Lochte To Give Volkswagen Credibility

Following its fiasco of falsifying diesel emissions tests in America and Europe, Volkswagen has found a juicy beefsteak to place on its black eye–– enlisting Ryan Lochte, Olympic medal-winning swimmer as its spokesperson.

“Ryan will bring gold back to our tarnished reputation,” Sandy Berstendt, Sr. Director of Public Relations for Volkswagen told The Lint Screen. “When you have a bit of a goof up, it can cost you. In our case, over $87 billion. But more costly than the money is the potential damage it could do to our good name. Ryan Lochte will help us get that back!”

Lochte, a physically fit athlete known for getting wet, will be featured in a new advertising campaign for Volkswagen depicting the gentleness of the cars are at the pump.

“Ryan has integrity and character,” Berstendt said, “and his likability is just infectious. Like a parasite or something burrowing into your marrow. He has a genuine authenticity. When Ryan Lochte speaks, it’s gospel, and we think when he speaks on behalf of our brand, one plus one will equal six! And we believe that’s a winning formula.”

There is no word on when the new campaign will break, or if the VW products will feature their mileage claims.

He has two blogs:  Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification) and The Lint Screen (satire,  smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements).