How do You Cope with Grief ?
Grief is a normal response to loss.
When we experience grief the ways we think, feel and behave are affected. Sometimes reactions are so powerful and changeable that it can feel like we are losing our grip on reality. We sometimes also fear that if we allow ourselves to experience pain, the strong feelings like sadness, abandonment and anger will never stop. However, no matter how intense our feelings are they are temporary and while painful, experiencing the process of grief is a healthy way to say farewell to one loved and lost.
Shock:
Shock in a way protects us from being overwhelmed by loss. While in shock we may deny or find it hard to accept the reality of our loss. We may not even be able to make simple decisions or take care of everyday basics.
Suffering:
"Suffering" incorporates the period of grieving where life can seem chaotic and overwhelming. Feelings like anger, frustration, anxiety, guilt or depression may dominate. Anger at those perceived as responsible, anger at the deceased, or even anger at ourselves can make us feel guilty. We sometimes also feel guilty about still being alive when someone we care about has died. We may experience physical symptoms like appetite loss and sleep problems. These kinds of emotional and physical reactions are common and will stabilize and diminish over time. However, if you continue to feel overwhelmed seek professional help and support.
Recovery: Recovery is about acceptance of the loss and remembrance with less pain. The goal is to reorganize life so that our loss remains important but not the main preoccupation of our lives. We move to a place where we are better able to accept the loss, resume a "normal" life and begin to look ahead with hope, reinvesting energy and emotion in our future.
What helps? Be patient – go gently – our body, mind and heart need time to heal from loss.
Take daily commitments lightly - don’t over-extend when in emotional pain.
It’s ok to need comfort. Ask for, and accept help.
Some Ideas for Working with Grief
- Spend time alone, to think, remember, pray, meditate, mourn.
- Talk to a person who will listen with understanding to your thoughts and feelings.
- Find distractions to provide some ‘time out’ from the pain. Some ideas might include – music, painting, writing, hot baths, exercise…. When you feel vulnerable and sad avoid choosing distractions that can lead to feeling worse – like alcohol or drugs.
- Use physical nurture – massages, baths, hot showers, walks and exercise.
- Keep and enjoy treasures like good memories, photos, mementos.
- Eat a healthy diet, frequent small amounts of nutritious, easily digested food.
- Exercise if you can – it helps manage stress and excess adrenalin.
- Prioritise daily tasks, do only what is essential. Be patient with yourself. You may find it harder than usual to concentrate - take frequent breaks and study in shorter periods with clear and conservative goals for each session.
- Walk for fresh air and to give yourself some healing space
- Indulge yourself from time to time as a reminder that life still holds some good things.
- Write a journal to record thoughts and feelings. Write to friends and family as a way of telling your story and expressing your feelings. Write to the person you have lost as a way of telling them what you would want them to know.
- Participate in a "rite of passage" to help say goodbye - a funeral or other ritual that is meaningful for you.
- Care for yourself. This replenishes your strength and allows you to be more able to continue to care for others around you. Be patient - it takes time to heal.
- Have a health check as part of your self-care.
- Contact your GP if the going gets too tough. Ask for a referral a psychologist.
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Harvey Lloyd
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