Nicole Chardenet in Women's Issues, Lifestyle, beBee USA Humorous Fantasy Novelist • (and occasional s**t-disturber) Jan 15, 2018 · 5 min read · 1.7K

#MeToo And The Feminist Elephant In The Room

#MeToo And The Feminist Elephant In The Room

What started this fall as a much-needed, long-awaited veritable explosion of female anger towards men who give men a bad name, starting with Harvey Weinstein, has begun to sound a little ominous around the fringes.

Truly appalling stories of sexual abuse, harassment, assault and demeaning comments (“F**k her in the pussy!”) have gone on so long now that I think I hear the distant crack of a forthcoming backlash.

I’m not the first person to suggest that the #MeToo movement may spawn this backlash, but I may be one of the first, if not the first to suggest that it might be for reasons other than what I see in the left-leaning press now, which still argues that conservative sexists are just looking for a way to get back to their entitled, male-privileged, phallocentric right to grope, maul, and molest women at their leisure.

As opposed to, say, aspects of this laudable, long overdue movement that are nevertheless making some of us feel a bit uncomfortable.

Not the part that is putting male dirtbags under a microscope and on strong notice that their shit will no longer be tolerated.

Just some very strong hints of unfairness and hypocrisy that will likely fuel the backlash far more than the Roy Moore Mall Ban.

Like the support for....

No due process for accused dirtbags

There is a line of thought among some feminists that believes that due process, a citizen’s right to fair treatment by the law, should somehow be revoked for men accused of any sort of sexual transgressions.

I saw it recently by columnist Shree Paradkhar (I call her Shrill Paranoid), the Toronto Star’s new-ish answer to a race and gender columnist. She appeared to speak disparagingly of the use of the word ‘alleged’ in relation to sex crime accusations against several powerful men:

Note the word ‘alleged’ in conjunction with their offences. It’s a legal cover, only to be taken off if the act is proven in a court of law. It stays there otherwise, thumbing its nose at victims, with its built-in skepticism, the benefit of the doubt predicated on the principle of innocent until proven guilty.”
Shree Paradkar, Toronto Star

That ‘built-in skepticism’ reminds us that nothing has been proven in court. Judicial law states that ‘the accused’ has only committed alleged crimes if and only until they have been proven in a court of law. Ms. Paranoid—er, I mean Ms. Paradkar – would be grateful to see the word ‘alleged’ before any crimes attributed to her if she was accused of any.

But still:

That is an excellent, civilizing principle, but to impart justice in cases of sexual assault, the laws clearly need review and the system, reform.”

Because, uh, men are less equal than women? Because we'd be better off returning to medieval law when an accusation was all you needed to, for example, execute a witch?

Maybe because sexual assault cases are notoriously hard to prove? The Toronto Police Department can’t even identify the killers of 60% of the murders in the city in 2017 because of the difficulty of the cases. Yet no one’s arguing against due process for ‘persons of interest’.

I saw the same dangerous argument made by some female commentators here in Toronto after the end of the Jian Ghomeshi trial debacle. A trial in which the accused now-former CBC radio host was acquitted for lack of evidence even though pretty much everyone in Toronto, including the trial judge, believed Ghomeshi was guilty of sexual assault.

The problem was, when you wait ten years or more to accuse anyone of anything, as his three accusers did, it’s pretty much a guarantee that the accused will be acquitted, and it doesn’t help when the witnesses throw in collusion, ‘inconsistencies’ and ‘outright deception.’

Because as we all know, women never lie

Not about sexual offenses anyway.

That’s the feminist narrative, a direct response to an appalling historic record in which women were often not believed when they alleged sexual abuses committed against them, a record which we see mirrored today in less enlightened countries where women are blamed for their own rapes, accused of ‘asking for it’, and otherwise treated with a skepticism that wouldn’t greet, say, someone alleging that their house had been robbed.

On the other hand, I learned when I was young that, well, sometimes women lie about being raped.

I saw it first when I was in high school, by a teenage girl I knew to be spoiled and vindictive, who made the accusation only after a failed months-long campaign to get her old boyfriend back.

