Thanks lovely Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador! Death does rather become me... :)
Liesbeth Leysen, MSc.
5 years ago #13
Liesbeth Leysen, MSc.
5 years ago #12
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #11
Damn straight Jerry Fletcher! Mercifully, we're more on the 'un-landed' gentry side, but I'm crossing ts & dotting i's just in case. I remember a funeral place in FLA that dumped a mother 's body back on the doorstep of a son who couldn't pay - hellacious bastards!!
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #10
haha Brian McKenzie - that's a keeper!
Jerry Fletcher
5 years ago #9
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #8
hahaha....it's all fun & games 'til that bleeding stuck gets stuck in your hyper-warp rockets......lol!!
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #7
Thank you so much for even reading this Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee, and then, for the share! I know the topic isn't exactly up your alley, so it's all the more appreciated that you saw past it to the humor instead! :)
Ali Anani
5 years ago #6
Lisa Vanderburg
5 years ago #5
Randall Burns
5 years ago #4
Ken Boddie
5 years ago #3
Ken Boddie
5 years ago #2
Pascal Derrien
5 years ago #1