TRUMP AND CRUZ MAKE HOUSTON CROWD ANTSY

Last night, former bitter enemies Ted Cruz and Donald J. Trump had a mutual lovefest in front of 16,000 people in Houston’s Toyota Center during a rally for Cruz’s re-election.

“It was really something,” said Ernie Stipman of Victoria, Texas. “Those two guys obviously love each other a bunch. The president said Ted was beautiful, and Ted said he wanted to wake up in ‘the big guy’s arms’ and make him a Denver omelet, link sausages, cinnamon toast, and a glass of pineapple OJ with a paper umbrella in it. That’s what I call love. It was kind of sweet, really.”

Many in the enthusiastic crowd were somewhat shocked at just how close the junior Senator from Texas and the President have become lately.

“Back when they were both running for president, Trump called Ted’s wife ugly and said Ted’s daddy helped kill Kennedy,” Jim Kincaid, a reporter with The Penny Press told The Lint Screen. “Hell, Donald called him ‘Lyin’ Ted’ all the time. And Ted called Trump “an utterly amoral, narcissist,” a “serial philanderer” and a “pathological liar.” Back in those days, I’ll bet they wanted bone saws when they saw each other. And now you need a crowbar to separate the two of them.”

Indeed. When the Trumpinator and The Tedster lovingly hugged on stage, Wind Beneath My Wings sung by Bette Midler was played over the loudspeakers. The two men slow danced and massaged each other’s back for over four minutes as the audience awkwardly watched and fidgetted in their seats.

“Those boys have really mended their fences,” Mandy Petersbow said. “It was really touching — I mean once you choked back your own sick and swallow hard.”

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He has an upcoming novel, SAWDUST, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).