Why Sweetheart Scammers Are Like Drug Pushers...

If you are a woman of a certain age, divorced with or without children and a reputable career the chances increase exponentially.

If you are this woman and you are also feeling lost and lonely, having a few disasters in the dating stakes behind you the chances rise again.

One of the most common questions asked by others to those who have been scammed is why? Why did you let it happen? Why couldn't you see they were scamming you? You're an intelligent, sensible woman, why did this happen?

And the answers to these questions are many.

1) They begin in the brain.

Research conducted by Dr. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist and relationship researcher, found the brain's chemistry changes when we fall in love. Falling in love results in massive amounts of dopamine and norepinephrine becoming active in your brain giving you the initial feelings of intense, highly pleasurable, euphoric bonding based on the mutual fantasy that you and the other person are ideally matched and perfectly suited for each other. 

2) They are helped by your own history of love that begins when you were a child.

A few questions here will help you see how your love history is helping your scammer be successful:-

• How were you loved by your parents or caregivers?
• What type of relationship did your parents show you as you were growing up, was it loving or not?
• Were you abused as a child emotionally, mentally, physically or sexually?
• What type of relationships have you had in adulthood?

If you felt unloved as a child, were abused in any way, had parents that had difficult relationships, have had an adult relationship that severely undermined your confidence then you will be more vulnerable because you have been starved of love. It's this starvation that makes you addicted to the high that love gives and scammers specialise in creating this high so that you will become dependent upon them and easily manipulated.

If love is a drug (and falling in love appears to have similar effects to crack cocaine) then the sweetheart scammer is your drug dealer!

3) One of the side effects of any intense high is the illusion of heightened awareness and capacity versus the reality of one's functional capability. So being on a high does not enable you to make the best decisions. (think here of alcohol and driving for example.) This is why when a scammer wants money s/he look to create drama around the need so that you can be manipulated by your feelings and sense of shock.

So how can you overcome your addiction?

It begins with knowing yourself, loving yourself and protecting yourself.

1) Knowing and loving yourself

This is probably the very best option to take. It is about finding and giving the love to yourself rather than looking for someone outside of you to provide the high for you.When you are filled enough with love to know your worth and value, you are less likely to succumb to the overwhelming need to fall in love or the manipulations of scammers.

If you have deep seated issues look to get some professional help with a counsellor or therapist so you can heal your past.

2) Here are a few practical actions to protect yourself.

i) Be careful around adding anyone who you do not know, or who does not have contacts to people you know well on your social media sites.

ii) If they have come in via a friend check to see what your friend's dealings with the person may be. A scammer usually wants to create conversation straight away.

iii) Check to see if the photo of the person has been used in other scams and been recorded as such.

iv) Don't agree to go to another site such as hangouts, whatsapp etc until you feel sure the person isn't a scammer and you are clear what the terms of the friendship are.

v) Make a list of the usual things scammers say and their behaviours and keep it handy if you're chatting... 3 or more similar behaviours and the likelihood is they will be a scammer and blocking and reporting them will help you and other unsuspecting women. REMEMBER: we are not naturally designed to be suspicious of others to the degree necessary to stop a scammer. If you are trusting, kind and honourable yourself you won't be dishonest with them and you may assume they are not being dishonest with you.

Finally, while you may have been a little foolish to take what someone has said to you as the truth (especially when you do not have the person in front of you to check for body language etc to see if they are lying to you or not) you are not to blame for their behaviour and you are not to feel you are unworthy of love. You have been scammed by professionals who spend their time and efforts scamming others. They are as professional at it as you may be in your chosen career. You on the other hand are innocent.

Some of the very best women I know have been taken in by a professional scammer. They are intelligent, sensitive, beautiful, kind women and while the take away from their experience should be to be more aware and protective, if that means you close down your hearts the scammers win an infinitely more valuable prize than just money, don't they?

Some Resources:

• For the basics on what to look for in a scammer check out this video
• For common language used by scammers check out this video
• For how to check on photos to see if they're real or not check out this site

P.S. I know men are Sweetheart-scammed as well and I do not wish to suggest that women are the only ones who are scammed because this is certainly not true. But I am a woman and most of my clients are women -  so this article is from the feminine perspective.

Melody R. Green is a Energy Tuner, Soul Coach for Women in Career or Life Transition and Award-winning Author of  The Your Career Sweet Spot Course. Melody assists others to connect to their Soul Path and bring more joy, clarity, connection and creativity into their lives.