NRA Excited about Active Thanksgiving Weekend

Our forefathers knew their stuff when they gave citizens “the right to bear arms”, especially during Thanksgiving season.

The NRA has launched a new ad campaign with the theme, “Shut that snowflake up!”

In the TV spot, the scene opens on a traditional family gathering. We see a dozen people gathered around a large table loaded with roast turkey and all the trimmings. As the family finishes their prayer of thanks, the father at the end of the table begins carving the big bird.

DAD: Honey, it all looks and smells incredible!
MOM: Thank you, dear.
UNCLE: Tell you one thing, Obama could never make America great again. He was too busy ruining the country!
DAD: Now, Hank, Obama did do some good things — 
UNCLE: Like what? Help Kenya, his homeland?
DAD: Hank, you know that was a false allegation — 
UNCLE: Obama’s a terrorist, related to bin Laden, and he destroyed our country from the inside. And Hillary gave Russia all our uranium bombs! I say, lock her up!
DAD: Please, Hank, let’s not talk politics this year — 
UNCLE: Oh, so now you want to restrict my right to free speech! What’s next, Gary, you going to take my guns away?!
CUT TO FATHER’S ANXIOUS FACE.
DAD: No, I just…
CUT TO SHOT UNDER THE TABLE WHERE WE SEE HANK’S HAND HOLDING A GLOCK 19. HE MOVES HIS FINGER ON TO THE TRIGGER.
CUT TO CLOSE UP OF UNCLE HANK’S ANGRY FACE. FREEZE FRAME. TYPE CRAWLS UP SCREEN AS A BARITONE ANNOUNCER READS.
ANNCR: This Thanksgiving, give thanks for living a country where speech is free… and you have the right to protect yourself and enforce your God-given opinions. Don’t let liberals ruin your holidays.
CUT TO SHOT OF A TURKEY DINNER TABLE SET WITH FIREARMS.
SUPER TITLE: “Shut that snowflake up!”
ANNCR: Come hungry, and come armed. Always be prepared to shut that snowflake up!

FADE TO BLACK.

Happy Thanksgiving, all!

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Patrick Scullin is an empathetic adman and founder of ASO Advertising.

He has two blogs: Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification) and The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements).