GARY BUSEY NAMED NEW NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR
Bolton’s out, Busey’s in!
Washington’s abuzz with excitement as President Donald Trump shook up his cabinet like a Parchesi dice cup.
“Daddy always liked Mr. Busey,” Ivanka Trump, the first daughter told The Lint Screen. “He attracted some great ratings when he was on The Apprentice, he was even an Apprentice All-Star and lasted nine whole weeks! Daddy is confident he’ll be an all-star for his cabinet.”
To make room for Busey, John Bolton “was fired like a dog” according to President Trump.
“The guy’s a bum,” he said. “Worst human ever. A disaster. Total trash fire. He has that stupid bushy mustache. Horrible lip hair. I always hated him.”
When asked why he hired Bolton if he didn’t like him, Trump said he “absolutely did not draw on the map” showing Dorian projected to hit Alabama. “I don’t even own a Sharpie.” He continued his denial.
“The weather people, who are all liberals, by the way, appointed by Obama, they changed the hurricane’s path after I Tweeted about it. They did that to embarrass me. Very unfair. But I’ll take care of these radicals–– they call themselves ‘the weathermen.’ Look it up–– they’re a terrorist organization. But I’ll get my revenge against them. I have nukes, they don’t, ” Trump smiled and gave his legendary thumbs-up sign.
“Mr. Busey’s going to do a great job, isn’t he Daddy?” cooed as she crawled on to her father’s lap and cuddled like a kitten.
“That’s right, honey,” Amerca’s CEO said stroking her golden locks. “Gary Busey’s the best. I only hire the best. Busey’s a tremendous guy. Incredible talent. He’ll know how to keep our country safe and secure. He told me he’s been in many, many bar fights–– and he always wins. I like winners.“
We all like winners, Mister President! Keep on winning for us.
Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.
He has an upcoming novel, SAWDUST, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).