PD Scullin in US Politics, satire, Humor (English) Author • PD Scullin Literary Factory Mar 19, 2021 · 1 min read · ~100



Texas Republican Rep. Chip Roy was the subject of controversy when he made statements about frontier justice in reaction to a Congressional hearing addressing discrimination against Asian Americans.

“I was just talking about how we did things in the good old days,” Roy told The Lint Screen. “We’d grab a rope and head to the tallest tree. There wasn’t any need for trials. We decided then and there who was guilty and we’d string ’em up. You look at American history and you’ll see there’s never been any incidence of injustice when a crowd and a rope were involved. Not a one. I worry that the real crimes in America today are against personal freedom!”

Roy said too many people today are concerned about their feelings getting hurt.

“Now we have all these blacks and Hispanics and even Asians bellyaching about their rights,” Roy said. “Well, what about my right to free speech? My right to get off the government power grid? My right to refuse wearing a mask and enslaving my face to germs? And if I want to trash China for COVID-19, that’s my business. It’s not my fault some folks take it out on American Asians. I think these minorities need to toughen up like us white people. We didn’t come to this country complaining. No, sir! We stood our ground and fought the red men for what’s ours. Our God-given land.”

The Texas politician believes the real problem in America is cancel culture.

“It seems I can’t hardly speak my piece without causing a storm of controversy,” Roy said. “We’ve got liberals stealing our elections by allowing the wrong kind of people to vote. And what happens? They say Joe Biden beat Donald Trump, our greatest president. That’s impossible, everyone knows that it’s a lie. Trump told us he won the election in a landslide. Something’s wrong here.”

The politician shakes his head in disgust and continues.

“Then, when we have a bunch of true American patriots come to the Capitol building seeking justice about voter fraud, the liberal media portrays them like they’re the bad people. And all these leftists start demanding those good white people get arrested. That doesn’t make a lick of sense. Those patriots were trying to save America from stolen elections. They even brought a rope to get some frontier justice. And now we’ve got the deep state pursuing these good folks and putting ’em in the crossbar motel. I say let’s forget that little misunderstanding on January 6 ever happened. We got bigger fish to fry, much more important issues. What about Dr. Seuss?”

Roy thinks one of the best things Americans could do is plant more trees.

“If we had more trees, we’d have more justice,” Roy says. “It’s simple as that.”


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