God Tells Trump To Go To Hell

Almighty God doesn't usually give interviews. He lets his actions and "natural disasters" speak. But last night, He reached out to The Lint Screen in an exclusive interview.

"I'm a pretty mellow Guy," God said. "But I've had My fill of that horse's ass Donald Trump. What kind of sadistic bastard orders cops and troops to shoot rubber bullets, tear gas, and explosive caps on his own citizens who are peacefully protesting? And why? So he can march across the street and hold My Good Book upside down for a photo op. Disgraceful. He's never read any book, let alone The Good Book. What a joke."

One could easily hear the disappointment in the Creator's booming baritone voice."Only an idiot would buy Trump's religious act," God said. "The man doesn't have a shred of moral fiber. He has no character. He never has. The guy's a two-bit con man through and through. The prick's an adulterer, liar, cheat, and crook. His behavior says it all–– Trump has anti-social personality disorders and extreme narcissism. Him, a Christian–– what a crock. He lusts after his daughter! What a blasphemer."

The Supreme Being sighs in disgust.

"It sickens Me that he tries to wrap himself in My cloak of divinity. Trump only cares about himself. Look at what I gave him–– he was born with a gold spoon in his mouth, he was rounding third base at birth. And what's he do? Screws up everything he touches and blows his daddy's fortune because of his boneheaded mismanagement. Donald Trump's a selfish, spoiled rotten brat. Look, a pretty merciful Guy, but he can go to hell for all I care. Leave Me out of this. I want no part of that asswipe."

God excuses himself.

"Sorry, but I gotta run. We're re-watching The Sopranos. I love that show." God chuckles. "Trump makes Tony look like a level-headed guy. Later."

And with that, the clouds came back together blocking the glaring sun, the heavenly call is done.

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He recently released his debut novel, SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).