Bill Forces First Lady To Hold Prez’s Hand

Rep. Emmett Russell III of Alabama has proposed a Congressional bill that would force the First Lady to hold hands with her husband.

H.R. 321, “The Palm-to-Palm Act”, would make it a federal law that America’s First Lady must hold the hand of the President “at his discretion.”

“When a man marries a woman,” Rep. Russell told The Lint Screen, “that is a sacred trust that can never be broken because it’s two people vowing to love one another until death do them part. Which means a woman must do her man’s will when he likes, no matter what, no questions asked. It’s God’s law. And the man, well, he has sacred obligations for his sweetie — like giving her some nice trinkets, sweet-smelling perfumes, fancy underwear, a Whitman Sampler, or what-have-you on special occasions. That’s what love is, doing good for the goose and good for the gander.”

Rep. Russell said he has been married 39-years “to the same wonderful woman who took my seed and bore my offspring. You can call me an incurable romantic, but I firmly believe a woman needs to stand by her man at all times. And that’s especially true of the First Lady. And with my bill, if she don’t, she’ll be serving time.”

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Patrick Scullin is an empathetic adman and founder of Ames Scullin O’Haire Advertising (ASO).

He has two blogs: Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification) and The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements).