Kush Calls People Afraid To Work "Un-American Cowardly Chickens"
Jared Kushner is disgusted. He is livid some "unpatriotic Americans" are not supporting his father-in-law.
"The president has done an incredible job," Ivanka's husband told The Lint Screen. "He has been laser-focused on the pandemic for years and he has assembled a team of the smartest people in the world to battle it. And we've won!"
The boy wonder flashes his dimples and beams with pride, then a shadow of disappointment crosses his angelic face.
"But some people doubt our glorious leader. They don't believe a miracle is coming and are afraid to go back to work. Return to normal life. Those people are Un-American cowardly chickens. And Stephen Miller will be getting them deported."
Kushner, the man who brought peace to the Middle East, thinks some people don't understand what's important in these trying times.
"We need to get the economy buzzing again," he proclaims. "The president has built the greatest economy the world has ever seen, and now fear is ruining everything. It's time for people to find some courage and get back to work. If we lose some lives, that's the cost of doing business. Get over it. We need a healthy economy if the president is going to win re-election. Let's go, America, keep yourself great!"
The slender pretty boy makes a church steeple with his long, bony fingers and speaks softly.
"Many people say that the president has no empathy. That is 100% false. He has said he's concerned for the economy and he wants it healthy again. Stupid fearful people are the ones ruining it for everybody."
An old server in white jacket enters the room and sets a silver tray with Bulga caviar canapés in front of the fresh-faced boy wonder who shoots him a stern expression. The server scatters for the exit as Kushner lifts a caviar canapé and places it in his mouth. He closes his eyes and savors the taste. He swallows and leans forward and speaks.
"We have a lot of lazy people in this country. They don't understand the importance of a hard day's work. The president does. Some days he's so busy he doesn't eat lunch. Now he needs the lazy scaredy cats to step up. Put their lives ahead of their fear. Think of the greater good–– Trump 2020! Everything's on the line. And we need worker bees to get this economy humming."
He smiles and pops two canapés into his caviar-hole. He savors them.
Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.
He recently released his debut novel, SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).