LINDSEY BLAMES SATAN FOR TRUMP’S WOES

South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham worships President Donald J. Trump, and he blames the devil himself for the impeachment inquiry underway.

“I’ve had it with Satan,” Graham told The Lint Screen. “God put Donald Trump here to save America and save humanity. But the dark forces of hell have put Democrats in Washington, and let me tell you, these sumbitches are hellbent on destroying America by destroying the president’s good name.“

Sen. Graham has been a longtime advocate and golfing buddy of the president.

“He’s a good man. A pious and humble guy. Just a regular joe trying his best to do the doggone right thing and love and serve others,” Lindsey says with watery eyes.

“I know it might have sounded like I was critical of the president’s decision last week to betray the Kurds and give Syria to Assad, Putin, and Iran, but that was really the fake news media putting words in my mouth. I loved that heroic decision to cut and run and help our enemies! It was unexpected and brilliant. I think Donald Trump is incapable of making a bad decision. He is perfect. A perfect president who always has perfect conversations.”

Sen. Graham wants to take action against Satan.

“I plan on writing legislation to stop the Democrats from doing the Dark One’s bidding. I want to nip this Satan problem right in the bud. We must save our president, he is the chosen one!”

Lindsey Graham drops to his knees as President Trump enters the office.

All is right in the world.

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He has an upcoming novel, SAWDUST, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).