Then it happened again, shortly after I was out of university. A male friend of mine was accused by a new woman in our group whose story changed until, well, it wasn’t strictly speaking a rape, in the sense that they did have consensual sex, but he said something he shouldn’t and things just kind of spiralled within our group. Fortunately that one was never reported to the authorities, unlike the first one, which was thrown out of court due to lack of evidence, but still stayed on the man’s military record.

It was definitely one of your ‘grey area’ cases. If you think it’s a miscarriage of justice on the part of the ‘alleged’ (sorry, Shrill) victim, ask yourself how likely you are to catch the perps if you wait three months or ten-plus years to report a robbery in your home.

So when feminists tell me that ‘False rape allegations almost NEVER happen,” I cast as jaundiced an eye on that claim as I do misogynists who claim that real rape almost NEVER happens.

Hamilton rape allegations false

10 Years Later, the Duke lacrosse rape case still stings

Rolling Stone & UVA: A Campus Rape – What Went Wrong?

UCSB student sentenced for fake rape report

The Hofstra date rape that didn’t happen

Police say woman made up story of rape at Campus Lodge apartments

Oberlin College false rape charge

False rape report upsetting campus

Woman falsely accused trooper of sex abuse in CT

Myrtle Beach woman accused of false rape allegation

Woman jailed for ten years for making series of false rape claims

Emmett Till’s accuser admits she lied. Now his family wants the truth

Why do some men still think they can be sexual predators?

Donald Trump took 53% of the white women’s vote. As people call for him to resign or hope for impeachment, he has about twenty accusers who claim he sexually harassed or groped them, several of whom had come forward before the election. Which leads to a few uncomfortable questions:

How many #MeToo’ers voted for Donald Trump? It’s hard for me to believe that none of his female supporters were ever sexually harassed or assaulted. Who hasn’t been? It’s also hard to believe that no one who’s told their #MeToo story voted for Trump.

How many women were actually okay with being groped by Trump? He is, after all, a rich plum, and he was arguably attractive back when he was younger, less corpulent, and less pukey-orange.

I’ll bet they didn’t all complain.

Let’s not forget 63% of largely born-again Christian (and once again, overwhelmingly white) women in Alabama who voted for famed ephebophile Roy Moore. He lost, but he came close to the prize because the women weren’t sure the allegations were true. Black women voted against him by 98%, although they may also have been motivated by his claim that America was last great ‘even though we had slavery’ because ‘families were united.’ I assume by that he meant ‘white families’, because black families were notoriously split up on the whims of slave owners and auctions and the women routinely sexually violated.

Here’s a really unpleasant thought for feminists:

Male sexual predation will end only when enough women want it to.


Because what message does it send to common male dirtbags when a confessed sexual predator gets elected to the highest office in the land and a grown man with a penchant for teen tail nearly gets elected to the Senate?

As we debate the allegations against the King of Hollywoodie Pervey, er, Harvey Weinstein, the inevitable they’re-all-lying-bitches accusations fly while Twitter is aflame with #MeToo and we debate Why, oh why can’t we just believe the victims? Why do we have to traumatize them all over again with disbelief and trolls and Trumpanzee hatefests?

It’s time to address some of the reasons why rape allegations are not always believed, and why there are skeptics and critics, especially when allegations are laid against a powerful man. It’s the elephant in the room that too many feminists simply will not address or even acknowledge exists. It’s going to come back and bite us in the ass, now or later, but it’s coming, so stock up on Bactine, ladies.

False rape allegations

They happen. Deal with it. More often than women will admit, and less often than men want to believe.

It’s estimated between 2-8% of rape allegations are false. Where that number comes from is complicated and not very scientific. ‘Men’s rights activists’ claim the number is probably closer to 50-80% while women’s rights groups attempt to downplay the importance and claim that even if the 2-8% is true, that’s nothing compared to the 92%-98% of women who really are raped. Although when it comes to exaggerating unproven statistics, feminists have demonstrated themselves to be just as prone to inflation as men, as the famous ‘rape statistic’ that 20% of college campus women were sexually assaulted has been seriously called into question as constituting an unproven, statistically deficient feminist fantasy. Or not, depending on whose opinion you prefer. The jury’s still out:

Yes, Sometimes Women Lie About Rape

Why The Prevalance of Campus Sexual Assault Is So Hard To Quantify

That ‘Flawed’ Statistic That 20% of Women in College Are Sexually Assaulted? It’s True

How many women are actually raped every year is also as fuzzy as the false rape allegation statistic since answers vary all over the map, and even defining rape (or its much fuzzier sister, sexual assault) is problematic.

