GRAHAM BELIEVES TRUMP IS THE SECOND COMING
South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham is a devout Christian.
“I was raised right,” the sweet talking Graham told The Lint Screen. “I know who to love, and I know who to hate. The good guys have wings, and the bad ones have pitchforks. The only thing that will stop them is a good guy with a gun.”
Graham believes in the promise of the Lord Jesus Christ returning to Earth to save the righteous and cast the sinners to eternal lakes of fire. And he believes that Donald J. Trump is the embodiment of the promised salvation.
“Our president is on the right side of salvation,” Graham said. “He has come to us to save us. That is what he is trying to do by making America great again. And to cast all the brown people and other non-white colors to the side. To corral all folks who aren’t Christian and send them directly to Hades where they belong.”
Graham believes in the eternal purity and sanctity of Trump.
“Never has there been such a righteous man,” the senator said. “He has pure morals, a sacred core. He is the personification of love and acceptance. He is kind, generous, and forgiving. Donald J. Trump is truly our salvation. He is here to save us! Praise be Trump!”
Graham is incensed by the Democrats who wish to abuse his God. “They are obviously servants to Satan; why else would they question such a great man?”
The ruggedly handsome macho man began to get teary eyed. With trembling lips, he spoke quietly.
“I don’t know how to love him. What to do, how to move him. I’ve been changed, yes, really changed.
In these past few days when I’ve seen myself
I seem like someone else. I don’t know how to take this; I don’t see why he moves me. He’s a man he’s just a man, and I’ve had so many men before, in very many ways he’s just one more,”
Graham collapsed to the floor sobbing, a puddle of his tears widened.
Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.
He has an upcoming novel, SAWDUST, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).