PD Scullin in US Politics, satire, Humor (English) Author • PD Scullin Literary Factory Apr 7, 2021 · 1 min read · ~100

GA GOV. KEMP ANNOUNCES PLAN FOR VOTERS TO ENJOY WATER ON ELECTION DAY

GA GOV. KEMP ANNOUNCES PLAN FOR VOTERS TO ENJOY WATER ON ELECTION DAY

Everyone knows it can get pretty hot in the state of Georgia, so its Governor Brian Kemp has created what he calls “a brilliant solution” to refreshing voters on Election Day.

“I took a lot of flak when I signed Georgia’s new voting laws,” Kemp told The Lint Screen. “Some people thought they were racist. Nothing could be further from the truth. One of the provisions makes it illegal to bring water to voters when they’re standing in line. Lots of uninformed people thought that was cruel since some people have to wait five, six, seven hours to vote. So I got to thinking about how can we solve the issue.”

Kemp huddled with his GOP braintrust and they developed an ingenious solution– two water fountains inside polling places!

“When people finally get inside their polling place, they might be awfully parched,” Kemp says. “Of course, they’re going to want a long cool sip of water. Well, that’s going to cause a lot of congestion at the water fountain. That means thirsty folks will be going from one long line to another. So, we came up with the idea of having two separate water fountains. That way, voters can get themselves a refreshing drink lickety-split.”

Kemp cautioned the water fountains will not be available until after the person has voted.

“We want to make sure people do what they came to do,” Kemp says. “We don’t want folks waiting in lines and then lallygagging about the polling station. Once someone proves they voted for the complete Republican ticket, well, they can get right in the appropriate line for a nice, cool drink of water. What could be easier? Two fountains makes a lot of sense!”

Kemp smiles. “I’m just trying to make our elections more fair for everybody, and I sure do hope President Trump notices what a great job Im doing! He’s my favorite president ever.

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Laura Christ Apr 7, 2021 · #2

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Laura Christ Apr 7, 2021 · #1

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