Hannity Reveals Bolton's Evil Plot Against Trump

If there were a Mt. Rushmore of great broadcast journalists, Sean Hannity's handsome chiseled mug would reside between Walter Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow.

Hannity has been reporting on the disturbing "rat-like treasonous betrayal" of John Bolton to America's bestest leader ever, President Donald J. Trump.

"Bolton is a traitor," Hannity told The Lint Screen. "He is going to publish his tell-all book about his time in the White House. Well, there's something he doesn't reveal–– the president doesn't even know who this Bolton joker is! I showed the president a picture of Bolton and Trump said he had never seen the guy before in his life. So you tell me–– what kind of tell-all book can you believe when it's written by a total stranger?! The book is obviously a pack of lies."

Hannity gets red in the face as he continues. 

"I keep hearing that John Bolton is a flaming San Francisco liberal who smokes Maryjane-reefer-joint-doobie-trippy stick cigarettes and listens to loud rock and roll music with Satanic messages. I think he wears flowers in his hair and in his bushy mustache. A lot of people say Bolton has been working with that Kenyan Obama, plus the dastardly duo Joe and Hunter Biden. They're all trying to overthrow America and erase the 63-million patriots who elected Trump.  That's what this impeachment sham is all about. It's not about Trump, it's about cheating you! Looney liberals like Bolton are trying to ignore the will of the people–– hard-working factory workers, minimum wage workers, and farmers enjoying the greatest economy in the history of the world. People have never been richer, or happier. I'll tell you, it's disgusting, absolutely disgraceful what Bolton is doing."

But Hannity was just getting warmed up.

"I'll bet Bolton doesn't even believe in God. That's how he's able to lie and slander the man who was chosen by God Himself to lead his people to the promised land. Trump brought peace to the Middle East and got North Korea to give up nuclear weapons. He makes America great here and around the world. But does he get credit for it? No, because everyone's against him. Look, Bolton is probably in cahoots with Crooked Hillary–– they're a couple of no-goodniks dedicated to killing the American way of life. They want to take hot dogs, baseball, and mom's apple pie and throw them in the trash so they can watch R-rated movies, drop acid, pop goofballs, and buy birth control!"

Hannity is winding down, his face goes from beet red to Celtic hot pink.

"Bolton's book, and all books for that matter, need to be burned. There are too many lies in books. Thank goodness the president will soon announce his executive order for book burning."

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He recently released his debut novel, SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).