Feminists who can fulminate longer than a Strom Thurmond filibuster on the ruined lives of rape victims are oddly dismissive of the ruined lives of men falsely accused. Of the ways their names are dragged through the mud and the courts, the friends lost, the relatives who won’t speak to them or their families, the ruined chances of finding a job when all a potential employer has to do is Google one’s name to find the past news stories.

False rape accusation ‘destroyed life’ of Surrey man

Guilty until proven innocent’: Life after a false rape accusation

Should false rape accusers be sued?

Rape conviction of Brian Banks is overturned

If you were to ask almost any feminist if getting the rape rate down to one a year was acceptable, she would almost surely snap back, “There is NO acceptable number! One is too many!”

What about genuine false rape allegations? How many is too many? Is the ‘acceptable number’ of such acts the same as the ‘acceptable number’ of rapes? Or is one higher?

Such blithe dismissal doesn’t help the rape-justice warriors and especially not actual rape survivors. It fuels the arguments that, well, you know, sometimes women lie.

Has #MeToo gone too far?

With thousands upon thousands of #MeToo tweets catalogued, one wonders whether all of them are legit or perhaps exaggerated. Or, you know, false.

I can’t help but wonder as I watch #MeToo meander, whether some women are using this as a vehicle to get back at an ex-boyfriend, an ex-husband or just an ex-friend.

Humans can and do lie. Even woman humans. Lying is so bad God invented a Commandment against it. It wasn’t gender-specific, either, so he must have thought women could bear false witness too.

I don’t know that any of the #MeToo stories are falsified or exaggerated, but it’s gone on for so long I have to wonder. Absolute power corrupts, and power corrupts absolutely. Believe the women.” Dogmatically. I don’t trust power in anyone’s hands. It is the most potent intoxicant in the galaxy.

I wonder whether the backlash will take the form of men who’ve been falsely accused of sexual assault, including men who can prove the woman was lying.

Or perhaps the backlash will be men accusing women of sexual predation. If it was a woman who preyed on them, what, isn’t he supposed to want that? At least if she’s hot, amirite? If he didn’t it’s because he’s gay, right?

Related: Female stalkers and their victims

And if the predator was a man, well...everyone will really think you’re gay. That you wanted it. That you asked for it.

Welcome to our world, guys.

How willing will women to be to stand up for a man who can prove a woman lied about sexual assault? Or will feminists look the other way and whistle in the dark?

How willing will women be to stand up for men who complain of male sexual predation by males? Or will their attitude be, Suck it up, buttercup?

And what if the backlash is worse? What if #MeToo metastasizes to include bullying of all sorts, by anyone, male, female, or otherwise, and they start naming names? On social media?

This could get ugly, ladies. Very, very ugly. When someone tags your name, will you be ready for it?

Photo by David Blackwell on Flickr

Nicole Chardenet is quite sure she’s never preyed on a man before but only pretty sure she’s never sexually harassed one. She might have to cop a, Seriously, I don’t remember, geez it was 1992! plea. But, she’s willing to ‘fess up if she thinks it sounds like something she’d have done, or remembers it. She might get nailed in a #MeToo bullying campaign, but so will everyone else on the Internet. Anyway, if you need her contact info for the class-action lawsuit it’s right here.

Claire L Cardwell Apr 11, 2018 · #54

#53 @Nicole Chardenet - I am fortunate in that I got most of my shit out of the way before I hit 32... well before Social Media and before I had a Social Media presence of my own (I think I was 39 when I finally caved and opened a FB and LI account....

Nicole Chardenet Apr 11, 2018 · #53

#52 Good point, Claire, and yes, there still IS, tragically, a lot of disbelief of actual rape victims. I am so sorry for what happened to you. You're not the first woman to tell me she wasn't believed. I told my teenage friend back in high school to tell adults that her father was molesting her and THEY didn't believe her. I couldn't believe it. My *mother* believed it, but others didn't. (Can't remember if my friend's mother did, but she sure did nothing to stop it if she did.) My friend got married at like 17 or 18 just to get the hell out of that house.

