Fight, Flee or Freeze ~ What's your default response to fear?

Fear is a primary drive in all life on earth. It helps us survive under threats of danger but when our fear switch is on permanently without relief because we percieve danger all around us at all times, we live in a constant state of anxiety, panic and vigilance that blocks us from living, never mind thriving.

As our sensitivity increases (a sign we are raising our vibration and looking to find collaboration rather than competition) so too does our hyper-vigilance to danger.

An "all-cell alert" is perfectly understandable if you are facing a crocodile or earthquake as this is life threatening danger but how someone responds to your facebook post may not be. Yet for many of us we are unable to discern the difference and go straight to our highest threat default response.

As I understand it, when our systems are working properly we instinctively choose the appropriate fear response. The body decides whether to fight, flee or freeze in response to the danger. The problem arises when we face too many dangers without the time to relax and feel safe. The messages become fixed on one response which blocks the use of the other two response which may be more beneficial.

Let's give an example -

You've made a mistake at work and your boss is venting his/her displeasure at your incompetence...

Do you fight? Try to justify your reactions, get aggressive, blame the mistake on others?

Do you flee? Try to put off the encounter, stay long enough to hear the criticism, say sorry and get out of the office as soon as you can?

Do you freeze? This can literally mean go cold, switch off, become implacable, take it on the chin and be unresponsive - you will stand and take the onslaught right to the bitter end and then say "Sorry" and walk back to your desk.

These responses you will have learned as a child when your parents, care givers or siblings showed their anger towards you. Not only did they show you their anger, they also taught you their danger coping mechanisms as well.

In my home growing up I had a frustrated, angry parent whose mood could change in a heartbeat. This kept me in a state of constant alert. If I had a chance I would keep out of the way and become invisible until the storm passed but if I happened to be caught in the radius of the anger and attack (usually verbal rather than physical - especially after the age of 10) then I would freeze and take the verbal punches by internalising them. Its in this manner that I learn to suppress my emotions. And suppressed emotions can lead to all kinds of dysfunction in relationships, self esteem, self worth, success in careers and even how much money we earn.

So how can you cope with fear and your response to it?

1) Accept you are feeling fear and the response it brings up in you. Don't judge your fear or belittle yourself for feeling it.

2) Ask yourself if you are really in danger. Remove yourself if you are. This is a real sense of fear and you need to take appropriate action. If you are not in danger then move to #3.

3) Ask when this fear took hold of you. How old were you? Is your reaction a result of your understanding now or is it your 5 year old responding with fear?

4) Remember fear is your mind's way of coping when it feels threatened, so give your fear a name. Talk to fear as though it were a real person. What is it trying to tell you? What action do you need to take to alleviate it. Fight, flee or freeze might not be the answer. You might need to do it differently.

5) Take action. Take the action you need and then stop again to check if the action has been enough. If your method of handling fear is to fight or flee, you may not be able to stop yourself from these actions once they've started. This is why it's important to stop and re-evaluate.

6) As soon as possible you need to get to a place of calm and a feeling of serenity. This way you can recuperate and move forward. It stops you getting stuck. This is particularly important to those who freeze with fear.

7) Clean up the residue. When you have experienced fear your body has set off a whole series of chemical reactions. As soon as you can, support your body to re-integrate and calm down. Flower essences, a counselling session, massage, bath or EFT tapping session may be required. Find what works best for you and use it.

Many of my clients suffer from anxiety and fear, especially when they are job hunting. This is why I include techniques as part of my coaching program - Your Unique Career.

Melody R. Green is an Angel Communicator, Soul Coach, Energy Healer and Award-winning Author of Your Career Your Way. Melody assists others to connect to their Soul Path and bring more joy into their lives.