Max Carter en Humor (English), Movies Shaman • The Church of Rock 'N' Roll.org 25/11/2016 · 2 min de lectura · +100

What’s a Movie Whore?

I’m glad I asked.

I’m The Move Whore and if anyone can answer that question it’s me. How did I get to be The Movie Whore?

It’s a long story and it’s quite cinematic.

I was talking with a friend after seeing the movie TRANSMORPHERS and his only comment was to lose his mind and start ranting “You, you sir, you are a fuck  whore, The Movie Whore that’s who you are.” His name is Steve Schooling and it was in the back yard at a place we called the Millennium Falcon because indeed a wookie did live there.

The Movie Whore is a name I earned by watching more shitty movies than anyone I know. I used to spend a good chunk of time weeding through all the crap to find the good ones no one had ever heard of. In fact a lot of the films I loved that got panned have gone on to become cult classics. That’s my way of saying if you think for one second I’m going to be pandering to the Hollywood garbage, fuck that.

I don’t care what’s new and hot, I care about the film that stands the test of time. You can see a list of what I feel has passed the test here. This is where you can find the every evolving all time favortie films of The Movie Whore. I was one of the early members of the site Flickchart. 

I have a list of of things I use as qualifications to be a Movie Whore.

1. One must have seen The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai Across the 8th Dimension.

2. One must be able to quote at least 3 scenes from Monty Python’s and the Holy Grail.

3. One must know where “Barada klaatu nikto” comes from without having to use Google.

4. One knows what it means to have a boomstick.

5. Tank Girl

6. The first 3 Star Wars films are the only trilogy to ever be referred to as “THEE TRILOGY”

7. One must have chosen to work in a video store and a movie theater at some point in one’s life and I did both at the same time.

8. If you have never owned a copy of Xanadu you are no Movie Whore.

9. If you will sit through a shitty movie simply because you have to see how this shit ends, Movie Whore.

10. If you ever spent more time in your life talking to the people at the video store than your own family.

11. If a trip to the video store means you won’t be seen for at least 2 hours.

12. When you refer to “The Theater” you mean the movie theater.

13. You have boycotted the movie theater since they have introduced commercials to the once sacred commercial free temple of the film gods.

14. Watching the film THE MOVIE HERO is a religious experience for you.

16. You found the scene in CLERKS regarding the destruction of the second Death Star to be a riveting debate and some of the best dialog ever written.

17. The Dick, Pussy, Asshole speech from TEAM AMERICA WORLD POLICE in your mind is the greatest piece of dialog ever put to film in history and Quentin Tarantino can eat a dick.

18. Would some one please fuck J.J. Abrams in the goat ass for what he has done to Star Trek. In retrospect and in the interest of not being brought up on charges, instead of fucking him in the goat ass, simply look angry at him if you ever see him and don’t say a word it will be our psychotic secret.

19. If you could write number 18 you would be me.

20. One quotes film to make spiritual points.


What’s a Movie Whore?