TRUMP LISTS HIS DEMANDS TO DEMS; WON’T BUDGE

Nancy Pelosi won’t know what hit her when she takes control of the Democrat-ruled Congress on Thursday.

President Donald Trump not only wants $5 billion for his “big beautiful wall” — he is demanding more. Much more.

The Lint Screen has obtained Trump’s self-titled, “DEMOCRAT DEMAND LIST AND YOU BETTER GIVE IT TO ME I REALLY MEAN IT I DO!” Here is his list in its entirety:

1. Full pardons of all crimes committed by the Trump family

2. Lifetime supply of chocolate chip ice cream and marshmallow fluff

3. A big parade in my honor with lots of horsies

4. Death sentences for all broadcasters and news reporters, except those employed by Fox News

5. A new Schwinn Classic Cruiser bicycle — RED!

6. A gold-plated bar of gold dipped in gold and studded with gold nuggets

7. Miss America and Miss Universe and Miss Galaxy

8. Unlimited mirrors

9. Every day is Christmas — so lots of presents every morning!

10. An oval office treehouse

11. Friends who really really like me a lot

12. Lots of beer for my judge friend

13. Matching pinky rings for me and my secret pal Vlad

14. The Capt. Kirk seat on Space Force

15. Bob Mueller’s head on a spear

Trump claims unless his wall money and additional fifteen items are supplied, he will hold his breath and die and then everyone will blame the Democrats for killing him and they will be sooooooo grounded.

The man means business!

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He has an upcoming novel, SAWDUST, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).