The problem may be though that the false rape allegations may grow, or may have already, in the current climate which dogmatically asserts that the woman should always be believed and rape never investigated. It *always* needs to be investigated, however painful that may be to the victim (I can't imagine it's much fun for other crime victims either).

Fortunately you didn't have to deal with the social media backlash that people (men too, not just women, when they're victims) have to deal with today. I wonder how many of my classmates might have committed suicide if we'd had SM back then, because a helluva lot of young girls were allegedly getting molested either by their fathers, their stepfathers, their brothers, their cousins, their uncles...

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Claire L Cardwell Apr 9, 2018 · #52

@Nicole Chardenet - the other elephant in the room we have to address is how to deal with all the negativity after having told someone about an experience of sexual abuse. I was unlucky in my very early 20's to have been force-fed drugs against my will (both legal and illegal), to be held for 3 days and the physical and sexual abuse started whilst I was sleeping - I was fully clothed in jeans and a T-Shirt and bundled in blankets ... -

I told my boyfriend a week or so later and he told his best friend who proceeded to tell everyone else at work and college.

For months and months afterwards I had to deal with people staring at me, sniggering behind their hands when they saw me, sudden, deathly silences when I entered a room and two women (both psychologists by the way) actually took it upon themselves to tell me that I deserved to be raped and I was just a desperate attention seeker. I also had people telling me that I dressed provocatively and 'asked for it'!

It took years to get over it, the trauma of dealing with people's negative judgments and commentary. Fortunately I have a great support system of family and friends and after some time in counselling let it all go at last. In fact the back lash of negative comments were actually worse than the experience itself.

Yes there are people (in the minority fortunately) who make false accusations of rape and sexual abuse, but they are way way out numbered by the silent majority that chose not to report the incident and to 'suck it up' and carry on.

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Randall Burns Feb 10, 2018 · #51

#50 LMAO!! Well, I wrote about 8 different responses and deleted each one of them in fear of them being inappropriate, not to you @Nicole Chardenet, you would have been amused I'm sure, but to anyone else reading this.
Another place, another time...

but anyways this will be interesting to see how this progresses...

Bottom line is we're ALL people and regardless of gender there are a lot of jerks out there, neither sex has a monopoly on being idiots.

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Nicole Chardenet Feb 10, 2018 · #50

#48 Absolutely, Randall! This is just the sort of thing I've been expecting was going to happen with #MeToo...women getting accused of sexual harassment. Now I need to hold my breath in case someone pops up and accuses me of grabbing their butt or something back in the day...and it's probably true :) I have a lot of photos in my albums that could be arguably used as evidence me in a court of law (but not with circles & arrows with explanations on the back of each one :) ) So yeah, let the sexual harassment allegations against women begin! Believe The Man! Especially if the accuser is anonymous! And then fire the witch! (well, I mean terminate her, not burn her at the stake...I mean terminate her *job*, not her, in a manner not involving a stake and a mob of torch-bearing Trumbfucks :) ) #heToo, I like that! Probably already A Thing on Twitter :)

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Randall Burns Feb 10, 2018 · #49

cc @Cyndi wilkins

Randall Burns Feb 9, 2018 · #48

HaHa! I haven't been following this thread @Nicole Chardenet Too fucking funny!!! Anyway I came across this today that I found interesting, (not drawing any conclusions, pointing fingers, or making statements), but is this the "backlash" beginning and/or escalating?

Maybe this is the opportunity for Brian to start up a new movement;


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Nicole Chardenet Jan 19, 2018 · #47

Good points, Cyndi. It's always a choice. If Brian's going to hang with the Big Girls he's going to be reminded of that regularly. And it's interesting how much an alleged MGTOW can't stay away from us galz...frankly I think he's sweet on us! LOL. Or at least on the attention he's getting from three chicks at once, which is perhaps, sadly, the only place he can get it, and by posting like the emotionally scarred headcase he's branded himself to be.

Hiding in Nowhereisztan, his own personal burqa to cut himself off from the world, in the only country where women are truly his equal.

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